The 21st Century Principal

 "Want to be an expert on leadership? You could get training and exposure to the relevant research literature, but it's not necessary. If you are persuasive enough, articulate enough, or attractive enough, if your have an interesting enough, uplifting story of some combination of these traits, you are or can be a very successful leadership blogger, speaker, and consultant--whether or not you have ever read, let alone contributed to, any of the relevant social science on the topic." p. ix, Jeffrey PFeffer, Leadership BS: Fixing Workplaces and Careers One Truth at a Time

One thing that is more commonly found than a qualified teacher is a leadership consultant or expert. My own work inbox explodes every day with emails from some expert offering to make me and the other administrators in my organization the greatest leaders in our field. They advertise all manner of "keynotes" who have cracked the code of leadership excellence, and by just hearing their words, I will find my own leadership transformed they promise. But has anyone every really seen any data and evidence presented that shows that attending their conference delivers as promised? Probably not, if you set aside their anecdotal evidence.

Today, in the education field, if you want to be a "leadership expert" you really don't have to know a thing about leadership. If you are convincing, articulate, and looks help, you can open that leadership consulting business and make more money and be your own boss. It helps to also have a litany of inspiring stories, humor, and some overall "operational leadership model scheme" and you are on your way as a leadership guru.

But Pfeffer also points out in his book Leadership BS that "the leadership industry...has its quacks and sham artists who sell promises and stories, some true, some not, but all of them inspirational and comfortable" (p. x, Pfeffer, 2015). What is worse, there is very little "follow-up" research to see what really works and what doesn't.

I propose that the next time one of these leadership consultants sends you an email, send them one back stating: "I tell you what, I will listen to your sales pitch IF you can send me independently verified data and evidence (no anecdotal stories permitted) of how successful your services are. Or, if they dare call you, stop them mid-sales pitch and ask them if they have independently verified, supportive data (again not anecdotal stories or references). I have done this, and nothing makes these peddlers of leadership coaching services clam up faster when you ask. Most of them have not really taken the time to independently study the leadership wares they're selling.

What if we as educational leaders were able to establish our own version of the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) whose task would be to test and analyze the claims of these leadership gurus and determine whether they really do produce the results claimed? Of course that is a dream unlikely to happen, but it be a means to dispense with much of the leadership consultant quackery.

The bottom line is that it is our role to be critical. I am not dazzled by individuals who brag about how many TED Talks they've done; how many books they've published; or even jobs they've once held. That is not evidence of efficacy of their consultant product. In the end, ask tough questions before you spend anything on these leadership products. Demand data and evidence and question their "success stories." If their consultancy can't stand the critical scrutiny, then spend your money wisely elsewhere.

We've all heard this quote, or might have even used it:

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

I've heard ed reformers and educators pushing change and innovation use this quote many times, and attributing to Albert Einstein. I honestly have to admit I might have done so myself. The truth is, there's no solid evidence he ever said it. It's not in any of his writings or interviews. It may be just made up.

In his book, Head in the Cloud: Why Knowing Things Still Matters When Facts Are So Easy to Look Up, William Poundstone calls this "Churchillian Drift." That's when a quotation by the marginally famous gets attributed to someone famous, like Winston Churchill. Turns out, Einstein probably didn't say it. Just Google the quote and you'll see the dispute.

The truth, at least for me, is clear: even if we really believe in what we're peddling, we still need to get our quotes right.

"It may sound good at the time, he who gets one or two of his quotes wrong, or facts, can't be trusted to be speaking all the truth."

You can quote on that, at least until someone else says it better!

By the way, Poundstone's book, Head in the Cloud: Why Knowing Things Still Matters When Facts Are So Easy to Look Up is a fascinating read.  Highly recommend it. Probably even will convince you to stop using those quote sites for quick quotes to add to your presentations.

Most current principals and school leaders are quite familiar with the discourse that calls for them to focus on their “circles of influence” and just ignore those things over which they have no control. Stephen R. Covey has become the gospel for educational leaders.

For example, if a school principal of a high-poverty school points out the abject poverty that her students live in from day-to-day is hampering their achievement, she is immediately reprimanded and corrected with, “Just focus on what you can control, not those things you can’t. Besides, that’s just an excuse.” The thinking behind these statements elevate the myth that poverty does not matter. All one needs to do is “Pull themselves up by the bootstraps” and they will succeed.”

The underlying belief of all this is, “Poverty is an acceptable part of life. People who live in poverty do so because of their own mistaken choices.” It is this belief that underpins so many school leadership trainings I’ve experienced. Focus on the management tools, and ignore the conditions kids live in outside the school.

The ordered silence (and it is ordered because those who speak are silenced and dismissed) about poverty is the same as saying those who push policies and practices that are pomoting income desparity and poverty are right and to question what they are doing is “political.” It is this thinking that has disemboweled educational leadership today. There’s no “guts” or courage for standing up to those societal and political practices that are hurting children. School leaders are made simply “managers” of a system as it is rather than advocating for a society and a system that gives everyone a fair chance.

When did educational leadership mean subscribing to a societal program that leaves more kids behind than ever?

When did being a school principal who is advocating for the dire needs of the kids in his school become labeled as excuses instead of calling attention to an American society that does not take care of its own?

When does it ever mean that a school leader can’t critique federal, state, and local educational policy, and question political decisions made by our government and state poltical and educational department leaders?

Have we so adopted the hierarchical, non-questioning business approach to just carrying out the latest federal or state mandate so that we can “keep our jobs?”

That is why America still leaves so many children behind! Educational leaders have been neutered and reduced to “business managers” whose job is to follow orders unquestionably. They are encouraged to have a vision “as long as it fits into the program, where the program is guided by federal and state poltiical mandates.

Until educational leaders, from the classroom to the state and federal levels shed the mind of educational managers of the latest mandates, and begin to question and advocate as well as call attention to society-wide policies that are hurting kids, public education will be just as powerless and inffective as its leaders.

“The role of the intellectual is to expose new ways of thinking: to make people see the world around them in a different light, to disturb their mental habits and to invite them to demand and instigate change.” Johanna Oksala, How to Read Foucault

I want to propose a radical idea: School leaders need to be “intellectual leaders.” If you look at any one of the hundreds of books about educational leadership, you see the words, “instructional leader,” “micropolitical leader,” or “managerial leader,” but what’s missing is the idea of “intellectual leadership.” Educational leaders, as I see it, should also be “intellectual leaders."
If there ever was a time “intellectual leaders” are needed it is now. Intellectual leaders who “expose new and old ways of thinking about education and its practices” are needed in the face of an onslaught of privatization and corporatization. Educational leaders have often blindly accepted the “corporate agenda” for schools often without question. They have bought the idea that “If it works in business, then it will work in education” mantra. They have come to accept without question an audit culture that places results in the form of test scores above anything else. They have blindly followed politicians into this by accepting massive amounts of federal money with chains attached to drag public education in places of destruction. In a word, educational leaders are complicit in the destruction of public education and the destruction of the teaching profession with their unquestioning acceptance of the latest brand of educational reform to travel downward from on high.

What is needed to counter this downward spiral? Intellectual leaders willing to expose these mandates, these policies to the scrutiny of critical examination. Intellectual leaders who don’t just accept as gospel that tests are the equivalent of learning and that test scores are the only worthwhile measure of learning. It is intellectual leaders in the schools who would scrutinize and resist policies bad for kids, and bad for public education.

One other thing about intellectual leadership: it also involves “distubing the mental habits” of others within the school organization. These others also need to question the reasons "why we have always done things this way” or “why we are going to do them this way now.” With the questions, spaces for resistance open up for true leadership. Change begins with seeing outside the boundaries; not with accepting the boundaries as given.

"The intellectual is not the moral conscience of society, his or her role is not to pass political judgments, but to liberate us by making alternative ways of thinking possible."Johanna Oksala, How to Read Foucault

"Having the space to listen with compassion is essential to being a true friend, a true colleague, a true parent, a true partner." Thich Nhat Hanh, from Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise

How many of you find that you don’t listen well in your role as leaders? I find that out every single day of my life. In the job of being a school leader, my mind races through the day. Even when I am sitting still, my mind is elsewhere. It’s chasing those classroom observations I have yet to do. It is preoccupied with a specific issue involving a teacher, parent, and student. It is racing about so much, there are times I just don’t listen to what anyone else has to say. It’s not that I am stubborn; its that my mind is tuned in to what Thich Nhat Hanh calls  Radio Station NST, and the NST stands for “Non-Stop-Thinking."

How effective as compassionate leaders can we really be with our minds so distracted? I suspect not very much. So, what’s the answer? I think Hanh offers a pretty solid answer: we have to begin with ourselves.

“If we want to help others, we need to have peace inside,” Hanh writes and teaches. We have to focus on creating this peace within ourselves or else, we’re wasting everybody’s time, including our own.

We need to take time today and listen inwardly. Have compassion on yourself first and listen; then you can have genuine compassion for others.

How many times do you find yourself chasing away the silence? In the role of leadership, sometimes “the silence” becomes a reminder of just how lonely the job of being a leader can be. As Buddhist monk and teacher Thich Nhat Hanh writes:

"We can feel lonely even when we’re surrounded by many people. We are lonely together. There is a vacuum inside us . We don’t feel comfortable with that vacuum, so we try to fill it up or make it go away. Technology supplies us with many devices that allow us to “stay connected.” These days, we are always “connected,” but we continue to feel lonely. We check incoming e-mail and social media sites multiple times a day. We e-mail or post one message after another . We want to share; we want to receive. We busy ourselves all day long in an effort to connect."

As Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us, we actively avoid silence by filling our lives with as many things as possible. Those things can be electronic devices as Hanh describes, or they can be check-points on a massive to-do list that just keep us busy to avoid the silence of loneliness. Truth is, we can avoid the loneliness that the job of leadership brings with it by filling the vacuum of silence. Instead, we need to welcome the silence.

But as Thich Nhat reminds us, “Silence is essential.” It is the silence that gives us time for us. It is here in the silence that we can begin to look deeply and find out who we are. Is that not ultimately what we want as leaders? To become authentic, we need to shut down the noise around us long enough to connect with who we are instead of Facebook or Twitter.

Hanh, Thich Nhat (2015-01-27). Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise (p. 24). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

"The silence of thoughtful people creates a vacuum filled by extremists." Margaret Wheatley, Find Our Way; Leadership for an Uncertain Time

In her book, Finding Our Way: Leadership for an Uncertain Time, Margaret Wheatley asks the question:

"Why is silence moving like a fog across the planet? Why is it growing in us as individuals, even as we learn of more and more issues that concern us? Why do we fail to raise our voice on behalf of things that trouble us, and then regret what we didn't do?" 

Why do public educators and school leaders largely remain silent while politicians and government bureaucrats bash public schools and inundate them with harmful school policies? Why do teachers, principals, and district leaders automatically ask the question, "How can we implement this educational measure?" rather than asking the tough questions about implementation issues and possible harmful effects on the public education system, its students, and its employees? Is it fear? Has our public education system become so hierarchical, with emperors and kings sending down mandates, and the educator's job is to unquestioningly accept whatever those mandates are and carry them out? My question is not intended to encourage that we should break the law, or be insubordinate. Legally, we're often bound to doing some things while holding our noses, and hoping that no one is harmed by those laws or policies. Still, if we quietly move to implementation mode, without expressing our concerns and opinions, then those in power take that acquiescence as consent and total support.

In the current education climate, our silence on issues like standardized testing, accountability, education budgets, and poverty does create the vacuum into which the enemies to public education, sometimes allied with well-meaning education reformers have poured their ideas. They have captured the marketplace of "what's-best-for-kids" because educators and school leaders choose to be silent, and in this, when it comes to our current educational climate, we've only ourselves to blame.

It is time, time for us to speak up. It is time for us to let our politicians know how their budgets and laws affect lives and our education mission. It is time for us to let federal bureaucrats know how their programs and policies are undermining our efforts to bring sound education to our students. It is time, for us to break the silence. While our speaking up may not change minds, laws, or policies, at the end of the day, we will not regret that we allowed all these anti-public education reforms occur.

Of course, those in "power" might see our speaking out as "insubordination" and "not being a team player." But since when does being on a team mean you check your expertise and opinions at the door? Since when is contributing your own concerns and objections deemed insubordinate? We do have a responsibility to be respectful when expressing our concerns and objections. And those objections and concerns expressed may do nothing to change the course of events. Still, we've not been insubordinate, and we are being the ultimate team player. We are contributing our expertise and ideas and experience when we do not remain silent. We are in the practice being "thoughtful people" who are trying to keep in check those whose agendas may not be in the best interests of our students and public education, and to help our leaders make sound decisions.

"We all know we should be eating more vegetables---it's the advice given by every nutritionist and on every food pyramid. Becoming vegetarian, even if it's only part time, is a great opportunity to do just that." The Vegetarian Bible

Most of us grew up with admonitions from our parents to "Eat your vegetables" while we stared at our plates piled with green peas, carrots, or green beans. The inevitable second part to that statement was almost always, "They're good for you." The problem with that justification, at least as I remember it, was that it did not work, especially with the green peas. Most of us did not eat them because we thought they were good for us; we ate them because they were on our plate.

Don't get me wrong, there were some vegetables that I enjoyed. I have always liked green beans. Black-eye peas were good too. I actually did eat most vegetables, except for green peas, which for some reason I did not care for.

Fast forward years later, and most would find it difficult that I have chosen to become a vegetarian. I have always been a heavy meat-eater. Give me a sloppy cheese burger, and I was happy. But times have changed for me, I have been a vegetarian for the past few months, and I am glad I made the change. I have never felt better and have more energy to boot. In addition to becoming a vegetarian, I also have been walking over 4 miles per day for exercise. This all came about because I realized I was not being very good to myself with what I was eating and with what I was not doing with physical exercise. I felt bad physically a large part of time. A visit to my physician and the scales was the final straw that convinced me I was on a crash course for obesity and bad health.

Three months later, I've lost 34 pounds and feel 100% better.

I won't try to convince you to become a vegetarian. One thing I've learned by choosing this course is American society is based on carnivorous eating. When you go to dinner parties, unless they happen to know you eat vegetarian, you are likely to find yourself sucking on a piece of parsley and sipping water. Restaurants are almost entirely based on meat-eating too, and if there are vegetarian choices, you either are relegated to choosing a dish and tell them to "Hold the meat," or there's a small section in the menu with three or four choices are labeled "Vegetarian." This is no dig at gracious hosts of these parties, nor the owners of fine restaurants who serve great food, but Americans assume Americans eat meat and that's the way it is.

Still, I can't help but wonder that we as school leaders, models of being good citizens, should also not be modeling making good choices about our eating and about exercising. We become quite adept at solving problems in our schools, but we ignore the problem that we aren't being very kind to our physical selves, and what's worse, we're modeling that for our students. I am certainly not advocating that we somehow mandate healthy eating and exercise for education leaders because they are "role models." Being a "role model" means you do things because they are the right thing to do, not because you have to do it, so mandates aren't going to solve this problem.

In the end, we all have to make the choices about how we treat ourselves. We don't have to be vegetarian, but we can be mindful of what we eat and avoid excess and eating things that aren't good for us. We can also get some exercise. The excuse of the busy schedule should not prevent this. You walk, run, jog, or swim as a part of normal everyday routine. Make it a habit as something you just do. If we don't take care of ourselves by with mindful eating and exercise, we will probably shorten our careers as school leaders, and we might not be modeling good decision-making in these areas for our students.

“Pause before sending an email. What do I want to see come out of this communication? The other party to feel diminished or encouraged?” Sharon Salzberg, Real Happiness at Work: Meditations for Accomplishment, Achievement, and Peace

Email has made it quite easy to speak your mind. How many of us are guilty of pounding out a scathing response to an email that we received from someone else who wrote from a moment of passion? Chances are, unless you’ve been asleep for the first decade of the 21st century, you have had your own experiences of composing and sending an email that did little to be helpful and much to be hurtful or detrimental to an already emotional situation. There’s something about email that seems to make it OK to speak to other people in ways that we would dare not speak to them in person.

This tendency to respond out of passion is all the more reason to “Pause” before sending that email when we find ourselves ruled by passion. A simple test I follow is this:

I ask myself: Will this email response be useful? And, as Sharon Salzberg indicates, “What do I want to see come out of this communication?” If the answer is harm to another person, then perhaps the delete button is the best option. If my email response will bring about harm to another, even in the spirit of revenge, then is it really expedient to send that message?

We don’t have to be discourteous and thoughtless with our messages. In fact, in our times, there’s just too much polarization and hate to go around already. Why would we choose to add more simply because it satisfies our own sense of revenge?

Today, don’t be afraid to “Pause” before sending that email-of-vengence.” If our message is harmful to others, no good can come from it. The delete button is sometimes the best option.

"Keep in mind that viewpoints are only viewpoints and that on an absolute level the whole world, including ourselves, is not what it appears to be." Ayya Kema, Be an Island: The Buddhist Practice of Inner Peace

Sometimes one of the hardest things for me to accept as a school leader is recognizing that no matter what I think, no matter what my opinion is on an issue, that viewpoint is simply "my viewpoint." It isn't the law. It isn't "research-based." It isn't the gospel. It is simply my belief. It simply isn't exactly what it appears to be; it is how the captial "I" or "me" views the situation. I have no monopoly on truth. This means that when I express my views as a leader, I must also humbly acknowledge when what I am saying is simply "my views."

In American culture there are no shortages of people who believe that they themselves are imparted with the "truth." Sometimes I find myself lapsing into that frame of mind. But, if I am going to be an authentic educational leader, I must always be mindful that how I see things isn't necessarily how things are. I must humbly accept that I perhaps do not know as much as I thought. The reason our culture is so polarized is because everyone is too busy protecting "their truth" and not listening to each other. Being open to other viewpoints is not a negative. It is a step to being an authentic leader.

"True courage comes from moving away from having to be right and checking our ego at the door to see the bigger picture." Mark Adams, Courageous Conflict: Leading with Integrity and Authenticity

In our roles as leaders, how many times do we insist upon having the monopoly on "being right?" There are many who still attempt to practice the "it's-my-way-or-the-highway" leadership style, but in 21st century education it is anachronistic. As a leadership practice, it is fossil of a time when you could expect those "underneath" you to have less knowledge. You could expect that those whom you lead don't have the full picture that you have. That is reversed in a high-tech, twenty-first century world, where those who are "down the organizational chart" actually often know more than you do. In a information-rich, twenty-first century world, leaders can't ever expect to control the knowledge flow. It's simply a transparent, knowledge-flooded world and we, as leaders might as well get used to it.

As Mark Adams indicates, "true courage" is being able to check your ego at the door just so you can see the bigger picture. Being a 21st century leader is being able to accept that you can't possibly know everything, and that perhaps you don't know as much as you thought you did. Courageous leaders today, do check their egos for the sake of getting the bigger picture. Leaders with true courage don't fight to be right; they fight to be open to the possibilities in a world in which they know their own limitations.

 

"One of the biggest problems we encounter is verbal communication that is misunderstood or unskillfully handled." Sharon Salzberg & Robert Thurman, Love Your Enemies: How to Break the Anger Habit & Be a Whole Lot Happier

It's Monday morning, and you're sitting at your desk. You get a call from your school receptionist that Ms. (You Insert the Name Here) has arrived in the office and she is agitated and angry, much like she usually is. Your receptionist informs you that she is upset once again about something that's happened to her daughter in the classroom. Upon hearing this news, you begin to tense up, as if ready for battle. You just didn't need to face this parent this morning. She has a habit of showing up when a thousand things are already on your calendar. You tell your receptionist that you'll be there in just a few minutes.

This scenario is common experience for any school administrator. Even when I was a teacher, there were those few parents I just hated to get a phone message in my box or an email requesting a meeting. I knew they were angry, and I knew they wanted a piece of me. They were generally unhappy with life and wanted to take it out on me and whoever else happens to be convenient. As Salzberg and Thurman point out, these moments are when our verbal communication can be easily misunderstood if we don't handle speaking and acting skillfully. In these crucial moments when others approach us armed and ready, it is crucial that we use the right speech.

According to Buddhist thinking, the criteria for determining what "right speech" is involves two questions: 1) Is it true? and 2) Is it useful? Notice that saying the right thing here involves both of these. What we say obviously must be true. Speaking falsehoods and untruths are never acceptable. But also notice that just because something is true that doesn't mean we have to say it. Take the parent scenario above. While the truth might be that the parent is being entirely unreasonable and a bully, it would not be considered skillful to state this truth directly. Just because something is true does not give us blanket permission to say it. What we need is sensitivity and discernment, according to Salzberg and Thurman.

How does this look in life and in our leadership in the school and classroom? We sometimes must recognize "being silent is sometimes better than speech that is not true or speech that is not useful."Speaking lies and deception are never successful in resolving issues. If untruths are used, once the truth is known, even if at a later date, the issue becomes even more complicated because now we have our own deception of others to deal with too. On the other hand, things that might be true, might also be best left unsaid because speaking them is not useful. Being insensitive and uncouth is rampant in American society today. Many, many government leaders seem to lack sensitivity. They speak what might be true, but is certainly not useful. Here are some excellent questions we can ask ourselves during these crucial moments when we're trying to decide what to say:

• What actually matters the most at this moment? What do I care about more than anything else right now? Answering this question truthfully makes it very difficult to say what is unskillful. In the parent scenario earlier, it becomes immediately clear that neither the parent's obvious cantankerousness nor your aggravation are paramount. Determining what happened to the child that concerns the parent is most important. By refocusing out attention on what matters most we can set aside everything else.
• When you find yourself in conflict, do you care more about being right or being happy? Often, we get so caught up in our own righteousness that we seem to forget that "being right" isn't the most important thing at a given moment. Sometimes parents or even students we deal with might be wrong, but our insistence of being right can only make things even more difficult. Sometimes we just have to let go of our wanting to be right in order to connect with others.
• Can you step off your pedestal long enough to acknowledge that being right might not matter if it only prolongs or exacerbates the problems? The pedestal of righteousness many school leaders and even classroom teachers stand on is quite high. Again our insistence of being right is sometimes not useful in every situation, so we must let it go.

Undoubtedly, all of us have one individual who likes to "push our buttons." We walk into out office first thing in the morning and notice that the voice-mail light on our phone is flashing, and a sudden feeling of foreboding  overcomes us. Most of our difficult days seem to begin with the flashing voice-mail button, so there is no excitement in pushing the buttons to hear the message that awaits. Once we do, the voice of that one person who seems to bring out the worst in us, bursts into our hearing, and we can feel the tightness, the anger arising with that thought, "Oh know, here we go again."

This incident illustrates so well what happens to us in our roles as administrators. We all have those individuals who, because of our history with them, "push our buttons" and have the power to turn our perfectly good day to bad, sometimes with just the sound of their voice. These people inhabit our lives just by the very nature of our being leaders. Unlike many of those who work in our buildings, we can't pass the buck and say,"This is above our pay grade." We have to face the music. We have no choice but deal with the person head on. Besides, is it a courageous act of leadership to just pass the  buck to someone else?

What if, though, we could find a way to do what Buddhist teacher Thubten Chodron describes as a process of "Removing Our Buttons?" She writes:

"Rather than acting according to our habitual pattern of blaming others for our anger, we can note that our buttons are being pushed depends on two factors: other's actions and our having buttons. If we remove our buttons, there won't be anything for others to push."

How novel a concept! I personally never thought we could "remove our buttons." I have long thought our buttons are our buttons and we just have to live with them. The truth is, that is simply not true. At the heart of living peacefully is being able to remove those triggers in our lives that bring about automatic and habitual anger. We can do that, and as school leaders, unless we want to live under the power of others by giving them "buttons to push," we can do so simply. According to Thubten Chodron, our removal of these buttons is simply removing our "automatic and habitual responses that so often get us tangled in cycles of anger and conflict with others." It really is that anger that sometimes gets us into trouble; it's our reactions that complicate our problems.

So, how do we get rid of our buttons? How do we remove those automatic reactions to the flashing light of our voice-mail? Well, one way we don't is by suppressing and telling our selves we have no right to be angry. How we begin to get rid of the anger is almost so simple, we can't but think, "Why didn't I think of that in the first place!" It really is simple. We do the following:

• We acknowledge and accept that anger when it appears. We give ourselves permission to feel the anger. Permission doesn't mean we take rash action; it means we let the anger be inside of ourselves. Whoever said you can't pause and just let ourselves feel the anger? There is no law that demands we act on our anger.
• Then we simply recognize that the anger is temporary. It does not ever last forever, that's why we were told when young to sometimes sleep on things. Distance in time allows anger to dissolve.

By giving ourselves permission to be angry instead of resisting, we will often find that they anger simply goes away. By pausing and avoiding reacting to our anger, we do, in effect, remove "our buttons." How frustrating it can be for someone who wants to push your buttons, and that they can't find any to push. How's that for Friday leadership wisdom?

How many times a day does someone, perhaps one of your teachers or even a parent come to you reminding you of the "What-If's" that you and your school currently face. For example, they say, "What if it snows next week during exams and state testing?" Or, "What if parents become upset with your decision to delay report cards?" As a school leader, there is no shortage of people around you reminding you of all the possible outcomes of a given situation. The honest truth is, though, we can't deal with the "What-ifs." Sure, we can plan for the most possible contingencies, and as effective leaders, we should. To do less than that is shirking our duties.

But the reality is our schools and our lives are complicated. There is absolutely no way to prepare for the "what-ifs" with high levels of certainty. The wisest course of action is offered by Buddhist Teacher,Thubten Chodron:

"We can ask ourselves, "Can I do something about this situation?" If the answer is yes, then there's no need to worry. We can act. If the answer is no, then there's no use for worry. We can relax, see what happens, and deal with the situation the best we can."

When the "What-if's" start echoing through our minds, it is so easy to get caught up in playing through scenario after scenario. These stories are compelling and often frightening. But that's just it. They're stories. The truth is we can't possibly plan for all those potentialities. There are times when we can't plan for any possibilities. We have to accept, relax and see what happens. We have to let go of the mistaken belief we are always in control.

Being an effective leader, educator, person or even student, means recognizing that there's sometimes no preparation for every "What-if" we face. Being effective means knowing when to let things be. We sometimes need to let go, relax, and see what happens. Things are sometimes as they are. As Sharon Salzberg writes and I often remind myself, "Life is as it is despite our protests."

“Although you can’t make your life more perfect, you can, without question, learn to live more skillfully.” Phillip Moffit, Emotional Chaos to Clarity: How to Live More Skillfully, Make Better Decisions, and Find Purpose in Life

In the early days of my career, as an assistant manager with a large retail chain, I fondly remember a mentoring, veteran store manager telling me, “You know, you get better at this managing thing. You just gotta get comfortable in your own skin.” As is often the case when one is young, that whole statement flew right over my head. I honestly had no clue as to what he was talking about. Now, many years later, with hundreds of additional hours of work experience, I know exactly what he was referring to. He was basically talking about being comfortable with who you are in the role of management and in life.

In Emotional Chaos to Clarity: How to Live More Skillfully, Make Better Decisions, and Find Purpose in Life, Buddhist, Phillip Moffit says, 

“Imagine abandoning your expectations about what your life should be like and awakening to a deeper, more meaningful and satisfying relationship to your life just as it is.” 

What Moffit describes in that statement, is the ultimate state of “being comfortable in our own skins.” Further, he describes an end to our fighting to try to mold our lives into what we think it ought to be, and instead, being friends with our lives, accepting our lives and ourselves. But this is not a passive resignation to not ever trying to better ourselves; it is putting an end to our our constant reactivity and resistance to all that comes our way" and being friends with it all.

Below, I've taken the liberty of slightly modifying Moffit's list of nine benefits of skillful living and generated my own list of "9 Benefits of Living in Our Own Skins" advice to school leaders.

1. We know and act from our core values at all times. If we’re living skillfully, we are “comfortable in our own skins” and do not pretend to be someone we’re not. We don’t forget our inner core when we make decisions. We walk the talk because we authentically adhere to our most sacred values. There are no sacrifices of our most important values for personal and private gain.

2. We gain wisdom from both pleasant and unpleasant experiences. Life is our teacher. As leaders, every experience, whether it be difficult or not, is our instructor about life and about ourselves. Those we encounter that try our patience, that test our values, are our teachers too. When we live skillfully, we are open to the lessons that life and these people bring.

3. We can discern between thoughts, words, and actions that can cause harm and those that do not, and we act accordingly. Living skillfully and “being comfortable in our own skin” means we are in tune with what’s happening in our minds. We know clearly that what we say and what we do has the potential to cause harm, and we refrain from those. We speak and act only after examining our motives and intentions, and when we know no harm will come to others due to the choices we make.

4. We know our true nature, the essence of our character, and how to protect it. You can’t possibly be comfortable “in your own skin” if you really don’t know yourself. In essence, we are not our school leader roles. We are much more, and if we live skillfully, we are in tune with all. Taking time to know ourselves is important. Annual retreats and time for reflection each day are a must.

5. We accept gain and loss equally and derive insight from each. We don't always have to win. We also accept losing as well. There is much to learn from the wins and losses in life. Living skillfully means we face both of these and use them as opportunities to learn more about ourselves and life.

6. We realize that we have an inner life in which love can flourish, even if our outer life is filled with challenges. School leaders seldom speak of “love” because setting aside your feelings and sentimentality is often thought to be a sign of good leadership. In fact, authentic leaders realize the value of inner lives. It is through the cultivation of the inner life that makes possible the ability to withstand the challenges of our outer lives. When the worst happens, what's inside us is tested, and what comes out determines our authentic selves.

7. We learn to speak only what is true, and timely, even during moments anger and outrage. Living skillfully means not sugar-coating our feelings or what we see. Nor does it mean we let our words fly in anger no matter where they land. Sensitivity means we may speak the truth, but with finesse and concern about how our words affect others. We learn to say what we see and feel as the truth, but we do so when time and opportunity allow us to do so skillfully.

8. We are not controlled by our views and opinions, instead we have a “don’t know” mind that responds wisely to life’s encounters. Living skillfully as school leaders means our views and opinions don’t drive us. We know we don’t know what we think we know. This doesn't mean we plead ignorance, but it does mean we approach what we know with a tentativeness that says I know I don't always know what's the best. It's being open to the possibilities. With the attitude of “I don’t know mind” we approach our leadership with a humility that makes our decisions take on a new level of wisdom.

9. Finally, we have the ability to soothe ourselves when we feel disappointed and overwhelmed in life. We are skillfully living “in our own skins” when we take the time to apply medicine to ourselves when disappointments come. When the pressures of leadership overwhelm us, we acknowledge them and say to ourselves, “It is OK. You’ll be OK.” Soothing ourselves means we don't accept the wounds of leadership as inevitable. We put salve on our wounds and take care of ourselves.

As my mentor from long ago indicated, "We do get better at this leadership thing. But it only happens when get comfortable in our own skins." This only happens when we accept life as it is.We can learn to live skillfully each and every day of our lives. This is the process of “getting comfortable in our own skins” as leaders. Living skillfully is ultimately letting go of all those expectations about how we think things should be, and fostering a “meaningful and satisfying relationship with our lives.”

“The Sacred Pause is the practice of creating a moment to respond more consciously---such as by breathing, attending, waiting, and considering things objectively---before reacting.” Lama Surya Das

In the rush of beginning a new school year as an administrator or a teacher, it is so easy to get caught in the busyness and bustle of all the things that need to be done. I confess, I find myself becoming frazzled and short-tempered in those moments at year’s beginning when I am faced with what seems like a thousand choices and decisions to be made at once. For example, ten parents send you emails wanting their children’s schedules changed, even though those changes are nearly impossible due to full classes. Someone from the central office sends multiple reminders to complete a survey that you've yet to find time to complete. The custodian rushes in and asks when you are going to order more paper towels for the third of fourth time. The cafeteria manager calls and wants to know when you are going to get the lunch count to them. And so goes the list of demands of a typical day as administrator. It is too easy to let the frustration take hold and become angry, yelling, “Hold on, there’s only one of me. I’ll get to it as soon as I can!”

It is in these times, practicing what Lama Surya Das calls the "Sacred Pause” becomes a key to making sure that instead of reacting with anger, that you’ll later regret does not happen, your respond with wisdom and understanding. Practicing the “Sacred Pause” will ensure that you give yourself time to become fully conscious of what is happening now so that your response is wise and in line with current reality.

How do you practice the “Sacred Pause?” Here's my version that I've found helpful, but obviously not foolproof.

1-Begin with the intention and commitment to work by being present and mindful of your actions. Commit to being present as much as possible. Of course, when you slip up, don’t bash yourself for messing up. Just return to your commitment to acting and working mindfully.

2. Be aware of when the stress level starts rising and pause to breath deeply, counting your breaths for a few moments. This action will start to move your attention away from the stories your mind is creating around the stress, and refocus it on the now. You don’t want to make decisions based on the “stories” your mind creates, so breathing takes you out of the those stories and brings you back to the moment.

3. Once you’re back in the present, acknowledge and accept your emotions of stress and frustration. It is OK to feel all of these things. They are not a sign of things gone bad. They are part of the business of being a school leader. Give yourself permission to feel frustration and stress; just do not engage in all the stories surrounding those feelings.

4. Finally, once you feel back in the present, “engage the next moment without an agenda.” This means responding by using all your wisdom and understanding, instead of reacting out of anger and frustration.

In these busy times at the beginning of the year, one does not have to be Buddhist to recognize the need to practice the “Sacred Pause.” Practicing the "Sacred Pause" will mean the difference between making a bad situation worse, or engaging life with wisdom and understanding.

Sometimes there is nothing to add to the wisdom offered by others. I have been reading The Heart Is Noble: Changing the World from the Inside Out by Ogyen Trinley Dorje. In this book he offers this advice to us about our livelihoods or jobs. I think this wisdom can go a long way to helping us keep ourselves centered and focus on what really matters.

"Whatever work you do, you have to give yourself opportunities to just be. Even if it is only once a day, you should find a moment to just be yourself in the course of each day. This could be through a short period of meditation or quiet reflection in the morning or in the evening, or in whatever way best suits you. The point is to reconnect with yourself. Otherwise, the whole day you are running around and busy, and it is easy to lose yourself. To guard against this, you should make efforts to return to yourself and recollect what is essential for you."

As you begin this new school year, take time to reconnect with who you are and why you do what you do. Wise advice for the new school year.

Because of the seriousness of our mission to educate all children, you would think having a “Culture of Ethics and Integrity” would be standard in all education organizations. Educators do a great deal of talking about being role models for kids, but the question I would ask, “Is your school or school district a model "culture of ethics and integrity?” I submit that, not only should we as people be model leaders in the areas of ethics and integrity, our organizations---our schools and our central offices---should be models of these too.

Authors David Cottrell and Eric Harvey, in their book Leadership Courage: Leadership Strategies for Individual and Organizational Success, provide us with this advice:

“As the leader, you have strong influence on the thoughts and behaviors of your employees---perhaps stronger than you think. And one of your most critical leadership responsibilities is to model the behavior you expect from others.”

In other words, our responsibility as a school leader is to model exactly the kinds of behaviors we want from our students, our staff, and even our parents. We create a "culture of ethics and integrity" when we ourselves are ethical leaders who act with integrity. 

Cottrell and Harvey provide us with a long “List of Behaviors of Leaders That Actually Discourage Trust, Integrity, and Ethics.” It’s gut check time. See if you have exhibited any of these behaviors or actions lately.

• Have you promoted someone who was not respected or trusted by other employees? You communicate that respect and trust are not important when you promote those who do not have these traits.
• Have you professed an ‘Open Door’ policy, but actually discouraged people from using it? If you invite others to speak to you about anything, you need to really demonstrate that you mean it.Telling people your door is always open means exactly that. People can stop by and unload, uninvited. Integrity here is living up to your words.
• Have you hired employees who do not have what Cottrell and Harvey call ‘Walk-In Ethical Beliefs?” If you want a “Culture of Ethics and Integrity” then you need to hire for it. Bring in people who have a demonstrated history of ethics and integrity.
• Have you avoided confronting integrity breaches? It takes courage to confront those who have engaged in behaviors that violate ethics and integrity. We like to think adults will be adults, but confronting the unethical is a leadership must.
• Have you talked about people behind their backs---and/or encouraged others to do the same? This is gossip---plain and simple. It has no place in a “culture of ethics and integrity.” Leaders definitely should never engage in it, and they should let others know such talk is not welcome.
• Have you withheld information to keep power and control? Schools and school districts, in my experience, are notorious for having fiefdoms and kingdoms where individuals hold on to information just so they have power. There’s no place in a “Culture of Ethics and Integrity” for this behavior. A leader of ethics and who has integrity is not interested in power for power’s sake anyway. Leaders should not behave in this way, and should not tolerate others who do.
• Have you not considered the organization's shared values when making decisions? If your school or district values ethics and integrity, all decisions are made with this in mind. Leaders always behave with organizational values being front and center. 
• Have you “bad mouthed” the organization and blamed others? School leaders should never confuse honest critique and criticism as “bad mouthing." Bad mouthing is unfair criticism. Honest criticism should be welcomed and embraced. Blaming others is anathema to leadership period and should never be engaged in.
• Have you used ethnic, gender, or “those other people” slurs and negative references? There’s no place in 21st century society for this kind of behavior, and it should not be tolerated or engaged in at all  if your desire is to have a “Culture of Ethics and Integrity.”
• Have you failed to preach, teach, and support the organization’s mission, vision, values, and ethical standards? Leadership is about doing all of these. Mission statements posted on walls and value statements that only appear on web sites, but aren't lived by leadership will not make your school or district a culture of ethics and integrity.
• Have you failed to listen to the ideas and suggestions of others? Worse yet---have you asked for input but ignored the information? Leaders at every level in a school organization need to listen to the suggestions of others. Education organizations are made up of educated people, and to expect those employees to blindly accept and follow is naïve. Educational leaders should expect and welcome the ideas and suggestions of others. And, if you want to destroy ethics and integrity quickly, invite input and then ignore it. Educators immediately get the message---you don’t really care what I think.
• Have you failed to understand and practice the universal ethical principle---ethics matters in everything you do? There’s no wonder schools and school districts end up in the national news. Most often, this happens because they lose sight of who they are and what really matters. They take shortcuts and avoid doing what is right. Ethics and integrity matter in everything we do.
• Have you failed to walk the talk? You can’t foster a “Culture of Ethics and Integrity” without living it yourself. Leaders must be ethical---they must act with integrity always.

Honestly, with the moral nature of our mission as educational organizations, having a “Culture of Ethics and Integrity” should be standard. It begins when leaders engage in behaviors that foster these values, and avoid behaviors that undermine them. As a 21st century school leader it's up to you to lead the way.

“An organization’s language in relation to ‘failure’ is crucially important to creativity.” Andrew Grant & Gaia Grant, Who Killed Creativity?…And How Can We Get It Back

Those with great accomplishments started out at a stage of zero recognition. They began with little, but they reached the pinnacle of accomplishment only after facing rejection and failure. Those who we think have accomplished much, such as Steve Jobs and Bill Gates did so, in part, because of resiliency and creativity. It is this same resiliency and creativity that many of us would like to instill within our students. But while our schools often talk boldly about fostering a sense of resiliency and creativity in our students, our will often does not match our language nor our actions.

As Grant & Grant point out, an “organization’s language in relation to ‘failure’ is crucially important to creativity." I would that our actions toward failure matter as well. Our schools have become (perhaps they've always been) places that dislike creativity because they value standardization and conformity more. Those who fail to conform are shamed for their failure and prodded to get back in line. Those who fail to live up to “standards” are labeled as “failures.” In this, our schools engage in “language” and "actions" that reveal where the heart truly is in relation to creativity. We use words like “standards,” “grades,” “assessments,” and “tests” as tools to identify and label failure. Then we often leave students to their own devices instead of fostering the idea that failure is a learning opportunity.

When it comes to our actions, our schools celebrate the victories, and not the struggles. We make the most noise about the wins, and often ignore or minimize the losses. State championships in athletics, scholarships awarded, and spelling bee wins are celebrated loudly and continuously. In doing this though, are we not teaching our students that only “winning” matters because that is what we make the most fuss about? Then, we wonder why our students aren't more creative, and why they fail to demonstrate resiliency in the face of failure.

Let me be clear. I am certainly not advocating the celebration of mediocrity and non-accomplishment, or even celebrating failure. We need to celebrate the wins, the accomplishments and the successes. But we need to pay closer attention to how we treat "failure," with our words and our actions, if we want a culture of creativity and schools where students are willing to take risks. 

As Grant and Grant point out:

“Creative individuals have to be resilient in the face of rejection, self-sustaining, and self-reinforcing.”

Perhaps we can begin to establish a culture of creativity when we begin to pay closer attention to the language we use in relation to failure. But more than that, we can begin to pay attention to how we view and react to both succeeding and failing, winning and losing. It’s how we speak of and react to these that teach our students resiliency, and ultimately foster a culture of creativity we seek.