Mr. S. came into our school with a doctorate in mathematics. That's right. A doctorate. I haven't got one, and I'm duly impressed by those things--I kid you not.

He could make the slide rule sing. He could calculate pi to the umpteenth decimal. He understood all that trig and calculus that eluded the likes of me in high school.

Mr. S. walked into his classroom, started writing on the board, and an egg mysteriously appeared on it. Pop! Just like that. Mr. S. turned and asked who threw the egg, but received no response. It was an inauspicious beginning, particularly for someone who'd gone through NYC's most recent response to the 30-year teacher shortage, the Teaching Fellows program.

So why, his AP pondered, couldn't this fellow teach? Perhaps it was that he could not relate to the kids. Perhaps it was that he had no sense of humor. Perhaps it was because he'd never been in front of 34 kids before. Who knows? But after repeated conferences, repeated suggestions, and repeated calls from irate parents, nothing changed.

A student of mine, a Spanish speaker with a nice personality, asked if I would talk to Mr. S. Apparently, she had always been good in math, but was failing his class. I found him in the teacher's cafeteria. He apologized profusely, as though I had some sort of authority over him (I did not, nor was I pretending to).

I tried to ask how we could help this girl, my student, and he looked like he was holding back tears. In fact, I wondered whether he was going to take the fork he had in his hand and suddenly drive it into his heart. Mr. S. looked like the unhappiest human being I'd set eyes on in some time.

I thanked Mr. S., hightailed it out of there, and later discovered that all the students in his class were failing. That's too much to attribute to juvenile delinquency, and I was sure at least one of his students was trying. My efforts to get my kid transferred to another teacher were in vain, unfortunately.

Why am I telling you this? Nick Kristof, op-ed writer for the New York Times, thinks that teacher certification is preventing ($) Colin Powell and Meryl Streep from becoming teachers. While that may be true, the fact is they have not expressed the remotest interest in this pursuit. Kristof is happy that women have other options (so am I), and feels that results in a decline in quality. He's right. But despite impressions to the contrary you may have gleaned from watching Sex in the City, women are not deserting the profession because they hate kids. The only way is to lure better teachers, regardless of sex, is to pay them. It works like a charm in Nassau County.

Furthermore, it's idiotic to suggest we'll draw better teachers by lowering standards. We need to cut the nonsense, rid ourselves of self-absorbed education professors who wouldn't know an urban high school if they worked across the street from it for twenty years, offer practical instruction, and raise standards.

How on earth is lowering standards going to get us better teachers? New York City's been doing precisely that for thirty years, and during that time it's gone from one of the best systems in the world to one of the worst.

We need people who actually know how to reach kids. Without that, all the doctorates in the world won't make a difference.

Lowering standards, unfortunately, does not draw Meryl Streep, or Colin Powell, Jr.

It draws Mr. S.

Do you want him teaching your kid?

The carnival is in town.

I, for one, applaud the removal of sugary soft drinks from schools. If 30% of our kids are overweight, and 15% obese, that's way too high. And if adult rates are twice that, we're doing our teachers a favor as well. Typically, it's not nearly enough.

I stopped eating refined sugar, white flour, potatoes and white rice a few years back and lost a whole lot of weight. The only things Bloomberg's done that were worth doing were getting rid of white bread and soda from public schools.

Joe at the Chalkboard thinks this will remove one excuse for failure in public education. Me, I hardly see anyone saying the school's no good because of the menu. There's no excuse for failure, just as there's no excuse for withholding good teachers, small classes, and decent facilities from our kids.

But this is a positive step. One day, when people think back on and reflect on these years, they'll say,"Mike Bloomberg. Isn't he the guy who made that vile school food moderately more healthy?"

I'm very much in agreement with Leonie Haimson on class size . An opposing viewpoint is provided by Eduwonk, and I agree with him too.

But not very much.

Eduwonk's position is that small classes will not be effective without good teachers, and he's absolutely right. However, the conclusion that we should therefore abandon the pursuit of smaller classes does not follow.

Eduwonk represents himself as a progressive, but like Bloomberg and Klein, favors gimmicks and half-baked bargain-basement band-aids over emulating what works. There are good reasons why no one where I live even discusses merit pay, housing incentives, or pension elimination (which Eduwonk recommended just the other day).

We pay teachers well. We get hundreds of applications for each position. We pick the best, have them go through multiple interviews, and audition them in classrooms rather than simply checking their college credits and hoping for the best. If they don't work out, they don't remain. We don't have 800 numbers, intergalactic searches, or ever-evolving alternative certification schemes.

Once upon a time NYC didn't need them either.

When NYC had the highest standard and paid the highest wages, we were the best system in the state, and a model for the world. It's certainly true they had large class sizes then, too. But it's thirty years later, and about time we started making things better, rather than worse, for the city's 1.1 million schoolchildren. For as long as I've been teaching, various mayors have frantically chased the lowest common denominator and worked feverishly to ensure they filled wooden chairs for as little money as possible.

NYC used to require not only state certification, but both oral and written testing from Board of Examiners. I faced them twice, for two of my three license areas, and they were no walk in the park.

For thirty years, we've tried gimmicks and shortcuts. And for thirty years we've moved steadily downhill.

It's all or nothing, NYC. If you want quality, you'll have to make the ultimate sacrifice. You'll have to pay for it.

What a disgrace that millionaires whose kids have never set foot in public schools get to sit around and make decisions about what's "good enough" for the kids we teach.

It's hardly surprising that it never is. Unless we move for what kids need (good teachers, small classes, and decent facilities), as mandated by the NY State Supreme Court (Aren't politicians supposed to obey these folks?), Eduwonk and I will be sitting in our rocking chairs, wiping the drool from our keyboards, and presenting you these same points in another thirty years.

The clock in my trailer has stopped. The second hand still goes around in circles, but the minute and hour hands refuse to cooperate. As far as I can determine, this has not altogether halted the passage of time.

The clock in the trailer nextdoor, however, accessible through an unlocked passing door, seems to be perfectly functional. Furthermore, that trailer is completely vacant during my second teaching period. So should I go in and surreptiously make the switch?

My students, who came up with this notion, are of two minds. Some say it's wrong. Others say "Go on and do it." Yet another suggested I borrow it, and simply exchange clocks at the beginning of each week. That appeals to me, although there's the danger of certain colleagues determining the clock to be haunted or cursed, as it were.

So, which path should I take? Good, evil, or other?

Update: Someone has taken the initiative and switched the clocks! Perhaps the trailer is haunted after all.

Having sat through a meeting largely devoted to explaining Bloomberg's plan, I'm convinced it's yet another exercise in futility. We're told that on days they're scanning, we are not to give tests, and are to excuse our students for inevitable latenesses that will occur.

Teachers in our school are to use staff entrances on scanning days. We will know they're scanning because massive lines in front of the school are expected, and even if they fail to appear, the scanners will be plain as day to anyone approaching the main entrance.

Yes, scanning will discourage weapons coming into schools, but only on scanning days. Feel free to pack the rest of the week.

Bloomberg's scanning plan is a waste of time and money.

A handful of cable and phone corporations want to regulate the internet and restrict your access. They want to steer you to sites that pay more to companies like Verizon and AT&T.

Visit savetheinternet.com.

And tell your Congress and Senate members you want the blogosphere to be one nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all (including bloggers).

Here's your chance to actively support the neverending battle for truth, justice, and the American way.

Bill Maher suggested that the government should stop stealing commentators from Fox and simply merge.

Makes sense to me.

Cardozo teacher Ara Muradyan is going back to work after having had his reputation dragged through the mud for five months. He'd been accused of flashing two girls, who mistakenly or falsely implicated him. The police didn't even bother to check his alibi.

It makes you wonder what induced Unity hacks to agree to 90-day unpaid suspensions for teachers who hadn't even been found guilty.

Ara Muradyan is suing the city for "unspecified damages for ruining his reputation." What an outrage our union helped enable such a thing!

Thanks again to Schoolgal for another great tip!

Ancient rocker Keith Richards was injured when he fell out of a palm tree in Fiji.

Sources suggest Richards may have broken his hair, but it is hoped he will make a full recovery.

The great cellphone controversy rages on. Chancellor Klein is sticking to his guns, despite vocal opposition. As far as Klein is concerned, students can't even turn them off before entering the building. Random searches will result in their confiscation, and huge headaches for the Chancellor.

Personally, I don't care if my students have cell phones. This is fortunate, because two-thirds of them, in fact, carry them religiously. I'd just as soon forbid crucifixes (I draw the line at proselytizing). As for cells, I just don't want them used in my classroom, and pretty much none of my students would dare do so.

The other day, however, a cell phone went off. It was a loud dance tune. I gave the kid "the look," and it was immediately turned off.

I walked to the front of the room and dialed my cell number from the school phone. I then handed him the school phone and answered my own cell, which is always on vibrate (Aside from this occasion, I don't answer cell calls till after class). I talked into it, and we had a brief phone conversation, which the class couldn't help but overhear.

"What did you just hear?"

"Nothing."

"That's exactly what I want to hear from your phone."

"OK, teacher. I turn off."

His English is not so great. But he got the message. I informed my class that all cell phones look alike to me, and that I might mistake the next one I hear for mine.

I do not expect to hear another cell in that class.

As for text cheating, if I'm too lazy to check on them, it's my own fault and they deserve to get away with it.

But they won't.

A UFT member was falsely accused of sexual misconduct and suspended without pay. The teacher has now been exonerated, and was a victim of vindictive lying kids. The press, which eagerly accused him, couldn't be bothered correcting itself, according to this source.

As you may know, the new UFT contract provides that members accused of sexual misconduct can be suspended up to 90 days without pay. While the suspension may be justified to ensure student safety, withholding of pay should not take place until and unless charges are substantiated.

You may recall Unity hacks on Edwize pontificating on the unlikelihood of teachers being suspended on flimsy allegations (scroll down to the ninth paragraph). Whether or not this story is substantiated, in this climate, it's entirely possible that UFT members could lose their homes as a result of 3 months lost income.

Has Unity forgotten what can happen to falsely accused teachers?

(via)

This week's NY Teacher devotes two full pages to the 37.5 minute class. It claims there is good and bad, but highlights only the "rave reviews" and "sweet successes."

Great! So why not have teachers give up another prep period? Why not expand it to a full class period so more kids can benefit? Why not have teachers come in on Saturdays?

Why not indeed? Klein is out to break the union, and Unity is all too happy to help him do it. Why not? Unity hacks are still pulling in six figures for doing whatever it is they do in that building. They still collect double pensions. As far as they're concerned, everything's fine.

So what if you come in a few days early? So what if you get excessed and can't get another position? So what if you get one and have to drive another hour to get there? So what if you're suspended without pay for 90 days on a trumped-up charge and end up losing your home, your car, and maybe your family?

As long as those dues keep rolling in , everything's good.

One of the great things about Edwize is that it gives us the opportunity to openly share our opinions with other UFT members.

Feel free to share your opinions about the Iraq war, Darfur, or, now that the strike has been over for months, the TWU. Discuss the perfidy of Joel Klein to your heart's content.

However, do not discuss the recent UFT sellout that wins money for future teachers and nothing of substance for rank and file. That would be "off-topic" and strictly verboten. Unity censors expressly forbid discussion of topics they themselves have not initiated.

There are blogs that have covered this topic, including:

ICE-UFT Blog
Ms. Frizzle
Your Mama's Mad Tedious
Chaz's School Daze

as well as the one you're now reading.

UFT President Randi Weingarten, in her print NY Teacher column, wrote "even though I agree with the Edwize bloggers who say teacher retention is the issue, it was in this context we helped the DOE address the issue.."

Perhaps Edwize bloggers indeed said such things, somewhere. But Edwize has provided no opportunity whatsoever for rank and file to discuss Unity's most recent misstep, and it's plainly disingenuous to suggest otherwise.

That's Amy Tan's latest. I'm afraid I can't recommend it. While I adore her first four novels, this one, with the notable exception of the narrator, is uncharacteristically full of one-dimensionial silly rich people you won't care about at all. That's a huge disappointment from the pen that gave birth to the incredibly rich characters of The Joy Luck Club.

But there are flashes of wit sprinkled throughout the book which somewhat reward you if you have the patience to wade through it. My favorite part remains the introduction, an anonymous quote Tan gives us:

A pious man explained to his followers: It is evil to take lives and noble to save them. Each day I pledge to save a hundred lives. I drop my net in the lake and scoop out a hundred fishes. I place the fishes on the bank, where they flop and twirl. "Don't be scared," I tell those fishes. "I am saving you from drowning." Soon enough, the fishes grow calm and lie still. Yet, sad to say, I am always too late. The fishes expire. And because it is evil to waste anything, I take those dead fishes to market and I sell them for a good price. With the money I receive, I buy more nets so I can save more fishes.

UFT President Randi Weingarten has been extremely cooperative with New York City.

First, she sold a contract to rank and file that was all about more work and less pay. Just a week ago, she allowed the Chancellor to give selective raises to new science and math teachers, while cleverly securing absolutely nothing for current dues-payers.

When I complained about the contract on Edwize, various Unity hacks objected.

If we don't accept this, what will the NY Post say?

OK. So now it's done. How does the NY Post treat our fearless leader?

With outright derision and contempt.

So, Randi--was it worth it?

Thanks to Schoolgal for the tip!

Dear Colleagues,

As principals, you know all too well how excellent teachers help students learn and achieve, and how ineffective teachers cause students to fall behind.

In our schools, we face the continuing challenge of successfully attracting and retaining top-notch educators. Clearly, this isn’t as simple as it sounds. But I think we’ve recently made significant strides that will help us to take on this challenge in ways that will lead to real, positive changes in our schools and in our classrooms.

Last week, we announced an innovative agreement with the United Federation of Teachers that allows us to offer experienced math, science, and special education teachers an almost $15,000 housing bonus for joining our schools.

This new bonus program comes on the heels of our announcement this year about the “lead teacher” program, also negotiated with the UFT, which launches in the fall. Master teachers selected through an application process will receive a $10,000 bonus in exchange for spending half their time teaching and half their time mentoring and advising their peers in high-needs schools. This is another way we are paying more for what we need in our schools.

Both of these programs are simple applications of the rules of supply and demand. All of our kids desperately need great teachers, but right now teachers have no incentive to sign up for challenging assignments. This doesn’t make sense. We cannot rely solely on good will to stock our classrooms with high-quality teachers. To encourage more of the best teachers to seek out very demanding jobs in more challenging schools, we need to reward them, in addition to paying all teachers fairly. (In the past four years, we have raised all teacher salaries by more than 30%.)

The same principle applies to teachers in shortage area subjects. Each year, we hire almost three-quarters of new math, science, and special education teachers through alternative certification programs like Teaching Fellows. We hire the vast remainder of the remaining one-quarter of our new math, science, and special education teachers from overseas. The supply of certified common branch, English, and social studies teachers is substantially larger. For every opening in those fields, we receive about 10 applications. What do these numbers mean to me? They mean we can afford to be far more selective when we are hiring English teachers than when we can be when we are hiring math and science teachers. Both subject areas are critically important to us, but we are, in effect, shortchanging our schools and our students by not being willing to pay market rate for all teachers. To increase our options, we must do what most good employers do—spend more for services that are in short supply and high demand.

Don’t get me wrong: A system of differential pay will not solve all our problems in attracting and retaining high-quality teachers, but in areas where we want to recruit more teachers, it’s an important first step. As you know, we have limited resources, so we need to be strategic about how we allocate our funds. That’s what these recent initiatives are all about.

I am grateful to the UFT for its support and creativity in helping to devise these programs and look forward to working with the union to develop new methods of compensation in order to attract and motivate our educators.

Sincerely,





I look forward to the day when the UFT gives its members something for which to be thankful.

I'm thinking new leadership.

Note that Klein, while referring to effective teachers, sets programs in place to have only enough teachers. Note our union's support for such programs.

Admission free

(Slightly higher in Canada)

JoeWilliams at The Chalkboard criticizes principals for not wanting to meet Chancellor Klein on a Saturday to discuss his latest scheme to revolutionize education. Never mind that this scheme replaces his last scheme, and the one before that. Never mind that neither good teachers, small classes, nor decent facilities form part of this scheme. Principals earn six figures, and therefore should jump through hoops at the Chancellor's bidding.

I don't much like to defend principals, but I wouldn't want that job for all the tea in China. They can have the six figures, if they want 'em that bad. I like dealing with kids, but I have little patience for petulant adults, including some of my colleagues and, most particularly, Klein's clueless minions (who also, incidentally, make six figures for whatever it is they do). If I had to spend my days kowtowing to troglodytes, six figures would hardly restrain me from jumping out the window. Worse, principals' offices are usually on the first floor.

And don't get me started about doing it an extra day.

In a city where a hovel in a marginal neighborhood runs north of half a million bucks, making six figures is nothing to jump up and down about. More importantly, this Chancellor has let these principals go years without a contract or a pay raise. Despite his charming demeanor and boyish good looks, Klein's flagrant disrespect merits neither the extra mile nor basic loyalty.

He'll be lucky to score moderate civility.