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Thursday, June 28, 2012

Could I get Fired For Doing This?…


By “this”, I mean writing a blog about the daily experiences and commentary about the characters and events in schools. The question stems from a recent news story about a teacher that did just that:

“…Natalie Munroe, a teacher at Central Bucks East High School in Doylestown, Pa., was fired Tuesday night after a long controversy over the content of her foul-mouthed, tell-all blog

She’s now suing the school district for violations of her right of free speech:
”It's about freedom of speech. It's about having integrity and not compromising the truth

I’m not gonna guess how this all turns out but I suspect she won’t be working for that district in the future, but that’s not the point.

What would happen to me if the school district took issue with something I wrote about? Would I get fired? Would I get sued? 

While I don’t think my blog is anywhere near as controversial as Natalie’s, the district could take exception and do something about it.

Would I get fired?  The answer is: no! If they formally “fired” me, I could theoretically file for unemployment benefits which increase the employer insurance contribution.

It’s more likely they’d just quietly remove me from the call list and not say a word.

How do I know? It’s happened before (for a different reason)

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Where’s Waldo (Marko?)…


A comment to a previous blog post read: “What are you going to do for the summer?”
Well, I won’t be in summer school as all those vacancies are taken by the regular teachers for the summer.

I realize that my posting frequency declines when I’m not in class and…well…It IS summer. No classroom drama, no interesting students doing surprising things, no school administrators making my life blog worthy.

We already took two weeks off toward the end of the school year (one of the only perks being a substitute teacher) to vacation in Hawaii. That pretty much blew the vacation budget for the year but we will be off to a wedding this summer to a ___location we’ve never been before.

I won’t say exactly where and when so as not to tip off the burglars at home. But if you recognize the ___location where we’ll be staying for a few days next month and notice a guy in a Hawaiian shirt and Kauai ball cap looking a little lost and directionless, then come on over and say “Hi”. 

Mr&Mrs. Homework could use a few tips on what to see and do while we're there.



(I'll publish ALL the comments after we get back).
So far we have 1 correct guess:
     Erin is correct. Thx for the suggestions!

Friday, June 22, 2012

Udacity Online University Course


Sal Kahn pioneered free online education with Khan Academy so it’s no surprise that the idea is spreading to the university level.

Stanford professor Sebastian Thrun is the co-founder of a new low-cost (and sometimes free) online university website called Udacity. He saw the advantages to those who may not able to afford or attend university life.  Check out his story over at Carpe Diem:  Stanford Prof starts free online university course in artificial intelligence (AI).

It’s a long video (approx 30min) but the letters in response to the course are worth the time. If you just want to skip to the student letters, they start about the 08:00min mark.

(Hat Tip: to Mark J. Perry (no relation) at Carpe Diem)

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Final Tally: 2011-2012

The number of days worked this 2011/12 school year:

76 full days
19 Half Days
-------------
95 of 180 in the classroom

Sunday, June 10, 2012

They Were Too Smart For My Own Good…


I subbed a 6th grade class the week before the last day of school. As a class they were really good natured and very smart.

They had a full day of work assignments and even a test on the anatomy of the human body. They had to identify the ___location and spelling of some of the 206 bones in the human skeleton.

That and the other daily assignments convinced me that there would be little if any idle time for them to get bored and restless.

As it turned out, most of the class completed all the work with oodles of time left. I broke out my standby activity for the early finishers: The Night Watchman Maze.
By the time the rest of the class completed their classroom assignments, they joined up in teams to see which team would solve the puzzle first.

Frustrated team member: What’s this thing called again?
Me: The Night Watchman Maze

I didn’t think anything more about the inquirer as he returned to his team at the back of the room until later. I saw that the “team” members were crowded around one of the classroom computers.

While my blog isn’t exactly anonymous, I know of only one teacher who has discovered its existence so far. There may be more but if so, they haven’t told me they read or even know about it.

All that changed in one afternoon. There on the computer screen is a familiar looking "book shelf"  Blogger template

Kids: Hey! Mr. Homework! You’re on the internet! We Googled “night watchman maze" and found this!

What else could I say? -- I lied:  
Me: No, that’s not me. It must be someone else…someone with the same name.
Kids: No, no…Isn’t that your picture right there!

Me: Hey, It’s time to go out for some P.E.
Who wants to play some NationBall?   

If you don’t know what NationBall is, I’m sure you can Google it and find out. It seems like ALL the answers are on the internet….

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Kicked In The Nuts...

2nd grade end of day status report for the teacher:

1) One boy kicked another kid in the nuts. Dad had to come to school and read him the riot act.

2) Another parent contacted the school today to complain that a boy (different one) said "inappropriate" stuff to her daughter yesterday. The boy is a repeat offender and spent the rest of the day in the office talking to the principal and maybe a "behavior counselor" if there is such a thing.


The rest of the class was pretty well behaved.

--- How was YOUR day?

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Haiku To You Too!


I kinda knew that commenting on “fluff lessons” these last few days of the school year was gonna come back and get me.

Karma struck in a 6th grade assignment. The lesson plan called for teaching “American Haiku” imagery to thirty 6th graders who had already mentally checked out for the year.

Not that I’m all well prepared to teach Haiku, because I’m not. All I know about the subject is what I read in the teacher’s edition text some 20min before class.

Three 5-syllable, 7-syllable,  5-syllable lines of imagery describing a scene, feeling or thought.  This was to be followed by an art project representing the students’ Haiku poem.

What I got in return were mostly variations on the theme:

I don’t like Haiku,
It’s really boring to do.
Can’t wait until two… (Dismissal time)

At least it was 5-7-5 syllables in three lines.

I didn’t even attempt the “art” project part. Instead went out to join extended P.E. with all the other 6th grade classes for the rest of the day.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

You Know the Year Is Over…Part II


The school staff knows it’s over when they send a late comer student to the classroom with a tardy slip indicating the student is late because…

“My shoes flew up into a tree” – Unexcused
(sigh!)

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

You Know The School Year Is Over When…


I was able to pick up the afternoon half of 6th a grade assignment yesterday. The room was empty when I arrived which means the class is out for P.E. or already at lunch. 

There was no lesson plan for the afternoon on the teacher’s desk, so I went searching the lunch room/yard for the teacher. She was out back monitoring her class playing volleyball.

She gave me a copy of the lesson plan for the rest of the day and indicated that individual students will conduct and teach all the lessons. All they needed me for was “monitoring” until the end of day bell.

Today’s lessons:
·      Crochet
·      Magic Card tricks
·      Volleyball Serves

On the list were “classes” for the rest of the week also:
Wed
Gin Rummy
Paint Ball
Henna Design

Thurs
Baseball Pitching
Basketball History
Making Cupcakes
Iris Folding
Friday
Football
Drawing Cartoons
Cake Pops (?)


At lunch in casual conversation, I mentioned some of the “creative” lessons for the day.

One of the teachers indicated that all the testing and grades were complete for the year.  All the textbooks have been returned to the library. So, while there are still twelve days of “school” left, there was actually nothing left to do…


Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Sex Ed...

This is why the schools don't deal with the subject until 5th grade. By then, they already have a good idea how it works...

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Nurture, Nature or Demographics?


The first two classes after three weeks off (two weeks vacation, a third week to recover from vacation) were like night and day.

The 5th grade class preparation at the country club school included all neatly stacked materials in the order needed.

A single page lesson plan succinctly stated that all I had to do was monitor the class while trusted students handled everything from taking attendance, conducting the morning meeting and some of the actual lesson instruction. The class required only minor orchestration from me.

It was an amazing demonstration of twenty-eight well organized, motivated, self-sufficient students.

My next day’s assignment in a 4th grade classroom in the working class neighborhood school less than 5 miles away was the polar opposite experience. Herding cats might be harder, but not by much.

Classroom prep for the sub:
I needed a stapler. Found four empty staplers and one empty refill box. I borrowed some from the classroom next door.

Warm-up activity instruction: Scan the warm-up book under the doc reader until the kids stop saying “We done that one already!”

Get the laptop cart for the kids to use for their “city reports”. When the time came, I was told that: “Subs aren’t allowed access to the laptop carts”.

I called the school library and got permission to bring the class over to use the library computers.

Student conduct:
Three boys, two girls kept the party atmosphere going for the other twenty-eight kids in class.

Afterwards, I couldn’t help but wonder what differences would result if these two teachers swapped classrooms for the year.

Could the 5th grade country club teacher repeat the “miracle classroom” or would it devolve into much the same as it is now?

Could the obviously exhausted (I assume after 150 days with these guys) 4th grade teacher duplicate the same motivational skill with the same 5th grade population or would the class devolve into a six hour, party day?

Is it nurture, nature or demographics?

Thursday, May 10, 2012

What’s SUP?


It’s been a few weeks since the last post. We went on vacation for a couple weeks and I didn’t want to advertise that the house was empty while we were gone. We’re back now and I’m scheduled to be in a 5th grade class tomorrow...

Here are a few pics for you to try and guess where…

 (SUP:  Stand Up Paddling)









Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Replacement For the Replacement…


Last week was spring break and the first three days of this week was spent recovering from a hacking cough that I’m sure wouldn’t be appreciated in the classroom or anywhere near the teachers lounge.

It’s going to be a light paycheck this month.

Still, I hated to turn down those multiple class offers for Mon/Tues and Wed but that’s one of the “perks”, if you can call it that, of being a substitute teacher.

I don’t have to make arrangements for a replacement in my job since I am one.
(I just reread that last sentence and it sounds a bit circular, doesn’t it?)

And …no assignment for tomorrow as of 08:00pm tonight.

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Complete Lesson Planning…


My 6th grade assignment did not start very well yesterday. I couldn’t get in the classroom door. It was the right key but door simply would not open.

“Oh, yea. We forgot. You have to give the door a bit of a shoulder/bump action while turning the key. Go out and wait by the classroom and we’ll have the custodian help you get in.”

Now that I’m in the classroom (…and after testing my prowess practicing the shoulder bump door opening procedure to make sure I could actually replicate the result for the rest of the day), I found my lesson plan.

Now, I’ve experienced all manner of lesson plans from the no lesson plan, the tiny lesson plan, the giant plan, the Hi-Tech plan, last minute plan and everything else in between.

I’d have to say that this might be the most complete detailed plan I’ve ever come across. Nine pages long and I didn’t even get to the daily work until page 7.

The last three pages of the plan dealt with what I would consider the “working guts” of the lesson plan.

The first six pages dealt with all manner of emergency drill procedures, procedures needed to address the medical issues with the twelve (of 31 total) students in class with allergies, EpiPens, learning, behavior, physical disabilities and what to do or who to go to in the event I needed help.

It even had instruction on how to “open the door”!

That particular page would have been especially helpful if it had been taped to the outside of the door this morning.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Klepto Katie…


Katie put a booger on my chair!!

As designated chair inspector for the day, I pointed out that the indicated booger on his chair was just a scuff mark. 

“It’s NOT A BOOGER! Now let’s get back to work and quit tattling!”

At first impressions, it appeared that the short, cute little girl was being picked on and bullied by some of the other kids in the classroom. But after the first half dozen, tattletale complaints, I started watching Katie with more than the usual frequency of required scrutiny. Initial impressions can be wrong.

It’s the second day in this classroom and I’m see that “they” aren’t picking on Katie, SHE is picking on “them”!!  

 Katie goes out of her way to tick off as many of her classmates as possible in the most irritating ways and she’s very sneaky about doing it!

When she thinks I’m not looking in her direction and she’s off on the next quest to push some buttons. If she’s not constantly blowing her nose and pretending to wipe it on chairs, desks and bodies on her way to the trash can, she’s snatching anything that isn’t nailed down off/under/around the desks of other kids as she wanders the room.

Katie (not her real name) is a 3rd grader at the country club school just up the road from where I live. She is having a hard time making friends. It’s pretty easy to see why.

When I had a chance, I called her over for a quite conference to point out that I was aware of some of the things she was doing.

K: Nobody likes me.
Me: Why do you think that?
K: (shrugs)

Me: Do you think maybe that when someone takes things without asking might not be the best way to “borrow” stuff?
K: (nods yes)

Me: Katie, can you see how words like ‘please’, ‘thank you’, and ‘May I’ might help you to make friends.
K: I don’t have any friends.

Me: No friends at all?
K: (she nods the affirmative).

Me: Don’t you want to have friends?
K: (another nod).

Me: Do you see how taking other kids’ things and putting pretend boogers on peoples’ stuff might not seem “friendly”?  
K: (another nod)

Me: So why don’t we try to do the ‘friendly’ thing and “ask” permission before “borrowing” stuff and also stop putting pretend boogers on people.
Do you think that might work?

K: (smiles and nods again)
Me: Let’s get back to work, OK?

As she makes her way back to her chair, I watch as she snatched a pencil off the first unattended desk she passed.

My end of day report, including observations about Katie, was probably not new information to the teacher.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Books & Covers...

 Simon gets a lesson about "Judging a book..."
...but you'll have to jump over to YouTube to see it.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

How Was Your Day - Part 2

After Monday, comes another day at a different school and classroom...




Monday, March 19, 2012

How Was Your Day?


That’s the usual question Claudette greets me with when I get home.

“Well, let’s just sum it up with the last exchange I had with a future inmate as he’s leaving at the end of day”

Kid: Are you gonna be here tomorrow?
Me: Ahh, No.
Kid: Yay!
Me: (almost thinking out loud) Yay!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Grey Fox?

Awoke this morning to see this little fellow in our back yard. We live almost on the south/east outskirts of San Jose, Calif but certainly not considered IN the country.

We HAVE seen lots of possums, raccoons, deer, turkeys, ducks and wild geese. We can hear the coyotes in the hills at night behind us and have even seen a few out while walking in the hills, but I've never seen a fox in the 30yrs we've lived here.

I think it's a grey fox. Can anyone confirm? Pretty animal...




Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Bully - The Movie

I remember being the target in 6-8 grades in the 1960's. It pretty much ended when I got into a fist fight with one of them and the nuns had to pull me off him. We went to separate High Schools the next year.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Khan Academy Classroom - Flip the Classroom

Kahn Academy on 60 minutes. This combined with iPads in the classroom could be the classroom of the future...which could/should easily be...NOW!

 

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Are Textbooks in the Classroom Dead?


A friend of mine sends his daughter to a H.S. that has eliminated almost all text books in the classroom. The school, instead, issues all students an iPad as a replacement textbook resource. The coming of age for iPad like devices in the classroom is becoming more prevalent as Apple reports that more than 600 schools across the nation, including the one my friends daughter attends, are ditching the classic text book.

I think it’s a great idea that has only one tiny potential glitch. Hardly anyone is going to steal a 6th grade math book from the dozens of backpacks left unattended outside a classroom or on a bus. Dozens of school backpacks with iPads inside are another matter.

My friends H.S. assigns liability for the iPad to the parents to make sure it’s returned to the school intact and undamaged. That school offers flat fee insurance of about $50/yr that covers damage but isn’t mandatory. The parents can opt out and risk the cost of replacing it on their own or insure it elsewhere with one of many private policy issuers.

But for now, and until the schools I work are able to maintain a working day-to-day network, I won’t have to worry about connecting and navigating the electronic text books.

…But that day APPEARS fast approaching!

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Uh-Oh

I might be paranoid but then again, maybe not.
Look who's been visiting the blog lately...

U.S. Army, Dept of Defense

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Greatest Teacher Free Stuff!


I like free stuff. Sometimes I get free stuff. Sometimes I get to give away free stuff. 

This time YOU get a chance to give away free stuff to the school and/or the teachers you think deserve free stuff...but only till the end of the month.


"...Worth Ave Group’s “Greatest Teacher” Technology in Education Give-away. The grant will give away $150,000 in grants and prizes to teachers and their schools who get the most votes for the "Greatest Teacher in America," including a $25,000 education technology grant for schools, iPads for teachers, etc. Voting runs through March 31st, 2012."

If you want to nominate a teacher, submit your entry here->  http://www.worthavegroup.com/giveaway/

Friday, March 02, 2012

The Quiet Gun...


It currently looks a bit bulky to fit in my substitute teacher bag, but I'm sure with new revisions they will get it down to the size of a laser pen...eventually.

But they'll have to do something about the name. Can't bring something with the word "gun" to school although "glue gun" is still acceptable.  I don't think this thing would get the same pass.  It will have to pass the: "Will it get the S.W.A.T. team upset if you point it at them" test.

I'm sure with time and improvements, every teacher will be provided one as standard classroom issue.







Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Night Watchman Maze …


I’ve had a couple of email requests about the puzzle in the “Mr. G” post.

I first saw this in a comic book when I was a kid and comic books cost 10-cents/ea. I wasted I don’t know how many hours trying to solve it. Never found a solution until I got to college and used it as a term paper in a logic/math class to answer the question: “Does it have a solution?”

I was successfully able to answer the question and explain my logical solution to get an “A” for the assignment. If you want the answer, request via email and  I’ll reply with the solution. 

I’ve used it in various classrooms when the assigned work is completed in less time than allowed and they need something “fun” to occupy/exercise their curious minds.

The materials required are one personal sized whiteboard and two different color whiteboard markers, one to draw the floor plan the other to draw a path.

As the story goes, a night watchman is assigned the job of locking all the doors of a building for the night. After a few years on the job assigned to the same building, the night watchman is getting a little bored with the job.

He decides to make his job a bit more interesting by trying to see if there is a path through the building where he can lock the all the doors behind him as he passes through each door of the building. The only rule is that he can pass through, close and lock each door once and at the end all the doors must be closed and locked.

He may start inside or outside the building and he can end up either inside or outside the building.

The floor plan of the building is displayed below. It has five rooms and sixteen doorways.Your task is to draw his walking path around and through the building to accomplish his goal.

The building floor plan is easily constructed on a whiteboard.  Starting with a large rectangle, bisect it horizontally in the middle. Then construct the three rooms above the horizontal line and the two large rooms below.  Then erase breaks in each of the walls where indicated to represent the 16 doors.

With practice, it should take less than a minute to draw and easy for the kids to re-construct on their personal whiteboards. 

In any case, it’s not as easy as it looks….



Monday, February 27, 2012

Who Put Tootsie-Rolls in the Snake Cage?


The first Monday after the ski week school vacation was spent in a 4th grade classroom. Like a number of other teachers in this school, this guy has classroom pets. In this one school, I have encountered: turtles, guinea pigs, rats, mice, fish, large bearded dragon lizards, and various snakes.

The two cages in this classroom each contained one pretty good sized corn snake. Initially, I wasn’t able to see how big they were. They were hiding out under tree bark covers until later afternoon when the classroom warmed. Both had beautiful orange markings. One was about 4’ and the other about a foot shorter.

Just before the end of day bell rang, one of the students came up to ask me: “Who put the Tootsie-Rolls in the snake cage”? After examining the something that DID very much look like about 6” of Tootsie-Rolls along the inside glass, we had an impromptu lesson on what snake poop looks like.

I’m just glad they didn’t ask what it was before it entering the toothy end of the snake as I could only venture that these constrictors eat live meals.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Mr. G…


The schools are out for what is commonly termed “Ski Week Vacation”.  I’m betting there won’t be much skiing as the closest slopes are about 160 miles from here and there is hardly any snow to ski this year. But, last Friday was the last day to pad the paycheck for February this year so I took the 3rd grade assignment.

I arrived at the school, signed in and picked up the class attendance from the office secretary. As she handed me the form, she said “I need to give you a heads up about one boy in your class.”

This is never a good sign…

“His name is G-----, and he’s a tough little so-n-so. He’s pretty mouthy with all the teachers but sometimes “ok” with subs. He probably won’t do any work; he’ll crawl around on the ground or walk on all fours crab like in the classroom. He might make weird, rude noises without warning. Be firm and you might be ok. If you DO have problems and you can’t take it anymore, just send him to the office with some work and he’ll spend the day with us. Don’t get me wrong, he’s really very smart but almost always out of control.”

“Oh, I almost forgot…He’s also not allowed to use the boy’s bathroom as he’s been known to pee on the walls and defecate on the floors. If he needs to go, send him to the office and we’ll deal with him here.”

With that warning, I’m already tired as I wander out to find the classroom.

The assignment is pretty basic. Some math assessment and spelling tests, reading, and water color artwork followed by an end of the day assembly on the playground. This would have been a pretty easy assignment day if it wasn’t for the unknown “Mr. G” situation.

The morning bell rang, I greeting the kids as they entered.  I was feeling pretty good after taking attendance and “Mr. G” seemed to be missing. That feeling was short lived when “Mr. G” arrived just under the wire to be tardy.

His desk is apart from the rest of the class and closest to the door.  He stood standing just behind his desk chair, two steps away upon entering. He just stood there staring at me, mouth wide open, not moving.

“Have a seat Mr. G. Since you weren’t here for lunch count, are you having the hot lunch or did you bring your own?”

-- Nothing --

“Did you hear me, Mr. G? Hot or cold lunch today?”

-- Nothing, still standing, silent, mouth agape --

“He does that all the time” offered more than one classmate in the class. “We just ignore it.”

Sigh…

About a third of the kids knew all about “Mr. Homework and the bad, bad 5th grade class” from their older brothers and sisters. Upon request, I retold the story and what I expected of this class so as not to repeat the consequences suffered by the 5th graders so long ago.

At some point during the story, I noticed that “Mr. G” was now sitting at his desk and listening. No outbursts, no weird mannerisms but laughing with the class at all the expected points during the story.

So far so good…

We get through the math assessment and spelling tests. Surprisingly, even “Mr. G” is doing work. Sloppy work but at least it’s something.  The reading and water color projects don’t interest “Mr. G” much as he’s aimlessly wandering the room.

Escorted back to his desk, I tried to engage him in idle conservation so the rest of the class could continue unmolested. I found out that he has a brother who is in middle school, his dad is an auto mechanic and not surprisingly, he doesn’t much care much for school.

“Mr. G” does like to ride his bike, play with his friends at home, and likes games and puzzles.

Puzzles!

My “bag of tricks” includes a fun, time killer puzzle for those rare occasions where time allotted for class work is longer that the time kids need to complete it. If anyone needs something to occupy his time, “Mr G” is a prime candidate since the alternative is mischief.  Required tools are two different color whiteboard markers and one of those student sized personal white boards.

After showing “Mr. G” how to draw the layout of the puzzle and explained the simple rules, he was quiet for the rest of the time before recess, working on a solution to what looks deceptively simple but is in fact, impossible to solve.

As I roved around the room checking on the rest of the classroom I half expected “Mr. G” to give up and turn to other disruptions in the classroom. That didn’t happen. I surreptitiously checked on “Mr. G” to notice that he was carefully considering advanced approaches as he progressed through the puzzle…he wasn’t ready to give up.

The first recess bell came and all the kids except “Mr. G” exited to the playground. “Mr. G” was still engrossed in the puzzle and was reluctant to go. Since I had yard duty, I had to usher him out the door to join the rest of the class.

His Dad arrived during recess and introduced himself letting me know that he had checked “Mr. G” out at the office for a doctor’s appointment and wouldn’t be back the rest of the day.

With only 5min recess left, he waited until the bell before escorting his son back to the classroom to collect his backpack and jacket.

As I signed out after school, the office secretary gave me a look that begged an answer.

“He didn’t do much work, but at least he didn’t disrupt the class”

Her response: “Let’s count that a success, then” ...as I left the building.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Lie or Truth...


School administrations pretty much frown on teachers taking the leading or trailing days off before long vacation breaks. Teachers also don’t usually give up the short minimum day if they can help it.

President's Week break starts Saturday and today is minimum day at the elementary school. That’s a double hex on getting a sub job for today but 30mins before school started, the call came for a 5th grade assignment. That told me the vacancy was for a legit reason.

The office told me that the teacher injured his back somehow and is now horizontal for the duration for at least today…and possibility tomorrow.

As per usual, the first thing the kids want to know is: “Where is Mr. L today?”

Knowing that 5th graders are a bit savvier than younger kids, I offer them a choice:
“What do you want first…the lie or the truth?”

Interestingly, they chose “lie” first so I told them the “tale” of the “Blue Lollipop Agent” before I told them the “truth”.

It turns out the I’m going to have to come up with something more unbelievable than “rare blue lollipops” because almost half of this class still had Valentines Day candy that included …you guessed it…not so rare BLUE Tootsie Roll Pops!  

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Charlie?


What do you do in situations where you’re not quite sure if the student you are addressing is a boy or a girl?

“Charlie” is a cute 3rd grader with chin length blond hair, wearing a stylish long sleeved shirt not tucked in, but over skinny legged jeans. In this school it’s not safe to assume that the name “Charlie” indicates a definite gender.

The face, voice and mannerisms can go either way. This isn’t the first time or even the second  that I’ve run into  situations like this. Having been wrong twice before, I don’t want to make this the third strike.

I’m NOT going embarrass him/her (and more importantly myself) by asking. I’m certainly not going to ask any other kid in class to clue me in so for most of the day, when needed, I just address “Charlie” by name and continue to watch for some deciding factor before making yet another inadvertent faux-pas.

It came just as everyone was lining up for the 1st recess when two boys in line were fighting over a ball to take out with them. Deciding that neither of these guys should get the prize, took the ball and tossed it to “Charlie” wherein one of the losers said:

“Awww, HE always gets to take the ball out!”

-- Dilemma solved!

Sunday, February 05, 2012

Did you hear the one...

...about the substitute teacher that won a Super Bowl ring this weekend?

"Chase Blackburn, a key special teams cog the last time the Giants made it this far, had been cut before the start of the season. So he was back home in Dublin, Ohio, trying to get a job as a substitute teacher. He was in the basement of his house, playing with his two sons, when Giants assistant GM Kevin Abrams called"

Congratulations to Chase and the NY Giants!
From:  Just Another Substitute Teacher




Friday, February 03, 2012

Double Subbed…


I was a bit puzzled when I logged onto the substitute assignment system last night to discover a job offering for today as I already had an assignment for Friday afternoon. I had assumed that the computerized system wouldn’t allow double assignment bookings for the same day.

After yesterday’s fiasco, I checked to see if my previous assignment listing for Friday was still active. It was!

It was then I noted that new assignment was a half day MORNING assignment for BAND at the middle school.

If I took this new morning assignment, I would have about 50mins travel time between schools. That was more than enough time since the two schools were less than two miles from each other. This was the first time I’ve been able to bookend two half day assignments for the same day

It made for an interesting experience. Imagine eighty-two middle school band kids followed by nine elementary SpecEd students in one day!

It WAS a day of contrasts!

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Mistakes Were Made…


It’s not unusual to have assignments cancelled before day of the assignment. It’s part of the job and normally not a big deal. My preference is to have cancellations as much in advance as possible so I might have the opportunity to schedule an alternative.

But there are limits to my “understanding index”:

Cancel a week before: AOK

Cancel the day before: A bit disappointed, but still acceptable. Maybe another assignment will show up tonight or tomorrow morning.

Cancel the night before: That’s cutting it a bit close, but there’s really nothing I can do about it.

Cancel after I accept your late morning call, for a job that started an hour ago, where I have rushed getting ready, driven to the school in less than 20min since I got the assignment and THEN cancel?: Well, now I’m pissed.

“Then, why did I get a call to come here today?” I inquired in my calmest voice I can manage at 09:30am this morning.

The school secretary explained that she had already called a different sub come in. She needed to enter the assignment in the computer system but accidentally sent it as  an “open assignment” that automatically put it out for calls. She didn’t know she had screwed up until I walked in the door.

“…Ok, so I’m not working today, but what does that mean for me since I DID accept the assignment. The “mistake” wasn’t mine and I’m here as instructed? Will I be paid for at least part of my time?”  While she sympathized and apologized once more for the mix up, she said there was nothing she could do.

I left the parking lot feeling more than a little pissed. As it happened, the street I was traveling on went directly past the district office. I pulled into the district parking lot to have a chat with the district substitute coordinator lady to escalate my case.

After explaining what happened, she contacted the school and verified my narrative of events this morning. She then checked for any available open assignments for today. Finding none, she asked me to wait while she talked with the payroll office.

“The payroll system isn’t set up to pay by the hour so instead, we’re going pay you today for a “half day” assignment if that’s acceptable.

More than acceptable, I returned home and logged on to the SmartFindExpress substitute assignment system and printed this month's completed assignments showing today’s cancelled botched assignment and today’s completed half-day assignment.

Trust but verify and document… 

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Mandated Reporter…


All school district employees, including subs, are designated “mandated reporters”.

I sometimes feel that applying common sense to an incident isn’t worth the risk when criminal and other legal sanctions for failing to report even possible suspected situations are pretty harsh. The obvious situations are clear but sometimes my gut tells me that some situations don’t really warrant reporting but general rule is: “When I doubt, report”

Today was a pretty good day with a fairly large 5th grade class when one of the girls brought me her library book. Inside the cover was the post-it note:

“If you open this book, we will rape you!”….and it was signed!

First names only but the office staff pretty much had an idea who they were. I’m pretty sure it was just a sick joke since they could not possibly know who the next person to check the book out would be.

I’m kinda saddened that 5th graders these days even know what “rape” is.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Fast .vs. Slow Roving …


There are two types of “roving sub” assignments. I have just completed one “fast” roving assignment this month and have four more unknown types lined up for Feb. and March.

Since I never know who will be running the roving schedule, I will ask the interviewer if they want me to hold strictly to the schedule (slow) or to send the next teacher as soon as the previous returning teacher releases me (fast).  

The health insurance auditors usually want to be done as quickly as possible (fast) whereas the twice yearly principal/teacher evaluations tend to plod along at the preset, scheduled (slow) pace.

If I have a choice, I prefer the fast roving schedule. Even just a few minutes sliced off each early ended interview adds time to the front end of my lunch period and subtracts time off my end of day release.

In either case, I’ve never had a school require me to stay beyond the end of the last interview.

Friday, January 13, 2012

What’s Worse Than An Early Morning Assignment Call?


…Answer: It’s the early morning cancellation call as my wife will attest.

It’s been a while since I’ve had to rely on the last minute, 05:30am phone calls for substitute teaching assignments to add to a paycheck.

After several years experience, I have managed to assemble a modest network of teachers and school secretaries that I rely upon for pre-assigning my teaching assignments in non-layoff years.

Since before the beginning of this New Year, I had already pre-assigned classes scheduled for about half the school days of January and even a few more lined up for February through April.

I was startled, then to be awakened at 05:30am only to be informed that I wouldn’t be working today. After all, this assignment was arranged back in mid-December and only canceled sometime after midnight. I know because it was still in the assignment queue when I checked the computer just before I went to bed at 11:30pm

So, now it’s 05:30 in the morning and my paranoia won’t let me get back to sleep wondering what I must have done wrong yesterday.

You see, today’s class was the second half of a two day assignment. I had met with the teacher in class yesterday morning before she left. We went over the lesson plans and she verified that I was scheduled for next day also. No pre-warning that she might need to cancel, which would have been ok.

I guess you never know why some things happen the way they do.

Friday, January 06, 2012

Blue Lollipops…


I could have subbed the entire first week of the New Year had I had stamina for Kinders or middle school P.E. classes. Instead, I started the New Year with two days of 4th graders.

The most common question I get when kids enter the room for the first time is: “Where is Ms/Mr teacher?” This class was no exception

First girl through the door:  “Where is Ms H?”
Me: I’ll answer that question when everyone gets settled, ok?

Earlier in my short career as a substitute teacher, I’d just tell them that I don’t know why their teacher had to be away for the day. Sometimes I DID know, but I didn’t feel that it was my job to give out any details that the teacher might or might not care to share with the students.

Lately, I’ve gotten a bit more creative, especially around this age group of kids (8-10).

Me: Your teacher is not here today because she is on an assignment.

Door girl: Assignment? What’s that?
Me: It is supposed to be a secret, but your teacher is a CIA agent and “teacher” is just her undercover job. She was sent out on an important mission for today and tomorrow!

Random Kid: What?
Me: It’s true! She’s a secret agent for the CIA. That stands for “Candy Interception Agency”. Her secret mission is to track down and stop the smuggling of illegal “blue lollipops” into the country. She had a tip that a giant box of them was coming this morning at the airport and had to go investigate.

At this point, they know (at least I hope so) that I was having a bit of fun but they seemed interested in the “yarn”.

Random Kid: But lollipops aren’t illegal! We have them lots of times.
Me: Ahhh. But were any of them BLUE?

The room went quiet and I could almost hear them thinking about colors. Ummm,  green, yellow, red, orange …blue?

Confident Kid: But, I’ve had blue ones before!
Me: Really? What flavor was it?
NowNotSoConfident Kid: Ummmmm…

Me: See! Think about it. What flavor IS blue? Very few people have had a blue lollipop because they are illegal in the United States.

“While you think that over, let’s get to work. The first item on the lesson plan is a practice spelling test. Get a piece of binder paper and number it from 1-20 with your name at the top…”.

Now, the standard procedure for spelling tests in elementary school is for the teacher to:
1.       Clearly pronounce the word
2.       Use the word in a sentence
3.       Repeat the word.

Of course all the sentences used for this spelling test were going to have to incorporate the phrase “blue lollipop” somehow. When I occasionally failed to come up with a sentence with “blue lollipop”, one or more of the kids suggested one for me.

…now that I think about it, what flavor IS blue?

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Happy New Year - 2012!

Here's hoping for some change for the better on the start of this new year!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Piggy Wants a Cookie

School is out for the rest of 2011. Today's in class movie is about a hungry pig...enjoy!


Friday, December 16, 2011

Substitute Teacher Book Idea?

I recently received an email:

 “…I was thinking of writing a book on what it's really like to be a substitute teacher… Would you be willing to contribute stories- the good, bad, and ugly?”

I responded with the links to a few of my more “memorable” experiences.

That got me wondering about readers of my blog. Are there any of my posts you feel would be useful for this book?

My personal subbing experience is in relatively low key schools here in San Jose, Calif. I have heard that subbing in some of the tougher intercity schools elsewhere might be a bit more “interesting”.

Have you come across any "tales of the substitute teacher" that might be of interest for this budding author? If so, use the comments section to list your favorite/interesting true tales of the substitute teacher experience.

Links to relevant individual blog posts (mine or others) are encouraged. Links to non-related material will not be displayed.


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Fake Credentials...

 
I occasionally get email requests to advertise essay and thesis writing services to "help" you get that coveted advanced degree but never anything this blatant:

"...Buy fake/novelty university diplomas and degrees online.
We design our Degree or Diploma Certificates and Transcripts to look 99.99% identical to world famous originals including identical security grade transcript paper, identical water markings, raised-ink crests, embossed seals, correct card stock weight (60-100lb depending upon institution specifications). Most post-secondary institutions available."

If  you ARE interested in "buying" one of these degrees, don't contact me. I'm not gonna help you. Talk to the U.S. Treasury Dept about fake "novelty" $20 bills that are 99.99% authentic and see how far that gets ya.

P.S: don't contact me about any thesis writing services either. 

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Tryptophan Turkeys...


There are only three school weeks between the Thanksgiving break and Christmas break. I had only three half-day assignments last week.

Half day assignments are usually a breeze. There usually isn’t enough time for the 2nd graders to wind up to total craziness before I lose it altogether. By the time they are, it’s over and I go home.

I don’t think I could have survived any more than the assigned three hours in any one of these classrooms. I was worn out and dead tired after each assignment.

The funny thing is that these were classes I’ve had before. They were all classes I’ve had for full day assignments. Second graders are polite, fun, bright, inquisitive and follow directions.

It must be the overdoses of tryptophan turkey that turned me into a tired crotchety old man and the kids to hyper-excited insanity.

Let’s try middle school tomorrow and see if I can make it through a full day in Science class.