What is it exactly about vomit and kids? Or perhaps vomit and people in general? It might seem like an odd question, but take a moment to consider people's reaction to vomit. Personally, MY reaction to someone vomiting is to get as far away as possible from that person and that hurlage. However, my kids, and many kids I have observed in the past few years, don't have that same reaction.

Yesterday, I was stooped down by one of my students' desks, helping him with a problem. All of a sudden, from the other side of the desk, I hear the sound of 500 wet paper clips hitting the floor -- ah yes, someone has blown chunks.

I stand up and see this girl staring at me with a dazed look in her eye, and a stained shirt. She's waiting to be told what to do. Had I shouted, "VOMIT!" she probably would have puked again. Had I shouted, "JUGGLE BOWLING PINS!" she might have attempted it. Instead, I shouted, "GO TO THE BATHROOM!"

Meanwhile, every other eyeball in the room is riveted to the puddle of puke on the floor. WHY??? Why do these kids STARE at throw up??? The sarcastic side of me came out, and I couldn't help but say, "PLEASE! Keep staring at the throw up! Let's all get a REALLY good look and make ourselves sick!!" I should have invited them all to bring a camera next time, for posterity's sake.


In other, less sickening, news, this week's Mr. Teacher column on education.com is titled This Weak's Columm, and it tackles the issue of public misspellings. Company signs, city slogans, text messages, you name it. Check it out!

Also, please check out this week's Carnival of Education, now running over at Steve Spangler.com. My article about weird arrangements of the human skeleton is over there, along with several other gems.

If you don't live in the Dallas area, perhaps you haven't heard, but the school district has mistakenly overspent and underbudgeted to the tune of roughly $64 million dollar. Yes, a number that is higher than third graders are required to have knowledge of, according to the Texas Essential Knowledge and Skills.

At any rate, there has been a lot of pulling of hair and gnashing of teeth over what this shortfall might bring -- layoffs, severe program cuts, class by candlelight -- but I am not here to add more worry to the situation. Instead, I like to go by Stallone's credo -- if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the disease (ok, maybe that's not the context or the quote) -- and heaven forbid I be part of the disease.

So I've been thinking about how we can get this $64 million back without anyone losing their jobs, and I've come up with a few ideas. See what you think.


1) Pass the hat around -- the simplest solution of all. We pass around the hat, everybody at each school throws in a couple of bucks. . . In no time at all, we'd have that $64 million knocked down to $63.8 million.


2) Charity auction of teachers/staff -- I've never personally taken part in or been to a charity auction, but they always seem to work on tv shows and movies. A teacher stands up on the stage, and the bidding begins. The high bidder gets to take the teacher/administrator/superintendent home for a day to be their personal servant. I imagine I would go for roughly $23.50, and I would be willing to walk a kid's dog, clean their room, and file their PlayStation games alphabetically for that, all in the name of helping out the district.


3) Concessions -- Let's start selling Cokes during class for $2 and popcorn for $4.50. Sure, there might be more spills and stained tests, but think of the profit we could make!!!


4) Talent show out behind the barn!! -- this sort of thing ALWAYS worked on Little House on the Prairie, so why the heck wouldn't it work here? Just think about all the untapped talent that the teachers and staff of DISD have. We could charge $10 a ticket, and I'm sure people would come from milles around to be amazed by the big show.

5) Corporate Sponsorship -- I've been pushing this for years now. We get some major companies to back us, and we place their names on certain things around the school district. "Kids, please take out your Visa spelling list, sponsored by Kellog's." "Your math quiz today is brought to you by IBM, proud sponsor of a new generation of scholars." The kids already have a dress code. Slap a Nike swoosh on the breast of each dress shirt, and we cut that shortfall in half immediately.


Any thoughts? These ideas have legs, people! Let's get it done!!

Hey everyone,

I have a very close friend who, with her husband, runs a most excellent photography business, specializing in wedding photos. Recently, they have been honored by being selected as a finalist in the San Francisco Chronicle's Bay List. The competition is currently running, and my friend is in, I believe, 10th place right now.

I'd like to ask anyone who's willing to go to the SF Chron's website and vote for Allegro Photography! Check out the page and you will see the outstanding quality of the photographs. Yes, they do ask you to register to vote, which I know is a pain for some people. But you don't have to write a review, you don't have to provide any personal info other than your date of birth.

I voted, and it took me like 2 minutes.

Thanks in advance to everyone for your support!

Yesterday, as part of our ongoing discussion of systems in science class, we looked at a skeleton. More specifically, I gave each pair of kids in my class a skeleton puzzle to put together. There were about 20 pieces, some depicting more than one bone, and the kids had to use brads to connect the pieces through holes.

I was sent this brilliant picture in an email today. I might just have to start paying my bills this way!!

Thanks to either time or antibiotics (or quite possibly the Junior Whopper I had for lunch today), my voice seems to be slowly returning. Thank you to everyone who voiced (oops) concern for me over the weekend. It was such a great topic that I even wrote about it for this week's Mr. Teacher column over on education.com, titled The Voice of the People. Go check it out and leave a comment or 4.

We compared numbers today. Greater than, less than, that sort of thing. My kids seemed to grasp that pretty well for the most part. Or course, they really sank their teeth into the whole "alligator mouth eats the greater number" mnemonic. Literally. Almost all of them had the inequality sign pointing the right way on their exercises, but almost all of them had drawn HUGE inequality signs, complete with jagged teeth, forked tongues, and in some cases, firey breath.

A fellow teacher, Mrs. Math told me that one child looked at an exercise where the two sides were equal and exclaimed, "The alligator don't know which side to eat!!"

OK, I have a question for all of the teachers out there. At what point should I start to get really, really scared?

Lazy Sunday here at Mister Teacher's house. Still recovering my voice, hoping I'll be able to talk to the kids tomorrow. Football game on the background, rooting my fantasy teams on. Thought it'd be a good time to put up a couple of links.

The Darth Vader video has sort of plateaued, but if you haven't seen it yet, or if you have friends who haven't seen it yet, please check it out again, and comments are always welcome!

Same goes for the Learn Me Good infomercial -- my tribute to Billy Mays! Makes a great Halloween gift, Thanksgiving gift, or Christmas gift!

Do you know anyone who could use a healthy dose of Fractorix? Check out the video and see if you or your loved ones exhibit any of the symptoms.


Also, don't forget to sign the guestbook at the bottom of my page!

Thankfully, I do not live on the Gulf coast of Texas, or else I would probably not be able to enjoy my sick weekend at home. As it is, living near Dallas, which is pretty darn far inland, I'm STILL seeing the effects of Hurrican Ike today. It has been raining nonstop all day long, and the wind is quite audible.

I always get sick at school, but not usually this quickly. 3rd week of school, and I've already lost my voice...

Thank goodness for Primacare and penicillin!!

This week's Mr. Teacher column on education.com is titled "Give Me a Break," and it is the story of a school year without recess. Well, 2 weeks of a school recess with only 2 days of recess, anyway. Read the full story and weigh in if your school has done anything this drastic!

I was just looking at the Pre-inventory math test that my kids took last Wednesday. 20 questions that are supposed to be a review of 2nd grade skills that my kids (theoretically) learned last year. Realistically, there are 2 really hard questions on there, 2 others that are kind of tricky, and 16 that are practically no brainers.

I'm pleased to say that I DID have one student who scored a 90. He rocked the test. The next highest score was 60, and the average was around 40.

As if I didn't already know it, I really have my work cut out for me this year.

I never really expect much out of this test (which is why I'm so stoked about the one kid who scored a 90). Most of the kids are still shaking off the fuzz from the summer, they don't want to show any work or think about any of the problems, and so they tend to miss easy questions. But still... Some of the questions were just SO obvious that it still bugs me when they miss them.

For instance, one of the questions shows a picture of a rectangle (the question calls it an aquarium) and a square and asks how the two shapes are alike. I had 5 or 6 kids who picked, "They both have exactly 3 sides." THREE sides??!??

Another showed 4 fish and 3 birds and asked what fraction was birds. Only about 3 kids out of my 22 got this one right. Most of the others picked 3/4. Note to self, work extra hard on fractions this year...

One question showed a couple of base-10 block models and then asked which statement was true. The entire question could have been ignored, as the answers said 342>245, 342=245, 342<245,>342.

3 kids said these numbers are equal!!!!! What were they smoking????

Oh well. They are very well behaved this year, and there are not a whole lot of them, so that should make the intense work that is required that much easier.

Why is it that kids have such a hard time copying things word for word or answering questions out of a book onto a separate sheet of paper? If I ask my kids to copy a word problem from the overhead, it takes some of them 5-10 minutes to copy 3 lines -- and that's only if I'm rushing them! If I let them take their time, we would do absolutely nothing else all day long!

This week's Mr. Teacher column on education.com was supposed to be my wonderings on where all of my students are, seeing as how I only have 12 kids in my homeroom and 10 in my afternoon class. I think because of the long weekend, though, there wasn't enough time to proof it and get it online, so instead, there is a rerun of Save the Crossing Guard Save the World from last October. Check it out and relive the memories!

Darth Vader Explains the Pythagorean Theorem is now up over 17,000 hits since Saturday! And while around 7,000 of those hits are coming from the London Times article, there are many, many other sites that are running it too! Including this one in espanol!!

Lastly, please take a moment to sign my guestbook at the bottom of the main page. I always like to know a little bit more about who's reading...

Thanks to our good friend Carol over at My Bell Ringers, my "Darth Vader Explains the Pythagorean Theorem" YouTube video has been linked by a columnist at the London Times!!

This week's Carnival of Education is brain-based, and it's being held over at Sharp Brains right now! Go check it out to see all the great articles, including my quick hits on the first day of school.


The girl who is obsessed with my hair remains obsessed. She hasn't asked any more probing questions about it, but every time I talk to her, I can tell she is looking at the top of my head. I think I can relate to how buxom women feel when eyes are directed elsewhere.

"Excuse me, my eyes are down here!!!"

School has already started, but this week's Mr. Teacher column on education.com is titled Practice Q&A, and it is intended to be an aid to parents for getting their kids ready for going back to school. Teachers ask a lot of questions -- the kids need to have their answers prepared.

If you know me, then you know these are NOT your typical answers to typical questions...

One day of the '08/'09 school year is now under my belt, and another exciting nine months begins!

I actually woke up at 4:30 this morning and took a walk around my neighborhood before getting ready to go to school. I also had a dream last night where I had gotten out of bed, looked out my window, washed my hands, and headed back to the bed -- only it turns out I had never gotten out of bed in the first place! Analyze THAT, Sigmund Freud!

All weekend long, I had been dreading my early morning crosswalk duty. The city of Dallas has been doing some construction on the street that my school is on, and part of one lane is cordoned off, which requires people in that lane to pull into the opposing traffic lane to get past it. But picture of this situation could appear in any dictionary under the word, "bottleneck."

Amazingly, there didn't seem to be any bottlenecking this morning. There was a police man in the area keeping an eye on things, but he wasn't directing traffic around the obstacle. People just seem to take their turns and work around it. Impressive, to say the least!

During morning duty, I saw lots of my kids from last year, and now that I'm not their teacher anymore, I can pal around with them quite a bit more. I also saw several kids that were familiar from parent drop-off last year who walked past me and informed me that they would be in my class THIS year.

As is always the case on the first day of school, there was mass chaos at first, with all of the parents and kids trying to figure out where to go. Nobody was actually in the classroom before 8:30.

A few quick hits about my class this year:

A lot more kids should be showing up soon, because I only had 11 kids in my homeroom and eight kids in my second class.

Those eight kids in the afternoon were very well behaved, but it was like pulling teeth getting them to answer ANY of my questions.

Some of my kids are either VERY shy on the first day of school, or they are very low mathematically, because when I asked them what eleven minus five was, they stared blankly at me like I had just asked them to spell the rising agricultural capital of central Micronesia.

The mother of one of my homeroom kids talked with me briefly this morning about how her son is "severely ADHD," and how she had just taken him off of his medication. I can't really blame her too much, because she said that the medication had basically turned her son into a zombie. But I hope that she's working closely with a doctor somewhere to find a comfortable middle ground.

One girl seemed obsessed with my hair. When she came into my class, the very first thing she said was, "I really like your hair." Later, while staring at it, she asked if it felt hard or soft, and asked how I got it to stay like that. Just your run-of-the-mill hair gel. I'm not sporting a fauxhawk or anything...

While discussing safety in science, one boy told me that you should wear safety goggles while "mixing potions" so they don't splash into your eyes. I was so tempted to say, "50 points for Slytherin!!"

While discussing a word problem that required subtraction to find a solution, potions boy also told me that he thought we should add on that problem because, "adding is good, and sometimes subtracting is not good."

Oh, and I have FOUR girls in my classes with the same name.

All in all, a pretty good first day! I would absolutely LOVE to keep my class size as small as it was today, but I know it will increase in the next couple of days.

So, how did everyone else's first day go??

Tomorrow is the first day of school for all of us Texas public school teachers, and I know we're all running around like chickens with our heads cut off (a favorite saying of my old high school basketball coach, The Guam Bomb). So just a quick little note here.

Today and tomorrow are the last days to take advantage of the 25% discount that Spreadshirt is offering as part of their Back to School special. If you buy at least two shirts and use the code SCHOOL108, you get them for 3/4 price!

A few of my teammates suggested that we get some of those shirts in our school's color to wear on the first day of in-service and show third-grade team unity. We wore them last Monday, and everyone at the school loved it! In fact, my principle even said that we can wear those shirts when we have casual Fridays!

The eight of us wore the same color, but we all had different phrases. I was of course wearing the, "I teach, therefore I am... poor," my partner was wearing, "No, Johnny, a 50 is NOT a good score," and the others wore shirts that said, "I love the smell of crayons in the morning," "No Child Left Befuddled," "Thank God for recess," "Don't fear the teacher, baby," "I'm taking a mental health YEAR," and "Lesson plans? We don't need no steeeeeenkin' lesson plans!"

Who knows? Get them in YOUR school's colors, and maybe you can wear them on Fridays as well!

A little while ago, AwayWeGo at Where's the Sun nominated me for a blog award -- The Brilliante Weblog Award!






I am very honored to have this honor bestowed upon me, in my honor, Your Honor. According to the rules of the award, I need to pass this honor on to seven other blogs, so let me just go ahead and get the nominations started.

I hereby bestow the Brilliante Weblog Award to the following entertaining blogs:

So You Want to Teach,

Regurgitated Alphabits,

La Chucheria,

HappyChyck,

Bell Ringers,

IMC Guy,

Mrs. Bluebird,

The Scholastic Scribe

(OK, so that's eight instead of seven, but the rules do say AT LEAST seven.)


And now for something that I like to do on a semi-regular basis...


I always like to know where people are visiting this blog from, and who is reading my stuff (not to mention who keeps leaving the cap off the toothpaste), so I would ask you all to sign my guestbook! I've just installed a brand new "slide" guestbook at the bottom of this page, so please go there, and tell me where you're from, what you teach (or what you do), and something interesting about yourself.


Figured the weekend before the new school year started was a perfect time to call roll.

Today was a fracking long day. I felt like a hamster on a wheel -- dead tired, didn't very far, and smelling of wet fur.

So much still to do, and only tomorrow to do it in! Will my room be ready by Monday???

This week's Carnival of Education is being hosted at my fellow Dallas teacher's blog -- Bell Ringers! Lots of great articles to choose from over there, including the chance to see if you are smarter than an eighth grader, the opportunity to agree or disagree with dress codes in school, and even a second chance to see Darth Vader teaching the Pythagorean theorem!

Today, all teachers in the Dallas ISD (at least all teachers not feigning illness or playing hooky) attended convocation at the American Airlines Center. If you've ever been to a sporting event at a major stadium or arena, then you know it can be a bit difficult to navigate parking, seating, etc. And most sporting events are held on weekends or in the evening, so attendees usually don't have to fight rush-hour traffic to get there!

Not wanting to mess with traffic at all, I met up with some of my fellow teachers at the school, and we made our way to a nearby light rail station to take the train in to downtown Dallas. The trek wasn't too bad, and we didn't have much trouble getting to the AAC.

Two years ago, when we had our convocation at the AAC, the keynote speaker was some guy who called himself "AKA Dr. Attitude." Yes, I do believe that the AKA was officially part of his moniker. He was all right, I guess, but he struck me as being super cheesy. This year, you can imagine my surprise when the superintendent introduced the keynote speaker, and a tiny little kid walked out onto the stage.

This kid, a fifth-grader at a Dallas school, spent the next 15 minutes or so doing his best preacher routine. And I gotta say, it was pretty spectacular. He had obviously practiced hard on his cadence and enunciation, and his major theme was, "Believe in me and my classmates."

To the wild applause and support of all in attendance, this young man entreated us to see the full potential of the kids in our class, regardless of background, attitude, or behavioral issues. He really brought the house down.

Any other Dallas teachers out there, weigh in! What do you think of today's events?

This week's Mr. Teacher column on education.com is titled Teacher in a Strange Land, and it's a short recounting of my first trip back to my school last week. I've moved into a brand new room for this year, and it's taking me a while to grow accustomed to my surroundings, to say the least.

Enjoy, and Dallas teachers, let's rock the AAC tomorrow!! WOOHOO!!!

Dude, you gotta, like, check this out, especially if you, like, teach in Dallas.

Excellent!!

Kelly Curtis, who writes the blog Pass the Torch honored me by sending me an advance copy of her new book, Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. On the back cover, she poses the question: How do you bring out the power in young people?

Throughout this well-written and fascinating book, Curtis explains how important it is that kids be given opportunities to thrive, and she gives examples of situations where youths have led projects, founded charities, and contributed memorably to their communities. Interwoven with these stories is the underlying message to adults who come into contact with young people that we need to be "asset builders." Curtis lists 40 Developmental Assets -- factors that are instrumental in benefiting youths. These Developmental Assets include a caring neighborhood, adult role models, and positive peer influence.

Adults tend to categorize youths as either objects, recipients, or resources. As objects and recipients, youths have no hope of sharing in any kind of decision-making. However, once adults begin to view youths as resources -- to value their input and actually use it -- great strides can be made towards a successful future.

While further training is available to adults who want to learn more about empowering young people and encouraging involvement, Curtis reminds readers that starting down that path is easy. Just make eye contact and smile at kids!

Additional features inside Empowering Youth include detailed activities that involve kids and adults, and a series of reflection questions. There are also checklists that can be used to gauge current levels of empowerment.

Empowering Youth is a wonderful resource for anyone wanting to motivate, foster, and support young people of all ages. For anyone needing a reason, in the introduction, Curtis offers a quote from Mary Patterson of Project Cornerstone: "People never recall the bicycle, but who taught them to ride it. They don't recall the basketball game, but who taught them to play it. They don't recall the English class, but who taught the lesson."

Curtis then adds, "Be the who."

My last somewhat creative project of summer vacation is finally complete. Inspired by last month's trip to Comic-Con, I decided to smash up my love of all things math and all things Star Wars and create this video -- Darth Vader Explains the Pythagorean Theorem.

The voiceover work is not exactly James Earl Jones quality, but hey, I did my best. If you like it, leave a comment and pass it on; if not, so be it.

For the past month or so, I've noticed through my stat tracker, that a LOT of my hits to this blog are coming from people doing a search on "Welcome Letter to Parents" or some variation on that theme.

Welcome to the beginning of another super fantastic year! We are very excited to have your son/daughter/spawn in our class this year! We are looking forward to a year full of learning, growth, and development -- and hopefully NOT full of termites like last year. Whoops!

As a third grader, your child will be taking the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills (TAKS) for the first time. Except for Pietro, who's an old hand at the state standardized test. Here's hoping the 10th time's a charm, Pietro! But for most of the rest of your kids, they will learn firsthand this year about subjective exams and arbitrary passing rates!

It's going to be a challenging year for all of us, so we appreciate all your help. Here are a few friendly reminders to help us all get through the year:

• When you drop your kids off in the morning, be sure to actually stop the car before they get out
  


• Remember that school starts promptly at 8:00, and your child should be in his/her seat, ready to work when the bell rings. Please do NOT set your alarm clock for 7:55 and expect to get here in time for your child to have breakfast.
  


• Students are to come to school every day with at least one sharpened pencil. If you can afford a PS3 and WWE Pay-Per-Views every other weekend, I'm sure you can afford a couple of lousy pencils.
  


• Homework is to be done tonight it is assigned -- BY THE CHILDREN! We know that you mean well, but you're really not helping if you don't know your long division from your lines of symmetry. (You know who you are)
  


• Let's agree that a 2-pound bag of Hot Cheetos and a liter of Dr Pepper does not constitute a healthy lunch.
  


• Dogfighting, convenience store robbery, and "making it rain" will not be tolerated. In other words, don't let your child emulate a professional football player.
  


• Please make sure your son or daughter uses the restroom before they leave your home, and do not send them with a 2-gallon bottle of water. Once they are in the classroom, to paraphrase the current California Governator in Kindergarten Cop -- THERE IS NO BATHROOM!!
  

Let's make this a great year! Only you can prevent forest fires! They'll never take our freedom! Remember the Alamo! (Insert your own encouraging catchphrase here)!!
See you on Monday!

Sincerely,

Richie at Bell Ringers tagged me last week for a meme on, as the Comic Book Dude from The Simpsons would say -- Worst. Job. Ever.

I've had some pretty rotten jobs, though none that I would compare to some of the all-time worst jobs in the world. For instance, I am thankful that I have never been someone who sniffs other people's armpits to make sure deodorant is working. I have never had to pick up bat guano. I have never been a professional javelin catcher.

Between my stint as a mechanical design engineer and my current profession as a third-grade math teacher, I held several odd jobs. The one that made me feel slimiest was telemarketer, where I would cold call people and try to convince them to sign up for the credit card du jour.

However, my pick for worst job that I've ever held was telephone book deliverer. I saw an ad in the paper, and applied for the job. First thing in the morning, I went out to this warehouse and loaded up my car with as many telephone directories as it would hold. I then selected one of the designated routes, and drove over there to make deliveries.

Unlike newspaper delivery, I couldn't just slowly drive by in my car and toss a 25 pound phonebook out the window into each yard. I had to park at one end of the street, grab as many books as I could hold -- usually around eight -- and deliver the books to each doorstep, one house at a time. Then I would walk back to my car and grab some more books. Then I would pull the car around to the next street, and repeat the process.

Did I mention that I held this job in July, in Texas?

At the end of the first day, I was physically drained, my clothes were massively sweat stained, and I just had to say No mas. Thankfully, when I resigned, the folks who were running the business asked me if I would stay on as a supervisor, someone who would drive around and make sure OTHERS had delivered the books where they were supposed to.

Now I get to tag a few people, to share OF their stories of worst job ever. So I tag 100 Farmers, Mrs. Bluebird, Mrs. T, Happychyck, and Mamacita.

What with my extensive travels lately and all, it seems I haven't entered or explored the Carnival of Education for a few weeks. This week, though, I'm back, and I'm pointing people towards Pass the Torch, which is where it is being held!

My post about things to do before school starts is featured, as are several other good ones, including this discussion of multiplication vs. addition at Let's Play Math, and 101 ways to cope with teaching stress at Smart Teaching.

Kelly from Pass the Torch is also a proud author of a book called Empowering Youth, which I can pridefully say that I have gotten an advance copy to read. I am looking forward to being able to review it, so order your copy now!

Hey everyone,

Continuing in my ongoing saga of relating my Comic-Con vacation...

Our thoughts and prayers go out to one of the greatest actors of our times. Morgan Freeman is apparently in serious condition in a hospital in Memphis, TN after a horrible auto accident.

I just want to take a second and say thank you to everyone who has taken me up on my request to ask for a copy of Learn Me Good at your local library. If the Amazon numbers are to be believed, it looks like a lot of copies are being bought. That means either people are actually buying them themselves, or the libraries are. Either way, I REALLY appreciate everyone's support!

If you haven't had a chance to yet, please ask for a copy of Learn Me Good at your local library.

And if you've had a chance to READ my book, please take a moment to post a review on Amazon!

Thanks!!

Continuing the reenactment of my trip to San Diego for this year's Comic-Con, we come to day three, Friday. This was the day that timing really started to get critical, as they were many events that we WANTED to see, but several of them were at conflicting times or in locations that were far apart from one another.

Saw a story from last Friday out of New Zealand about one of those odd names that actually was rejected by a court of law!

A married couple who was apparently born without pride, dignity, or basic common sense named their daughter "Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii." A Family Court judge in New Zealand made the nine-year-old girl (who was so embarrassed by her name that she told people to call her "K") a ward of the courts in order to change her name after a lengthy custody battle.

As a result, her name was changed to "My Name Was Legally Changed in Court." No, I'm kidding; the paper did not list her new name.

I have to say, this judge really did this little girl a service. Besides the embarrassment of her ridiculous name, just think about the other things he saved her from:

She'll never have to try to squeeze that long name onto a Best Buy employee badge.

When she marries a guy named Chad whose last name is Johnson Rides the Wave Boo Yah! her name will merely be long instead of ludicrously long.

Her hand will be less likely to cramp when signing autographs as a former child celebrity.

My question is, why aren't there more judges like this New Zealander??? We've got plenty of whacked out names here in the states! Why doesn't anyone else in a position of legal authority seemed to recognize "the very poor judgment which this child's parents have shown in choosing this name."

The article listed several other that have been approved by registration officials. These names are as follows:

Fish and Chips

Keenan got Lucy (when I first read that, I thought it said Keenan got Lucky)

Violence

Sex Fruit (these parents should be buried in a coffin under 6 feet of dirt)

Yeah Detroit

and my personal favorite -- Number 16 Bus Shelter

Hey everyone,

I'm off for another week of vacation, this time to California! Wish me luck that I will get to see some of the stars and directors of my favorite TV shows and movies. Speaking of, I saw The Dark Knight last night, and it was spectacular! The whole movie was great, but wait until you see Two Face! Awesome!

A couple of links: last week's Mr. Teacher column on education.com was about ideas to keep kids from being bored over the summer. This week's column, out today, is all about my experiences filming the game show Whatta Ya Think?

Have a great week, and I'll be back soon!

Hey everyone, did you miss me?

I just got back home from a week in Destin, Florida, and I am roughly the color of a penny. A penny that someone has scribbled on with a red magic marker, that is. Don't worry, I used 15 tubes of SPF 50 sunscreen, so I'm really not burned. Too badly.

We had a blast. I went with my family, which means my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister-in-law, and their two kids, aged 1 and 3. We drove both ways in a large rented van, and it took us about 15 hours each way. That part was not so great. Not that anything was miserable or anything, it just really takes a toll on us old people with bad backs.

When we got to the condo that we were going to be staying at late on Saturday night, it didn't quite live up to our expectations, to say the least. What had been billed as a luxurious, three level beach house turned out to be unfinished, to put it nicely. From the parking lot, the entrance level and the bedrooms upstairs were decent, though there were a couple of holes in the dry wall, exposing pipes. What was really odd though was that the lower level could only be accessed by exiting through the beach-side door of the entrance level, going down some unlit stairs, and unlocking the outside door. Having done that, the lower-level turned out to be more of a bunker with beds than anything. Unfinished concrete walls, no blinds over the windows, no television set, and one lightswitch on the opposite side of the room from the doorway. Plus, did I mention that there was no connecting stairs on the inside of the condo between the entrance level and the lower level ?? Bizarre!!!

My mom decided to call and complain, seeing as this is not at all what she had signed up for, and due to her efforts, we were majorly upgraded. The place we wound up staying at looked like a posh New York penthouse apartment. I even had my own loft with bed and bathroom. It was SWEEEEEET!

We spent a lot of time down the beach in the Florida sun, working on our tans. Except for the one-year-old, who has red hair, blue eyes, and makes my pale skin look positively swarthy. My three-year-old nephew, on the other hand, found several kids to play with throughout the week, and he regaled them with his knowledge of Star Wars. On that topic, he also went on several "Wookiee hunts." The Destin surf was loaded with algae, and on some days, being out in the water was like swimming through extra-pupy orange juice. We told Ethan that the large pieces of algae were clumps of Wookie hair, and he went out and grabbed several as they came close to the shore. Also, the first day I shaved (OK, the ONLY day I shaved), I noticed that my upstairs sink was clogged up, so I cleaned it out and discovered several very large clumps of hair. I disposed of them immediately, but later, I told my nephew that I had found Wookie hair upstairs, and every day thereafter, Ethan would ask me if we could go look for Wookies upstairs.

As a red-blooded American male, I certainly enjoyed being in a locale where almost all of the women walked around in bikinis. The unfortunate part of this was that most of them were below the age of 18, and the feeling of being a leering old man heavily tempered the frequent head turns and eye pops. Oh, there were also several incredibly good-looking moms there. Of course, there didn't seem to be too many single girls my age, and of the handful that I saw, they weren't really my type. Oh well, I was never really one for the Grease-promoted summer romance, anyway.

All in all, it was one heck of a vacation. Now I get to relax for a couple of days, and then turn right around on Wednesday morning and hop a plane for San Diego, California. Comic-Con awaits!!!

Hey everyone,

I would like to ask for a favor, though it should be a rather simple favor to carry out. I have discovered recently that if you request a book at the library and they don't have it in stock, they will often order a copy to get it to you.

So I would like to ask everyone who has a card at their local library to request a copy of my book, Learn Me Good. It doesn't cost you anything, but it really helps me out by getting more copies out there for the reading public. Plus, if you haven't read it yet, then you can get it through the library!

Thanks so much.

Attention all teachers! I am once again calling for your assistance on a future education.com column. I appreciate all of the responses that I got for the "What are you doing this summer?" prompt, and I hope the response is just as good this time around.


This time, I'd like to know how do you handle kids who tattle? I mean, face it, you can't be a teacher and NOT constantly deal with those kids who feel a mighty sense of justice for everyone except themselves.


So what strategies or techniques do you employ to deal with these tattle tales? Feel free to leave a comment here, or send me an e-mail at [email protected] with the subject "Tattle Tales."


In other news, The Scholastic Scribe has included me today on her Take Another Look Thursday post. If the word Zork means anything to you, then my flashback post will bring back good memories for you.

Mamacita has put together an excellent Carnival of Education this week, including a fabulous "scolding" of the myriad of entries from people trying to sell essays and research papers. If you've ever hosted a Carnival, then you know exactly the type of people I'm talking about.
Check out the Carnival, and be sure to look around at all of the fantastic entries.


Over on YouTube, I've posted a mini-commercial for my new T-shirt shop. Check it out, and feel free to pass the link on to your friends!

A post from a couple of months ago at So You Want to Teach? got me started down the path towards writing this week's Mr. Teacher column on education.com. On it, a certain Mr. Frap made a comment to the effect of saying that teachers should consider themselves lucky that they don't work in the business world, because they are basically working a part-time job for full-time wages.

OK, if you're a teacher, your blood is already probably starting to boil. Anyway, my column this week tackles a couple of simple myths and mistakes about teachers that seem to be commonly held by non-teachers.

As always, comments are welcome.

I saw a story in the paper today that said that Webster's dictionary had just added over 100 new words to their current edition. These words included "Texas hold 'em," "pretexting," and "popunder."

This gave me the idea for this week's INTERACTIVE MONDAY!

What is a word that YOU would like to see added to Webster's dictionary?

I think my word would be "repiteaching." To repiteaching is to explain a concept or to go over an answer multiple times with your class, as a result of them not listening to you the first couple of times. I found myself repiteaching quite frequently this year.

OK, YOUR turn! Send in those brand new words you'd like to see published in next year's edition of Webster's dictionary.

One of my very good friends is quite the thespian (she still likes guys). This summer, she is going to be appearing in the role of Mrs. Potts in the stage play Beauty and the Beast.

I am posting that here because I know that a lot of people who read this blog are in the Northern Virginia/DC area, and that's where this play will be put on. Hopefully, if you DO live nearby (or if you plan on being in the area later this month), you will take a night and go and see her perform.

Stacy, my friend, could very easily have appeared on American Idol, but who in their right mind would REALLY want to deal with Simon Cowell? She's got a wonderful singing voice, great stage presence, and brilliant comedic timing. And quite frankly, she's a heck of a lot better looking than Angela Lansbury (my apologies to any Murder, She Wrote fans out there).

It got me to thinking -- if I had to choose a role to play in Beauty and the Beast, I would probably choose Lumiere, the candle dude. There have frequently been times over my teaching career, most notably on TAKS days, that I have just wanted to break out into song:

Do your best, do your best,

on today's subjective test,

Choose the answers that you know,

and just pick C for all the rest

Anyway, for those of you who are interested, here is the info for the show. Take special note of the "Friends of Mrs. Potts" discount and times. After all, if you're a friend of Mister Teacher, then you're a friend of Mrs. Potts.

Go to: http://www.thealliancetheatre.org/ for ticket information and more. The ticket section of the site is very detailed and should answer most questions for you.

Special Discount for Friends of Mrs. Potts - Thursday and Friday shows
The theater people have set up a special discount for "Friends of Mrs. Potts!" This special discount is for ONLY the Thursday and Friday night performances. Normally in order to get the $2 discount, you have to have a minimum of 10 people in your group. This is still true for all shows including Saturday and Sunday; however, if you are a Friend of Mrs. Potts, you get the discount on the Thursday and Friday night shows no matter how many people are in your group. If you want the Friends of Mrs. Potts discount, then call the phone number for tickets (703-834-0200). You won't get this discount with the online ticket system.

Show Dates, Times, and Ticket Prices - Only 2 weekends and 7 performances!

July 25-27
July 25 (Friday) 7:30pm - Children (under 12) $12 and Adults $16. Friends of Mrs. Potts Discount Children $10 and Adults $14!
July 26 (Saturday) 7:30pm - Children $16 and Adults $20
July 27 (Sunday) 2:00pm - Children $16 and Adults $20

July 31-August 3
July 31 (Thursday) 7:30pm - Children (under 12) $12 and Adults $16. Friends of Mrs. Potts Discount Children $10 and Adults $14!
Aug. 1 (Friday) 7:30pm - Children (under 12) $12 and Adults $16. Friends of Mrs. Potts Discount Children $10 and Adults $14!
Aug. 2 (Saturday) 7:30pm - Children $16 and Adults $20
Aug. 3 (Sunday) 2:00pm - Children $16 and Adults $20

More Ticket Stuff
If you think you want to come, but aren't sure, then pick a night, call the phone number, and reserve your tickets as Will Call. That means that you pay at the box office (cash or check only). You need to make sure that you are there to get your tickets 15 minutes before show time or they will sell them to the public. But if you're not sure if you can make it or you want to allow for the possibility of canceling, then do Will Call. That way if you're not there, they'll just sell the tickets with no penalty. If you purchase them ahead of time, then they are non-refundable (which is also ok, as long as you are sure you'll be there).

About our Version of the Show
This is Disney's Beauty and Beast. If you loved the movie, then you'll LOVE our show! It runs at a family-friendly 2 hours with intermission. The Broadway version is longer. There will be fun interactive toys sold in the lobby before the show. Since there are 50 kids and 40 adults in the show and over 100 crew volunteers, it's a grand, spectacular, and creative production with heart.

About the Theater Group
This group involves kids ages 7 through high school primarily and a core group of adults who get the lead roles. This is one of the ONLY groups in the area where entire families can perform and be involved in the show together. The director and crew do their best to find special roles for all of the kids. For example, the rose is a lovely little ballet dancer. In the Gaston scene in the tavern, kids are mounted deer heads on the walls. In the castle, kids are portraits on the walls and palace guards. If you saw CATS last year, then you know what fun to expect with Beauty and the Beast!

The Carnival of Education is running this week at An Aspiring Educator's Blog. There are plenty of great, informational entries to occupy your time for the next week or so. So go check it out!

Instead of being a COMPLETE bum this summer and doing absolutely nothing except lying around on my couch, I did a little math tutoring. My sister-in-law told me there was a program going on at my old high school, so I jumped at the opportunity to show off my math skills and make a little money.

My experiences are the subject of this week's Mr. Teacher column on education.com. Maybe some of you high school teachers out there can weigh in and tell me if this is what public high school teaching is usually like, or if these kids were just as drained as I was at the end of the school year.