A lot depends on who you ask. I had a student once who was fond of standing up at odd moments and announcing "All men are pigs!" Sometimes this provoked conversation, sometimes not, but as she never bothered anyone much beyond that, I tended to let her be. I'd heard she'd had a bad breakup, and her proclamations seemed to make her feel better.

But a lot of people do say boys are trouble. Our brains are different. We don't like to read, because it's too "girlish." We'd rather be off starting wars, because the only emotion it's socially acceptable for us to express is aggression.

Now some say a good solution is more male teachers. Naturally, I don't mean just any male teachers. I mean real men. Some men don't want to bother with that, because of all the hunting, fishing, and watching sports it entails.

It's odd, because some years people say boys get all the attention, but this year it's girls. Jay Matthews, of the Washington Post seems unable to decide whether or not we're having a boy crisis or not.

My college class, one year, complained that I called on the female students more than the male students. So I went to an index-card system, where I call on everyone whether or not they want to talk.

Check out the article, which is well-organized and easy to read. I particularly like its explanation for the new phenomenon of "boomerang kids:"

Simple economics helps explain why so many young men are returning to the nest. Recent college graduates are carrying 85 percent more debt than graduates of a decade ago, while pay for entry-level jobs has not kept pace with inflation. “Him living here is not a problem for us,” said Harry Hartshorne, a suburban Detroit retiree whose 42-year-son, Neal, a stained-glass craftsman, has been living at home since his early 20s. “It may be a problem for him, but he’s not anxious to solve it.”

The disapppearing middle class hurts us all, regardless of sex.

One word of caution: please, don't email me asking how you can become a real man. Real men never ask for directions, especially when they're lost.

Thanks to Alison.

The College Board, a la Enron, commisioned a report from a company it had paid over 5 million in fees in 2005. This was in response to having been caught with 5,000 incorrect scores on SAT exams last year.

What possible motivation could this company have to put a more positive sheen on the report?

Kinda makes ya wonder what they did to your SAT, doesn't it? Should you have been going to Harvard instead of York College? Or Crawford Community instead of Yale?

Did you really answer those analogy questions correctly? And if you didn't, could it have left you overconfident?

We'll just never know.

While 75% of NYC high schools suffer from overcrowding, and the CFI suit that might relieve it languishes in the courts as a result of mayoral intransigence, Mike Bloomberg is making serious plans to become a full-time philanthropist.

No overcrowded decrepit building will do for his good works, though. He'd headed into things just as the billionaire-run Ross Charter School did--first class all the way. Mayor Bloomberg's charitable works will take place in a 45 million dollar Stanford White-designed building.

Several people suggest Mayor Bloomberg will now have a bully pulpit to promote his social causes. I certainly hope he takes these causes more seriously than he's taken the welfare of New York City's 1.1 schoolchildren, relegated to trailers, hallways, closets and bathrooms if they lack representation from Mr. Bloomberg's fellow billionaires.

Thanks to Patrick.

The AFT has just launched T-Source, with which it will provide resources for teachers.

In review, research this resource rapidly.

Sam Freeman writes of the demise of the Healthy Teens Act here in NY State. The bill did little but allow districts offering sex education to apply for state aid.

But the federal government supports abstinence only education, and talk of HIV or condom use seems to choke the flow of federal funds to our fair state, which amounted to 3.7 million in 2005-2006.

It's criminal, in this day and age, to offer incomplete versions of sex education to children. It would be more appropriate and morally defensible to present no sex education at all.

President Bush is certainly free to believe the world began 6,000 years ago, and that humans and dinosaurs once shared the earth. But he shouldn't be able to impose such nonsense on our children and label it education.

Or maybe more is less.

It appears that in New York City's district 4, 82% of principals complain of overcrowding. What's to be done? Should you move the public school kids into the best facilities in the city?

Oops! The Chancellor already gave them to a billionaire. So what's the next best thing?

Let's see, there's that PS 109, over on E. 99th. That building just got landmark status, and the DoE had to spend big bucks to replace its roof. Unfortunately, that was the result of one of those nasty coalitions that also fought to stop its illegal demolition. Things like that don't sit seem to sit well with this mayor.

So, rather than create 1200 sorely-needed seats for public school kids, Mayor Mike has decided to simply use the building to make 65 apartments for artists. According to an email I received from Class Size Matters, NYC Schools Chancellor Joel Klein said on NPR that the city needed artist housing more than schools.

That reminds me of GW's "Mission Accomplished" speech (over three years ago) and Cheney's quote about the Iraqi "insurgency" in its "last throes"(over one year ago). What year do you suppose Chancellor Klein is living in?

The email also stated that nearby PS 72 is now leasing space due to overcrowding, in a building that used to be a school before the city sold it. This, along with the deplorable overcrowding of other city schools, begs the question--is it wise to get rid of even more school real estate?

The chancellor, apparently, feels the problem will resolve itself if we simply ignore it long enough and ensure we have fewer locations for our kids.

As someone who works in a building at 250% capacity (and rising), I have to question that approach. Really, someone ought to let the chancellor know it's his job to advocate for kids, not artists (Perhaps that's just another of the pitfalls that come with hiring a non-educator cocktail-party devotee, squarely in the mayor's pocket, as chancellor).

For more info, go to Save PS 109, and check out the site of the folks who successfully stopped its demolition. They're now trying to see that it's utilized as intended.

For those of you who are weary of the restrictions teaching places on you, here are 12 jobs that let you have weird hair, an important consideration when selecting a new career.

Perhaps you chose your last job simply because it was across the street from Arby's, and you couldn't get enough of those roast beef sandwiches. Well, if that didn't work out for you, here's another approach. They say, for example, you could be an art instructor at some trendy college. Don't know diddly-squat about art? Don't fret.

All those folks who go to museums and stare at framed blank canvasses are just crying out for an authoritative voice to tell them what's good.

After a recent federal report showed public school students score as well as private school students, a decision was apparently made that they needed to do worse, so as to expand the fiction of the evils of public schools. This will help promote the important goal of their elimination, and the consequent reduction in Steve Forbes' tax bill, which will promote freedom and democracy everywhere.

Therefore, Bush's education secretary, Margaret Spellings, introduced a new federal voucher program. Displaying the sensitivity that typifies this administration, she called it a "scholarship" program, so that people who oppose vouchers wouldn't think it was a voucher program. This is in line with previous government policies which referred to propaganda as "news"

This, along with the President's recent promise to veto any expansion of stem-cell research, ought to help shore up his religious conservative base. Conservative Christian schools, potential recipients of vouchers, found their eight grade math scores lagged behind those of public schools. This oughta help 'em forget.

Asked whether voucher schools would be subject to the same accountablity as public schools (which they often are not), Spellings gave a weasel of an answer praising accountablity and promising nothing whatsoever.

Thanks to reality-based educator.

Too hot for dancing on the streets, so try to stay indoors and celebrate this week's carnival over at Education in Texas.

Admission is free (slightly higher in Canada).

I've been giving a lot of thought to charters lately. I'd been thinking I might support them if they didn't get preferential treatment, and if their employees were given free and fair opportunities to unionize (or not).

Then I go to Edwize, and look at Leo Casey's take on it, and I don't know what to think. According to Mr. Casey's trenchant analysis, the problem with charter supporters is they all trot around saying "Like, duh," and scratching themselves inappropriately.

It takes something quite extreme to drive Edwize to “valley girl” discourse. We are teachers and we are New Yorkers, and proud of both, so we lean toward the intellectual side of things. Ask us about that good book we just finished reading, the great jazz gig we saw over the weekend or the latest exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum, not who is on the top of the pop music charts.

I'm pleased to hear once again how sophisticated Mr. Casey feels himself to be, and delighted by his cheerful stereotypes of teachers and New Yorkers in what he perceives as his own image. It's a good thing Mr. Casey isn't teaching while he spouts his stereotypes, as he'd be subject to 90 days suspension without pay under a clause he loudly championed. No doubt Mr. Casey shares my sense of relief, since the potty patrol he also advocated has turned out to be so intellectually unrewarding.

Far from defending and extending the status quo, we are looking for ways to negotiate better contracts, and to create post-industrial, bureaucracy free schools which work better for students and for teachers.

Mr. Casey and his monopoly party achieve this by cutting teacher prep time in half, saddling us with permanent lunch duty, hall duty, potty patrol, a sixth class, two summer days of pointless conferences, and agreeing to previously-mentioned 90-day suspensions for working teachers based on unsubstantiated student accusations. I've already read of two teachers falsely accused under this policy. How does that work better for students or teachers?

Furthermore, Casey's party agrees to these things, among others, for less than cost of living. Working teachers need Casey's negotiating acumen like they need holes in their heads.

The main problem with charters (disregarding the preferential treatment of schools like Ross) is union-busting. And the main problem with the UFT is its blatant lack of democracy, typified by pompous windbags who won't lower themselves to either defend its practices or engage in civil discourse with its critics.

Mr. Casey is quite right about union-busting in general, and provides statistics to support his point. But it's also true Mr. Casey sold us out with the worst contract I've ever seen, and while we gave scores of givebacks, he and his 6-figure Unity cohorts got the same raise we did.

Their giveback? They keep the UFT office open one extra hour a week. Don't hold your breath waiting to read about that on Edwize, either.

Go ahead, Mr. Casey, and discuss music and Shakespeare with your clever intellectual friends. But stop pretending you're one of us. You sold us out, actively quashed opposition voices, and told us you got a good deal. Neither you nor your witty dinner companions will suffer the consequences.

In a surprise move, Mayor Michael Bloomberg today gave school Chancellor Joel Klein his walking papers.

Mayor Bloomberg stated, "In today's ever-changing environment, we need a chancellor who will stand up for the things I believe in. While Chancellor Klein did an admirable job in many respects, we'll need someone who can get right into the thick of things. The next time, for example, parents object to my dumping a charter into their public schools, we need someone who can get right in there and show them we mean business."

Mayor Bloomberg added, "We plan an absolute ban on cell phones. They are not allowed. I could not have one when I was a kid, and no student under my administration can have one either."

Asked for comment, the new chancellor replied, "I pity the fool who doesn't do what we tell him, and do it right now." Reporters instantly scurried away, fearing for their lives.

Thanks to UFT President Randi Weingarten's willingness to amend the contract without consulting rank and file, new math teachers can make more money than working ones.

90 teachers will get $5,000 bucks up front, and 400 a month for two years for agreeing to spend three years teaching in fun city. While I still don't see how that will help with long-term housing, or attract long-term teachers, it's certainly cheaper than dealing with the long-term problem, and right in line with NYC's thirty-year shortcut program.

In Nassau County, they generally pay teachers well, have small class sizes, and decent facilities for all students. They don't hire underqualified teachers who fail scores of tests, they don't need charters, they don't need vouchers, and they don't need merit pay.

Would that work in NYC?

Mayor Bloomberg doesn't think it's worth fooling with. That's why he refused to pay a dime of taxpayer funds toward the CFE lawsuit.

Here's what one applicant says:

"New York City is a very expensive place to live," the 40-year teaching vet said. "The prices are staggering. It would be OK if a teacher's salary was staggering. But that's not the case."

Congratulations to him. And good luck to the other 79,910 NYC teachers.

Update: LA is now also offering a $5,000 bonus for math and science teachers.

What do you do with kids who can't read when they get to high school? And how in the world did they manage to do that?

I identified two kids who could not read a few years back, one of whom had been kicking around city schools for years. When I brought this matter to the guidance counselor, he was upset at my disturbing his reverie, and did nothing. When I spoke to a reporter, who called the school, it became a crisis.

I got called into meeting after meeting, in which various members of the administration assured the principal their asses were covered, and gave chapter and verse explaining why. Not one breath was devoted to the welfare of these kids.

I was later told by an ex-administrator working for the UFT that there was no program whatsoever in NYC to deal with such kids. It's about time someone noticed. Too bad this awareness hasn't made its way to NYC, where Mayor Bloomberg is busy protecting the world from cell-phone use.

Let's say you're a school principal, and you stand accused of having placed your grubby little fingers into the school lunch fund, not to mention intimidation and corporal punishment.

What do you suppose your boss will do about that?

Well, if your boss happens to be NYC School Chancellor Joel Klein, he gives you another $250,000 of taxpayer funds to play with, and hopes for the best.

Thanks to Schoolgal.

Mayor Bloomberg, on the heels of the NEST-Ross fiasco, has decided to award the non-union Ross charter school the best classrooms in the city--the state of the art facilities at Tweed, funded by city taxpayers. While public school kids are sent to trailers, hallways and bathrooms, the Ross students will be fine.

A note to the teachers working for Ms. Ross--avoid talking about union salaries and benefits. You know what happens to people like that.

"Boy, how nice is it for a privately run school to get such wonderful attention!" said Carmen Colon, a parent who runs a group of parent leaders. "It would be nice if our public schools were getting this type of attention."

Stuart Marques, a spokesman for teachers union president Randi Weingarten, said the move "certainly shows where the chancellor's priorities are."

Perhaps if public schools received this sort of consideration, they wouldn't be in the state they are now. In fact, all things being equal, a lot of people think public schools are just as good , or even better than private schools.

Personally, even beyond what test scores say, I think they're better. I can't muster much sympathy for bazillionaires like Ross who deny working people their right to unionize. However good her school may be (and it's certainly getting better treatment than any public city school), the kids who leave it, thanks to her "vision", are going to enter an economy with even fewer opportunities.

Thanks to Schoolgal for the tip!

The Principal Observes a Class

Mr. Jacobs, social studies AP, and Ms. Robinson, working teacher and apprentice AP, entered Ms. Mudd’s classroom via the back door five minutes into the lesson. Ms. Mudd, on the advice of Mr. Jacobs, had taken the new methodology to heart.

The students were working in groups, as suggested by the chancellor, and Ms. Mudd was circulating around the room, answering questions and offering advice to students.

This went on for about five minutes. The observers sat quietly scribbling notes. Suddenly, the principal and Seymour, assistant principal of organization, entered via the front door.

“How is everyone today?” asked the principal. “What are you all learning here today?”

All activity ceased and the students sat mute.

“Come on, someone needs to speak up. Your teacher’s job could be on the line here, you know.”

Ms. Mudd turned pale.

A female student began to explain, but the principal interrupted. “Ms. Mudd, do you have a lesson plan?”

Ms Mudd stammered, “Of course I do.”

“I want to see it,” demanded the principal.

Ms. Mudd went to her desk and recovered her notebook, then handed it to the principal. The principal glanced at it, then to the floor, then examined the floor more closely and asked, “Why is all this paper on the floor? How can anyone learn in this environment?”

He walked to the front of the room and picked up the trashcan. He handed it to a student and said, “This is unacceptable. Please pass this around the room, and drop any papers you find into it. “ He then dropped the notebook on Ms. Mudd’s desk and said, “This classroom is a disaster. Don’t you agree, Seymour?”

Seymour adjusted his tie, and nodded his head. “Oh yes, sir, absolutely.”

The principal then looked at a desk, which was covered with graffiti.

“Seymour, please go get a couple of buckets, some soapy water, and some sponges.”

“Yes, sir,” replied Seymour, and quickly ran down the hall to the custodian’s office.

When Seymour returned, the principal instructed several students to start cleaning the desks. They refused.

“Ms. Mudd,” began the principal, “is this how you teach your students to obey? I’m very disappointed at your lack of control.”

Ms. Mudd fought back tears as best she could.

The principal walked out of the room, with Seymour following closely behind him.

Mr. Jacobs and Ms. Robinson followed.

“Well, Mr. Jacobs,” the principal asked, “What did you think of that lesson?”

Mr. Jacobs was flabbergasted. “The lesson…did you even see the…”

“I’d like you to write it up as unsatisfactory,” said the principal.

“But, you didn’t see anything. She was… "

The principal gave Mr. Jacobs the look he’d been practicing. “Are you refusing to follow instructions?” he asked.

“I’m not refusing,” Mr. Jacobs replied. “It’s just…”

“Make a note, Seymour. Mr. Jacobs is refusing a direct order. That’s insubordination, isn’t it, Seymour?”

“Yes, sir. Refusing a direct order is insubordination. I’m shocked and stunned.”

“Well, Seymour, make a note of it. We can’t have that here. No wonder those kids are behaving so poorly. I made a simple request, and they refused. And how dare that girl interrupt me when I’m asking questions?”

Mr. Jacobs and Ms. Robinson just stood there, speechless.

Next Week: The Observations Continue

DC37, the city's largest municipal union, which set the standard for all city contracts in the last round of negotiations, has done it again. They've received a 32 month contract and a 10 percent raise, and have agreed to no givebacks. They've also won the right to live outside New York City, an actual gain for them.

Several labor experts said Mr. Bloomberg’s decision to loosen the residency requirement was a tacit recognition that the city had become too expensive for many municipal workers.

Meanwhile, UFT President Randi Weingarten has organized a coalition of unions waiting for contracts. Since the precedent has already been set, and neither FDNY nor NYPD are on board, there's little to no chance this will do anything but impede negotiations for us.

Randi has asked for 4 percent a year, in order to catch up with the suburbs. An odd position, considering her regular boasts to rank and file that we'd already done that. Clearly the only path to Randi's goal is more givebacks for actual teachers. That will give me something to think about next year as I patrol the halls one period a day rather than read essays, meet students, and prepare lessons.

Having excluded precedent-setting DC37, there's little chance any city workers' salaries will keep up with cost of living, as DC37, apparently, never frets over such trivialities.

That's the plight of people who work in the United States nowadays. Check out Paul Krugman's column on Left Behind Economics ($):

Bush supporter: “Why doesn’t President Bush get credit for a great economy? I blame liberal media bias.”

Informed economist: “But it’s not a great economy for most Americans. Many families are actually losing ground, and only a very few affluent people are doing really well.”

Bush supporter: “Why doesn’t President Bush get credit for a great economy? I blame liberal media bias.”

Here's a very interesting article by Ron Isaacs, who posts on Edwize as "redhog."

Mr. Isaacs bemoans what he considers to be his grotesquely unfair treatment, invoking Nazi death camps and Elie Wiesel. He refers to himself as "Nailed and Screwed" even though his case, strikingly unlike those of Mr. Wiesel and other Nazi victims, entailed no substantial consequence whatsoever.

Interestingly enough, Mr. Issacs passionately defended a contract that allows UFT members to be suspended for three months, without pay, on unsubstantiated accusations (Apparently Mr. Issacs' impassioned arguments do not apply to working teachers). He used yet another pseudonym for that article, so people would not mistake him for the Unity shill he was and is.

Mr. Issacs has retired, and will not be subject to the terms of the contract he championed. Last I heard, he landed a nifty UFT job writing for NY Teacher.

Enjoy your retirement, Ron! We lowly dues-payers are privileged to pay your salary, and your second pension.

The NY Times covers Bloomberg's much-beloved cell-phone ban this morning.

Schoolgal wonders whether NYC teachers will find anything familiar in the deal LA union leaders struck with their mayor? I see a hand raised in front. Yes?

That's right. They made the deal without waiting for the union's policy-making body (let alone rank-and-file) to vote on it.

Perhaps that's the "new" teacher union stance I hear bandied about so much. If only those darn teachers would stop worrying about trivial things and just cede total control--which is precisely what LA is poised to give the Mayor.

Some folks say teachers don't care about kids. Perhaps those people teach their kids to give up their rights at the drop of a hat. My kid will know better.

The Parent Advisory Board, set up so Mayor Mike can say he's listening to NYC parents even as he ignores them utterly, is getting tired of being used. They're particularly upset about the cell-phone ban, in which Mayor Mike did what he liked despite widespread sentiment otherwise.

In fact, they're so upset, they're taking him to court.

We'll see if Mayor Mike respects the courts any more than the parents.

Don't count on it.

(via)

Actually, it's all the way over in la-la land. Play the jukebox at this week's carnival over at the LA Times' cool new School Me blog.

NYC Educator has been on the road for the last few days, along with Senora Educadora and little NYCita. I'm afraid, viewing the country, I've determined there need to be some new laws, and perhaps a constitutional amendment to enforce them.

First, there needs to be a special ring of hell for people who get into the fast lane on Tennesee highways with seventy-mile speed limits, and drive 57 mph. Yesterday, I was behind the proverbial Arkansas traveler, with the license plates to prove it, and the only thing missing was the theme music.

Drivers who move slowly, then speed up just as you're passing them need to be executed. For this, we need those military tribunals so as to save the expense of trials.

Finally, bands who play in theme parks may not take a forty dollar tape recorder, put it on the stage, press the results as a CD, and sell it to their listeners. For this infraction, the penalty must be financial. First, they must refund all proceeds from the crap CD. Then, they must perform their music at the park exactly as it sounded on the CD.

If they lose their jobs as a result (and they surely will), we must attribute that to karma.

Michael Winerip, head and shoulders the very best education columnist I've ever seen, is leaving the NY Times. My friend Schoolgal also bemoans the loss of a columnist who took the time to respond to her emails. Many education columnists seem not to have encountered teachers since they left high school, and have seen public school teachers only in museum photos.

He leaves with some choice words about No Child Left Behind, characterizing it as relying on standardized testing because it mistrusts teachers, along with a plea for reduced class size. There's a little history on how figures like Jeb Bush and Michael Bloomberg have battled against it.

Of course standardized tests suggest teacher judgment is inadequate. If they were the only way to judge progress, no one my age would be able to read. A better step would be to insist on and seek out quality teachers, even if it meant (gasp) paying them. This is particularly important in places like NYC, where adult role-models are not always in abundant supply. What can you expect from a city that elects demagogues like Rudy Giuliani?

As a parent, I can't imagine how the obvious advantages of smaller class size eludes anyone with children. Kids need more attention from adults, not less. This is particularly true, again, in areas like NYC. There are studies, but why anyone needs one is beyond me.

Lastly, Winerip suggests a "No Family Left Behind" act, as crushing poverty, unbeknownst to the likes of Bush and Bloomberg, can severely inhibit education. He points out that NCLB is resulting in curricula that sacrifices education to test prep.

There's no one to replace Mike Winerip, and very few education writers with the remotest notion of what goes on in classrooms, and I'm very sad to see him go.

I'm surprised by an article in the Times stating that NY State is leaving ESL students behind. It's quite true, or course, but for none of the reasons the article states.

Apparently, the feds have deemed that the NYCESLAT exam, which purports to measure the proficiency of ESL students in English, does not measure the same things as the English Regents. That's true also, but the English Regents is supposed to measure reading and writing skills, not the extent to which kids born here have acquired the English language.

The odd thing is that the feds, the state, and apparently the Times seems to think that the NYCESLAT is a stand-in for the Regents exam. It is not. All ESL students are required to take the English Regents exam, and are denied graduation if they fail to pass it.

This results in kids who've been here for a very short time being compelled to take the test. I am regularly sent kids who cannot speak English at all and asked to prepare them for the Regents exam. It's absurd.

As for the NYCESLAT, it tests only things I'd teach to first-year students. Originally the standard was set so high that a perfect score, apparently, was required to pass. Then the standard was lowered dramatically, so that many kids with few English skills could pass. The city test sets the bar even lower.

We're not doing these kids any service by setting the bar so low, and sending them to college with such meager language skills. Nor do the Times, the feds, or the state do us any service by being so poorly informed.

Update: A poster writes that this applies to grades 3-8, not high school. I'm not changing the piece, because I think while the grades may have changed, the point has not. In fact, this expands the problem.

When teachers fail, it's the end of the world. They're leaving children behind, those bastards. How on earth could they requisition summers off? Walmartize the entire operation, pronounces the public.

When Mayor Bloomberg fails, it's also a disaster. How on earth could only 18% of NYC kids meet Regents qualifications under the reign of the one, the only, the education mayor? That's absolutely unacceptable, and something must be done about it. What?

How about reducing the number of required Regents exams from 8 to 5? That just about triples the passing ratio, and makes everything fine.

Why the hell can't those hopeless teachers make progress like Chancellor Klein and Mayor Bloomberg?

Thanks to Schoolgal.

Guess what New York City gave 825 unqualified teachers?

Well, it only took thirty years to get around to it. On the positive side, however, they've attracted about 90 teachers with that signing bonus.

I think it's a step in the right direction. Perhaps another step might be competitive pay. Although Randi Weingarten, UFT President, claims we've caught up with the suburbs, she's laboring under a misconception. This is well-demonstrated by the case of a teacher leaving Lawrence for NYC, and even better by NYSUT's list of Nassau salaries.

Once, NYC paid the highest salaries, had the highest standard for teachers in the state, and was one of the best school systems in the state, a model for the world. The city's 30-year flirtation with the lowest salaries in the area (and the lowest standards for teachers) has been an abysmal failure.

We're saddled with the remanants of that policy for some time to come. But bargain-basement shopping for teachers, as shown by the bonus system, the 800 numbers and the endless job fairs--that's not how you do it. How you do it is by emulating what works.

And anytime Mayor Mike gets curious enough to see what that is, he can just have his chauffer drive east till he crosses the Nassau line.

Muchas gracias a la gal de la escuela

Norwalk has had it with parents whose kids don't attend school. They've decided to evict the parents of kids who don't attend regularly. But only those who reside in public housing.

I have mixed feelings about this. I agree with opponents that making them homeless will probably not contribute to improved attendance. I've had a few students who lived in shelters, and it's really heartbreaking, particularly when you see they're really good kids.

On the other hand, I will say just about anything to manipulate troublesome kids and their parents. There's a law in NY State that says parents who refuse to come to school are guilty of neglect, or abuse, or something. I wouldn't hesitate to threaten a parent, and follow up if I thought it would help.

I also wouldn't hesitate to threaten a parent with eviction, if you threw that into my bag of tricks. However, I do agree that it's unfair to pick on parents who reside in public housing. That's not fair.

So let's evict all parents who don't send their kids to school, no matter where they live.

Mel Brooks said that. It wasn't during this scene, though. He was at the shooting range. He'd call "Pull!" a peasant would fly into the air, and King Mel would shoot him.

Anyway, it's also good to be principal. Well, of course women find high school principals sexually irresistable. Why do you think they decorate their homes with long wooden benches instead of sofas? But I digress. That's not the main reason. What is, you ask?

Well, if your scores go up, you get bonus pay.

One of the great things about this system is it doesn't matter how badly your school stinks. Consider this--if only one kid passed last year, and two passed this year, your ratio improved 100%. Who cares about the other 2,764 kids who flunked under your beneficent guidance? Cancellor Klein likes to accentuate the positive.

And if your school is being closed because it's a miserable, irredeemable failure, you still get a cool 5-15K for that great job you did!

I, for one, am glad the UFT opened the door to merit pay with that "lead teacher" think. I can't wait to get my paws on Mayor Mike's Millions, and frankly, I'm getting sick and tired of having to work for it.

I have my standards. And I'm absolutely ready and willing to lower them.

Thanks again to Schoolgal!

Here's another teacher who lost his job. He says it's because he's overweight. Michael Frank,who weighs 325 lbs., was not granted tenure at Lawrence Middle School, despite four years of "overwhelmingly positive reviews."

Frank, who is 6-feet-4, says the assistant superintendent evaluating his classroom performance said, "You are so big and sloppy," and "your appearance is not conducive to learning."

It's hard to imagine an administrator who doesn't work for NYC schools saying something that stupid, but perhaps Frank's former boss is the exception that proves the rule.

There's one more thing, however, about this story that puzzles me:

He lost his job teaching seventh-grade math at Lawrence Middle School, and has since found a lower-paying job at August Martin High School in Queens.

Didn't UFT President Randi Weingarten declare that we'd caught up with the suburbs?

But--if he's making less in the city, that means he was making more in the suburbs. So that means--wait--what did Miss Clavel say?--Something is not right.

Extra credit to the first poster who can explain what it is.

Thanks to Schoolgal for the tip.

It appears Sayed Rahmatullah Hashemi, former Taliban spokesman, will not be able to matriculate in Yale. Frankly I'm shocked.

I mean, can't they give this guy credit for life experience? How many Yale students took part in a regime that held mass murders in football fields? Are they against multiculturalism or something?

What a blatant lack of consideration. Do they think this guy can just go to some crappy community college after a lifetime of subjugating women, blowing up wondrous Buddhas carved into mountains, and sheltering Osama?

Let's send Mr. Hashemi to Yale. Perhaps he'll learn to run the Taliban the way President Bush ran the war in Afghanistan. Then they'll never regroup or succeed, they'll involve themselves with wholly irrelevant pursuits, and we'll never have to hear from them again.

Let's use a little strategery here, folks.

It's interesting when Mayor Bloomberg throws up his hands and calls for binding arbitration. The woefully underpaid NYPD, not surprisingly, has yet to jump at his typically unattractive offer. Oddly enough, this Mayor is not content to sit and wait for years, as public employees have often done for him.

Unlike our union leaders, the NYPD's are smart and tough. They insisted on raising pay for veteran cops last time, agreeing to pay cuts for rookies. The noble UFT insisted on protecting rookies, and was roundly praised for it. For about five minutes. Then the Post and News began their semi-weekly pronouncements that we were and would always be the lowest form of scum of God's green earth.

But the cops "ate their young," as the geniuses at Edwize put it. Guess what? It got a lot harder to attract cops. Now, the city wants to raise starting pay, but NYPD wants all cops to get a raise. Whose problem is this? Bloomberg's, of course. This is yet another entirely predictable consequence. If teachers in the lunchroom knew it would happen, why didn't the mayor?

Thanks to Schoolgal!

Richard hadn’t been summoned to the principal since ninth grade. But little had changed—there was the long wooden bench, and the bespectacled lady behind the wooden counter bade him to sit and wait. There were photos on the walls—the principal with this guy, shaking hand with that guy, smiling with the baseball team, certificates of gratitude, letters…how long would he have to wait.

After many minutes, Richard could bear it no longer, and decided to go to the bathroom. He wondered whether he needed permission. He stood up.

“Mr. Carter. The principal will see you now.”

Richard walked into the office. Wow. It was big. There was a conference room, a living room, a coffee machine, a refrigerator—uh-oh. There was Ms. Goodrich, his boss, who hadn’t said a kind word to him since the meatball incident.

“Please sit down, Mr. Carter,” said the principal. He was smiling slightly. That was good, possibly. “Ms. Goodrich?” She was going to speak. That was bad. Also Mr. Benjamin, the math AP, was there. He looked like Bernie Mac, plus 10 years and 20 pounds. Also, Jennifer’s boss, Dr. Canales, was there. That was strange.

“Richard,” began Ms. Goodrich. “We’ve formed a bond, a very special bond, these past few months, and I hate it when something comes along to interrupt my training, it saddens me. I know how much you’ve come to depend on my counsel, and believe me, you can continue coming to me with whatever is on your mind. I was just telling the principal about how much you’ve grown as a pedagogue…”

That was strange to hear. Just yesterday she entered his classroom and screamed at him about the writing on one of the desks…

“..but we have to allow for the exigencies of the moment, and…”

“We want you to teach ESL, two classes, and math, two classes,” said Mr. Benjamin. “You’ll continue with one of your English classes.”

“I’m not really good at math,” said Richard.

“That’s okay,” said Mr. Benjamin. “Your resume says you used to work as a musician. So improvise. Fake it until you make it. Anyway, this math is so easy anyone can do it.”

“But why did you pick me to do it?” Richard asked.

“There comes a time, in life’s rich pageant, when we need to…” began the principal.

“Because they can’t learn and you can’t teach,” interrupted Mr. Benjamin, definitively. “It’ll be a thing of beauty. Really, you’ll do fine, kid. Any other questions?”

“What’s ESL?” asked Richard.

“It’s when you teach kids from other countries how to speak English.” Said Mr. Benjamin, flashing a movie-star smile. “You’ll love it. You have two sections of ESL 1. Start with hi, how are you, and go from there. Fake it until you make it.”

“I will help you,” said Dr. Canales, unconvincingly.

“I don’t have licenses in ESL or math,” admitted Richard.

“No one cares,” said Mr. Benjamin.

“Why are you asking me to do this?” asked Richard.

The principal cleared his throat. “It’s not really relevant. You see, sometimes, in the best of schools, even under optimal circumstances, the long, cold hand of….”

“Ms. Moscowitz had a nervous breakdown,” interrupted Mr. Benjamin. “We swapped a few classes around and gave you what was left.”

Richard was starting to like Mr. Benjamin. For one thing, he actually understood every word the man said. For another, Mr. Benjamin plainly had no respect whatsoever for Ms. Goodrich or the principal.

Richard wondered how he got away with being so up-front about it.

Next Week: The Observation to End All Observations

How can you keep those goshdarn employees from unionizing? Once you do that, they want health benefits. Then, they want more money and who knows what else?

Well, it's wise to pay off crooked union officials to prevent any further spread of unions, for one thing. A hundred grand here, a hundred grand there, and you have a bunch of bus drivers who do their jobs, keep their mouths shut, and let you keep all the profits.

In spite of their crooked secretary-treasurer, however, the Amalgamated Transit Workers, who already are unionized, and drive city school buses, reached a tentative settlement with the city for 25 bus companies. Kids will be surely be delighted to know that nothing will impede their merry trips to summer school.

I don't usually write about things like this, but there are multiple absurdities in this story just crying out to me. First of all, I'm amazed to learn that Rupert Murdoch's New York Post has written a story accusing Ann Coulter of plagiarism.

This comes on the heels of news that Murdoch hosted a fund raiser for Hilary Clinton, hardly the darling of the right-wing, or Murdoch's own Fox News. Media genius Murdoch may be sensing a change in the weather, hedging his bets, or both.

In any case, Ms. Coulter delighted in trashing Jayson Blair and the New York Times for having committed plagiarism. What's her response to charges she did the same thing?

How crappy a newspaper is the Post? Let me put it this way: It's New York's second-crappiest paper.

Doubtless that's what influenced her to sit down for an interview with a Post reporter.

Note that Ms. Coulter did not deny the charges of plagiarism (In fact, she didn't even mention them). She's got an interesting approach to making an argument. Why defend yourself? Just loudly condemn someone else, change the subject as quickly as possible, and hope no one notices.

That approach seems to have served Ms. Coulter well. Why should she abandon it now?

Kentucky Governor Ernie Fletcher works very hard. He's plumb tuckered out after a day of governing. That's why when he's finished, he gets in a limo driven by a State Trooper and has it drive him across the street to the Governor's Residence.

Meanwhile, the state government sponsors ads urging Kentucky residents to bike or walk to work.

It's hard work being Chancellor. After a full day of gala luncheons, it's all you can do to get dressed, take the limo to dinner, and then to yet another cocktail party to discuss your visions (and not the ones from those irritating flashbacks, either). Look at those eyes. Anyone could see how tired you are.

Anyway, here's one of your great success stories, a school that really shines, that the parents have put hundreds of thousands of their own money to fix up, and you can take all the credit. Beautiful.

What's more, it's a perfect chance to dump that charter school you like into a really nice building. But the damn parents raise a fuss. Oh, noooh, they whine, we need space for our kids. We like our school the way it is. Those bastards!

Half of New York City's kids are packed in like sardines, and that oughta be good enough for them, too! Who the hell do they think they are? Don't they know there are sports stadiums that need to be built? Why the hell don't they just shut up and move to Nassau if they want decent schools?

And worse, don't they know the embarrassment they're causing? Didn't the thought of those lowlifes nearly cause you to drop that jumbo shrimp, with cocktail sauce, on that $200 shirt you didn't pay for? Well, so what? You gotta look good, right?

And they have to do this now, right after you've made public statements about how much you value the input of parents. Those morons. Don't they understand this is your career they're talking about? Can't they just keep their mouths shut for one stinking minute?

OK, fine. Give them their stupid school. But we'll need someone to blame.

I know. Let's fire the principal. Then, we'll be in the clear. That oughta at least keep that bastard Silver quiet for a few days. She was gonna retire anyway, so it's all good.

Plus, it puts you one step closer to breaking that damn union. Good thing you held off three years giving them a contract. By the time you get your ass to the table, they'll take anything.

They'll get theirs for staying home on Brooklyn-Queens day. And next year, we'll get those damn teachers too.

They won't know what hit 'em.

Welcome to the 74th edition of the Carnival of Education. Thanks to The Education Wonks for the opportunity to host, and for working so hard to keep it going.

Truth

Ms. Cornelius has an extraordinary post containing some of the very best general advice for prospective teachers I've ever seen. I wish Ms. Cornelius had been my education teacher in college. I'd have far fewer things to attribute to trial-and-error. Go on, read this one.

Black students in Ohio are graduating at a lower rate than their white counterparts. Scott Elliot of Get on the Bus points out that in Dayton, that trend is reversed, and it's the white kids being left behind.

The truth is, boys are having far more trouble with school than girls. Or maybe they aren't. This Week in Education documents the perplexingly even-handed research. Not only that, but they reveal why The Donald fears teachers.

April May reveals the hideous truth about camping.

If you interview Laura Huertero for a teaching postion, don't ask what her worst quality is. She can't decide between procrastination, disorganization, and masochism. Consider hiring her for her unflinching honesty.

Justice

There's a very interesting story about charter schools and unions this week. Nicole Byrne Lau, by most accounts an exemplary teacher, was fired after it was discovered she'd been distributing a chart revealing public teacher salaries.

The school's CEO, Eddie Calderon-Melendez, had a sudden attack of loquaciousness, telling the NY Daily News she was a child-hating racist. Three Standard Deviations suggests Calderon-Melendez should be fired himself.

I first read about this on the NYCSA blog The Chalkboard, written (excellently!) by Joe Williams. Joe asks whether she's Norma Rae or David Duke. We at NYC Educator concluded Norma Rae was a lot closer to the reality. School of Blog wonders whether this incident implies mandatory unions are necessary in charters. Eduwonk says charter workers should have the option of unionization but doesn't feel this situation reflects all charters.

The AFT's blog, Let's Get it Right, discusses the difficulties of unionizing charters. In my humble opinion, the best and most complete account, better than the one in the NY Times, was written by Leo Casey in Edwize, and points to a Disney-style ending--Ms. Lau quickly landed a job as an English teacher in Brooklyn Tech, one of NYC's very best schools, with a big raise and a union contract.

The American Way

Where else but here would you find a Shroud of Turin-Mobile? And why, asks Mamacita, are teachers who know little or nothing about sports supposed to supervise them?

High school student Schuyler Hall says every man, woman, and child in America owes a $27,905 share of the US National Debt.

What new delights does RJ Reynolds have for our youngsters? Watermelon-flavored cigarettes, according to NYC's own reality-based educator.

Mike in Texas points out yet another disadvantage of working a non-union job at Wal-Mart. And he includes, for my money, one of the coolest graphics ever. Check it out.

The Education Wonks present the latest in a continuing series of Wonkitorials, and this week's topic is Secretary Spellings' Spanish Fly-in. EdWonk is quickly becoming the edusphere's leading expert on Spellings' exploits and adventures.

Summer Vacation

Jules at Mildly Melancholy eagerly awaits her summer-long weekend.

Miss Malarkey is saying adios to the Sunday night blues.

Nani from Se hace camino al andar is at the Cape, anticipating a summer of further travel.

It's all Greek to JD2718.

Sadly, not everyone is doing a happy dance this summer. Chaz has a very biting and real description of what it entails to teach summer school here in fun city.

La Maestra, however, also finds some things to like about teaching summer school.

Is there a summer absence dividend? Well, Mr. Lawrence left town, and won an award.

Mrs. T. (no relation to Rocky's nemesis) from Chucheria is headed for Disney World. Before she leaves, she has some very funny comments about the DaVinci Code film.

Puzzling Dilemmas

Do teachers need tattoos? If so what kind? One of my favorite new reads, Happychyck Wonders, examines the various ramifications of this issue.

Graycie, at Today's Homework, is growing weary of teaching Of Mice and Men. Can you suggest some new literary possibilities to motivate her kids? Maybe AphrikaNYC can help get her started.

New York City kids are encouraged (if not coerced) to pay hundreds of dollars in senior dues. After they pay, is it fair to keep their money, but turn them away from graduation ceremonies for missing one credit?

The LA Times' School Me wonders, with the help of educational reformer Milton Friedman, whether public schools are worth the effort. Don't be upset. Apparently, the devil made them do it.

Homeland Stupidity wants to know why "highly qualifed" doesn't measure classroom effectiveness instead of certification requirements.

Puzzling Dilemmas, Part 2

Assorted Stuff asks whether we're promoting literacy at the expense of creativity.

Math teacher Darren wonders whether bias, faulty math skills or possibly both are to blame for a questionable report on education spending.

Dr, Homeslice poses this very tough question--how do you explain a layoff? He then gives a very thoughtful answer.

How do you use that goshdarn Noah Webster spelling book anyway?

Why doesn't No Child Left Behind take parental involvement into account? While we're on the subject, Homeschool Blogger offer a handbook for precisely that.

How can you succeed in middle school without really trying? Kitchen Table Math offers a two part response here and here.

Capitalism and High Finance

Anonymous Educator has found a site where teachers can buy and sell lesson plans. How's that for a way to supplement that pittance they laughingly call your salary? For more on this story, see Joanne Jacobs. And if that ain't enough, check out The Education Wonks.

Eduwonk, considering Warren Buffet's remarkable gift to Bill Gates' foundation, contemplates whether it's time to revisit the tax-code regulation that requires foundations to donate five percent of their endowments every year.

Andrew Pass stresses the importance of funding pre-schools.

Teacher Barry says Ann Arbor public schools are on an austerity budget, and administration is to blame for failing to make any changes to the budget proposal before resubmitting to the same voters who rejected it the first time.

The Roanoke Times' brand-new blog Campus Watch reports that the Radford University department of music is requiring its new students to bring Apple iPods with them. Is that deductable for Mom and Dad?

Sex Education

Teacher Lady, of the snarky and provocative Sex Ed, in Higher Ed., is flabbergasted that her college students not only fail to turn off their cell phones, but see fit to bring their young children to her Human Sexuality class. While I'd like to take that class, my kid will just have to learn on the street like the rest of us.

Over at Why Homeschool, they're questioning the value of sex education.

The Village People meet Goeffrey Chaucer at Kibbles n' Whine. Why under sex education? You'll hafta read The Canterbury Tales for that.

Big Apple's Loyal Opposition

The Delegate's Chair, one of very few chairs that can type, finds little to love about NYC Schools Chancellor Joel Klein.

The United Teachers Party questions the effectiveness of the labor coalition organized by UFT President Randi Weingarten.

The ICE-UFT Blog wonders why teachers gave the sun, the moon and the stars, while union employees get the same raise simply for keeping the office open one extra hour a week.

Remarkable Discoveries

Chemjerk says teacher quality is crucial for quality education, more crucial than course content in Now for Something Completely Obvious.

Strausser is back from Education Space Academy, which amazed him. He amazed me too, by convincing me that professional development can be interesting.

Over at Discourse about Discourse they say changing a language arts department may be tougher than it seems.

Mister Teacher at Learn Me Good suggests cheaters never win, but they just might get paid.

At Sigmund, Carl, and Alfred, they're contemplating the power of prayer.

Spunky Home School tells of a valedictorian in NJ who used his speech to describe his education as hollow and wasteful.

Dave, of Friends of Dave, points to--you won't believe it--a school district fudging the figures to make itself look better. If that doesn't shock you, check it out anyway for the great Mark Twain quote, and Dave's dogged insistence you hum Dueling Banjos as you read..

Where Have All the Teachers Gone?

Soreheads like Tom at I Who Can't (and me) worry a lot about the number of teachers we lose. Here's one, however, who's coming back.

Teacher Sol says we're not the only country losing teachers.

GuusejeM has some great thoughts on what makes a good teacher and why we need more of them.

I told Chance at Sapient Sutler he'd ace his teaching competency exam and waddya know? He did. Welcome to a new, smart teacher, and congratulations.

Me-Ander, all the way from Israel, says things are so tough the government's resorted to importing English teachers (I wonder if they borrowed that idea from New York City).

The Fine Art of Assigning Blame

Ms. Dennis at Your Mama's Mad Tedious, writes I'm Insubordinate Part 1, the saga of how, rather than make necessary improvements, Principal Puffschmuck has chosen to spend much of his energy assigning blame. Ms. Dennis, unfortunately, is on the receiving end. I can't wait to see what happens in Part 2.

Among my very favorite serious blogs on public education is Schools Matter. See their take on lack of accountability in charter schools right here.

Right Wing Nation has had it with teachers whining and pointing fingers, and further says the NEA should be disbanded, just like PATCO was back in the eighties. The Right-Wing Prof. is feeling poorly but writing with as much fire as ever, and we wish him a speedy recovery.

The Rain, from one of my favorite new blogs, I Thought a Think, questions the wisdom of placing quotes from Mein Kampf under your high school yearbook photos. Can such gaffes be attributed to the innocence of youth?

Next week's carnival will be hosted by the LA Times' School Me blog. Please send your contributions to janine.kahnATlatimesDOTcom by 7 PM California time, next Tuesday July 11th.

Bring on the fireworks.

Also, have a very happy 4th of July, and a great summer--from the entire staff here at NYC Educator!

PS--The Carnival of Education is visiting our fair city tomorrow. If you'd like to share something, please email by 6 PM tonight, as the staff cannot reasonably assure sobriety thereafter.

There will be severe consequences for tardiness, up to and including phone calls home.

Can self-love end conflicts?

Today, we're all getting ready to celebrate Independence Day. Perhaps, as President Bush suggests, there are those who hate freedom, but I'm not among them.

That's why I vehemently oppose efforts to weaken the free press via the absurd but very dangerous vilification of the New York Times. If the Times, often guilty of timidity rather than audacity, were to go down (God forbid), the rest of the fourth estate would fall like so many dominoes. Without a free press, there can be no democracy.

Another hallmark of any successful democracy is a vibrant middle class. I'm afraid that huge, unnecessary, and unconscionable tax cuts for Paris Hilton promote no such thing, nor do the staggering debts we're passing on to our children (in order to fund those cuts). Even folks like Ben Stein are beginning to question such policies.

Also worthy of attention is this--the systematic decline in unions (not to mention the abysmal and shameful minimum wage), bodes ill for teachers, as well as the overwhelming majority of working Americans.

One way to promote unionism in this country is through neutral card checks. Rather than going through the grueling and personally risky process of organizing a vote, employees could simply and anonymously indicate their preferences for or against unionization. Such a process may have precluded the ordeal of Nicole Byrne Lau, fired from a charter for having the temerity to tell her colleagues how much UFT teachers earned.

There's some controversy about whether forced unionization is a good idea for charters. Personally, I think it is. However, I think an agreement to run neutral anonymous card checks would be a great compromise. Such an agreement would be an excellent prerequisite to raising the cap on charters.

If the charter supporters opposed such a step, it would be a simple conclusion they opposed unions. If opponents failed to accept it, it would clearly indicate a reflexive opposition to charters. Let's see who blinks first.

Personally, I think any individual voting against unionization is too stupid to teach, but while I wouldn't put my kid in a non-union school, I'd be willing to live with the results of any free and fair election.

Eva Moskowitz, who still thinks NYC teachers are contractually prohibited from doing lunch duty (!), would not be pleased. Clearly Mistress Eva does not regard keeping informed as a worthwhile pastime for self-styled educators. Eva, dead-set on avenging her recent loss at the polls, is talking up her yet-to-open charter, and positioning herself to be the next Republican candidate for NYC Mayor. She plans to make union-busting job number one, with the UFT her first and foremost target.

Eva supported the 8-page contract cooked up by Chancellor Klein which eviscerated every right gained by the UFT since its inception, and proudly composed a single-page contract for her charter employees that would subject them to the same abuse and indignity suffered by Ms. Lau.

Teachers are one of the last bastions of unionism in this country. We must stand up for ourselves. Rather than allowing demagogues like Moskowitz to weaken us, we must become stronger, lending our strength and resolve to all who work in our country.

Let's have workers, rather than the likes of Eva Moskowitz, decide whether they want unions. Let's give our children more, rather than fewer options. Let's give them the means to support themselves, let's give them access to health care, let's make their lives better than ours, and let's stop the lunacy of mortgaging their future to comfort the comfortable.

It's the American Way.

Update: Eduwonk has finally weighed in on the charter from hell that fired Nicole Byrne Lau. He endorses the option of unionization but feels charters are no different from other businesses. I couldn't agree more, and that's why we need more to stop union-busting everywhere.

First of all, I'd like to sincerely thank ace NYC Educator tipster and correspondent Schoolgal for reading the New York Post so I don't have to.

Schoolgal recently sent me a vicious editorial that appeared in those pages, suggesting the NYC supervisors' union was Marxist, and which further advocated breaking "the back of the union." I thought it was too outlandish to merit a response. But union president Jill Levy had no such problem, and shot back a pithy letter I'll reprint in its entirety below:

July 2, 2006 -- I want to thank The Post's editorial board for putting me on the same level as Karl Marx, a great thinker and philosopher, and Roger Toussaint, a strong labor leader who is not afraid to stand up for workers' rights ("Principal Principles," Editorial, June 26).

I am only surprised you didn't throw in the word liberal, a label I would have been equally proud to wear.

Thank you for validating and verifying what we believe the empowerment plan is truly all about.


It is a union-busting endeavor that The Post applauds by writing, "we hope Klein and the mayor are trying to 'break the back of the union'," - it has nothing do with children.

Jill S. Levy
President Council of School Supervisors & Administrators, Brooklyn

Here's a school that teaches what folks really need to know--witchcraft.

What's the point of endlessly kissing up to your boss when you could just turn him into a frog?

Why work 200 hours a week when you can simply wave your wand and create a roomful of gold?

Here's an added bonus--frequent NYC Educator contributor Schoolgal promises to teach a summer class. So what are you waiting for? Get off your keester and sign up.

Make it summer vacation all year round. Your students will thank you, if they ever see you again.

They don't care anymore. Fail a class? So what?

Didn't study? Big deal. What's the worst that could happen? If they go to summer school, they not only get a free Metro-cards, so they can cruise around the city and visit all the other miscreants, but also a yummy free school breakfast, courtesy of Mayor Bloomberg. Who pays for that? Me, that's who.

That's how they think, these kids.

Did we think like that when we were kids? Nah. Of course not. We had to walk to school. Every day. Even in the snow.

We were serious, goldarn it. Now why can't they be more like those Asian kids? Look at this here story. Why, this Japanese boy got so upset about taking a test that he burned down his house so his parents wouldn't find out about it.

Now why can't our kids be more like that? What we need is more testing, by cracky, till they get the hang of it. Where's my fountain pen? I'm gonna write me a letter...

This was not at all what Richard had in mind. After repeated requests that Jennifer go out with him, the best she would do was lunch. And at the Pizza Pit, no less. The slices were dried out and the Coke was watery. Why the kids came here he had no idea.

And the kids were all over the place, leering at the both of them, and interrupting them at the oddest moments. They’d have gotten more privacy in the filthy, wretched school cafeteria (It suddenly occurred to him why the kids came here). But when Jennifer looked at him he tried not to show his disappointment.

It didn’t matter because she read his mind.

“I’m sorry, Richard,” she said.

“No, no, it’s fine,” he lied, trying to put on a convincing smile.

“Look, you have to understand—things are a little complicated for me,” she said.

“Complicated? Are you married or something?” Richard asked. “Do you have a crazy boyfriend who’s an axe murderer?”

“No it’s nothing like that. I live in a house with my Tia Dolly, and she’s very …mmm…traditional.”

“You’re all grown up,” answered Richard. “This is a free country. She can’t keep you prisoner.”

“Well, actually, she’s a little crazy. She had a daughter when she was very young, and her daughter did too, and she’s always thinking I’m gonna do the same thing. You have to understand, that’s just the way she is.”

Richard had never heard of anything like this. He looked at her.

“No, I’m not gonna make the same mistake,” Jennifer said. “There are ways to avoid them, you know.”

“Good point, but that’s not what I was thinking,” he said. Why don’t you just move out?”

“I want to. I plan to,” she said. “But it’s very expensive. I send my family in Colombia money each month. And I save money too. I want to buy a co-op or something, but the only way I can save anything is by staying with my aunt.”

“Can’t you even go out to dinner sometime?” he asked.

“I go to school two nights a week, and I teach two others. It’s a lot of work for me to get out. You could come to our house for dinner. She doesn’t speak much English, and she won’t like you because you aren’t Colombian, but you can come anyway.”

“That’s not the best invitation I’ve ever gotten,” he said.

Jennifer bowed her head in thought for a moment. Then she leaned close to Richard. She looked him straight in the eye and said quietly, “Maybe…you could forget about dinner and just come visit me.”

Richard asked, just as quietly. “How could we work that out? I don't think your aunt would go for it in a big way.”

Jennifer took a pen and pad from her bag and wrote her address for Richard. “Once she's asleep, she's asleep. I live upstairs, in the room in the dormer. You could climb up the side of the house, where there’s a window. Then, pull yourself up and over, knock on my window, and I’ll let you in. Really, you can do it. You can climb trees, can’t you? Anyway, I’ve done it.”

Richard wondered why a person might have to climb into her own home. Then he wondered if he could climb half as well as Jennifer. She was in great shape. Probably from all that compulsory clean living.

“Okay,” he said, hoping for the best.