The following comes to you from the files of, "This Shit Can't Be Made Up!"

A disturbing story came across the news desk of The Crack Team recently. It is so disturbing, so vile, so inane, we didn't know whether to laugh or to cry, or to spew chunks.

An ATR shared with us about their school which is being run by, as we were told, "nitpicking micro-managers (Administrators) who are up your ass everyday and in your room 2-3 times looking for something to provide 'actionable feedback."

Eventually one of these micro-managers found something so abhorrent, so revolting what this ATR had been doing it necessitated a quick "strategy conference."

The AP informed the ATR that handouts were being passed out the wrong way!

OH MY GOD!!!! THE HORROR OF IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!

Wrong way? Does this mean with the wrong hand? I'm left-handed living in a right-handed world. When I pass out handouts (rexos) I hold the papers in my right hand and use my left hand to pass them out. Surely, this is a disciplinary offense?

Could it be the ATR did not flick the wrist properly? Or maybe did not center the handout correctly on the desk? Dear Lord, maybe a morning of PD on Election Day can rectify this problem.

So what really was the issue?

The ATR was chastised because it had taken 75 seconds to pass out the handouts. One minute and 15 seconds.

The AP shared with the ATR that these 75 seconds resulted in a lost of "quality learning" time that which over a year can result in the loss of several periods of learning.

The ATR was corrected. Kinda like in the manner in which The Shining when the Jack Nicholson was told to correct his wife.

The ATR was told to have handouts in piles per table groups and have the table captains walk up to pick them out and then hand them out at their tables. 

So here's the deal. How do we shave off the time and help this ATR pass out the handout in a quicker, more efficient manner that not only makes sense but is much more efficient?

This does not seem very efficient. What will that save, 3.75 seconds (Don't laugh. The Crack Team has tested out this scenario at The Crack Team's Educational Research Labs in Yonkers)?

The ATR can get one of those cannon things that shoot T-shirts at sporting events. Nah, can only do one at a time and will waste time loading it.

The ATR can stand in the middle of the class, or rather at this school the "Learning Environment," and throw the handouts up in the air and hope the all float to each student. Nah.

The Crack Team invested many hours on this one and came up with a solution. It is so simple and so plausible.

We have instructed the ATR to go to the science lab during the next thunderstorm and stand by many different chemicals. To ensure a lightning strike on the aforementioned chemicals the ATR, along with help from the school's science teacher, will build a lightning rod from the chemicals, out the window, and up to the roof of the school. During the storm lightning will hit the rod, come down through it to the chemicals which then will spill all over the ATR. At this moment the ATR will soon be blessed with speed as fast as light. Either that or wind up in 1955.

Or the ATR can go back in time to before Krypton exploded, knock out Jor-El and Lora and throw Kal-El out of the ship and blast off towards earth and have the true effects of the yellow Sun. Yeah, I know. This idea is kind of silly and unrealistic. The first idea is better.

Let's see the UFT come up with this kind of out of the box thinking.

From the files of the "You Can't Make This Shit Up Department," it just keeps getting nuttier and crazier at PS 154 in the Bronx. Is it possible that the wheels of the bus that DR Alison Coviello, Ed.D
and Principal controls are flying off?

After last night's blog post featuring how a student, The Flash, ran out of school property twice, once onto dangerous 135th St, several teachers contacted The Crack Team today on their day off and shared a horrifying story of incompetence, danger and ignorance that occurred yesterday, January 24, 2014.

Yesterday at PS 154 The Flash, along with Wayne Gretzky and Mark Messier bolted from their classroom. All three, about 8 years old, were wondering the halls for at least one hour. No one could catch them nor find them. Three boys, running unsupervised throughout the school. Not only were they not engaged in education, but their safety was at stake.

Was a ROD (Responder on Duty) called? Nope. Even though that is standard operating procedure and is clearly spelled out on the PS 154 Manifesto, oops, the handbook, no one was notified or responded.

Why and how did this happen? The three young men were in the classroom misbehaving when they were admonished for their behavior. I, last year, had these young men at one time or another (not together) and at no time did they bolt from my classroom. So strange it happens now.

How were these students finally dealt with when DR Alison Coviello, Ed.D and Principal caught them? DR Alison Coviello, Ed.D and Principal used her Child Whisperer technique, or as The Crack Team calls it, "The Coviello Whisperer."

What is the The Coviello Whisperer technique? It is a technique that is only unique to DR Alison Coviello, Ed.D and Principal and is impossible to learn by any mere mortal

DR Alison Coviello, Ed.D and Principal gets down on the floor with the kid (To show that she is cool and caring) and whispers ever so gently to the student that misbehaved. The students sensing softness and weakness laughs inside their head and doesn't respect such a phony admonishment.

How were these students disciplined? One student went off to spend time with the AP for the day and the other two went to spend time with professionals of the pupil personal team. Which leads to many a question.

Were these students given sufficient work to do? Were these students properly supervised? Were they put on the computers in the respective offices to play games? Were the three adults tasked with supervising them able to do their duties, their jobs? Were the three adults with the task of supervising these boys able to meet with students and able to have their conversations remain confidential? Were the parents/guardian notified? Not just for discipline reasons, but to let the parents/guardians know that the school allowed the students to be in an unsafe situation. Was an OORS report filed?

At what point does this end? At what point does the students safety become paramount over the pride of  DR Alison Coviello, Ed.D and Principal? The Responsive Classroom technique has been proven to be an abject failure. Is it not time to go back to the drawing board and either start from scratch or uses methods of discipline that actually have proven to work?

One simple solution to fix the discipline problem is to find male teachers. PS 154 in the Bronx has only one male teacher left, and even he does not interact with all the students, only a select few. All strong male teachers at PS 154 in the Bronx have been cast out like the Amish do to their own that show independence of thought.

When will this end at PS 154? When will the safety and well being of the students trump the pride and control of DR Alison Coviello, Ed.D and Principal.

Again, parents need to ask themselves, "Is my child safe at PS 154?" Think about it. What has been shared here just now will never happen in Harrison, or Scarsdale, or Roslyn, or Franklin Lakes. Why is it allowed to happen at PS 154 in the Bronx?      

It's pretty embarrassing when you lose something isn't it?

Last week I was on the phone with long lost colleague when suddenly I had that sense of dread. I couldn't find my phone. I went into a panic and searched my coat pockets, my pants pockets, the floor, the couch, just about everywhere. I was just about ready to go outside and look when it dawned on me. I was on the phone. It was in my hand the whole time. "WHEW!" I said to myself, though in the back of my head I wondered if this was the seventh sign of impending doom.

We've all had those moments in the past. Looking for the car keys, looking for your glasses when they are actually on your head. I guess the older you get, the more forgetful you get.

I never lost my son. There were a few times when he was little where I just lost sight of him momentarily. It was the worst 3 seconds in the world. But I always knew where he was. I made darn sure that my eyes knew where he was at all times.

Too bad that can't be said about DR Alison Coviello; EdD and Principal at PS 154 in the Bronx.

The Crack Team has just learned from sources at PS 154 that twice during the season of autumn, a student, The Flash, who is about 8 years old, bolted from the school.

In the first instance The Flash took off while he and his grade were playing outside during lunch recess. Sources can't confirm but this is apparently the lunch period that DR Alison Coviello; EdD and Principal supervises. If this is not the period she supervises, the supervision in the yard consists of 20 something City Year folk who really aren't in a position to perform supervision of such a large scale. The Crack Team is looking into this and will soon file a white paper on the incident.

On another occasion, not too soon after the above aforementioned incident The Flash took off again. This time The Flash bolted from the auditorium and left the school building unsupervised. Now, for those who are not aware, PS 154 in the Bronx is on a busy East 135th Street. This street is notoriously busy because not only does it serve as a service road for about a mile alongside the Deegan, but cars are coming over the Willis Ave Bridge, or turning right from Willis Ave. Scarier still are the cars that try to enter the Deegan at high rates of speed and even some from the far right lane. Can you say, "Disaster waiting to happen?"

Not to make an excuse for The Flash's run from the auditorium, but who can blame him? Whenever the elements outside prevent the students from going out for recess, or there is a mass prep due to PD, or lack of coverage. Students are warehoused into the auditorium and read to. Much like Andy Kaufman reading the Great Gatsby.

The reasoning behind this is that the students should be engages in some type of learning rather than watching some Goosebumps movie for the gazillionth time. Hey, we here at SBSB are down with that. But can't the students be shown documentaries, movies that tie in with the curriculum, biographies, etc...?

So what is the little 8 year old Flash to do? Starts getting silly and gets ants in his pants. Soon he bolts.

But this all happens on the watch of DR Alison Coviello; EdD and Principal. In the same manner that Captain Picard is responsible for his ship, DR Alison Coviello; EdD and Principal is responsible for her school. And as we all know that if something went askew on the Enterprise, Captain Picard would notify Star Fleet. The Crack Team wonders if DR Alison Coviello; EdD and Principal filled out an OORS (Online Occurrence Reporting System) report. The Crack Team doubts it was reported. And if it the incidents were not reported then DR Alison Coviello; EdD and Principal failed to follow procedure and it can be safely assumed by John Q. Public that the books are being cooked in terms of reporting incidents.

Again, what would this be allowed to happen in Harrison NY? OF COURSE NOT! But it happens at PS 154 in the Bronx. But doesn't PS 154 in the Bronx have the all time perfect discipline system in place? We here at SBSB are massively confused.

Parent need to ask themselves, "Is my child safe at PS 154?" Well??