Dear Colleagues,

I can’t tell you how proud and grateful I am for your extraordinary efforts to successfully reopen our schools after winter break! The primary reason I can’t tell you is that I'm neither proud nor grateful. In fact,  I frankly could not care less about any of you! Otherwise, why would I have made you commute to work over streets overridden with black ice?

Your dedication helping Mayor Adams and I pretend our schools were not riddled with COVID was evident to me as I visited schools across all five boroughs and saw our incredible educators, school leaders, staff, sitting around monitoring children in the “safe” learning environments where they all belong. I’m happy to say that I was physically assaulted by only a very small number of teachers.

Let’s face it, even though you are low skill workers who aren’t academically qualified to sit in a corner office, you managed to corral 60 or 70% of kids daily, except on Friday, when you only managed to attract 44.5%. This is sorely disappointing, and the mayor attributes it to your lack of swagger.

Accordingly, we will be creating a four hour webinar on swagger which you all must attend. It will be strictly voluntary, but also mandatory. We shall be introducing several voluntary mandatory programs in the coming school year. I shall shepherd you through exciting new programs until you are all sore, high, or perhaps both.

Our preparations during the break to develop Stay Safe and Stay Open safety measures in the face of the latest surge in COVID-19 cases clearly paid off. Almost no one in the press has pointed out that we test far fewer than 20% of our students. In many cases we test only a small fraction of students. This is a good thing because it makes our schools appear safer, and I thank you from my heartmost felt bottom for participating in our great charade. You are all heroes!

We also successfully launched the COVID Command Center to, you know, take care of COVID-related stuff. We are aware that our Situation Room was unable to respond to anyone or anything in a timely fashion. However, we’ve now changed the name and added more cronies, (like my brother, who's had an issue or two) and other relatives to sit in that room and elsewhere. It will be just like Common Core! We get rid of the name, and even though everything is exactly the same, it's still different!  Our District and Borough colleagues working in the Command Center are gathering information, drinking soy latte, and ordering lunches from a wide variety of multi-ethnic vendors, thus supporting our diverse community.

We are also grateful to our thousands of qualified substitute teachers and paraprofessionals who have stepped up to assist with staffing gaps that arise. We’re perfectly content to run a school system where students are regularly taught, if taught at all, by people who met them only moments earlier. That’s what I mean by being nimble. Of course there are not nearly enough of them, and kids are thus warehoused in large spaces, but hey, we appreciate them nonetheless, even though they're low skill.

Despite an overnight snowstorm to finish the week, our doors remained open and students sat in auditoriums, gymnasiums, and whatever other spaces we could dump them. We could have delayed the opening so you didn’t crash your cars going to work, and so that students wouldn’t have to risk their lives navigating slippery streets. We could have gone remote, since we set that up with every teacher in the city.

In the end, we determined to have in person learning and endanger everyone traveling to and from our schools. After all, plenty of students work in Dunkin Donuts, so they’re just low-skill anyway, and therefore just as expendable as you.

Sure, the neighboring districts all closed, but they don’t have our swagger, and they aren’t soaring high. You wish you had whatever it is I take to soar as high as me all the time, don’t you? Well forget it, not on your salaries. I'm the one with the corner office, loser. And you’d better learn to love those salaries, because if you think Eric Adams is going to negotiate a fair contract anytime soon,  I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

The pandemic isn’t going away any time soon and winter is only beginning, and you ain’t seen nothing yet. We will keep the schools open no matter what, and if anyone is hurt, or maimed, or killed, it’s no skin off my Big Apple. (Actually it’s the mayor’s Big Apple, but he promised to let me grab a bite every now and again.)

Congratulations and thank you!

Soaring high,

David

Dear Colleagues,

I hope you enjoyed a restful and safe winter break with your loved ones. As we enter this new year, I am honored and thrilled to be working alongside you as your next Chancellor.

Of course, I’m technically not working alongside you. I’m your boss, make no mistake, and heads will roll, yours included, if you don’t do what I say. But hey, think of me as a pal.

First, let me begin by saying that nothing matters more to me than the health and well-being of our community: our students, families, and each and every one of you. Except money, of course, and that’s just one of many reasons I’m not bothering to have everyone PCR tested. It’ll just be people who opt in, and most will not 😀.

There are several good reasons for this. One is that the fewer tests we give, the less COVID shows up, and the better I look. Eric Adams, my boss, can keep saying that schools are the safest places to be. Another is we’re both fraidy-scared of pushback if we actually compel testing. Those anti-vaxxers can protest all they want, but hey, I don’t want them outside of my office.

Today we start on a journey together. By way of introduction, I went to school and stuff. Then I got some jobs, and did some other stuff, you know, important stuff.  It was at P.S. 167 that I fell in love with teaching and realized that education would be my life’s work. So I got my administrative credentials and hightailed it out of there at the first opportunity. In all of these roles, I aspired to support, listen to, and empower our city’s youth and families. How long did I actually teach? Who the hell are you to ask me questions? Sit down, shut up, and do that working alongside me thing before I 3020a your scrawny ass!

This new role will be no different. I am ready to get started in partnership with all of you. And by that, I mean it will be you getting disciplinary letters for petty nonsense, not me. Count on me to rule against you at Step Two no matter how nonsensical your offense is. You looked at the principal funny? Guilty. Declined to wash his car? Guilty. That's what Bloomberg did, de Blasio didn't change it, and if you think Eric Adams, Bloomberg's BFF is gonna change that, you must have a geranium in your cranium.

I believe with every fiber of my being that each student in New York City is capable of academic and lifelong success, especially when they experience the power of phenomenal teachers and supportive school communities. I don't care if they're homeless, or lacking formal education, if they speak no discernible human language, or unwilling to come to school at all. Any time any student does not have academic success, I will blame you. I expect you to compensate for absolutely everything. And hey, don’t give me any crap about how schools I led did not meet the standards I’ll be laying on you. As we leap forth into this marvelous adventure together, I don’t frigging want to hear about it.

To that end, it is essential to begin our work together by sharing the vision that will drive us toward a stronger, more equitable school system: that you will do what I say and like it. That way, each and every one of our students graduates with a plan and a pathway to a rewarding career, long-term economic security, and equipped to be a positive force for change in our communities and our city. If not, again, it will be entirely your fault. I don’t want to hear about your frigging hazardous working conditions. I have gala luncheons to attend.

To help achieve this vision, I am excited to bring along a number of new team members who will serve in key roles within our organization. An immense amount of thought and deliberation has gone into assembling this team, who will work in close collaboration to bring about fundamental change for our students and families. I am pleased to introduce key incoming leaders. You’ve never heard of any of them, but they all have higher salaries than you will ever get, and wouldn't set foot in a classroom on a bet. Count on all of them to make my job easier, no matter what the cost, even as I publicly bellyache about expenses. Meanwhile, I want you all to get off your lazy asses and start making me look good. Make that priority number one. 


I look forward to announcing more key leaders in the coming weeks. In this time of transition, we will continue to work hard to provide clarity on implications for offices and individuals. You sit in your classroom with the air purifiers that don’t work, with no heat, and keep the window open, while I shuffle papers in my grand new office. Maybe I’ll let you use teachers choice to buy an arctic parka, but don't count on it.

Over the coming months, you will all need to work hard, think creatively, work as a team, support me, and leverage the many assets available to us in this city, from the expertise of school-based and Central Office staff to the resources of both the public and private sectors. Most importantly, stop carping about COVID and our utter failure to take it seriously. We've never supported you before, so why change now?

I ask that you join me in creating a world-class educational system here in New York City, and to hold yourselves accountable for performing miracles under adverse conditions in the middle of a pandemic the mayor and I are working doubletime to ignore. Get your act together, stop griping, or get a frigging job at Kinko’s.

Soaring high,

David

Dear Colleagues, 
 
Today is my last day serving as New York City’s Schools Chancellor, and I write to you to both say goodbye and to express my gratitude for each one of you. 
 
During the last three years, I have made about a million bucks, and haven’t paid a dime in rent. And honestly, my expense account has covered just about everything—travel, meals, donuts, unnatural acts—you name it. Your generosity and fortitude have surpassed my expectations.
 
We have been through unimaginably turbulent times together, and yet have achieved so much for our children. I don’t think anyone wants a laundry list, and honestly, I haven’t put a quarter in a laundry machine in years. Whether it’s shirts, underwear, suits, socks, ties, or whatever, they just appear cleaned and pressed. I don’t even know who does them. But yeah, you know, the children.
 
And, of course, together we took on the COVID-19 pandemic, completely reinventing what it meant to teach and learn in New York City’s public schools. I remember when you brought me 108,000 signatures asking that we close buildings. I said, hey, bring me 108,00 signatures of epidemiologists, because hey, my job was on the line and screw you all if that’s what it takes.
 
Every one of you, no matter the role you play, makes a difference in the lives of the City’s public school students. Please never forget that helping our school system reach its full potential and lifting up our children is not the job of one person. Unless you, of course, because that’s your job. Tomorrow I won’t have a job. I’ll take my million bucks and go elsewhere. Where? Wouldn’t you like to know?
 
There are so many experiences I will take with me, but I’d like to leave you with one that particularly drives home why we do what we do. In 2019, I had the opportunity to meet with students who were multilingual learners as part of a Title 3 summer program. A girl from an elementary school in Brooklyn shared with me that they had read a book about dreams. Their assignment was to write their dreams down on cards and put the cards inside  “dream boxes” they created. The idea was: If they write their dreams down, they’ll come true.
 
This little girl’s father had been detained in ICE custody in California. Her dream was to be reunited with her father in the land of the free. And she gave me her dream box and said, “You’re the Chancellor and I don’t want you to forget about me.”
 
So you see? I remember. Where’s the girl? Where’s her dad? Don’t ask me.
 
While it is hard to leave, I am confident that I am leaving you in excellent, experienced hands. I know that Chancellor Meisha Porter will have your backs while continuing to be a fierce warrior for our students and our schools. I mean, maybe she, unlike me, will stand up to the mayor when he does outlandish things like keeping schools fully open during a raging, deadly pandemic. You never know.

More than anything, I am proud to have served with you, and so proud of the strides we have made.  It has been the honor of a lifetime to serve as your Chancellor. Don’t let the fact that I’m taking the money and running diminish that.  I will miss you deeply and I wish you all well. Hasta pronto…Until we meet again. But sit while you wait for that.
 
In unity, 
 
Richard

Dear Colleagues,
 
I hope you and your families are keeping safe and healthy, not that it would have anything to do with me or my actions. I’m writing today with some important news.
 
After three years leading the DOE, I will be stepping down as Chancellor at the end of March. Why wait until the new person comes in and get fired?
 
I am full of mixed emotions to leave the DOE family, because this is one heck of a gig. I mean, it beats working for sure. I am in awe of the huge salary. The work we have done together has given me a free house for years, and it truly sucks that I’ll soon be back to paying rent.  But hey, I’ve picked up a million bucks over the last three years, and expensed every cent that went out, so I’ll be cool.
 
When I started at the DOE in April of 2018, it was with a mission and a purpose: to help our system reach its full potential, so it could lift up as many children as possible in the way that only public education can.  Of course, once Blaz decided the schools had to stay open even after Broadway closed, I let them stay on in COVID-infested schools, along with you guys, while I sat in my office and played with the free paper clips.
 
Throughout my career, my guiding light has been the belief that public education is the most powerful equalizer for our young people. Public education anchors communities, and I left the buildings filthy enough that they felt like anchors to one and all. Public education makes it possible for a child who is poor, or who lives in temporary housing, or—in my own case—who doesn’t speak English when they enter the public school system, to catch COVID, and bring it home to his or her family. Truly, it is public education that expresses equity for all, except for those who, like me, can afford to send our kids to private schools that aren’t crumbling and neglected. My time here in New York City has only strengthened this belief, as I have seen it play out time and again in schools all across this amazing city.
 
So together, we got to work. Well, you did, anyway. And while our work is never “done”—there is always more to do to accomplish our dual missions of equity and excellence—we created a lot of change. We paid valuable lip service to ending the SHSAT, and while we’ve made no progress whatsoever on that front, people are still talking about that meeting in Queens I walked out of when it got too hot.
 
Together, we supported our students’ continued academic achievement. Our seniors kept breaking their own records as graduation rates and college enrollment kept rising higher, and the dropout rate kept getting lower. They keep passing those meaningless, vapid, Regents exams and leaving school with the valuable skill of passing meaningless, vapid Regents exams.
 
We made true progress in dismantling the structures and policies that are the products of decades of entrenched racism in the city and country. I myself tweeted just the other day that parents should opt out of standardized tests. Sure, Blaz dragged me into his office and barked at me for four hours, but hey, once I knew he was gonna give me the boot, I decided to resign and hope against hope that some other city would pay me to do my thing. Hey, if John King can become US Secretary of Education, anything is possible. 

We finally brought the mental health and social-emotional needs of our children into the spotlight and made it a major priority. Those of you who work directly with our students know that a child needs to feel welcomed, comfortable, and safe in their classroom and school community—especially now, when so many of our students are neither in classrooms nor school communities. And the ones who are, well, they’re socially distanced and wearing masks, and let me tell you, man, I’m glad it’s not me who’s gonna have to deal with those issues in years to come. 

And, of course, during the COVID-19 pandemic—a time none of us could have ever imagined—together we scrambled to appear we knew what to do at a time when none of us did. I myself made a handful of visits to antiseptic looking buildings that look little like the schools in which you work, and pretended your schools would look that way when you came back. 

This meant tireless hours preparing and teaching remotely; not for me of course, creating safe learning environments for children of essential workers; distributing 500,000 devices for remote learning; serving 80 million free meals; and our half-assed opening plan, the one that made three out of four New Yorkers say, “No way, Jose,” even though no one in charge actually holds that name.  
 

Throughout, I have been proud to prioritize what’s best for kids over what’s politically popular. I have never been afraid of hard conversations, except at that meeting in Queens where I turned and ran like a chicken facing Colonel Sanders. 

All of you, and all the children we serve, need and deserve both continuity and courageous leadership from your next Chancellor. I hope you get it, because you haven’t gotten it from me, Dennis Walcott, Cathie Black, Joel Klein, or anyone else I can remember. Good luck to my successor. This job is basically impossible if you do it right, which is why no one remembers anyone who has.  
 
More than anything, I am proud to have served with you, and so proud of the strides we have made. Yeah, that’s the ticket. I don’t know what’s next for me, but  you better believe I will pad my resume so that no one can figure what, if anything, actually happened during my three years here.

It has been the honor of a lifetime to serve as your Chancellor. I am grateful to each and every one of you who does the work so I don’t have to.
 
In unity,
 
Richard
 

 Dear Colleagues,
 
Like so many other days in the past ten months, yesterday we experienced an alarming and frightening moment that was unprecedented in our lifetimes. And l have to tell you, I was relieved to see the breach of the U.S Capitol, I was absolutely certain that something like this would make you think about something other than my forcing you to work in the worst epidemic any of us have ever seen.  I am hopeful that such incidents redirect your sadness and anger. I’m tired of reading nasty crap you guys say and write about me. I’m just doing my job, man. 

I was equally disturbed by what I saw as the response of law enforcement, who apparently allowed the entry and later the peaceful dispersing of these violent rioters. If I drive you guys to strike, it won’t look like that at all. I’ll ask the police to drive vans right through the lot of you. There will be rockets red glare and carnage ahoy. The city cops endorsed Trump, you know.

My heart breaks to know that our young people have witnessed this violent assault on people, property, the rule of law, and on our democracy itself—If we do it here in New York, we’ll endeavor to cover it up much better than they did in DC. The best response at this time, as I see it, is to open all the school buildings, give a lot of homework, and make sure no one has time to think about this stuff.  

Today, tomorrow, and beyond, you will have the opportunity, and responsibility, to acknowledge and discuss these events. However, make sure to do so in such a way that you stir no controversy at all. Don’t upset any of the students or I’ll nail your asses for verbal abuse, as per CR A-421. Remember, it’s not what you say, it’s what they hear. If you say, “Good morning,” and some kid objects, too bad for you. That’s a letter to file.

We have a lot of to resources for you, including ways to facilitate discussion in class about these events. Be advised, though, that if you actually tell students what you think you will be subject to discipline. Just listen to whatever they say and pretend you have no feelings about it whatsoever. That’s the kind of role model our kids need. You don’t see me standing up for what I actually believe in.

Seriously, do you think I want to open the frigging buildings? Of course I don’t. But Blaz does, and he’s the boss. Where am I gonna score another gig with a free house, an outrageous expense account, and at least triple your salary? 

You are essential to the functioning of a healthy democracy: educating and supporting our children, preparing them to contribute to their communities and country. We stand together with you, for our students, today and every day.

Just don’t actually say anything, or we’ll come down on you with the wrath of Bloomberg, whose pungent stench still lingers here in Tweed. Not in my office, of course, I’ve got the kind of ventilation you can only dream about, as I sit here by myself, when I even bother coming in.

Please do not hesitate to reach out with any other needs, concerns, or questions. You can count on us for valuable lip service, or a visit from some guy in a suit who will bring you up on 3020A charges faster than you can say, “What the hell did I ever do to deserve this?”
 
In unity,
 
Richard

Dear Colleagues,
 
This has been a year of new challenges and difficult choices, for you at least. I myself have to choose every day whether to sit at the desk in my home office or stay in bed and watch videos. With no guidance whatsoever from me or any of my six-figure flunkies, you’ve had to reinvent the wheel, or more likely, drive a car on which we failed to provide wheels.
 
Today I am writing with an update on another fundamental pillar of our system: how to make our students believe we’re offering everyone an elite education when we are, in fact, not doing any such thing. This notwithstanding, I certainly hope this takes your mind off the raging pandemic and my pig-headed insistence on opening schools as positivity numbers explode everywhere.
 
We’ve been clear from the start we would ignore the impact of the pandemic as much as we possibly could. Otherwise, why would we be closing restaurants and opening schools at the same time?, We’ve decided to rationalize doing so by suggesting doing otherwise would negatively impact children during this admissions cycle. Whatever that means.

Anyhoo, we listened to families, school principals and other stakeholders from across the city this summer, at least as far as they supported the agenda upon which we’d already decided. While there was not a consensus, it was clear we needed a distraction from our miserable and half-assed attempt at opening, then closing, then opening, then closing schools. We heard that:
 
·         Evaluating a student for middle school admissions based on 3rd grade grades and state test scores - the first time students are taking the test - would be unfair. Duh.

·         Rather than work at improving schools that need help, we could simply send all students to those that parents deemed desirable. Perhaps we could shove a million kids into three or four buildings and rent out the others for DOE parties. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

·         At a time when families have more decisions to make and less time, and schools have more to do than ever before, we need to focus on something that requires no money from us. We have yoga gurus to pay, and a lot of relatives on payroll. You think we’re gonna come in and kill the roaches in your classrooms? Get bent.
 
This feedback, among many other ideas shared, informed our policy changes for the 2020-2021 admissions cycle for fall 2021 admissions:
 
Middle School:

·         All middle school screens will be paused for this year. This includes academic screens, screen doors, screened phone calls, and those screens you stand behind when you don’t want someone to watch you changing your clothes. Students will be admitted through a lottery based system. You win, you go where you like. You don’t, go suck eggs, as will most applicants. 

·         District and geographic priorities, as well as Diversity in Admissions priorities, will still apply for those middle schools that have them.

·         The middle school application will open the week of January 11.
 
High Schools:
·         Geographic priority for admissions will be eliminated over a 2-year period, beginning with the immediate elimination of district priority, followed by other geographic priorities in the next admissions cycle. Did you buy a house because it was in that school district? Too bad for you. Send your kids to private school and degrade our system even further.

·         In consultation with their school communities, screened high schools can choose to remove their screens, utilize the Educational Option admissions method, or maintain academic screening. For those that maintain academic screening, we encourage schools to implement a Diversity in Admissions priority.  However if they don’t, they can continue doing anything they golly gosh darn feel like. So much for real change.

·         Schools that choose to maintain academic screening will be able to do whatever they feel like. They can use tests to screen out the riffraff, or just screen out anyone they want to keep out, you know, like charter schools do. However, just like charters, everyone in the city will share the honor of paying for these schools to exist.

·         Arts high schools will move to a common virtual audition system that will allow students to submit their audition materials online. Students will be able to lift videos off of YouTube and say it’s them. Who’s gonna find out?  The high school application will open the week of January 18.

·         Additionally, we are required by State law to administer the Specialized High School Admissions Test (SHSAT). To ensure health and safety of our staff and students, the exam will be administered in students’ own middle schools to reduce travel and different cohorts of students intermixing. Test registration will open on Monday, December 21, 2020.  Good luck getting into Stuyvesant to everyone who can’t afford ten years of intense private lessons, indeed, the vast majority of our students.
 
We have all recognized how the crises over the last few months have laid bare the inequities in our school system. We pledge to you we will do everything in our power, except investing money in our school system. This year, we will add five districts to districts already engaging in diversity work through City or State grants: 1, 2, 3, 9, 13, 15, 16, 24, 28, 30 and 31. We know that this won’t help parents with childcare, and it won’t improve conditions in freezing classrooms and trailers, and it won’t ameliorate the rampant overcrowding that makes the mayor’s blather about five-day schooling another absurd pipe dream.
 
I know these are significant changes for schools, families and communities. I’m hoping, since they may prove noticeable, that you will ignore the crumbling infrastructure all around you and the 1.1 million schoolchildren in whom we decline to invest.
 
I am grateful for your leadership over these past several months. I see colleagues all over the Tweed building sitting in comfort doing who knows what, while you trudge into our miserable dilapidated buildings day after day trying to fool children into thinking New York City cares about them. I know you will continue to lead in your communities so that my peeps and I can sit around writing you vacuous insincere email.
 
In unity,
Richard

 Dear Colleagues,

 
As we approach the end of the calendar year, I am reflecting back on some of the events of 2020. We have confronted uncertainty and pain together, working as a community dedicated in service to our city’s children. Because their safety is paramount, we took a principled stand and vowed to close schools as soon as the positivity rate reached 3%.
 
It goes almost without saying that we backed off on that stand as soon as public pressure began. I took some hard criticism—the hardest, perhaps, of my lifetime, and of course I backed off my principles completely. We have all worked incredibly hard to protect our children and our communities from COVID-19, and continue to do so.  That’s why we’ve now tripled our threshold for closure to 9%, and when it hits that, we’ll read a few nasty op-eds in the Post and raise it again.
 
But the difficulties of this year extend beyond the coronavirus crisis, of course. This has been a watershed year for the struggle for racial justice in this city and country. Rest assured that we at the DOE will make you travel through COVID infested trains and buses no matter what color you are. We don’t care what religion you are or what language you speak. We’ll send you to school while we hunker down in our offices.  

What I’d like you to focus on now is events that occurred outside of my purview, because I would like you all to notice that, even as I have no coherence or consistence in my policies regarding the schools of which I’m in charge, I’m on the right side of history in other matters.
 
That is why I am grateful that the Office of Equity and Access and Office of Organizational Development & Effectiveness has been leading the DOE in its own reflection on where and how we need to do more and better in our mission to combat the inequities that have plagued public education in New York City for decades. One of the key ways we must do this is by looking into our own “house,” so to speak, and—creating an internal workplace culture that reflects and respects the diversity of the city we are dedicated to serving.  Believe me, we are throwing you all to the dogs while we sit around and collect huge salaries for sending you to buildings that haven’t been cleaned in decades.
 
I want to be very clear that it is only by ensuring truly equal employment opportunity and a diverse and inclusive culture within DOE workplaces that we can, in turn, create equitable, albeit far from safe and supportive environments where our students can thrive, or at least survive, assuming that virus doesn’t catch up with them over the next few months.
 
True inclusion demands focus along a multitude of critical dimensions. but please don’t criticize me. I’m a sensitive guy, except when it comes to people other than myself. I’m really interested in keeping this high-profile, high-paying gig where I just travel around and have gala luncheons. I hope this COVID crap passes so I can go on expensive junkets rather than just ordering in from Four Seasons on your dime. Man, this beats working SO much.
 
Our comprehensive Diversity and Inclusion Policy describes our commitment to equal employment opportunity, and diversity and inclusion, through our hiring, employee retention, employee engagement, professional development, and vendor procurement practices. All are free to come in and take the sort of risks that I never would, as I sit in my elegant, luxurious, rent-free city-owned home and compose this.
 
I will note that these policies complement other current and future efforts to create inclusive environments for staff and students so that no matter who you are, you feel welcome to risk infection. Now more than ever—whether virtually or in-person—we need to make sure that everyone in our school and office communities feels connected and within a warm community. These efforts span policy changes that empower students to choose their own name and gender marker on their official student record with a parent’s permission; agency-wide implicit bias training; interactive workshops on how to make workspaces more accessible for individuals with disabilities; and more. 

We sincerely hope, as positivity rates continue to explode, that you pay attention to our anti-racist message and ignore the undue danger to which we are exposing our students, and you, the people who actually do the work. You will be hearing more from me on our efforts to look inward and make the DOE even stronger, more just, and more actively anti-racist in what we do. It is my sincere hope that by focusing on this you will ignore the utter disregard I have for your health and safety. 

Please shut up and stop complaining.
 
In unity,
 
Richard

 Dear Colleagues,
 
I hope you had a restful Thanksgiving holiday this year. You’ll need it, because I’m about to arbitrarily and capriciously change my reopening plan, again, with no consultation whatsoever with your union.
 
This has been an eventful and challenging year on many levels. We’ve managed to double the infection rate in the city. Worse, parents are practically burning us in effigy for honoring our agreement to close at 3%. Safety is one thing, but bad publicity is another, and I’m gonna need a new gig once Blaz is term limited next year. I don’t suppose he can just buy another term like Bloomberg did.

Please know that we pay you valuable lip service for the tireless work you have done, and please disregard our efforts to pick your pockets to the tune of a billion dollars we’ve owed you for over a decade now. We’ve given you half, right? That’s better than nothing.
 
Working in partnership, the City and the State, we are releasing plans today to re-open school buildings with enhanced weekly testing for COVID-19 in place for students and staff. To re-open our schools successfully and with sufficient testing support, we’ve decided to ignore the 3% rate we just closed with, because we hate it when we are criticized, and therefore we’re gonna use the state program. That way, hopefully, everyone will just blame Cuomo.
 
·         Students in 3-K, Pre-K and grades K through  5 will return to in-person learning beginning on Monday, December 7.
o   This includes all students in those grades. However, it doesn’t include any students not in those grades.  
o   This excludes schools currently located in State-designated Red or Orange Zones. You can see if your school is in a Red or Orange Zone by asking your magic 8-ball.  
·         Students in all grade levels in District 75 schools will return to in-person learning beginning on Thursday, December 10.
o   This excludes schools currently located in State-designated Red or Orange Zones. Again, magic 8-ball.
 
·         Students in grades 6 through 12 (outside of District 75 schools) will continue to learn remotely until further notice. Their parents seem not to complain as loudly as elementary parents, because they don’t require babysitters.
 
We have given no thought whatsoever as to how we will provide enough teachers to send all the elementary students to school, nor to as how we will social distance them. But these things tend to work out one way or another, we hope. Anyway, students who selected remote only instruction will remain in remote only.
 
As always, our first commitment is to health and safety for all of our DOE community above and beyond everything else, and that’s why we’re opening schools while leaving Broadway theaters closed. Your efforts have made it possible to send you out to the field while protecting the fragile asses of $800 Hamilton ticket holders.
 
Here is how we collectively will keep them open:
·         

Weekly Testing: All schools will have 20% of students and staff randomly tested on a weekly basis, maybe.
 
·         Student Consent: All students in grades 1 and higher are required to provide consent for testing by their first scheduled in-person learning day. Families can submit consent using NYCSA or this updated paper form.  Students who do not submit consent will be asked politely to transition to remote only learning. Those who do not consent will receive a succession of strongly worded letters, worded more strongly still right through June.
 
·         Staff Consent: All staff in UFT and CSA are required to provide consent by the first day they report to their school building. Staff from other unions haven’t agreed to that, so I hope they don’t get sick.
·         

Situation Room: The Situation Room remains schools’ main point of contact for any situations, and if any situations occur they should be situated in the Situation Room. Situation rooms are not simply for sitting, and those wishing to simply sit should be situated in a Sitting Room. If too many situations occur, and Situation Rooms are saturated, the situations shall be moved from the saturated Situation Rooms to the unsaturated Sitting Rooms, and all sitting shall be done in unsaturated Non-Sitting Rooms.  
·         

Travel & Gatherings: For the holidays, the City recommends that employees refrain from traveling, talking, or meeting with anyone. All travel shall be done by those of us who work at Tweed, so you won’t need to see anyone. In any case, we may just ask you to work over the holidays. That way, when they finally make us pay for Easter week last year, we’ll still have an extra week of work we made you do.
 
Thank you for continuing to work through our never-ending changes. I realize it appears we’re bending to public pressure and disregarding safety, but that’s not the case at all. I’ve got plastic shields all over my office, three air conditioners and a MERV filter, and all DOE employees at Tweed roll around in plastic bubbles. I am excited it’s you welcoming back many of our students to in-person learning, as opposed to me, and I am so grateful that none of us at Tweed are doing any actual interaction with students. I know our students and families are too.
 
In unity,
Richard

Dear Colleagues,

This has been an eventful and challenging year on so many levels. Not for me, of course. I’ve been able to not only sit in my office at Tweed, but also stay home and not even get out of bed over the past several weeks. To date, we have seen a COVID-19 positivity rate of only 0.19 percent out of more than 120,000 students and staff tested. This has been a reassuring sign that testing anyone who felt like getting tested, as opposed to actual random samples of people in schools, has been an effective measure. 

Indeed, the Times and Post are full of columns saying we ought to stay open, but the teacher union is insisting we follow the damn agreement. What do I care? I sit here regardless.

As you are aware, the City as a whole is experiencing elevated rates of COVID-19 transmission. As you may recall. President Trump said the problem wasn’t too much COVID, but too much testing. By avoiding actual testing, we’ve proven him right. If you just test the same handful of people over and over, you can make it look like the spike isn’t happening.

As of this morning, the City has now reached this threshold of test positivity citywide and, as a result, the DOE will temporarily close down all public school buildings, effective Thursday, November 19. This action, along with other city-wide measures, is a key component to address the concerning rise in COVID-19 transmission rates. But don’t get too comfortable with it. First chance we get, we’re dumping your asses back into those filthy buildings.

Despite this temporary closure, our important work continues: we have to all pretend that this isn’t utter chaos caused by my utter lack of vision. Our students and families are counting on all of us - whether we work at schools or sit in central and field-based offices and don’t work at all - to wholeheartedly pretend that the tall guy I work for is somehow in charge. To guide us, we have sent a communication to principals saying they may handle this any damn way they please, and school-based staff should reach out to their principals with any questions specific to how they may please them. We have not encouraged principals to ask employees to perform unnatural acts, but we have told legal that unnatural acts are not specifically prohibited in the Collective Bargaining Agreement.

While school buildings will be closed temporarily for in-person instruction, staff will be able to access their buildings. Certain staff, such as School Safety Agent(s) (SSA), Custodians, Skilled Tradespeople, and School Food employees, and others will be required to be on-site at DOE buildings. Other school-based staff members can pick up stuff and carry it, or do other such menial tasks as we see fit. Please discuss any questions or concerns you may have regarding your work ___location with your principal or supervisor. Of course principals may set certain conditions for visits, such as pre-interviews at the Comfort Inn, or eating 50 hot dogs.

Our DOE community has been our greatest asset at this time of crisis, and without us sitting around Tweed, I’m sure none of you would be able to function. We know that for many of you, our staff, and our students and families, a transition to fully remote instruction - even for a brief period of time - is challenging to hear. But we’ve found no matter what we ask you to do, we’re able to continue sitting around Tweed, and let me tell you this—it beats the hell out of doing actual work.

New Yorkers have proven they are ready and willing to do the collective work to fight back this virus, and as long as we can continue to collect paychecks for doing nothing other than write occasional flowery email messages, we’re willing to allow New Yorkers to continue this sacrifice. We are relying on every New Yorker to do all they can to maintain our jobs sitting here while you do all the, you know,  work stuff.

Thank you for continuing to ensure our children have the best educational experience. Again, we are so grateful to be sitting here doing absolutely nothing while bouncing you and all the students back and forth like a million ping pong balls.

In unity,
Richard

October 21, 2020

Dear Colleagues,

Thank you for your ongoing commitment and service to the 1.1 million children in our schools. If you weren’t out there, people from my office would have to be, and if you’ve met any of us you know well that we instinctively recoil from anything resembling actual work. Of course we don’t want to actually teach after spending months, years, or perhaps decades sitting around our offices.

Earlier today, the State of New York has made some important announcements regarding areas of the city that have been experiencing elevated rates of COVID-19 transmission, including where your school is located. As you know, your school is in a high risk area, which is just one reason you will never catch my ass near it, not that I’d bother anyway. Nope, I’ll be sitting in my office with a mask handy in case anyone manages to get past my secretary.

Here is today’s update for your school:
1. Your school continues to be designated in the yellow zone.
2. Pursuant to State guidance, your building can remain open, and if anything happens you can bet we will be there, albeit not literally, with thoughts and prayers.
3. An important precautionary step is mandatory weekly testing of a random selection of staff and students in the school building. Mandatory testing is completely voluntary, and if you fail to give consent we will place you on unpaid leave. We will consider that your contribution to Making Tweed Great Again.
4. In order for us to test you for COVID-19, we need your consent. This is completely voluntary, except if you don’t volunteer we won’t be paying you.


I thank the many of you who have already submitted your consent for COVID-19 testing. For those who haven’t, we thank you. Since we now no longer have to pay you, some of your salary will be dumped in the pot of money we now have to pay out on October 31st, while the rest will be in what we call petty cash. We keep a barrel of it in my office.

The test is easy, quick, and safe, and will be administered to a randomly generated selection of students in grades 1-12 and staff each week. You may register online, but frankly we’d be just as happy if you didn’t, because we really do not wish to pay you. You know that well, of course.

We know you likely have questions, and we encourage you to call HR and spend hours on hold, hoping in vain that someone will pick up your call. It might even be me sitting there and refusing to pick up. You never know!

Thank you for your service. You can imagine how much I must appreciate it. After all, I just tried to weasel out of paying you almost a billion dollars. Sadly, I now have to pay half, and will likely have to pay the other half this summer. This might seriously cut down on the quality of gala luncheons around here, and damn it I love me a gala luncheon.

In summary, screw you guys, I’m going home.

In unity,

Richard A. Carranza, Chancellor,
New York City Department of Education

Dear colleagues,

It is with great joy that I write you to let you know what a fabulous job you are all doing, under difficult circumstances. I know that you needed to be very nimble last March, when Blaz and I kept the schools open after having closed Broadway. Actually Broadway is still closed, and you are all dragging your sorry asses into school buildings day after day, but I digress. 

I would be remiss if I did not mention the sacrifices you make each and every day for our 1.1 million students. You know, that's a large number. If you were to go anywhere in the country and look at 300 people, one of them could be our student. And if you were to line them up in single file they would stand from here to the Joe Biden Travel Plaza in Delaware. If you were to stand them on top of each other, they would make the largest celestial ladder seen in human history. And if you were to deprive them of thousands of dollars you owed them, they'd come with torches and pitchforks and do serious damage to our fine facilities at Tweed.

This brings me to another point. Now sure, the nay sayers, the Debbie Downers, the Negative Nabobs of Neverneverland will say, hey, that Carranza and Blaz just stabbed 100,000 UFT members in the back, and sure, there will be some validity to that POV, but please try and see it from our side. Look,  I'm a working stiff just like you. Now sure, I make $345,000 a year, and I live rent free in a home the city gave me, but I had to take a one week furlough. Now that right there is 5,000 bucks out of my pocket, so I know how it feels when it's five from yours, or more likely ten. 

I certainly understand your disappointment. I know many of you maxed out your TDA contributions, hoping to save some of this money for the future. Now, not only won't you have that, but you won't even have your regular paycheck. Sure, that's tough, but we New Yorkers are nothing if not resilient. Of course I'm not actually a New Yorker, but I read that somewhere. 

And I understand some of you had this money earmarked for a new home, but hey, isn't part of the adventure of being a New Yorker living in a romantic twentieth floor walkup with a bathtub in the kitchen? Aren't you proud of being so authentic? And hey, if you had that money earmarked for sending your kid to college, are you sure it's worth it? For example, Blaz and I just scammed tens of thousands of college grads out of almost a billion dollars. Would you want that happening to your kid? Of course not.

So let's all just put on our Big Boy Pants. Mine are from Brooks Brothers and cost $600 a pair. And don't get me started on cufflinks. You know you've really made it once you wear cufflinks. I wear them on the sleeves of both my shirts and trousers just to let people know I'm serious. Listen, it's only money.

On the bright side, I'm still here, writing you inspirational letters whenever the mood strikes me. And don't get any big ideas about striking me. I'll be holed up in my office for the next year or so, and you'll have to get past security before I entertain the likes of you. I've got to scrape by on only $340,000 this year, but you don't hear me bellyaching. Of course you can't, because I'm sitting in my fancy office and you won't see me in your school until this current generation of teachers retires. Hopefully by then I'll have scored another gig, maybe on the West Coast, or maybe I can get one of those gigs like I used to see in the Sopranos sitting on lawn chairs and watching people work.

Anyway, I'm always impressed by your great dedication to the children of this city, and I'm certainly glad all of you are out there doing the work because someone has to sit in this office and get pastrami sandwiches delivered from Katz's. Remember, Rich be nimble, Rich be quick, cutting teacher pay is slick.

Please forget about the money, don't go to arbitration, and don't say bad things about us.

In unity,

Richard

 Dear Colleagues, 
 
I hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy. If so, that has absolutely nothing to do with me. I was perfectly ready to send you all in two weeks ago. After all, that’s no skin off my apple. My office is cleaner than anyplace you work, and even the two schools Blaz and I visited were not fit for me to sit my Brooks Brothers covered ass on. Anyhoo, I am writing to you today with an important update on the start of school. 
 
For months we have, together, been preparing to reopen our school buildings.  Sure, our plan relied on magical co-teachers that didn’t exist. And sure, those slimy weasels at UFT thought we’d actually hire enough of them to actually do what we promised. You think we’re gonna leave you in a position to reduce the highest class sizes in the state post-apocalypse? Think again.

Our city’s infection rate has positioned us as the only  major  city in the country able to  welcome our children back  to our schools for in-person learning.  Of course we haven’t actually done that yet, and depending upon how much of a major fustercluck the whole thing turns out to be, we may not do it at all. But I digress.

As we  began our preparations, we made a pledge that we would put health and safety first.  And then those bastards in the press kept releasing the numbers of people who’d gotten sick. We, of course, being less than what you’d call competent, made that worse by including people who’d gotten sick in the summer and hadn’t reported to buildings since March. Oopzie.

And we made plans to make rich, high-quality learning experiences available to all students, regardless of where they are learning from. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Then we dumped them all and settled for the crap we have now. Kids come in a day or two, and hope for the best the rest of the week.

That is what we have done - and we  must  continue make new promises with highly lowered expectations as we prepare to open our buildings to students and families. 
 
Toward those ends, we have worked with our labor partners on a  new staggered start for in-person learning at the beginning of  this school year.  Children who are enrolled in fully remote programs will still begin full-day instruction on Monday, September 21. However, children in blended learning will get actual instruction maybe two days a week until we begin yet another senseless plan, the details of which will be incomprehensible as per usual.
 
We know that our schools and families are eager to reconnect in person, one or two days a week, and maybe get some kind of busy work the rest of the time - I know that kind of sucks but I’m completely bereft of ideas. We believe this extra time will help make sure we have viable excuses for the miserable failure this year is shaping up to be.  

I always say that New York City has the best teachers and staff in the world, and nothing will ever change that - no matter how incompetent I am, no matter how aimless the mayor is, you guys will get up and do your jobs even as I sit in my luxurious office and look out the window.   

Thank you for everything you do for the children and families of this city.  If it weren’t for all of you, it’s likely I’d have to go out and do, you know, actual work.
 
Sincerely,
Richard

Dear School-Based Staff,

Like, Blaz and I were out last night, and he’s all like, DUDE, your emails are KILLING it, and I’m all like, yeah man but what am I gonna say NOW? And he’s all, “I hope you found time to rest and recharge and spend time with family and friends this summer,” and I’m all like DUDE if they did that they probably have COVID. And he’s all, well they won’t be in Tweed or City Hall, and I’m like WHEW that’s a relief. So he’s all, like, say, “As always, your health and safety, along with that of our students and families, is our number one priority,” and I’m like DUDE, NO ONE believes that anymore.
 
So like, here’s the frigging calendar, you losers and haters, and like STOP bitching about it already!. Like, you’re all, like TEACHERS and stuff, so, like, the dog ate my frigging homework, okay? So it’s, like six months late but THERE, you have it. And just because you were such a frigging BUMMER, like, there are no more SNOW DAYS, you will frigging teach REMOTELY.

So, like DUDE, you’re gonna have to teach remotely on Election Day too, okay? No more taking four hours off to VOTE, dude, because you’ll be, like, at HOME and stuff. So, like, that’s ONE remote day, and there are like, just 179 more to GO, dude.
 
Second, dude, in partnership with the NYC Department of Health, you know, the ones who failed to close schools with COVID all over the frigging place, we have, like,  established comprehensive health and safety protocols that will ensure you are protected right up to the point we lay off, like, 9,000 of you. These include:
·         Maintain distance of, like, 6 feet from other dudes, and from, like,  students when feasible; when not feasible, like, those are the BREAKS, dude.
·         Regularly wash your hands, dude;
·         Wear some mask thingie; and, like
·         Stay home when sick or after being in close with a person with COVID-19, which could be, like, ANYONE, dude. They kids are, like asymptomatic and stuff.
 
So, like, if you don’t get sick it should support, like, your emotional wellness and stuff. Although COVID-19 like, you know, SUCKS, we need you to, like, keep coming in until you get that pink slip, man.
 
So DUDE, we have to like, TEST you and stuff starting, like, Tuesday, September 8.
 
Daily Health Screening for Staff

 
The NYS Department of Health says you need, like, a health screening (including temperature checks) and like EVERYONE has to do it EVERY FRIGGIN DAY, dude.Because if you DON’T, you, like, can’t come in. We will TRUST you to do this because we’re, like, you know BUSY and stuff, so if you, like:
(a) have a fever, a new cough, new loss of taste or smell or shortness of breath, within the past 10 days;
(b) or if you, like, tested frigging POSITIVE, dude;
(c) or if you were like WITH someone who might be, like if you were in some PUBLIC SCHOOL or something, or if you like,
(d) traveled anywhere or stayed home in the past 14 days.
 
DOE employees can complete the health screening in the following ways: 

 
·         Online Health Screening Tool: You can, like, TELL us if you are sick, man, because we don’t, like JUDGE, dude, or·       
 In-person Health Screening at a Building: If you can’t, like, do it yourself, we’ll have you, like, do a complete a screening assessment in-person at all buildings. We’ll be all, like, ARE YOU SICK, DUDE? and you’ll be all, like, NO MAN EVERYTHING IS COOL.    Administrators and school staff can find hard  (Heh, heh, like, I said HARD, dude) copies and stuff.
The screening results are valid until, like, midnight that day. Then you have to say, like, you did it AGAIN, dude, cause we like, TRUST you on this, dude. We will, like put up SIGNS and stuff, dude, because we’re, like, SERIOUS and stuff.
 
Daily School Site Temperature Checks

 
In addition to at home daily health screenings, the ones we don’t check, we might, like TEST you using non-touch thermometers.
·         We will do this, like, whenever we FEEL like it, so if we MISS somone, we’ll be, like, OOPZIE.We’ll wear, like, MASKS and stuff
·         School-based staff members with a temperature of 100.0°F or higher will have to, like, LEAVE, dude You’ll have to see a doctor and stuff unless we lay you off and cancel your insurance and stuff.
*Please note that we’re not allowed to write any of this stuff DOWN, so we might, you know FORGET.
 
Resources for Staff Wellness

 
In addition to caring for your physical health and safety, we care deeply about your emotional health as well. so you can, like, call, and we’ll be all, “Your call is very important to us, and you can sit on hold until we, like get around to you dude.    Free, voluntary, and confidential services for all DOE employees and their families
o    212-306-7660
·         Hotlines
o    NYC Well - 1-888-NYC-WELL
o    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255
·         Calmcast App for DOE
o    Download from app store
o    Sign in with any username of your choice and school code (DBN)
 
This year will be a bitch, dude, but we are resilient and prepared to welcome you back unless we, like, lay you OFF, dude. Thank you for like, not writing me and stuff. Man, dude, I am, like HUNGRY. Don’t we have any Cheese Doodles or something around this frigging office? Gotta run, dude.
 
In unity,
Richard

Dear Colleagues,
 
I know how hard you are all working to ready your schools for fall. I know you are all freaked out from weeks of anxiety over a strike, the result of my gross neglect and indifference. We are right there with you, if you consider my air-conditioned office right there with you. I know you were frightened for your lives last year. I have never seen or experienced anything like it, because you’ve never seen my ass in a school building unless it was a pre-staged photo op with my boss.

This is the most complex start of school we have ever worked on, and I haven’t got the first clue how it will work. I know, we don’t have enough teachers to make my crazy plan workable. I hear you loud and clear. I just don’t care. That’s why I drove you to the brink of the first strike in half a century before I even considered delaying the school year. You still come in on September 8, because screw you. Starting on September 16, you will start doing remote stuff. We don’t know how that will work, because we don’t know how anything works. And believe me, I also speak for the mayor when I say we don’t care either. 

Additionally, beginning October 1 and recurring each month, mandatory testing in schools will be comprised of a random sample of 10-20% of a school's student and staff population. We wanted it to be completely voluntary because we like being accountable for nothing, but we understand that when we screw up, and we will, you will drag our sorry asses to court. If you can find us, that is. 

We have wasted a great deal of your time pushing you toward a strike, and thoroughly ruined the summers of each and every one of you. I look forward to deepening that work in the upcoming school year.
 

Don’t bother writing me back. I can read all about myself on Twitter.
 
In unity,
Richard

 Dear Colleagues,
 
For many of us, the five months since COVID-19 hit New York City in March 2020 have been the most painful, challenging, and heartbreaking of our lives. At DOE, it’s been meeting after meeting. They run into one another as we ignore our current problems and desperately pretend we dealt well with them back in March, when we sent people to their deaths. But hey, these things happen. 

Despite the evidence in front of you, we need you to believe that the 1.1 million students and their families who rely on New York City’s  public schools have the high-quality education they deserve. Of course, that's only as long as we don’t have to bother with providing sufficient PPE, reasonable COVID protocols, or perish forbid, actually doing testing and tracing to make sure no one gets sick. 

And we do it to keep trying to mask our hopeless ineptitude. Right now fewer than 1% of all COVID-19 tests are coming back positive. Of course who knows about all the people who aren’t being tested, who haven’t got medical insurance, or who are asymptomatic? Who cares if it didn't work in South Korea or Israel, and who cares about universities that open just to close within days? You are part of our great experiment, and once you start dropping dead, we'll be on to another. (Of course we will say extremely solemn words about you before doing that.)

And we won’t change our minds because we are pigheaded beyond belief.  We don't care if the Daily News editorial board, who usually hates teachers and everything they stand for, now supports the UFT. We don't care if the city council is against us. We don't care if Cuomo thinks it's too risky. And by we, I mean my boss, as I do have my career to think about. Look, if I stab him in the back, who’s gonna give me another sweet gig like this one? We have seen the worst—neighbors, colleagues, friends have been taken far too soon, including 79 DOE employees. So what’s the big deal if we have 79 more? Look, we’ll close the schools as soon as people start dropping dead so please don’t strike. Think of my reputation, please!
 

And I’ll remind all of you—who work in service to our students every day to keep building our school communities, give our students an excellent education, keep our students nourished and healthy, and our buildings safe—that while we’re wiling to risk your lives, those of your students, and all of your families, the fact is we in Tweed have private offices with multiple air conditioners and fabulous ventilation.  

That is going to look like classroom discussions from desks spaced six feet apart, even though everyone is faced in the same direction including the teacher, and no one can approach anyone else. We think that students being tied down to seats, wearing masks, and being unable to socialize will meet their social and emotional needs. Look, during our meeting, I hardly interacted with anyone, so why the hell shouldn’t that be good enough for you? 

Kids showing off their science projects through a webcam and elbow bumping their friends in the schoolyard. That’s not actually a complete sentence, but hey, I’m the frigging chancellor. In my fevered imagination, stuff like that will happen. 

Cleaning supplies in every room and physically distanced talks on the classroom rug for students to share what they’ve gone through, and their dreams and fears for the future. Another incomplete sentence, but hey, I’m the frigging chancellor. And I don’t want to hear all that crap about how your school hasn’t been cleaned in three decades, or how I never replace custodial employees when they leave. Take our word for it, okay?
 
We’re building towards another new normal, and we’re at the point where it all feels strange and unfamiliar and somewhat intimidating—Yeah, that’s the ticket.  Let’s go with that.
 
But we are working towards something so important, so please, please ignore the fact that we’re unwilling to do reasonable testing and tracing. We don't care how many good reasons there are for us to turn back--we're going with this. In fact, we don't even care if you're in a frigging windowless basement.
 
It must be said that we are doing all of this against the devastating economic backdrop COVID-19 has created. More than $8 billion in revenue to the City has been lost. I’m gonna fire 9,000 of you if we don’t get any money, but hey, it’s not my fault, man.    

We have already cut hundreds of millions of dollars in programs, initiatives, and materials from the DOE budget. All of us here at Tweed have had to make do with virtual gala luncheons, and honestly we can’t be sure whether or not the cooks are spitting in our food because we aren’t allowed to tip on our DOE expense accounts.   

Right now, we can’t be sure either form of assistance will come through, and we must plan for the worst. By that, I mean the worst for you, not me, because I’m keeping my big salary, my free house, and my incredible expense account. You, on the other hand, are expendable. Why else would we be sending you into situations in which you risk your lives and those of your loved ones? 

We are still paying valuable lip service to caring about whether or not you lose your jobs. and that should be good enough for anyone.   

Every single day, many times per day, I ask myself how we can be the only major city in the country heading towards partial in-person reopening this fall—and also be talking about layoffs at the same time. You can imagine how bad I must feel. I mean, not bad enough to give up a cushy gig like this out of principal. Not bad enough to provide you with adequate custodial staff. Not bad enough to train them in new procedures. Not bad enough to provide you with adequate PPE, adequate response procedures, or adequate testing and tracing. THAT would be pretty darn inconvenient.    

New York City is the economic, educational, and cultural heartbeat of our state and nation—and was at the epicenter of the coronavirus crisis. Nurturing the success of our students is crucial to our nation’s future.   And I promise you, as soon as enough of them start dropping dead, we’ll go straight to remote.
  
I am sure you have many questions. I know that because I answered so few of them in the single hour I laid out to speak with you. I also know I showed up late, left early, and delegated every single answer to my subordinates. But hey, everyone needs their peeps.   

I will not rest in the fight to make you think I care about you. I thank you for everything you are doing, every day. And please, please don’t go on strike. That could jeopardize my career, and that would suck for me.
  
In unity,  
Richard