導言：
本博主藉助於AI，推出一系列中英對照的中式【脫口秀】帖子，旨在通過新穎有趣的方式，激發年輕一代華人對時政的關注與思考。每段【脫口秀】後都附有原文，方便ABC對照閱讀。
英美主流媒體提供了豐富的優質時政內容，既有時效性，又有深度。為了讓更多年輕華人參與到政治討論中，我們可以嘗試多種方式，各顯神通。如果你對這些內容產生共鳴，歡迎轉發支持！

盧比奧的“撓痒痒外交”

今天咱們聊點兒台海大戲——美國國務院最近偷偷改了官網，悄悄刪掉了“不支持台灣獨立”這幾個字。

打個比方：盧比奧（Marco Rubio）最近給中國外交部長王毅撓痒痒了！怎麼撓的呢？盧比奧用“台獨”這根小拇指，在王毅的胳肢窩裡撓了幾下。結果可好，王毅不僅沒笑出來，反而炸了，跳腳大罵！

你說這開的是什麼國際玩笑？你既不是真打架，也不是真示好，就是專門來噁心人的！

所以，王毅立馬發飆： “美國！你這到底是想幹啥？趕緊給我改回來！別再拿台灣來挑事兒了！” 語氣就像一個老父親指着那個專門帶壞自家孩子的不良少年，怒吼道：“你離我兒子遠點！”

而台灣那邊呢？完全是個吃瓜小孩，坐在一旁偷樂：“我們對美方的支持表示歡迎！”

“雙十一軍火大促”——台灣瘋狂採購中

但咱們都知道，這事兒不只是嘴炮，後面肯定還有大單子要談。台灣政府據說正準備向美國採購 70 到 100 億美元的武器！ 什麼岸防巡弋導彈、高機動性多管火箭、防空升級、反無人機系統……這不就是“軍火版雙十一”嗎？

總統賴清德更是高調宣布：“我們要把國防預算提高到 GDP 的 3%！”
這不就是台灣在跟美國說：“哥們兒，我們都交了保護費了，你可得罩着我們啊！”

中國的“復仇大計”

而這邊美國和台灣勾肩搭背，北京當然也不會坐以待揍。專家分析，中國很可能開始加強跟歐洲和印太國家的合作，來削弱美國的影響力。

這不就是一個國際版的“宮鬥劇”嗎？你撩我家的人，那我就去你朋友圈裡挖牆角。你這邊給台灣小恩小惠，我就請你盟友吃中國大餐。

就在這緊張時刻，美國國務院發言人也來一番熟悉的外交腔：

“我們反對任何一方單方面改變現狀，希望兩岸和平解決分歧。”

你品，你細品！這話聽着是不是特別耳熟？這就是一個被抓包的帥哥對兩個女孩說的：“咱們都冷靜點，別衝動，講道理好嗎？”

U.S. Deletes 'No Taiwan Independence' – What’s the Drama?

Today, we’re talking about some juicy drama—the U.S. State Department updated its website and quietly deleted the words “We do not support Taiwan independence.”

This is like waking up one morning, checking your ex’s social media, and realizing they deleted all your couple photos. But instead of just wiping you out, they left a note saying: “I hope we can peacefully move on.” Uh… what does that even mean?

Beijing saw this and lost it. "What the hell? Are you handing a knife to the Taiwan independence movement?" They jumped out with an official statement, calling it a "serious mistake" and basically yelling: “Stop playing games with Taiwan to mess with us!” You know that feeling when your best friend suddenly starts hanging out with your worst enemy? Yeah, that.

Meanwhile, Taiwan is over here, grinning like a cat that just got extra treats. They’re thanking the U.S., like, “Oh wow, we really appreciate this show of support!” But let’s be real, this isn’t the first time this has happened. The U.S. pulled the same stunt back in 2022—deleted it, then added it back. Now Trump is back in the White House, Marco Rubio (aka a hardcore China hawk) is the new Secretary of State, and this time? That change might just stick.

But wait, there’s more! This isn't just about political wording—it’s about selling weapons. Taiwan is apparently looking to buy $7–10 billion worth of U.S. military gear—missiles, air defense upgrades, anti-drone tech… basically, they’re stocking up like it’s Black Friday for the military. Taiwan’s president, Lai Ching-te, even announced they’re bumping military spending up to 3% of GDP—pretty much the same ratio as the U.S. defense budget. That’s like telling America: “We’re paying our protection fees, now watch our backs, okay?”

So while Taiwan and the U.S. are getting cozy, China isn’t sitting still either. Experts think Beijing might start playing the long game—strengthening ties in Europe and the Indo-Pacific to counter America. You mess with my relationships? I’ll mess with yours. It’s basically an international version of high school drama—except with missiles and economic leverage.

Finally, the U.S. State Department spokesperson comes out with the classic “damage control” speech: “We oppose unilateral changes to the status quo and hope differences can be resolved peacefully.”

Oh, come on! This is like a guy caught cheating telling both girls, ‘Hey, let’s all stay calm and talk this out, okay?’

So… how does this end? Well, grab your popcorn, because this political soap opera is just getting started! 🍿