導言：本博主藉助於AI，推出一系列中英對照的中式【脫口秀】帖子，旨在通過新穎有趣的方式，激發年輕一代華人對時政的關注與思考。每段【脫口秀】後都附有原文，方便ABC對照閱讀。英美主流媒體提供了豐富的優質時政內容，既有時效性，又有深度。為了讓更多年輕華人參與到政治討論中，我們可以嘗試多種方式，各顯神通。如果你對這些內容產生共鳴，歡迎轉發支持！

我是吐槽小王。今天咱們不講情懷、不談理想，就來聊聊川普政府的新把戲——裁員大戲，真是讓人笑出腹肌！

話說，美國那些原本專門忙着防止俄羅斯、中國、伊朗這幫“外星勢力”混進來搗亂的官員，突然一個個被“請喝茶”似的，統統裁了。這不，川普政府一聲令下，把聯邦調查局那幾個曾經專門針對外國選舉干預的精英調來調去，又把國土安全部那幫網絡安全的人員統統給“請”下台。哎呦，這操作堪比在颶風季節前把國家海洋和大氣管理局關門歇業，搞得亞利桑那州那位州務卿都直呼：“選舉安全哪去了？”

你看看，原本在去年選舉期間，那些團隊還忙得不可開交，追蹤外國勢力、揭露假信息，弄得滿世界都是“俄羅斯拍的視頻”和“中國拍的劇照”，結果現在被裁員得七零八落。川普政府宣稱：打擊錯誤信息、捍衛言論自由，兩手抓兩手都硬，順便讓那些天天忙着“審查”的人休個長假。國土安全部副部長還笑眯眯地說，“我們正在評估這些工作”，結果呢，評估期間，那些負責的員工直接被“行政休假”，真是評估評到家了！

更搞笑的是，司法部長邦迪親自出馬，2月5日一聲令下，把那支成立在2016年選舉後專門對付俄羅斯干預的特別工作組給撤了，數十個官員的崗位隨即“洗牌”，好似在換牌局，暗示大家：“今天不拍，明天再拍！”而國會山早在川普重返白宮前，就把國務院那個著名的全球參與中心給提前關門，大批125人的團隊直接分崩離析，個個都成了職場失意者。

而共和黨內部也不是沒意見，有人直呼：這分明是在給外國敵人打開後門，搞得美國民主脆弱得跟紙糊的一樣。專家警告說，削減這些防禦措施，就好像在選舉前夕給外國勢力辦VIP通道。副總統JD·萬斯甚至嚷嚷：“如果你的民主能被幾十萬美元的數字廣告摧毀，那本來就不叫民主！”這話聽着真是既狠又真。

更有意思的是，川普政府打着“捍衛言論自由”的幌子，把“虛假信息”這詞都給禁了，國務院那幫小夥伴們還被告知：備忘錄里千萬別再用這詞了。是不是覺得，這操作就像給詞典做刪改版，專門刪除那些不合時宜的詞條？

總之，川普這波操作，明擺着是要用“裁員大法”來重新塑造一個人人喊“我就喜歡聽我自己的聲音”的美國政府。昔日那些辛苦防守選舉安全的團隊，現在一個個成了“消失的員工”，連谷歌、Meta那些技術大拿也開始愁眉苦臉，唉，原來與政府定期交流、聯手抵制外敵，竟然也要遭到這種“自家內訌”！

你說，這美國的民主，真是從前那個分權制衡的模範，到如今滿大街都是“審查產業綜合體”的影子。難怪有人說：如果你的國家連防禦外敵都能這麼輕易關門大吉，那民主也只能是個笑話了！

好了，各位，這就是今天的“川普裁員奇談”，笑中有淚，淚中帶笑。感謝大家收看《脫口秀大雜燴》，咱們下回再見，別忘了給你的“防禦團隊”點個讚哦！

英語版：

Here's a version of the stand-up comedy in English: --- Hey everyone, welcome to the "Stand-Up Hotpot" — I’m your sarcastic host. Today, we’re not talking about dreams or ideals, but about Trump’s new drama—The Layoff Spectacle. It’s so ridiculous, it’ll have you laughing in the belly and also help those "anti-foreign influence" folks shed a few pounds! So here’s the deal: The U.S. had a bunch of officials who were busy fighting foreign meddling in elections, tracking Russian, Chinese, and Iranian activities online during last year’s election. But suddenly, Trump’s government decided to “reshuffle the deck,” and bam—fired or reassigned pretty much all of them. FBI agents working to prevent foreign interference? Gone. Cybersecurity specialists from the Department of Homeland Security? Ousted. Heck, it’s like someone turning off the hurricane warning system just before the storm hits. Arizona’s secretary of state even told Trump, "This is like closing NOAA before hurricane season!" These teams had been working overtime, unveiling fake info, exposing Russian-made videos and Chinese-produced photos during the last election. But now? They’ve been axed, like some sort of office version of musical chairs, with everyone just left standing there. Trump’s administration said it's doing this to fight misinformation and protect free speech, and while they're “evaluating” this stuff, they’ve sent the officials responsible on “administrative leave.” Easy evaluation, right? Then, out of nowhere, Trump’s Attorney General Pam Bondi steps in, and with one swift decree on February 5, dissolves the special task force formed after Russia meddled in the 2016 election. On top of that? Dozens of agents? Their jobs thrown into utter chaos. It’s like a reality TV show where you're not sure if you're getting voted off or promoted. And the GOP? They've been onto this for a while. Even before Trump returned to the White House, they had already shut down the State Department’s Global Engagement Center, the top agency taking on Russian and Chinese propaganda. Boom—125 employees just scattered to the winds. Internally, Republicans are starting to sound the alarm. Some are like, "Wait, are we just opening the door for foreign spies?!" Experts are warning that slashing these measures is like setting up VIP lanes for foreign insiders who want to mess with U.S. democracy. And then there's Vice President JD Vance, who quipped, “If your democracy can be destroyed by a few million dollars worth of digital ads, then it wasn't much of a democracy to begin with!” Oh, and get this — in the midst of all these layoffs, the word “misinformation” has been essentially banned. A memo instructed officials at the State Department: "DO NOT use the term 'misinformation'." If you didn’t know better, you’d think they were editing the dictionary to remove unpopular words. So yeah, Trump’s whole move is to redesign the government into a place where everyone’s shouting, "I love hearing my own voice," and protecting their own version of "freedom." Once upon a time, there were teams working tirelessly to protect election integrity. Now, those teams are just... gone. Even tech giants like Google and Meta, who had previously worked on moderating foreign interference, are now scratching their heads. It turns out—if you’re a tech expert working with the government, sometimes you end up on the wrong side of the political game! Bottom line: We were once proud of how the U.S. balanced power and kept democracy in check, but now? We’re sliding straight into "banning speech" and "shutting down surveillance" territory. No wonder people are saying, “If your country can’t even defend against foreign meddling, what kind of democracy do you really have?” Alright folks, that’s today's comedy: Trump’s Layoff Extravaganza. Laughter with a side of tears, and tears with a dash of giggles. Thanks for tuning in to "Stand-Up Hotpot," and don’t forget to hit that like button for your "Defense Team!" See you next time! --- Hope you enjoyed it—see you later, folks! for 38 seconds

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to tonight’s edition of “Political Circus Live”—the only show where the punchlines are as explosive as the policies. I’m your host, and tonight we’re diving into Trump’s latest magic trick: downsizing his very own defense squad against foreign meddling. Yes, you heard it right—the same folks who were supposed to be tracking Russian trolls, Chinese propaganda, and Iranian “influencers” are now getting the corporate boot. It’s like canceling your home security because you think burglars are just misunderstood interior decorators!

Picture this: In a move straight out of a bad reality TV script, the Trump administration has been busy reshuffling the government. The FBI’s special task force—born out of the 2016 debacle to stop Russian interference—was axed on February 5th by none other than Justice Dept. Pam Bondi. Dozens of agents got shuffled around like a deck of cards at a Las Vegas blackjack table. And not to be outdone, the Department of Homeland Security’s Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency decided to let go of a whole bunch of staff. They even yanked down their “Rumors and Truth” page from the website—because apparently, when the going gets tough, the tough delete their own instruction manual!

An Arizona official compared this move to shutting down NOAA right before hurricane season. Now, if that doesn’t scream “we’re inviting chaos,” I don’t know what does. Meanwhile, Trump and his crew are insisting that these cuts are all about defending free speech. Yes, free speech—the kind that apparently can’t include pesky government fact-checkers. Vice President JD Vance even quipped, “If your democracy can be undermined by a few hundred thousand dollars in digital ads, maybe it wasn’t that robust to begin with.” Ouch, JD, that’s a burn hotter than a midsummer wildfire!

But here’s the twist, folks: This isn’t a series of random budget cuts—it’s part of a grand “2025 Plan” to repackage the federal government. The State Department’s Global Engagement Center, once the poster child for battling Russian and Chinese propaganda, got closed even before Trump made his triumphant return. Its 125 employees? Either reassigned, resigned, or left high and dry without renewals. It’s as if Trump’s team is playing a giant game of musical chairs, and every time the music stops, someone’s left standing with a “You’re fired!” card.

Republican critics are warning that this isn’t just restructuring—it’s like giving our enemies a VIP pass to dismantle our electoral security. Experts say these cuts might turn our once-resilient democracy into a playground for foreign influence. Meanwhile, the same folks who once railed against “fake news” now claim they’re defending free speech by eliminating the very teams that once exposed it. It’s the ultimate political oxymoron—a government that protects free speech by silencing its watchdogs. Talk about using a leaky bucket to carry water!

So, tonight’s takeaway is as clear as it is absurd: In a twist that only American politics can deliver, our proud tradition of checks and balances is being reshaped into Trump’s personal reality show, where every fired official adds another episode to the saga of the “censorship industrial complex” he’s so determined to dismantle. Is this a stroke of genius or a catastrophic miscalculation? Well, in the theater of American politics, sometimes you laugh—and sometimes you cry.

That’s all for tonight on “Political Circus Live.” Thanks for joining me on this wild ride. Remember, in the land of political theater, the best defense is a good sense of humor. See you next time, and keep your eyes peeled—because in today’s world, even democracy needs a reality check!