導言：本博主攜手AI，匠心打造一系列中英雙語的中式【脫口秀】帖子，以幽默為筆鋒，激發年輕一代華人對時政的興趣與思辨。英美主流媒體提供了豐富的優質時政素材，既有時效性，又有客觀依據。歡迎點評與轉發。

普京冷嘲熱諷，馬克龍淡定回懟

最近，法國總統馬克龍放了個大招，說要把法國的核武保護傘撐開，罩住整個歐洲盟友。這話一出，俄羅斯大帝普京坐不住了，6號陰陽怪氣地甩出一句：“有些人怕是忘了拿破崙當年是怎麼收拾行李滾出俄羅斯的。”言下之意，馬克龍你小子別玩火，小心重蹈覆轍。結果馬克龍不愧是高情商大師，淡定回擊：“老兄，你搞錯了吧，現在端着槍四處捅人的是俄羅斯，不是我法國。”

說起拿破崙那檔子事，歷史書上寫得明明白白。1812年，這位法蘭西小個子皇帝雄心勃勃，帶着60萬大軍浩浩蕩蕩殺進俄羅斯，想給沙皇亞歷山大一世點顏色瞧瞧。結果呢？俄羅斯人壓根不跟你正面剛，燒田燒糧燒房子，搞得拿破崙的部隊跟進了冰天雪地的鬼門關。半年後，他灰頭土臉撤退，50萬人死的死傷的傷，最後只剩幾萬殘兵，連莫斯科的燒焦味都沒能帶走。普京這回提起拿破崙，顯然是想給馬克龍上堂歷史課，順便秀一把俄羅斯的“民族特性”——你來我家鬧，我不打死你，也凍死你。

馬克龍這邊也不含糊。5號他在法國發表全國講話，回應德國的呼聲，說法國願意聊聊核保護傘的事兒，把歐洲兄弟們都拉進自家院子。這話聽着挺暖心，可到了普京耳朵里，那就是赤裸裸的挑釁。6號，他在接見戰死士兵家屬時，擺出一副“歷史在我這邊”的架勢，冷嘲熱諷：“有些人還活在拿破崙的夢裡，可惜忘了結局是什麼。俄羅斯人民和文化的韌性，是所有敵人都算不準的賬。”這話說得慷慨激昂，跟戰狼導演拍片似的，但細想想，拿破崙當年輸在天氣和後勤，普京你現在是輸在哪兒了？

俄羅斯外長拉夫羅夫趕緊跟上老闆的節奏，放話馬克龍的核威懾言論是“威脅”，還順帶警告：就算俄烏停戰，歐洲也別想派維和部隊來烏克蘭插一腳。言下之意，你們這些歐洲佬少來我家門口晃悠。

馬克龍當然不是省油的燈。6號在布魯塞爾歐盟特別峰會後的記者會上，他直接開懟：“普京犯了個天大的歷史錯誤。當年是拿破崙主動入侵，可現在歐洲唯一搞帝國擴張的，不是我，是你俄羅斯。”這話甩得乾脆利落，還帶點法國人特有的優雅譏諷。他接着補刀：“我太了解普京了。他這麼跳腳，正說明我說中了真相——他撕毀了自己簽過的協議。”馬克龍指的是2014年的“明斯克協議”，那會兒普京跟法德烏領導人簽字畫押，保證烏克蘭和平，結果沒幾年就翻臉不認賬。馬克龍警告說，如果烏克蘭現在倉促簽什麼和平協議，俄羅斯遲早還是會捲土重來，把歐洲當提款機。

最後，馬克龍還抖了個包袱：“我們把他的小九九抖出來，普京可能氣得牙痒痒。”這話聽着像在逗小孩，可誰都知道，這兩位大佬斗的是嘴炮，背後斗的是真刀真槍。

歷史這東西，真是面照妖鏡。拿破崙當年覺得自己能吞下俄羅斯，結果被凍成冰棍；普京如今覺得自己能一口吃下烏克蘭，卻忘了歐洲不是當年的歐洲，馬克龍也不是吃素的。這場戲，怕是還有得唱。

www.creaders.net | 2025-03-08

Putin Sneers at Macron’s Napoleon Fantasy, Macron Coolly Retorts: You’re the Real Invader

French President Macron recently dropped a bombshell, suggesting France could extend its nuclear umbrella to shield other European nations. That lit a fuse under Russian Emperor Putin, who on the 6th quipped with a smirk: “Some folks seem to have forgotten how Napoleon’s little trip to Russia ended.” The subtext? Watch it, Macron, or you’ll crash and burn like that Corsican dwarf. But Macron, ever the smooth operator, fired back: “Buddy, you’ve got it twisted—right now, the one barging in with guns blazing is Russia, not France.”

Let’s flip open the history book for a sec. Back in 1812, Napoleon, the pint-sized French emperor with oversized dreams, marched 600,000 troops into Russia, itching to teach Tsar Alexander I a lesson. What happened? The Russians didn’t even bother fighting fair—they torched their fields, burned their grain, and razed their own homes, turning the place into a frozen hellhole. Six months later, Napoleon limped out, tail between his legs, with 50,000 survivors staggering behind him—half a million dead or wounded, not even a whiff of Moscow’s ashes to take home. Putin dredging up Napoleon now is clearly a history flex, a not-so-subtle brag about Russia’s “national character”—you step into my yard, I won’t just beat you, I’ll bury you in snow.

Macron, though, isn’t here to play student. On the 5th, in a national address, he responded to Germany’s nudge by saying France was open to talks about stretching its nuclear umbrella over European allies. Sounds cozy, right? But to Putin, it’s a middle finger wrapped in velvet. On the 6th, while meeting families of fallen soldiers, he didn’t name names but sneered: “Some people are still dreaming of Napoleon’s glory days, forgetting how that story ends. The mistake all our enemies make is underestimating the grit of the Russian people and the soul of Russian culture.” It’s the kind of chest-thumping line you’d hear in a war flick, but let’s be real—Napoleon lost to frostbite and bad logistics. What’s your excuse, Vlad?

Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov jumped in to back his boss, calling Macron’s nuclear chatter a “threat” and doubling down: even if Russia and Ukraine strike a ceasefire, Europe can forget about sending peacekeepers to Ukraine. Translation: stay out of my sandbox, you Euro meddlers.

Macron, never one to back down, hit back on the 6th at a presser after the EU special summit in Brussels. “He [Putin] made a colossal historical blunder,” he said. “Back then, it was Napoleon launching an invasion. But the only imperial bully I see in Europe today is Russia.” Sharp, clean, with that French knack for classy shade. He twisted the knife: “I know Putin too well. He’s freaking out because he knows I’m right—he’s broken the deals he signed.” Macron’s talking about the 2014 Minsk Agreement, where Putin shook hands with France, Germany, and Ukraine promising peace, only to rip it up years later. He warned that if Ukraine signs a hasty peace deal now, Russia will just come back swinging at Europe like it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Then Macron dropped a zinger: “We’ve called out his little game, and Putin’s probably fuming.” It’s the kind of line that sounds like he’s teasing a toddler, but make no mistake—this is a high-stakes slugfest dressed up as a war of words.

History’s a brutal mirror. Napoleon thought he could gobble up Russia and got served an ice-cold disaster. Putin figured he could swallow Ukraine whole, forgetting Europe isn’t the pushover it was two centuries ago, and Macron’s no vegan pacifist. This drama’s got legs—stay tuned.