I've had this on my mind for some time. I have written this out in my mind time after time again. But I am going to say this straightforward. Like pulling a band aid off. But I am going to share this as a kind of stream of consciousnesses.

I am a 58 year old male and gosh darn I have Adult ADHD. I am sure there are some of you who know me well, and unwell, that this doesn't surprise you. I am not asking for sympathy. Nor am I asking for pity. I am asking for to understand. You don't have to agree or disagree. I am not making any excuses, but rather an explanation. 

It's very difficult for me to get organized and stay on task. Then again, if I am extremely "into" what I am doing it is very easy to stay or task and I'm a little bit more organized. I don't think I have ever fulfilled all I can as a teacher due to the ADHD. 

Along with the ADHD comes anxiety. It's like the chicken or the egg. Which came first? Does the ADHD bring on the anxiety or vice versa? It's very easy for me to get overwhelmed. 

I was on the thirteen year plan to graduate college. In fact I barely graduated high school. The last two and a half years of high school I really didn't give a crap. 

I can be quote impatient. I sometimes speak my mind at the wrong time. I tend to piss people off. My son says I remind him of Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm. 

And let's not forget the impulsivity!!!!! Oy vey! It always seems like a good idea at first.

Money and me don't get along. 

Driving and me weren't the best of friends. There was a time in my twenties in which getting pulled over was a natural occurrence. Though I have overcome that. 

I can have four hundred things going on in my head at once. It isn't pleasant. When I get anxious I tend to continuously swirl over something.

I get distracted easily. But as I said earlier, I can easily get hyper focused. 

Sitting in one place for too long is problematic

My mind is very creative. If I had to do it over I would do something creative. When I retire I want to do something creative. Or sell cars. I think I would have made a great salesman. Selling cars or something.

I see thing others don't see. I have zero linear thought.

I love golf and can focus. I love baseball but can't watch a game anymore. I get too bored. 

ADHD is not compatible with stupid authority.

ADHD is compatible with passion. Which sometimes can not be good. 

Why haven't I gone on meds for this? Nope. Don't want to.

I think my biggest issue with my ADHD can be following through. I need to wait for the last minute to get the focus to to do something. Sometimes I don't follow through because it is not high up on my list. It doesn't mean I think any less of the person I promised something to, but just the way my mind works. It is important. But Wrath of Khan had distracted me.

I am able to focus better when I am under a gun. However, if I am getting outside crap from someone that does not motivate me. I think that is the issue I have had with the DOE all these years. 

This is how it is for me. I am what I am. Every day I have to work hard to get through it. I know there are many who are reading this that will get it. And some who won't. Too bad. I don't care. 

 

The "Children First" slogan espoused by the NYCDOE and all it's sycophantical toadies is such a load of bullshit. Well, yeah, that's not a major revelation, now is it?

I have just spent this rotation, since December 4, co-teaching with another ATR, A 5th grade class. Including myself and the ATR this class was on it's 3rd teacher this year. The teacher they had at the beginning of the year suddenly quit. That teacher was replaced by an ATR who was rotated out and then us. On Monday, teacher(s) #4 take over.

So one wonders why this is a rough class? I had to spend time not only building trust but building and maintaining my expectations along with catching the students up with the rest of the students in their grade.These students are 5th graders in the Bronx. The are brought into this world to be skeptical, to know the difference between shit and shinola.

Then there was Danny Noonan. Danny is ADHD and smart as a whip. He, alone among his classmates, would call out the utter bullshit that they have not had consistency in their classroom's teaching position the entire school year. He was right.

Danny was a challenge. He challenged and tested me right up until the end. The first week with him was tough. But I was me did what I had to do and his outbursts and temper was soon few and far between. I saw some of my when I was in 5th grade and I wasn't going to let Danny down.

I think things came to a head with him earlier this week. After weeks of being firm, yet compassionate during his disruptions with Danny I had to try a different tact. The day before the AP suggested that I call mom. With this outburst I told Danny I had no choice but to call mom. As I was walking out the door he pushed the door shut almost catching my fingers my thismuch.

Mom came in and we talked. She told me that too many teachers had given up on him. I told her that I will not give up on him (even knowing in the back of my head this was my last week). I think I finally got through to Danny. He finally felt safe.

Thursday night I got the email telling me to report to a new school this Monday. I told the class first thing yesterday morning. Danny wasn't there. He was late as usual. At about 8:40 I saw him walking down the hall and I told him outside the class one to one that I was not coming back.

He was stoic. Maybe too stoic. I saw the look in his eyes. Then with about 20 minutes left in the day there was a major meltdown.

I'm not blaming the principal at all. The principal of this school is a damn good principal. It's Tweed. It's the system. Its the fair student funding bullshit. Not all principals want the newbs.

This blaming the teachers and laying waste to ATR's needs to stop and stop now. The Susan Edelmans, the Eva Moskowitzs, the New York Posts of the world and all like those need to open their fucking eyes and look at how the people who are in charge are laying waste to education.Not to mention the con artists from within, like the UFT, and Mulgrew and Fuckface von Clownstick who is nothing more than Professor Harold Hill in manipulating ATR's and offering false hope and empty promises and now has decided to turn teacher against teacher. 

The Danny Noonans of the NYCDOE are being adversely affected. Don't they deserve a system that everyone works together for them?