methuen Idrama

Production Manager Igor

Her Billie Piper
Stage Manager Pippa Meyer
John Brendan Cowell
Deputy Stage Sophie Rubenstein
Mary Charlotte Randle
John MacMillan
Manager Simon Stone
Victor Assistant Stage Louise Quartermain
Maureen Beattie
Helen Ella Saunders
Des
Thalissa Teixeira
Managers
Costume Supervisor Catherine Kodicek
VERMA
Simon Stone Lighting Operator Nick Di Gravio after Federico Garcia Lorca
Direction
Lizzie Clachan Sound Operator Joel Nasibitt
Design
Alice Babidge Sound No 2 Tom Pickering
Costumes
Light James Farncombe Stage Crew/
Music and Sound Stefan Gregory Automation Operator Sam Shuck
Video Jack Henry James Stage Crew Rhodri Evans
Casting Julia Horan CDG Assad Jan,
Associate Lighting Nicki Brown Tim Knight,
Designer & Relight Ryan Smalley
Associate Director Kate Hewitt Wardrobe Manager Nicki Martin-Harper
Assistant Director Sophie Moniram Dresser Rianna Azoro
Dyeing and Gabrielle Firth
Special thanks to:
Breakdown
Aydin Huang-Miah, Elizabeth & Jamal
Costume Maker Felicity Langthorne
Huang-Miah; Alexa McCall, Caroline
Scenic Drafting Nick Murray
& George McCall; Cualann O'Kelly,
Production Work Sophie Slater
Siobhan O'Kelly; Kester Whitaker,
Placement
Elgiva Field & Ian Whitaker
Set built by Weld-Fab Stage
Soprano Adey Grummet
Engineering,
Alto Belinda Sykes
Bower Wood,
Cardiff Theatrical
Services and Young
Vic Workshops
Lighting equipment Stage Electrics
supplied by and White Light
Sound equipment Stage Sound
supplied by Services

The Young Vic 2017 season is generously We would like to thank Copperfield
supported by Garfield Weston Foundation, Rehearsal Rooms SE1, Anya Sizer and
Genesis Foundation, The Richenthal Founda- Venessa Smith from The Bridge Centre,
tion, The Sadder Trust and an anonymous Dr Geetha Venkat at the Harley Street
donor. Fertility Clinic and Naoko Tagai methuen Idrama
LONDON• NEW YORK• OXFORD • NEW DELHI• SYDNEY
 r
Characters
METHUEN DRAMA
Bloomsbury Publishing Pk
50 Bedford Square, London, WClB 3DP, UK
1385 Broadway, New York, NY 10018, USA HER
29 Earlsfort Terrace, Dublin 2, Ireland
JOHN
BLOOMSBURY, METHUEN DRAMA and the Methuen Drama logo
are trademarks of Bloomsbury Publishing Plc MARY
First published in Great Britain by Oberon Books 2017
Reprinted 2020 VICTOR
This edition published by Methuen Drama 2021 HELEN
Reprinted 2022, 2023
Copyright© Simon Stone, 2017 DES

Simon Stone has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and
Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as author of this work.
Cover image: Johan Persson
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical,
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retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publishers.
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internet addresses given in this book were correct at the time of going
to press. The author and publisher regret any inconvenience caused if
addresses have changed or sites have ceased to exist, but can accept no
responsibility for any such changes.
All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved and application for
performance etc. should be made before commencement of rehearsal to
Stacey Testro International, 26a Dow Street, South Melbourne VIC. No
performance may be given unless a licence has been obtained, and no
alterations may be made in the title or the text of the play without the
author's prior written consent.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
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1.1
JOHN: Hey stop hogging the Hawaiian.

HER: You hate Hawaiian.

JOHN: I told you it's always the lesbians.

HER: Whoever invented this must have had a cognitive disorder.

JOHN: Follow the lesbians.

HER: The what?

JOHN: Cognitive disorder?

HER: That's what you said. When we went on that date in Nolita.
Don't you remember.

JOHN: Vaguely.

HER: Where are the keys?

JOHN: Somewhere on the floor.

HER: Here?

JOHN: Yeah somewhere. Do you want to hear my theory or not?

HER: This floor or the floor above? Or the basement?

JOHN: We have so many floors ...

HER: We do ... Go on then. Tell me your theory.

JOHN: Follow the lesbians.

HER: I heard you the first time.

JOHN: That's what the artists do. They follow the lesbians.

HER: Right.

JOHN: Any given suburb. First there's average working class. Then
there's crack dealers. Then there's artists come buying from the
crack dealers. Then they tell their gay friends about the wicked ass
neighbourhood they've been buying their crack at and the gays are all
fuck yeah I can't afford Dalston anymore anyhow but the male gays
they're too pussy, don't want to get their Prada all messed up, but the
chicks, they got something to prove, they're hard ass lesbian birches,

7
STONE/ LORCA
r
'
YERMA

they come buy a two up two down, roll their sleeves up, get their JOHN: I'm serious.
hands dirty and ...
HER: You hate my armpits?
HER: Lay the first stone of gentrification.
JOHN: I love your chewbaccas.
JOHN: That's what I'm talking about. Follow the lesbians.
HER: My what?
HER: Are there still crack dealers here?
JOHN: Your little big-foots.
JOHN: Nobody deals crack anymore babe.
HER: Do they smell?
HER: You just said crack deal -
JOHN: A little. You know I think it's ironic that you're like a baby
JOHN: Poetic license babe. down there and up here you're like Mama Ginetta.
HER: Don't call me babe. HER: Mama Ginetta. They smell?
JOHN: Suga.rnipples. JOHN: That's the first Italian woman's name I could think of.

HER: Are there meth dealers or whatever I haven't heard of yet HER: You're so fucking racist. I shave down here because you like it.
dealers?
JOHN: I love it.
JOHN: I'd imagine so.
HER: But I'd never bloody admit it.
HER: You think they'd mug me? Or, you know ...
JOHN: God forbid that your compatriots at Free the Nipple would
JOHN: Babes, you see what I did there, added ans to the end of it, know you succumb to a man's desires.
babes -
HER: But armpits they see.
HER: Oh my God.
JOHN: Can't have that.
JOHN: Listen babes, we are in the safest suburb in London. Where'd
HER: You sure you didn't leave the keys in the door?
you think they mug people? Where they can get away with it. The
muggers, they're fucking small fry. This is a fucking drug dealer's JOHN: Go check.
paradise right now. Police barely !mow it exists. It's just full of
HER: I'm enjoying the champagne.
lesbians and whatever-dealers. You think they're gonna let that haven
get violated by some fucking piddly mugger stealing three pounds JOHN: Veuve Clicquot.
from a right-on journalist girl who hasn't shaved her armpits since HER: Not Dom Perignon.
Kurt Cobain died?
JOHN: We're not Dom yet babes.
HER: You like my armpits.
HER: You want to fuck?
JOHN: I love your armpits.
JOHN: On the floor?
HER: You don't like my armpits?
HER: Where else?
JOHN: It's how you're seen babes. By the world. Poetic brevity.
JOHN: I'm a little tipsy.
HER: Stop that. Stop joking.

8 9
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HER: Why aren't we Dom yet? HER: It took me less than an hour on the bike.

JOHN: You want to buy that coffee table? We're not Dom. You want JOHN: You ride like a granny.
to buy those hanging planters, we're not -
HER: Give me some more bike lanes Sadiq and I'll give you less
HER: It's a beautiful coffee table. granny.

JOHN: You write all those anti-materialistic blogs but really you're - JOHN: That worked out well didn't it?

HER: Blog singular. HER: The house?

JOHN: Huh? JOHN: Sadiq.

HER: I have one blog. Not biogs. I post posts. HER: I miss Boris.

JOHN: Whatevs. JOHN: Shut the fuck up.

HER: You're in a funny mood. 7hey laugh.

JOHN: I'm learning the lingo. Whatevs babes. Loi.
HER: Sure you don't want to fuck?
HER: Can we afford the coffee table?
JOHN: I didn't say no. Just let me sober up first.
JOHN: We're not Dom.
HER: You never want to fuck anymore.
HER: Maybe we should consider Art Deco, it's clean, pure lines, but
JOHN: That's not true. And since when did we stop calling it
not so in right now.
malting love?
JOHN: Whatever you say.
HER: Since you got into the whole anal thing.
HER: Art Deco. The chairs are blockier. And the coffee tables. Maybe
JOHN: Touche.
French provincial.
HER: Should I be more whorey in bed?
JOHN: That is an issue with Art Deco ... We'll get a nice coffee table.
JOHN: What? Huh? No. No. You're exactly the right degree of whore.
HER: Fucking eBay. What did we just do?
HER: Why are you suddenly into bum sex?
JOHN: Oh I don't know ... Just a little purchaiise.
JOHN: I've been ...
HER: We just bought a house didn't we?
HER:What?
JOHN: It's not in Marylebone don't worry hon, you've still got some
outsider cred. JOHN: Stop it.

HER: No one who possesses a property has outsider cred. HER: No tell me.

JOHN: Especially not three floors. JOHN: I've been watching some stuff and-

HER: It is the middle of nowhere. HER: I know.

JOHN: Keep us fit. JOHN: Wait. How do you know?

10 11
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HER: You left the pages open on the laptop. HER: Oh yeali?
JOHN: I didn't dose them? JOHN: For my woman. Anything.
HER: Maybe you fell asleep and forgot. HER: We just bought a house.
JOHN: Sorry babe. Bum sex? JOHN: We did.
HER: Bum sex. HER: Hey.
JOHN: That's not ve1y sexy. JOHN: Yeali?
HER: That's what it is. Sex in the bum. HER: Hey you.
JOHN: Jesus. Stop it. JOHN: Yeali?
HER: Do you prefe; watching it? To doing it? HER: There's um ...
JOHN: What? Huh? No. It's just when you're home late. I can't go to JOHN:What?
sleep otherwise.
HER: I'm embarrassed.
HER: Is it better?
JOHN: You're embarrassed?
JOHN:What?
HER: No, no. Something else.
HER: You know ...
JOHN: What?
JOHN:What?
HER: Well we've got three floors right. Plenty of room ...
HER: The orgasm? When you're ...
JOHN: Yeali.
JOHN: No. Maybe. Sometimes. But it's me that's doing it. A connoisseur.
HER: Room for a children's bedroom. Room for two.
HER: A connoisseur of his own cock.
JOHN: Um ... what?
JOHN: This is getting smutty. Let's change the topic.
HER: You heard me.
HER: What to?
JOHN:What?
JOHN: I don't know.
HER: Don't make me repeat it.
HER: Why does it irritate you so much talking about this stuff?
JOHN: I feel like I have to because my ears aren't believing it.
JOHN: It doesn't. I'm being completely honest. Like we agreed.
HER: Hon.
HER: Thank you. You're right.
JOHN:Yes.
JOHN: I'm sorry you had to see my YouPorn pages.
HER: I've been thinking.
HER: That's alright darling. But maybe you could try cutting back.
JOHN: Clearly.
JOHN: I could do that. I could. I could go cold turkey.
HER: And what I thought was. Well.

12 13
STONE/ LORCA
r YERMA

JOHN: Uh huh? HER: We could infiltrate the bastards with a left-wing saboteur or two.

HER: I'm thirty-three. JOHN: Bring the system down from the inside. One foetus at a time.

JOHN: Are you? Shit. Where's my young assistant? HER: Shut up. I'm trying to be honest.

HER: Fuck off. JOHN: I know hon.

He laughs. HER: It's not who I am. I am not my reproductive system.

HER: And well ... maybe it's not the stupidest idea. JOHN: I know that.

JOHN: You hate babies. HER: That's not what you thought back then.

HER: Well they're stupid aren't they? And completely self-centred. JOHN: Back then I wanted to conquer every last part of your
Like a retarded cat. reproductive system.

JOHN: Charming. HER: And read T.S. Eliot to me at three in the morning.

HER: I know. I know. But it's just that ... JOHN: Why did I choose Eliot? Bukowski's so much cooler. But you
can't blame me. It's my animal urge.
JOHN:What?
HER: Your animal urge is to spread your seed as far and wide as you
HER: Regret.
can.
JOHN: About what?
JOHN: No I'm like one of those penguins. Which one is it? The King
HER: Not yet. But later maybe. or something?

JOHN: Okay. HER: Huh?

HER: And. Maybe, you and I ... two smart, open-minded, liberal, JOHN: Or like a duck? Mate for life.
caring individuals, with an awareness of our duty to the less
HER: Then why don't you want to fuck me?
fortunate, maybe it's exactly us that should be ...
JOHN: I do. Always.
JOHN: Procreating?
HER: Not always.
HER: No. But yes.
JOHN: I'm in my early forties.
JOHN: Our social duty so to speak.
HER: Enough excuses.
HER: You don't think it's a good idea?
JOHN: Hang on. Stop for a second. Are you serious?
JOHN: I'm not saying that.
HER: Of course I am.
HER: You don't want to.
JOHN: Then let's do it. Where is it?
JOHN: I'm definitely not saying that.
HER: Where's what?
HER: So do you want to?
JOHN: The fucking pill. Where is it? Here?
JOHN: You want me to sign somewhere?
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

Looks through her handbag. 1.2

HER: Hey that's my private property. MARY: Take a break?

JOHN: I could sneak through it while you sleep. HER: No, it's almost done.

HER: Do you? Is that what you do? MARY: Those boys weren't half fit, eh?

JOHN: Only to look for texts from strangers. HER: Boys?

HER: Luckily I'm pathetically faithful. MARY: The movers.

JOHN: Me too. It's pathetic. HER: Oh. I didn't notice.

HER: Give it here. MARY: Y' alright?

JOHN: It's like fucking Mary Poppins in here. HER: Nothing. It's nothing.

HER: Give it here. There. MARY: His flight was delayed.

JOHN: Watch this. HER: I know. It's just.

He crushes her pills underfoot, one by one. MARY: The first night.

HER: Yeah.
JOHN: It's meant to be a symbolic gesture destroying your contraception,
But I didn't account for the texture of the carpet. MARY:Yeah.

HER: Oh. That's kind of sexy. MARY: You want me to stay over?

JOHN: It is isn't it? HER: No that's alright. He said there's a flight that gets him in early.

JOHN: To the future. HELEN: We should check this place for woodworm.

HER: To the future. HER: Give it a rest Mum.

He downs the rest ofthe champagne. HELEN: Plenty of room for kids, eh?

MARY:Mum ...
JOHN: Next time we're buying Dom.
HER: Well, yeah. Maybe.
HER: Okay boss.
HELEN: Excuse me what? What did you just? What did she just say?
JOHN: Don't call me that.
MARY:Mum ...
HER: Why not? Nobody can hear. And we both know who's really the
boss. HER: I don't know. I've been thinking about it a bit.

JOHN: Yes we do. MARY: Look at her she's grinning.

HER: Now let's fuck. HELEN: And what? What's so wrong with that? Ever since your dad
died ...

16 17
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

MARY: Here we go ... HELEN: Have you ever cheated on him?

HER:Mum ... MARY: Well no. Yes. Not exactly. I tried.

HELEN: Don't. Don't do that. Treat me like a child. HELEN: You tried?

MARY: We're not Mum ... MARY: You know how weird it is to touch another man ... afrer all
those years ... a stranger. ..
HELEN: I'd given up hoping. I mean your sister here.
HELEN: He doesn't seem to be having any trouble with it.
MARY: Fuck off Mum.
MARY:MUM.
HELEN: Am I wrong?
HER: Why haven't you told me anything about this?
HER: What? What's happened?
HELEN: You're never there love. It's okay but -
HELEN: He's been stepping out.
HER: I'm there. Of course I'm there. Aren't I?
MARY:Mum.
MARY: Well, to be honest ...
HER:What?
HELEN: You're not love.
MARY: It's none of your bloody business.
HER: Okay well, aren't I the asshole then?
HELEN: And every other week there's another revelation.
MARY: No, I'm not saying that.
HER: What? Hang on. Stop. What's going on? Why didn't you call
me? HELEN: She's not. But you are.

MARY: I did call you. You never answered. HER: Thanks Mum.

HER: I what, sorry? What? Did you call from work it's always HELEN: The asshole ... ofour family group.
unknown when you - MARY: You want us to unpack these?
MARY: Let's forget about it. HER: No. Stop. Let's rewind a second. How long has this been going
on?
HER: I never answer unknown numbers.
HELEN: Years.
HELEN: Anyway they're racking up.
MARY: Shut the fuck up Mum.
MARY:MUM.
HER: Yeah Mum shut the fuck up.
HELEN: You don't need him, love. Believe me, better alone than
lonely. HELEN: How I managed to bring up two such disrespectful -

MARY: Stop it with your fucking epigrams Mum, it's complicated MARY: You know every since the accident he's been so ...
Complicated Okay. We can't all be first wave feminists - HER:Yeah ...
HELEN: Or any of the other waves.
MARY: Yeah and he was drinking a lot more than I realised. I found
HER: Give her a break Mum. a stockpile in the shed out the back. I mean none of us can imagine
what it's like to be in constant pain.

18 19
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HELEN: Oh God classic Stockholm Syndrome. 1.3

MARY: He can't work, he can't stay in one position for more than ten JOHN: Did you miss me?
minutes so we can't go to the cinema together or on any dates at all HER: Of course I did. I just moved into our house all on my own.
really and he's drunk by the time I get home from work.
JOHN: I'm sorry babes.
HELEN: And yet he still manages to find the energy to bed half of
Camden Town. HER: Don't say that. Don't call me that. I'm serious.

MARY: It's more complicated than that Mum. JOHN: Me too. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left it so late. Barry
organised us a meeting with the financiers at the last minute and it's a
HELEN: Can't stay in one position for more than ten minutes? Must once in a lifetime -
be very exciting for the lasses.
HER: I'm happy for you.
MARY: Well we're going to have to figure it out one way or the other
now because things have progressed beyond the point of... JOHN: Are you? You don't sound like it.

HER:What? HER: I am. Look at me I'm smiling.

MARY: I think I'm ... JOHN: No you're not.

HER: Oh ... HER: Mary's pregnant.

HELEN: What's that? What's she saying? JOHN: Mary's pregnant?

MARY: In fact I know I'm ... HER: Yes.

HER: How long ... JOHN: Your sister? Mary?

MARY: Two months. HER:Yes.

HELEN: & HER: Oh. Oh my God. JOHN: Whose husband never fucks her?

MARY:Mum ... HER: He does. More than we do,

HER: Had you been trying? JOHN: Hey. Don't say that.

MARY: No. Not at all. I mean, God, the way things are at the HER: It's true. I mean how am I ever going to get pregnant if you're
moment it was the last thing on my mind. away all the time?

HER: But you were having a lot of... JOHN: Hey. Hey. Slow down. Let's not put pressure on this.

MARY: No, not at all. I was on the pill. HER: We decided months ago and we've barely even got started.

HER: On the pill? Really? I mean is that even - JOHN: Got started?

MARY: Yes it is. HER: You know what I'm saying.

HER: Right. JOHN: You want to do it now?

HELEN: Well this is a surprise. HER: No there's no point. I'm at the totally wrong encl of my cycle.

20 21
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

JOHN: No point at all? HER: Me as what?

HER: I wouldn't want to waste the ... JOHN: I don't know. A cleaning lady who's walked in and found me
naked.
JOHN: The what?
HER: Fucking hell.
HER: The I don't know. You tell me? The curiosity?
JOHN: You asked me. I told you. You want to hear the truth. That's
JOHN: I'm always curious.
the truth. It's always you but ...
HER: You know everything. You've seen everything. I should have
HER: But someone else?
been one of those Italian wives from the sixties who always turns the
lights off- JOHN: No. Different scenarios. Just to keep things. The mystery.
You know.
JOHN: I like keeping the lights on.
HER: No I don't know. Because I don't imagine anyone else.
HER: Is that why you always have a pillow over your head?
I look at you and I get turned on. And I think about fucking you
JOHN: I'm not trying to not- while I'm at work and when you're gone for three weeks when I
HER: What then? masturbate, which I rarely do unless we're on Skype because I want
to save it for you, I'm thinking of you. You. Not you as a fucking
JOHN: I don't know I'm- plumber.
HER: You're bored of me. JOHN: Alright fine. I'm sorry. I'll stop closing my eyes or ...
JOHN: Whoa. Put the brakes on, this is getting way too - whatever ... I'll look at you ... This is really fucking turning me on
analysing it like this.
HER: What are you doing then?
JOHN: What is so wrong with talking about this problem?
JOHN: I don't know I'm ... I'm role-playing in my head.
JOHN: BECAUSE ... sorry ... Because there is no fucking problem.
HER: Role-playing? Imagining someone else? Someone from one of There is no problem. There is no problem. Okay?
your pornos?

JOHN: No it's you.

JOHN: Right so now you're not going to talk to me for rwo days?
HER: Someone from work? Someone you've seen on the tube?

JOHN: No. No. You.

JOHN: I just landed one of the biggest contracts of my career.
HER: Me? I'm right in front of you. Everything is changing for me. We should be bathing in Dom
JOHN: Yeah but. .. Perignon. And this is what I come home to.

HER:What? HER: You come home to a completely furnished, perfect house. Fuck
you.
JOHN: You as like a ...
JOHN: And I can't thank you enough for that. It looks amazing.
HER:What?
Please. Hey. Hey.
JOHN: Jesus stop looking at me like that.

22 23
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HER: Fuck off. VICTOR: Surprise.

JOHN: You don't mean that. She laughs.

HER:No. HER: Who the hell hired you?
JOHN: No. You don't. VICTOR: Fiona. I thought you knew.
HER: Don't fuck off. HER: I had no idea.
JOHN: I won't. What's this app thing? VICTOR: So it wasn't you pulling strings?
HER: It gives me alerts. When I'm most fertile.
HER: No. You must have got it on your own merit.
JOHN: Okay. VICTOR: There's a first for everything. How are you?
HER: And that's when when we really need to ...
HER: Good. Great. You know. You? God. Exactly the same.
JOHN: Jesus. VICTOR: Really?
HER:WHAT?
HER: Totally.
JOHN: Two years ago you'd make me wear a condom, even when
VICTOR: So what's been happening?
you were on the pill. To make double sw-e. And now you're like ...
what? Should we get our calendars out and make sure I'm always in She laughs.
town when yow- eggs are ready?
VICTOR: You married?
HER: Well what's so stupid about that?
HER: God no. No.
JOHN: Okay.
VICTOR: Right.
HER:What?
HER: No way. God no. I'm still with -
JOHN: I'm gonna get an early night
VICTOR: Oh right?
HER: Where are you going?
HER: Yeah. Yeah.
JOHN: I'm knackered from the plane.
VICTOR: Well that's ...
HER: John?
HER: What?
JOHN: I love you.
VICTOR: Good, right?

HER: Well you know long term relationships ...

1.4
VICTOR: Do I?
HER: Well that is .. .
HER: Don't you?
VICTOR: I know .. .
VICTOR: Can't say so.
HER: That is ...

24 25
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HER: No momentous love affairs? HER: Was it like sad? I mean like depressing? Like Marlon Brando in
the nineties?
VICTOR: Depends on your definition of momentous. No. I've had.
Yeah. Sure. I think I'm quite difficult to manage. VICTOR: Nothing like that.
HER: Manage? HER: No?
VICTOR: Put up with. VICTOR: No, more like Bette Davis in Whatever Happened To Baby
HER: Oh what's so annoying about you? Jane.
HER: God.
He laughs.
VICTOR: You look great.
HER: Sorry.
HER: Thanks. You too.
V1CTOR: No. No. How's John?
VICTOR: And you're my boss.
HER: He's good. He's busy. Away a lot.
HER: Shit. Yeah, I guess this constitutes workplace harassment.
VICTOR: How's that?
VICTOR: Don't worry I won't tell. Senior editor for Life Sryle and
HER: Great. Culture. Big ups. How did that happen so fast?
VICTOR: Yeah? HER: Yeah a few of the right people died.
HER: Yeah. I like the space. VICTOR: Did you put a hit out on them?
VICTOR: Watch whatever you want on Netflix. HER: What desk are you even on?
HER: Haha. Yeah. V1CTOR: What do you think? Same old, same old? Politics. And
VICTOR: What's it been? Ten years? you had any - ?

HER: Has it? God. HER: Oh yeah, no, working on it.

VICTOR: I think so. Almost. VICTOR: Probably the right time about now isn't it?

HER: Have I changed? HER: Yeah. Yeah. I thought I might give it a whirl.

VICTOR: A little. VICTOR: Yeah I got a two-year-old myself.

HER: You're supposed to say no. I told you you hadn't changed. HER:Oh.

VICTOR: Yeah but you were lying. VICTOR: Yeah. Yeah. Mistake really but ...

HER: Is it shocking? Is it that bad? HER: Mistake?

V1CTOR: What? VICTOR: Well you know the circumstances of conception.

Anything but a mistake now he's here.
HER: Was it like a shock? Seeing the difference?
HER: Are you still with the -
VICTOR: Hey ...

26 27
STONE/ LORCA

VICTOR: No, less than six months -

HER: Oh well that's -

r HER: The blog. My blog.

DES: Oh. Yeah. Sony.

YERMA

VICTOR: Like I said, difficult to manage. HER: What the hell is happening? We're going to lose all of our
HER: Jesus you must be a nightmare. adverts.

VICTOR: Guess so. DES: Look how sunny it is. Everyone's probably in the park.

HER: And you see each other - HER: You can still read biogs in the park.

VICTOR: Fifty fifty. DES: Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of going to the park?

HER: Wow that's ... HER: Oh please let's not start with that. People have always read
books in the park, newspapers and now it's a... Your whole generation
VICTOR: That's why I moved back here. was born with an iPhone attached to your hand and now you're all,
HER: Well if I get my skates on they can play with each other. let's make moccasins by hand and brew our own vodka and travel
across the Caucasus by horse-drawn cart.
VICTOR: Skates on?
DES: I just like parks.
HER: I mean the age difference won't be too -
HER: This fashionable slowness you're all into but you all freak out
VICTOR: Oh yeah. Skates on. Well better tell John to lift his game.
when you lose your 4G.
HER: It's not. I don't think that's. Why. I mean we have ...
DES: Can I be honest with you?
VICTOR: Of course, sorry, joke.
HER: Of course you can you don't have to ask that.
HER: Right of course yeah. Haha.
DES: It's the pregnancy thing. The attempted pregnancy thing
VICTOR: This is going to sound weird and inappropriate probably.
HER: The attempted pregnancy thing?
So just tell me to stop ifl ...
DES: It's kind of splitting your demographic. I mean it's kind of
HER:What?
killing your demographic. I mean it's cancerous to your demographic.
VICTOR: I thought a lot about, well, you know, since then, and ... I I mean your brand ... I know that a very commercial way of putting
still can't quite figure out what happened there, maybe not what but how it but -
exactly and what I ... Yeah, I just, regret what ... and I'm happy for you
HER: Just-
and think it's just great that you're still with John and that's going so well
but I just, is that okay? Just that it was well yeah, significant and yeah, DES: Yeah well your brand, why people buy your product ... read
thought a lot about it ... your blog ...

HER: Yeah?

1.5 DES: It's always been ... they recognise it as ... you used to be more
political.
HER: Have you seen this? It's only had fifty hits today.
HER: I'm still political.
DES: What?

28 29
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

DES: It's like as if Lena Dunham started dating Donald Trump and DES: Because he's my best friend's boyfriend. No it fucks with my
talking about juice detoxes all the time. I mean, do you wanna watch whole aura.
that show? HBO would not commission that show.
HER: What about the coil?
HER: Like I said I appreciate your honesty but fuck off. Oh my God.
DES: Eugh.
Is it that bad?
HER: How often do you take the morning after pill?
DES: It's just a bit ... nice ... It's ... sickeningly nice.
DES: I don't know. Every now and then?
HER: Nice sells.
HER: Every now and then? Jesus. You're going to kill your uterus.
DES: Yeah well maybe you should write for Women's Health instead.
Oh fuck. DES: I have every right to kill my uterus.

HER:What? HER: You do. Yeah. Of course you do. But. A later version of you
might. You know.
DES: Oh fuck. I think I had sex last night.
DES: I'll deal with it then.
HER: What do you mean you think you had sex last night?
HER: That's what I thought.
DES: I can't remember.
DES: See this is the kind of stuff you should have on the blog. The
HER: You can't remember?
ugly stuff. The regrets. The nighttime horrors. What ifI've ruined my
DES: Yeah all I remember is tequila shots ... and a Portuguese Uber womb? Maybe I shouldn't have had that abortion back then ...
driver and ...
HER: Wait sorry. How do you know about the ...
HER: You slept with an Uber driver?
DES: Oh shit. Sorry.
DES: No we spoke Portuguese that's why I remember, no I can't
HER: Oh right. You didn't.
remember who was next to me in the back but I think we were
kissing. DES: No.

HER: Does it feel like you had sex? HER: And I just.

DES: Um ... maybe? DES: Yep.

HER: Who could it have been? HER: Well ... yeah ... I did have an abortion ...

DES: Well any one of the about ten good-looking men that were at DES: Hey. I was looking through your drafts folder and- is that
the party last night. okay?

HER: Any one of the them? That's confident. HER: It's fine it's you can yeah -

DES: God I hope it wasn't Henry. What I do? Do I just wait for DES: And that bit about when your sister got pregnant and you
someone to text? I should get the morning after pill. couldn't stop crying and you found yourself consoling yourself with
the thought that one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage -
HER: Why do you hope it wasn't Henry? Why aren't you on the pill?

30 31
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HER: Oh God. I thought that for a split-second. It wasn't even me HER: Total honesty.
thinking it. DES: Total sacrifice.
DES: Can you tell the difference? HER: Fuck you.
HER: I just write everything down when I take notes I just spew.
DES: Fuck you.
DES: That's what works.
HER: Let's get back to work we are going to miss our deadline. Hey,
HER: Me vomiting on the internet? did you organize that meeting with the Google people. They're totally
fucking us on our search ranking. We're the second most important
DES: Yeah. The bit before the censorship.
paper in the country.
HER: Journalism is more than that, you know that, otherwise I
might as well just be updating my Facebook status. A message comes through on phone.

DES: Of course yeah deconstruct the thought, explore it, the politics DES: Oh wait. Hang on.
versus the biological impulse - HER: Is it from the ...
HER: Jesus I feel like I'm getting coaching from a twenty-year-old.
DES: Okay so I definitely had sex last night. You need anything from
DES: I'm twenty-one. the chemist?

HER: Is my blog really that boring?

DES: Yes. 1.6

HER: So what you want more descriptions of speculums in my HELEN: I hated the idea of getting pregnant. Being colonised by
vagina? someone's sperm. Eugh. You know that film Alien? Well that's a very
accurate representation of what my pregnancies felt like. Waiting,
DES: YES. Why not? I mean ifl was someone out there going
horrified, feeling this creature growing inside me, until the day where it
through what you're going through -
forced itself out of me, screaming demandingly, expecting me to satisfy
HER: I'm not going through anything - its every whim, a parasitic succubus -

DES: Whatever you might be going through. HER: Okay Mum. Thanks.

HER: It's perfectly normal for it to take a while to - HELEN: Isn't this the kind of thing you want? Is the thingy still
recording?
DES: Or not normal. Sometimes ... That's the cliff-hanger.
HER: Yes it is. And yes it is.
HER: Jesus this is a great chat.
HELEN: Are you sure? I can't see a light.
DES: Why else make it the focus of your blog?
HER: It's my phone the display's gone to sleep.
HER: That's not why I -
HELEN: But maybe it's died.
DES: Well maybe that's what you need to figure out. You never
pulled any punches before. HER: No it's just - I do this all the time Mum - see it's still going.

32 33
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HELEN: That was good that last bit. Succubus. Not often you get an HELEN: Sometimes I order things I don't even need. At eleven
opportunity to use that word. o'clock at night. And then I've got half a peking duck and I don't
know what to do with it. Isn't that bizarre? Maybe I've got dementia.
HER: I just want you to talk naturally. Off the cuff.
HER: Why did you never hold me?
HELEN: That is me off the cuff. That's how I talk.
HELEN: What?
HER: Okay great.
HER: When I was a child. When we were children. Why didn't you
HELEN: What's next? You want to order some food?
hold us?
HER: I'm not hungry.
HELEN: What are you going about? Of course I held you.
HELEN: Maybe you're anorexic.
HER: You didn't. Except that time I fell off the bike and knocked
HER: I'm not. out my two front teeth. I remember thinking oh that feels nice. And
I looked up at you and you looked very uncomfortable. Patting me
HELEN: But maybe that's it. Maybe that's why. Oh my God were
awkwardly li!(e you'd pat a stranger's dog.
you anorexic and I didn't even notice?
HELEN: This is nonsense. Why are you mal<lng this stuff up? Stop
HER: No I wasn't.
recording.
HELEN: That's a very common cause of infertility.
HER: What was it that made you so scared of intimacy with your
HER: I'm not infert - and yes I know Mum. I'm currently writing an children?
exhaustive series of articles about these very topics.
HELEN: I wasn't at all. What are you? I've always held you.
HELEN: Oh you've already got the anorexia angle.
HER: Hold me.
HER: Yes. Mum. Do you ever read my blog?
HELEN: What?
HELEN: No I'm far too busy. I've started on this Deliveroo thing. It's
HER: Hold me now.
very handy. Do you know what that is? Deliveroo?
HELEN: Oh come don't be ridiculous.
HER: Yes Mum. I know what Deliveroo is.
HER: Hold me now.
HELEN: You just get the app up see? And then you click on a restaurant
see? Chinese, Turkish, Pal<lstani, Thai, you want Thai? HELEN: Well I've got no reason to do I?
HER: I know Mum. I know what it is. HER: I'm your daughter.
HELEN: See all the different options? Isn't that incredible? Takes HELEN: That isn't a reason.
twenty minutes. And you know exactly how far away the bil,e,
HER: Why not? Mothers hold their daughters.
or sometimes it's a scooter, how far away the scooter is. Isn't that
incredible? HELEN: You're thirty-five years old.

HER: Yes Mum. HER: I want to hold you.

34 35
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HELEN: Okay fine. Here. Come on then. Otherwise you'll write HER: Then why didn't you use contraception?
some bloody article about how your mother didn't want to hug you
HELEN: Oh I did. But I was always very forgetful with it. I mean
and then all my colleagues will be bringing it up at academic board
maybe that's the key for you and your, I'm not allowed to call it an
meetings and sniggering.
issue can I?
She hugs her. HER:Mum.

HELEN: There. Is that? HELEN: Maybe you just need to take the pressure off. Maybe the
moment you stop worrying ...
HER: You want to stop?

HELEN: No. I'm perfectly happy to ... Okay, yes let's. Very good.
There you go. Intimacy. 1.7
HER: Congratulations. MARY: Any problems?

HELEN: What does that mean? HER: No. No he was perfect.

HER: You look like you just went bungee jumping. MARY: Little bastard.

HELEN: Okay stop it now. Leave your poor mother alone. You sure HER: Hey.
you're not hungry?
MARY: You're always showing off around her, aren't you? Sleeping
HER: Why did you want to have another child after Mary? If you and laughing and cuddling calmly. You save the night-long tantrums
hated it so much. and explosive shits for me, don't you? He's waging a war of attrition,
this little fucker.
HELEN: Oh no. I didn't. I wanted to kill myself when I found out I
was pregnant with you. I mean life had been such an adventure until HER: Hey, he can hear you.
children. Well you know the stories from the sixties. And it really
MARY: He's asleep. For once.
was. It was a riot. I mean we lived in Kashmir for three years on a -
HER: They can feel the negative energy anyway.
HER: On a houseboat I know.
MARY: I don't mean it. Not really.
HELEN: That was the happiest time.
HER: Yes you do.
HER: You wanted to kill yourself?
MARY: Is it bad that I imagine strangling him?
HELEN: Oh yes.
HER: Jesus.
HER: Thanks Mum.
MARY: I mean only at four in the morning. And I've given him
HELEN: Don't get me wrong. It's been very entertaining watching
everything. And he's still. .. I took him to the hospital the other day.
your life. Especially your twenties. They were hilarious. But I could
We thought there must be something really bad and as soon as he got
have done without it too. Your Dad stopped being as fearless. Was
there he was smiling at all the nurses and I said I swear he wasn't lil<e
always worried about one of you getting sick or run over. That was a
this at home and they ran all the tests and then when we got back in
disappointment. I always loved how reckless he was.
the car he started howling. I think he hates me.

36 37
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HER:Mary. MARY: Because I'm scared of being alone aren't I? And I've seen what
happens to all the other women my age. Everyone tells them to get
MARY: I do, I think he has it in for me.
out, get out, he's no good for you, where's your self-respect, there's
HER: I think you need a break. so many fish in the sea, and then they do, and there's no fucking fish
in the sea, except like the ancient inedible ones, like pufferfish or
MARY: I mean what's wrong with me? Look at you. With you he
whatever.
looks so-
HER: The Japanese eat pufferfish. It's a delicacy. You just need to
HER: Yeah?
know how to cut around the poison.
MARY: Totally. Oh my fucking God.
MARY: I don't want to cut around the poison. I want to go to Tesco
HER: Really? and buy two filleted fish ... fuck this metaphor.
MARY: Like he could sleep forever. It's a miracle. Do you want him? HER: You started it.
HER:What? MARY: No I'm sticking with what I !mow. I mean what else is out
MARY: Take him. You can have him. I'm joking. there for me? Ex-rapists and birdwatchers. And it's not killing me, is
it? The only thing that might is this little fucker here.
HER: Mary ...
HER: Hey.
MARY: I'm not joking.
MARY: I know. I'm a terrible mother. I'm a ve1y unmotherly mother.
HER: What about David? Maybe it is an idea? You taking him?
MARY: What about David? He doesn't give a shit. He sleeps through HER: Stop this.
the whole thing.
MARY: I'm serious. I'm wearing thin here. I'm all frayed ends.
HER: Why don't you wake him up?
HER: Go see a psychologist.
MARY: I try to but he grumbles and then we fight it's just easier if do
it myself Seriously. Take him. David won't even notice. He's too busy MARY: We could do a trial. See how we both go?
on the playstation. HER: You are serious aren't you?
HER: Playstation? MARY: Why not?
MARY: Yeah it's much better since I bought him a playstation. HER: Is that why you keep bringing him around?
He never goes out anymore.
MARY: I'm fucking depressed.
HER: Oh my God.
HER: No.
MARY: And whenever he gets stuck on a level he'll do something for
MARY: I stand on the tube platform and dare myself to jump.
me to let out the frustration. He even cooked me a steak the other
night. He hadn't used the barbecue since we got married. HER: NO. Stop this NOW. You're going to get yourself some therapy and
I'm going to get myself pregnant. We both have pe1fectly normal perfectly
HER: Mary, why don't you just leave?
common problems and there are solutions.

38 39
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

MARY: It's been two yea.rs love. MARY: What? Why not?

HER: I KNOW IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS. Here look. I have a HER: Wounded pride I guess.
fucking calendar. You think you need to remind me?
MARY: Fucking men.
MARY: Where's John gone?
HER: And he's very busy.
HER: He forgot his hard-drive or whatever at the office. He needs it
MARY: Jesus.
for the meeting in Tel Aviv.
HER:What?
MARY: He's going to Tel Aviv?
MARY: You sound like ...
HER: Yes he's going to Tel Aviv.
HER:What?
MARY:When?
MARY: You never sounded like that before.
HER: Tomorrow morning.
HER: Sound like what?
MARY: Didn't he just get in on Friday?
MARY: It always gave me hope. 1hat one of the two of us ...
HER: Yes. He just got in on Friday.
HER: Sound like what?
MARY: Oh darling.
MARY: Like me when I'm defending David.
HER: Don't. It's fine. We're fine. No. Don't look at me like that. It's
all okay. He's coming back Wednesday.

MARY: Wednesday? Okay. MARY: You're getting angry now.

HER: He's coming back Wednesday.

MARY: What time? You want to have dinner? MARY: Hello?

HER: No. He knows it's my birthday. He'll be back. HER: John is there for me.

MARY: Alright. I won't make any plans. So just call. MARY: It's very fucking ha.rd to be there for you when he's on
another continent.
HER: He's. Coming. Back.
HER: And John has never. He would never.
MARY: Alright.
MARY: Okay that's not what I meant but okay.
HER: Alright.
HER: So the comparison is frankly -
MARY: You lmow, darling, two yea.rs of unprotected sex ...
MARY: You're angry, let's change the topic.
HER: I know. I know.
HER: Oh great. Good. Let's change the topic. You sound like John.
MARY: It might be him, you know. If your gynaecologist says there
Let's change the topic. Let's change the topic.
doesn't seem to be anything wrong then, well, it might be -

HER: I know. He won't get it tested.

40
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

JOHN: Working late?

MARY: Are you alright? VICTOR: Yeah it's this whole Brexit thing.
HER: I'm fine. I said I was fine. I'm fine. JOHN: You guys really fucked up there didn't you?

HER: Excuse me?

1.8 VICTOR: Brexit.
HER: Oh- HER: Oh yeah. Right. Is it really three in the morning?
JOHN: Hi. JOHN: Almost quarter past.
VICTOR: Hello. HER: You must be knackered.
JOHN: Hi. JOHN: Getting there.
HER: What are you - HER: Sorry love. We got a bit side-tracked. We were. It's the funniest.
JOHN: I went home and well you weren't - You tell him.

HER: What I thought your flight got in at midnight? VICTOR: What?

JOHN: It did. HER: The thing about the -

HER: What time is it? VICTOR: Oh yeah.

JOHN: Three. HER: Tell him.

HER: Oh. JOHN: I'm actually really quite tired.

JOHN: Yeah oh. HER: No. No. Listen to this. It's so funny.

HER: Do you remember - VICTOR: I don't think it will work in the retelling.

JOHN: Yeah. Yeah I do. Hi again. HER: No go on.

VICTOR: Hi again. VICTOR: It's about Marilyn and the happy birthday song. It's just a
stupid gag ...
JOHN: I didn't realise you were back in the -
JOHN: The birthday ...
HER: Yes you do I told you I emailed you.
HER: Uh huh.
JOHN: I don't think so.
VICTOR: I told it back to front and somehow it made it funnier.
HER: I whatsapped you or something.
JOHN: Shit.
JOHN: Welcome back.
VICTOR: And then we just got on a riff with misremembered jokes,
VICTOR: TI1anks. it was ...
HER: I did tell you. JOHN: It's Wednesday isn't it?

42 43
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HER: Thursday now. Almost quarter past three in the morning. JOHN:What?

JOHN: Fuck. I'm ... I totally knew. I totally planned to ... HER: About four-year-olds? "Great age." What the fuck does that
even mean?
HER: You had no choice. The meeting went over.
JOHN: I guess you're right.
JOHN: I'm really sorry.
HER: CRRRAZY FUCKING WORLD yeah we just got to talking
HER: They always go over.
about misremembered jokes and misremembered pasts and regrets
JOHN: You've been ... That's why there's a ... and the snaky fucking paths life takes you know, the insidious
venomous slither of life, and I thought fuck it, I'd have a drink, we
HER: Yeah we got one from Marks and Sparks. But I convinced Victor
only bought one bottle though, that's kindergarten shit, remember
only one candle. Don't need a suicide on our hands do we?
me in the old days John? Remember me in the old days Victor?
JOHN: I'm sorry honey.
JOHN: Yes I do.
HER: Now we both are.
HER: Victor? Say yes I do.
VICTOR: I think I should probably get -

HER: NO. No. You're staying right he.re. Let's get drunk. I'm already
HER: VICTOR.
drunk. Let's get more drunk.
VICTOR: Sorry, man.
VICTOR: I've got Tess tomorrow.
JOHN: That's alright.
HER: What? You've got a test tomorrow? Like an exam? What for?
HER: See, Victor? It's alright. Go on. Say it. Do you remember me in
VICTOR: Tess. My daughter.
the old days?
HER: He has a daughter.
VICTOR: Yes. I do.
JOHN: I just heard.
HER: That's the problem. The memory. It's always the fucking
HER: He wasn't even really with the woman. She was a lapsed problem. You can't scrub it away.
Seventh Day Adventist but then she unlapsed. Or relapsed.
JOHN: Hey maybe we should-
Or something. Crazy world huh? Where's the champagne?
I got a bottle of Dom from the supermarket. The supermarkets HER: The Old Days. Who would have fucking thought?
around here are so posh.

JOHN: How old's your - ?

2.9
VICTOR: Almost four.
JOHN: How you feeling?
JOHN: Great age.
HER: I'm great. Shall we go home?
VICTOR: Yeah.
JOHN: We are home.
HER: What the fuck would you know?
HER: I know that was a joke.

44 45
r

STONE/ LORCA YERMA

JOHN: Haha. JOHN: It was a joke.

HER: Most losers have to go home after their wedding night. HER: Does my blog bother you? I'm not using your name.
Not us. We totally rule. Our honeymoon is us both being in the same
JOHN: Your Wikipedia page links to mine.
place at once and that place being our home. For at least three days.
HER: Yeah but there's plausible deniability. I could be fictionalising
JOHN: Five.
the whole thing.
HER: I bet you'll be on a plane in three.
JOHN: I'm sure that's what everyone thinks.
JOHN: How much.
HER: Hey husband.
HER: Five blowjobs.
JOHN: Hey wife.
JOHN: Deal.
HER: We are such fucking cliches.
HER: I'm totally going to win and then you'll be going down to
JOHN: We are.
pussy town ALL month.
HER: Wby did we do this again?
JOHN: My pleasure.
JOHN: You needed a change.
HER: Is it?
HER: Is that why? Is that? Wby?
JOHN: Don't start that.
JOHN: And besides I've never had such an issue with the idea.
HER: I'm not. I'm going to be a good wife. Good ole wifey.
I've kind of fantasised about it.
JOHN: You drunk?
HER: Did your fantasies look like this? A middle aged woman with
HER: You know I'm not. her skirt up around her thighs making love to a patch of grass?

JOHN: You're lying on the ground. JOHN: Quarter aged at most. They didn't look unlike this.

HER: I'm enjoying our backgarden. You know I don't think I've been HER: Wbat did you imagine?
out here since we bought the place.
JOHN: I imagined it earlier. Calmer.
JOHN: Yes you have I saw you smoking out here several times.
HER: I am calm. Calm as fuck.
HER: That doesn't count. The midnight fag doesn't count. I mean in
JOHN: You are. You're wonderful.
a holistic sense. A woman and her garden. Herbs.
HER: Thank you hon so are you.
JOHN: You want herbs?
JOHN: I imagined something slightly more traditional and maybe a
HER: Vegetables. Sunflowers. Chilli plants. Geraniums. Maybe not
few more friends.
geraniums. I'm going to start gardening.
HER: We have no friends.
JOHN: Okay. Good idea. Will you write a blog about it?
JOHN: We used to.
HER: Is that a dig?
HER: We used to have a life.

46 47
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

JOHN: Now we have each other. HER: Who's going clean up this dump? I have to start gardening
tomorrow.
HER: And my empty womb.
JOHN: Your mum, your sister and Victor are already at it.
JOHN: I love you. And please never say that again. We're just at the
beginning. HER: Victor's lovely.

HER: Oh come on. We're at least in the middle. If not the beginning JOHN: He is.
of the end. HER: My hand feels heavy.
JOHN: There's so much time still. There is. No panic.
JOHN: Hul1?
HER: No panic. Just champagne.
HER: This ring. It really makes my hand feel heavy.
JOHN: Now you're talking.
JOHN: Is that a metaphor?
HER: Not for me.
HER: No. I like it. Like eve1y time I lift it to do something I'll
JOHN: You chose a great time to quit. You might be the only the remember you.
only sober bride this side of the twentieth century.
JOHN: You'll get used to it.
HER: Oh I don't know. I'm sure there's been plenty of sober pregnant
HER: Yeah I probably will. Shame. I'm going to put tomatoes over
brides. I'm just getting my body ready to join the club.
there. That gets sun most of the day.
JOHN: Speaking 0£
JOHN: How do you know?
HER: Yes?
HER: I have no fucking clue. I've always wanted a fig tree.
JOHN: I think I should ... I'm going to start jogging. There's that National Trust place round the
corner. I'm going to jog around that.
HER:What?
JOHN: It's like it's new year. All these resolutions.
JOHN: Mary's pregnant again and she's too scared to tell you.
HER: Ten new years in one. A thousand new beginnings. Give me a
HER: Oh. Again.
kiss.
JOHN: Yeah.
7hey kiss.
HER: That's -
HER: When I imagine our child I imagine it's a boy. With that
JOHN:Yeah.
cheeky look of yours like what's going on inside his mind is much
HER: That's great news. Good juju. much naughtier than he would ever let out. But when
he gets scared he has to come here. Here against my thigh,
JOHN: She thought you'd be upset.
and burrow in. Close his eyes and pretend the world doesn't exist and
HER: I'm not I'm excited. It's a good omen. Want to stumble all he hears is my voice saying it's okay it's okay.
upstairs?

JOHN: Gladly.
HER: Is it?
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

JOHN: What honey? 2.11

HER: Is it okay? DES: Now we're talking. Now we're cooking with gas. We are
cooking with weapons grade plutonium. This is next level shit. Fuck.
JOHN: Of course it is.
Yes. Fuck yes. Are you happy?

HER: Huh?
2.10
DES: 3000 hits in the last twenty minutes. This shit is viral baby.
MARY: What are you doing? We're going to be trending in a second. I've had friends texting me.
HER: What does it look like I'm doing? Is that your boss? I'm like shit yeah, she's the boss.

MARY: Do you even know how to do that? HER: Stop it.

HER: Yeah I watched a YouTube tutorial. Try saying that five times DES: This bit, jesus, "when I heard her baby had died, waves of relief
poured through me, my face showed sympathy, sisterly love, but
really fast.
every part of me breathed a sigh of secret satisfaction." BOOM
MARY: YouTube tut - no. I always just get a man in.
HER: It's not, don't do that -
HER: I want to garden. Grow things. Watch them grow. Nurture them.
DES: And this "I sat with her in the hospital as she prepared to give
MARY: Yeah I've got the picture. birth to her dead child, holding her reassuringly, whispering it's okay,
HER: What's up with you? and wondering had I done this? I'd wished for this so many times, in
the darker moments, hoping for some kind oflevel playing field, like a
MARY: I um ... spinster with a voodoo doll - "
HER: What? What is it darling? HER: Okay. That'll do. Mary's never going to talk to me again.
MARY: I can't ... um ... DES: She'll get over it. It's a confessional. People understand that.
HER: Hey. Hey. It's okay. People totally want that. You think no one else has ever had these
thoughts? I mean Al Gore.

HER: Al Gore.
HER: Did he cheat on you again?
DES: No. That's not it. He was the environmentalist almost
MARY: No. No. It's ...
president.
HER:What?
HER: What are you talking about?
MARY: I lost the baby.
DES: Gore Vidal. "Every time a friend succeeds something in me
HER: Oh. Darling. dies." You see?

HER: I see that I've joined the ranks of the narcissists.

DES: You. Are the fucking. Zeitgeist baby. The fucking zeitgeist.
People are lapping this shit up.

50 51
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HER: People always lap nastiness up. HER: I'm not using your name.
DES: NO. No. Confession. Catharsis. The unrepresented millions. JOHN: They know I'm your fucking husband. They always have.
TI1e dark secret brought into the light. This is journalism. TI1is is There are photos of us together on the internet. And you can say
expose. You're brilliant. whatever you like about yourself, I mean it's embarrassing, but it's
your own life -
HER: Thanks.
HER: You're embarrassed by me?
DES: Don't back off. Or I'll beat the shit out of you. And you know I
could. JOHN: But when you start fucking talking about erectile
dysfunction which you know it wasn't -

2.12 HER: Oh come on it was a speculation.

JOHN: Will you come inside? JOHN: You know how fucking drunk I was that night, I can barely
even remember getting home and there is no fucking way
HER: Sorry? I would have, could have initiated sex, so when you start writing
JOHN: I want to talk to you will you come inside? nasty dissections of my flaccid fucking -

HER: Ani I in trouble? HER: No there's no way you would ever initiate sex.

JOHN: Don't. What is that? You're not twelve. JOHN: My willingly flaccid penis. The penis of an unconscious man,
as if there were some kind of failure in it not -
HER: Sorry boss.
HER: It was a condemnation of myself Of me. That I felt the need
JOHN: What are you doing? to - that I've lost all sense of self-respect.
HER: I'm joking. What are you doing?
JOHN: You know what? I am embarrassed. You embarrass me.
JOHN: Do you want to tell me something? HER: Fuck you.
HER: Tell you what?
JOHN: I don't care how shit this gets. I mean I can deal with how
JOHN: I don't want to have this conversation outside. shit this is getting.

HER: What, are you going to shout at me? HER: What's that supposed to mean?

JOHN: What is your problem? JOHN: Us. I can deal with the fucking cracks in us. I can deal with
not knowing what version of the woman I used to know I'm coming
HER: What is your problem?
home to-
JOHN: Okay, I'm just going to -
HER: If you ever do -
HER: What? Get on another plane? Organise a meeting in Taipei?
JOHN: What I cannot deal with is the fucking world laughing
JOHN: My friends read what you write. You know that don't you? behind my back.

HER: Oh right so this is what it's about.

JOHN: My colleagues. My clients. I mean do you even consider the-

52 53
i STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HER: I had three days I could have got pregnant, you were supposed HER: I want to listen to them. I want to want what they're telling me
to be back for all of them, you were back for one, you met your to want. And I want you to want it too.
friends for a fucking boozer -
JOHN: Ido.
JOHN: It was my best friend's stag party-
HER: Do you?
HER: You spend the night with strippers instead of me, you get
JOHN: Of course I do.
home at three, listen to me -
HER: Look at me. Look at me when you say it. Do you want it
JOHN: There weren't any strippers, Jesus you're -
John? Because I need to know.
HER: You get home at three, fall unconscious, what am I supposed
JOHN: Yes. I want it too.
to do? I've been fucking sitting up waiting because you promised -
HER: Say it. Say the actual.
JOHN: That's life. Things like that happen.
JOHN: I want to have a child. With you.
HER: So yeah, I fucking try, I humiliate myself, going down on my
unconscious husband, trying to get what you promised me I could - HER: I need you to stop travelling so much.

JOHN: Jesus are you hearing yourself? I'm not a fucking cow. You can't JOHN: It's not a good time for me to-
just fucking milk me. HER: I need that.
HER: You promised things would be different.

JOHN: And you promised you would stop obsessing about this shit
JOHN: Okay.

HER: I need you to get your sperm tested. The doctors won't do any I
you promised to give me a break from all this fucking you promised
me a fucking moratorium on this -
more tests on me until they get your results.
I
HER: I CAN'T my body is not letting me I can't I can't let this go I
can't.
JOHN: Okay.

HER: Okay? '

JOHN: Alright. Alright. Now all the neighbours know about it. If they JOHN: Okay.
haven't already read about it. HER: I made you an appointment for Tuesday.
HER: You aren't in here. JOHN: Actually, I'm supposed to be-
JOHN: No I'm not. HER: John.
HER: You're not getting the messages I'm getting. Every single JOHN: Okay.
second of every single day.
HER: Good. Thank you.
JOHN: No I get other messages. I have messages too. And I ignore
them. I mean if we were all just our fucking biology then we might JOHN: I need something from you.
as well just go back to knocking women over the head with clubs and HER: Yeah? Of course.
dragging them back to our -
JOHN: I need you to stop writing about it.

54 55
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

JOHN:Hm? HER:What?

HER: I can't do that. VICTOR: How angry was he? He might have blocked you.

JOHN: Oh. Jesus fucking Christ. Jesus fucldng Christ. Jesus fucking HER: What? What's that?
Christ.
VICTOR: You can block a contact. And it goes straight to answer
machine.

2.13 HER:Oh.

HER: Thanks. Thanks. VICTOR: If you gave me his number I could see ifit goes through
with me.
VICTOR: What's up? Are you okay?
HER: Oh. Should we?
HER: I'm ... Sorry I'm ...
VICTOR: Well at least you'd know he's not. ..
VICTOR: Hey ...
HER: Okay. Here.
HER: John's gone.
VICTOR: Okay ...
VICTOR: Okay, he's ...
HER: Do I smell?
HER: He's disappeared.
VICTOR: What no.
VICTOR: What do you mean? Where is he?
HER: I haven't showered in two days. I've been trying to sleep
HER: That's exactly it. I have no - His phone's not -
through it.
VICTOR: Okay slow down. What happened.
VICTOR: No. No. You smell good.
HER: Two days ago. We had an argument.
HER: Good? Hey.
VICTOR: Right.
VICTOR: I mean fine. You smell totally ... Oh shit.
HER: He never does this.
He hangs up.
VICTOR: You want to go to the police?
HER: What? What was that?
HER: Oh no. God no. He won't have. No. His career's going too
well. VICTOR: He answered.

VICTOR: Okay well. HER: That fucker.

HER: What am I supposed to do? VICTOR: Oh shit.

VICTOR: Are you sure his phone's off? HER: That fucking fucker.
HER: Yeah it's going to answer machine. VICTOR: I think he heard me say "you smell totally ... " Oh shit.
That's. Shit.
VICTOR: Yeah but maybe's -
HER: I can't believe that.

56 57
STONE/ LORCA

VICTOR: I'm sorry.

HER: No. Him. I mean I would never ...
T HER: Quite the opposite.

VICTOR: Shit. This is. Okay. I should go home.

YERMA

VICTOR: Well, he's alive. HER: No. No. Stay. I can't sleep. TI1e tree at the front keeps
scratching against the window.
HER: Not for long.
VICTOR: You want me to cut it back for you?
VICTOR: What was your argument about?
HER: I haven't got a ladder.
HER: Oh well... -
VICTOR: I could see ifI could climb up and-
VICTOR: Sorry that's none of my business.
HER: Victor. Please. Just stay.
HER: No. No. You.know. The usual.
VICTOR: Okay.
VICTOR: The what?
HER: Okay?
HER: You've read the ...
VICTOR: No.
VICTOR: No. I haven't. It's not really my kind of -
HER: No?
HER: Oh.
VICTOR: No that was like an "okay look" okay. That was the
VICTOR: Sorry.
beginning of a sentence.
HER: You never read the bit I wrote about you?
HER: Okay.
VICTOR: What bit?
VICTOR: Look.
HER: Oh. Nevermind.
HER: Okay.
VICTOR: What? What did you write about me?
VICTOR: I've got a ... I've just started seeing someone.
HER: Nevermind.
HER: Oh. How's that going?
VICTOR: Why are you smiling?
VICTOR: Yem, it's ... It's good, it's comfortable.
HER: Victor ...
HER: Comfortable?
VICTOR: I'm going to go online now and-
VICTOR: I mean yeili it's ... and you and John will. .. patch things up
HER: NO. Don't. That's embarrassing. I'm sure ...
VICTOR: What did you? HER: I'm thirty-eight years old Victor. And nothing's happening. I've
been trying for years and nothing's happening. And I keep thinking
HER: Please don't.
about back then. When we ...
VICTOR: What was it?
VICTOR: Oh.
HER: I used a pseudonym.
HER: Maybe we should have kept it.
VICTOR: Because it's so bad?

58 59
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

VICTOR: Oh God. VICTOR: I'll see you at work ok.,y?

HER: I was an idiot.

VICTOR: You were twenty-three. 2.14

HER: That's a good age. That would have been a good age. HER: Pregnancy yoga is the bomb. My pelvic floor is lil{e a fucking
l&e a fucking ... what's something that's flexible and musdy at the same
VICTOR: I know I tiied to talk you out ofit but you made the right
time? It's l&e a fucking octopus. Pre-pregnancy yoga. Maybe-baby yoga.
decision. I was a stupid conservative young man. And you knew =ctly what
Ha.
you were doing. That's what I meant. What I said four years ago. It was.
Exactly that. That I'm sorry. That I even questioned your right to. And look MARY:Hey ...
at what you've done with your - HER: You're going to start talking and then you're going to tell me
HER: Career? how disappointed you are and that'll be so much more painful to
take than anger because you're so above that aren't you?
VICTOR: Yes.
MARY: No. I'm not. I am angry.
HER: I was told I could have both. They fucking lied to me.
HER: But you've worked through it. It took a couple of months but
VICTOR: No they didn't. You can. You will.
now you're composed. And you've found a very high horse to ride in
HER: I haven't got any time left. on.

VICTOR: Yes you do. MARY: I'm concerned. Actually. And angry as I might be that's -

HER: Nothing lil{e that ever happened with John. Not once. HER: Santa Maria. My God. Have you actually ever thought about
I've never had a mistaken ... anything. And there hasn't been any the underlying semantics of that? The Virgin Mary. You know how
contraception now for ... well you know how long ... fucking poisonous the philosophy that lies at the heart of our entire
culture is? I mean she's the role model isn't she? Isn't she?
VICTOR: Sometimes it just ...
MARY: I don't know.
HER: You and I ... Well we know that we can ...
HER: And she was a virgin. And God foraed her or whatever. No. No. That's
VICTOR: Is that what? Is that why you?
the perverse interpretation. That God was a focker. Please God, hear me, you
HER: Why not? are not a foraer. I've never ... I mean if I've oflmded you in any way and that's
why ... then fll do anything to make it up to you. I know you're not a foraer.
VICTOR: Oh fuck.
No. God is all-capable, dioo his fingers, bang, baby. That's the conception we
HER: I need help. all aspire to. Immaculate foiliing no problems oops I've never even seen a did{
VICTOR: I can't believe I'm. Oh my God. here we go let's give birth to the son of God. Which every woman essentially
thinks they have done. Hard work? NO. Never even heard of sex and I'm
HER: Victor. already pregnant. I'm a having a low blood sugar moment.
VICTOR: I'm sorry I - MARY: Do you think you need to see someone?
HER: Don't you fucking leave. Don't you dare fucking leave. HER:HA.

60 61
STONE/ LORCA
•I YERMA

MARY: I'm serious. MARY: You used to cut yourself?

HER: Don't you want to swear at me at least? HER: Oh. No. I guess I didn't. But it sounds very appealing at the
moment.
MARY: I don't know that I'd get any satisfaction out of it.
MARY: What the hell are you doing?
HER: I always get satisfaction out of swearing at people. Even geriatrics
and small children. I hate small children. I don't really. HER: I just came home from yoga and I'm about to mal,e myself a
fertility friendly brealdast why do you keep asking me that?
MARY: Don't you?
MARY: Where's John?
HER: What's that supposed to mean?
HER:Who?
MARY: It was Freddie's birthday last weekend.
MARY: John. Your husband.
HER: Yeah I know.
HER: He's on a meditation retreat. Or was it a knitting workshop?
MARY: I called you.
MARY: Did you sleep with him?
HER: Yeah I know.
HER: Who? John? Barely ever.
MARY: He asked where you were.
MARY: Victor.
HER: Did he? How does he even remember who I am? He hasn't
seen me in almost a year. HER: Did I? Hm. Good question.

MARY: Bepuse I talk about you a lot. MARY: Stop it. Stop making fun of everything.

HER: I could have blocked you. HER: Sorry ...

MARY:What? MARY: Are you trying to ruin your life?

HER: Did you know that's a thing? HER: Or is my life trying to ruin me?

MARY:What? MARY: I think I'm going to call Mum.

HER: Blocking people. Blocking their contacts? HER: Oh yeah. Good idea. That trick always works.

MARY: Yeah. I did. MARY: I think we need to stage some kind of intervention.

HER: Yeah. It's a thing. It's a real fucking thing. HER: It's always a good plan to tell the intervenee first.

MARY: Why didn't you come to Freddie's party? MARY: I'm worried about you.

HER: I can't. I'm sorry. It's just. I'm not in a very receptive place at HER: I think you're still angry. There wasn't any ill-will in what I
the moment. wrote.

MARY: Receptive to what? MARY: I know that darling.

HER: You know. The whole other people's children thing. It makes me HER: What am I saying? Of course there was. Gallons and gallons of
want to take up cutting again. it. But it wasn't directed at my sister per se. I mean not us as sisters.
 1tl
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

I mean not at your womb specifically. Just at any womb that's full or JOHN: We can talk about this in the morning. You should go to
getting fuller. My brain is doing some very strange things. Or is it my sleep.
body? It's always so hard to tell.
HER: What is it John?
MARY: I'm sorry.
JOHN: Oh fuck.
HER: Why are you sorry Sis?
HER: What?
MARY: Because I didn't realise, I didn't notice things had gone this far.
JOHN: I really fucked up.

HER: What did you do?

2.15
JOHN: I spent the night with Kate. From the office. I didn't. I don't
JOHN: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Oh God. I'm sorry. think we. I was really drunk. I don't !mow. I ...
HER: Ase you drunk? HER: Right.
JOHN: A little. JOHN: I think we just kissed and I fell asleep.
HER: It's four in the morning. HER: Okay.
JOHN: I didn't mean to wake you. The fucking neighbour's dog won't JOHN: I'm sorry hon. I'm sorry.
stop barking. I was just going to slip in and then I realised I left my keys
HER: Okay.
here. We used to have a spare key under the back door mat.

HER: I took it inside. There's been burglaries. JOHN: Hon?

HER: I thought something like that was probably going to happen.

JOHN: Fuck this place used to be so ghetto. We never had to worry
about burglaries. JOHN: Don't say that.
HER: Ase you smoking? HER: Why did you come back?
JOHN: No. JOHN: Because I don't want to, I don't want to ...
HER: What's that in your hand? HER: Lose me?
JOHN: A cigarette. I'm not smoking very much. I was just going to JOHN: I've been running away from you.
slip in and sleep on the couch so I could see you when you woke up.
HER: I know.
I didn't mean to wake you sorry hon.
JOHN: I left you on your own to deal with all the ...
HER: I'm not sleeping very well anyway.
HER:Yeah.
JOHN: How you going?
JOHN: I've got this. Look.
HER: Shit. You?
HER: What's that?
JOHN: Really shit.
JOHN: Look. I got my ... I got it tested ...
HER: What's wrong?
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HER: Did you get an STD test at the same time? HELEN: Goodo. TI1at all seems to be -

JOHN: I didn't sleep with her. I woke up in my underpants. I still JOHN: She likes avocado on toast for breakfast, with chilli oil. I've
had my underpants on. made up a batch of chilli oil, it's sitting on the counter next to the
salt. You can do avocado on toast can't you?
HER:And?
HELEN: I've never been much of a cook.
JOHN: Please hon, stop doing that with your voice, we can't, please ...
JOHN: Just toast the toast and put a few chunks of avo on it. She
HER: What does it say?
can do the chilli oil herself.
JOHN: I haven't read it yet. I was too scared.
HELEN: Okay.
HER: Of what?
JOHN: And the George Clooney machine is self-explanatory.
JOHN: That you'd leave me ifit was ... or want to ... you know ...
HELEN: Excuse me?
someone else ...
JOHN: The Nespresso machine. Clooney did the adverts.
HER: Well let's have a look.
HELEN: He was Batman wasn't he?
JOHN: Can't we just go to sleep?
JOHN: Don't remind him of that.
HER: No.
HELEN: Sorry?
She opens it.
JOHN: Nevermind. I'll show you before I go. It's a capsule system.
JOHN: What does it say?
HELEN: A what?

JOHN: You just put a capsule in and press the ... I'll show you.
2.16
HELEN: Sure.
JOHN: You should have whatever you need in the fridge. I stocked
up last night. JOHN: Thanks for coming.

HELEN: Okay thanks. HELEN: Well it was very short notice.

JOHN: The front door doesn't latch shut. You have to pull it hard. JOHN: I appreciate it.
Like a loud hard slam. HELEN: It was very hard to find someone to take over my lectures.
HELEN: Okay good to know. JOHN: But you did?
JOHN: Otherwise the cat gets out. HELEN: Sorry?
HELEN: Good to know. JOHN: Find someone.
JOHN: The cat's name is Leo. HELEN: Well otherwise I wouldn't be here, would I?
HELEN: Obviously. JOHN: Well thanks, Helen.
JOHN: Yeah right yeah. HELEN: She's not talking?

66
 'fl
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

JOHN: Oh no she talks, it's not like she's ... JOHN: What?
HELEN: Catatonic? HELEN: Positivity.
JOHN: No not catatonic. Well sometimes, sure, it can last a few JOHN: Right.
hours, but it's not ... It's the hormones she's on for the IVF.
HELEN: But I'll try.
HELEN: IVF?
JOHN: I'll be back in two weeks. I emailed you the itinerary.
JOHN: Yeah M.
HELEN: Yes I got it.
HELEN: You guys are ... Oh God ...
JOHN: Can you make sure she's awake to Skype with me eve1y now
JOHN: She didn't tell you? and then? The time difference is a nightmare.
HELEN: How long? HELEN: Don't worry John. I'll handle it.
JOHN: We've done three rounds already. JOHN: The police came.
HELEN:And? HELEN: Sony?
JOHN: Well, we're still going. She didn't tell you? JOHN: She'd been sitting opposite the playground down the road,
HELEN: Not a word. watching the mothers with their children. She'd been there a lot,
apparently. Pulled up in her car, just watching. The parents got
JOHN: Anyway the hormones are ... freaked out.
HELEN: Well of course they are, you know they induce a kind of HELEN:Oh.
menopause, to reboot the system so to speak?
JOHN: So we need to make sure she doesn't ...
JOHN: Yes, Helen, I do, I've been living with it.
HELEN: Okay. Fine.
HELEN: It's horrendous the lengths that women go to ...
JOHN: And the cafe on the corner, there's a local mother's group
JOHN: Maybe don't say that to her. that hangs out there on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So best to avoid
HELEN: I mean she does know there are millions of orphaned children that too.
the world over, doesn't she? HELEN: Well. I can see I won't have any time to read my stash of
JOHN: Definitely don't say that to her. Scandinavian crime thrillers.

HELEN: Why not? JOHN: I really need to make this trip.

JOHN: She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to consider that right HELEN: I'm sure you do.
now. She still hasn't given up. JOHN: It's. They were threatening to pull the contract. I'd been
HELEN: She looks like she's given up. trying to stay home as much as I can.

JOHN: She's going to need. Um. A bit of positivity. HELEN: It's okay John you don't need to explain.

HELEN: Okay. I'll try. It's never been my strong suit I have to say. JOHN: And we need all the money we can get right now.

68 69
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HELEN: I thought it was you. VICTOR: I. Um. Haven't seen you much at work.

JOHN: You what? HER: I've been doing more from home.

HELEN: I thought you were the one with the ... VICTOR: Des told me about the ...

JOHN: No. No. HER: Oh yeah.

HELEN: Oh. Well. Maybe the two of you are just not compatible. VICTOR: How's that going?

JOHN: Helen. HER: It's ... going.

HELEN: I'm not trying to be offensive. VICTOR: Right. Listen. I should. I'm leaving.

JOHN: There were no eggs the first time we collected. The second HER: Okay bye.
time there were four. The third time just two. None of them
VICTOR: No. I mean. The paper.
were ever successfully fertilised. The chances even under optimal
conditions are fifteen percent. I give my own sample every time. And HER:Oh.
there's always been plenry of healthy ...
VICTOR: I got a job in Hong Kong.
HELEN: Sperm.
HER: Oh.
JOHN: Yep. I don't know whether the question of compatibility even
VICTOR: Yeah senior editor.
comes into it.
HER: Oh. Congratulations.
HELEN: How much longer are you going to ... ?
VICTOR: Me and Tess and Sophie, we'll be ...
JOHN: That's up to her I guess.
HER: Sophie?

VICTOR: My girlfriend.
2.17
HER: Girlfriend.
HER: I can't even grow a tree.
VICTOR: I told you about her back when ...
VICTOR: Aren't you cold?
HER: Sophie.
HER: I don't feel it anymore.
VICTOR: Yeah.
VICTOR: Do you want me to get you a coat?
HER: How is that?
HER: Says the man standing around in lycra.
VICTOR: It's good. It's great.
VICTOR: I just cycled twenty miles.
HER: Is she?
HER: Want a coffee?
VICTOR: What?
VICTOR: No, I should get going soon.
HER: You know.
HER: Oh. Okay.
VICTOR: Oh.

70 71
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

HER: She is. Isn't she? HER: Yeili.

VICTOR: Look ... VICTOR: I'll send you my new number, maybe we could FaceTime.

HER: I can see it in your eyes. HER: You'll be otherwise occupied in a few months.

VICTOR: I didn't want to ... VICTOR: Ha yeili. August is the due ...

HER: Congratulations. HER: August. Lovely.

VICTOR: I'm sorry.

HER: Why God you should be excited.

VICTOR: I am. VICTOR: I'm sorry that I-

HER: You should be. HER: Go on. Get out of here.

VICTOR: Thank you. I really didn't want to - VICTOR: Okay.

HER: When are you ... ?

VICTOR: Tomorrow night. VICTOR: Hey.

HER:Oh. HER: Hey yeili?

VICTOR: I thought I might see you at work but - VICTOR: Look after yourself

HER: Yeal1 like I said.

VICTOR: But I didn't want to leave without - 2.18

HER: Well that's very - JOHN: Give it to me.

VICTOR: So I rode over. HER: No.

HER: Long way to come. JOHN: Hon.

VICTOR: Yeili. HER: No.

JOHN: Give it to me.

VICTOR: I'll have my, obviously, and Facebook, are you still on - HER: How am I supposed to go shopping?

HER: No. I had to get off. Too many trolls. JOHN: You never even leave the house.

VICTOR: That's disgusting. HER: I leave the house.

HER: That's the world. JOHN: To go to the clinic.

VICTOR: I think it's very brave that you've kept writing about it. HER: What, are you going to start giving me an allowance? Leave me cash
It's important. That other women who ... on the counter in the mornings? Is that what? A kept woman?

72 73
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

JOHN: I don't want to have to do this. JOHN: I can't. I can't do this anymore.
HER: Oh my God that's what men used to say before they beat their HER: You used to want this with me.
wives.
JOHN: I have. Nothing. Left.
JOHN: Give me the fucking ... give me the credit card.
HER: We used to be a team.
HER: It's my money too.
JOHN: I'm not going to give any more sperm samples.
JOHN: We have no fucking money. We have no money. We can't
HER: Okay. We can use the frozen sperm.
make the payments on the mortgage. My card got declined at the
fucking supermarket yesterday. JOHN: I'm going to withdraw my permission to use that.

HER: I'm sorry.

JOHN: We agreed. No more. JOHN: I'm sorry. But this has to stop.

HER: There's a chance we could - HER: I'll get a donor.

JOHN: We tried. TWELVE times. We tried. It's time to -

HER: NO. No. HER: I will.

JOHN: We need to consider the other options. I got in contact with JOHN: Okay. This is that conversation.
an adoption agency and I think we -
HER: I'm serious John.
HER: My arms would freeze, my arms would fall off before I hold
JOHN: This the conversation we won't be able to go back from.
another person's child NEVER say that to me again NEVER -
HER: Don't try and blackmail me into -
JOHN: Why won't you at least meet them and see how you feel
before you completely rule out the - JOHN: What happened to us? Huh? We used to be so laissez-faire
about everything. Nothing could unsettle us. Your father died and
HER: I can feel it. I know it'll work this time. I can feel it.
we were a team through that. Your sister and everything that. When
JOHN: What can you feel? I lost my job and then you helped me start the company. Everything
we had to-
HER: This time is going to be. This time is -
HER: We could still be a team.
JOHN: We're sixty thousand pounds in debt. Sixty. Thousand.
Pounds. We're going to lose the fucking house please I'm begging JOHN: We need a fucking roof over our heads to be a. They'll take
please please please just stop. I don't know what else my fucking offices away from me. They'll audit the company, they'll -
I can say. Just. Stop. This. Now. Just. STOP.
HER: That's the only thing you ever think about.
HER: Honey.
JOHN: The. ONLY. Thing. I ever think about. Is you.
JOHN: I'm begging you.
HER: Then help me.
HER: Hon. It's okay. Hon.
STONE/ LORCA YERMA

JOHN: This isn't helping you. This is killing you. I don't recognise HER: TUESDAY.
you. I don't. This isn't the no bullshit, nothing-will-kill-me fuck-you- JOHN: I'm here for you.
if-you're-not-onboard chick I fell in love with.
HER: You're not. I look for you and I can't find you. You're not there
HER: Oh. Right. anymore.
JOHN: You're letting the rest of the world tell you what you should
JOHN: I can't think of any other way to be there for you. I'm sorry.
believe in. This is other peoples' dream. This isn't our dream. I'm trying.
HER: It is. My dream. HER: Okay. Fuck it. Fuck my stupid fucking cliche fucking. Fuck it.
JOHN: It never was. Let's get old and miserable. Let's do it.

HER: When wasn't it? JOHN: Don't say that.

JOHN: Before. When it was us. You remember that? When it was HER: Let's get resentful and slink around each other's problems like
really. Us. ghosts and make tea and never talk and sit in the garden and slowly
die let's leave nothing behind just the small insignificant marks
HER: We were running away. You said so yourself
someone will rub out as soon as we're gone. Let's. Be. Irrelevant.
JOHN: No. That started later. After this whole.
JOHN: What's so wrong with that?
HER: This is me. This is me.
HER: That's it. That's a promise. I'll stop.
JOHN: We've ended up just like every bloody bourgeois cliche we
JOHN: Okay.
promised we never would be. And what if we did end up getting
pregnant? Are we going to be the couple pushing the twins down the HER: I promise.
street in the bugaboo to get a couple of flat whites in Primrose Hill? JOHN: Okay. Good. Thank you.
HER: Wanting to have a child is not giving in. HER: Okay great.
JOHN: It is when the world. Is telling us. We can't. JOHN: It'll get better. Soon. You'll see.
HER: Fuck you.

JOHN: Okay. We can talk about this again tomorrow. 3.19

HER: You want my credit card. Here. And the other one. Here. And DES: What the hell are you doing?
my fucking debit ca.rd. Take them. Take them.
HER: What? What's wrong? Get off me.
JOHN: Thank you.
DES: Who was that guy?
HER: Get that fucking smug look off your face.
HER: I'm fine. It's fine. Let go.
JOHN: I'm trying to -
DES: You had his fucking .. .in your hand.
HER: Help me? You're killing me.
HER: Cock.
JOHN: When was the last time you saw the therapist?
DES: Why are you ...

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HER: I thought that's what this whole thing was? JOHN: She's writing for them this weekend.

DES: I thought we were observing ... MARY: I don't think so.

HER: Oh God don't be such a, I thought your generation was up for JOHN: She said it was an assignment.
everything.
MARY: They gave me her stuff to bring home. She never turned up
DES: Please, Boss, let's - to pick it up.

HER: Hey. Give me another ... JOHN: Oh.

DES: You've already had enough. MARY: What's been going on between you two?

HER: GIMME. Gimme gimme GIMME. JOHN: I ...

DES: We're going to have to pump your stomach. MARY:What?

HER: Listen to me tookie. I'm a fucking pro at this. I was doing this JOHN: I don't know ...
when you were in nappies. Now give me another.

DES: Here.
HER: You, who are you?
HER: He was FIT.
VICTOR 2: Who are you?
DES: You can barely see straight.
HER: You look like someone I know.

VICTOR 2: Oh yeah, who's that?

JOHN: Mary are you okay?
HER: Victor?
MARY: Oh hi, John.
VICTOR 2: Okay, Victor, sure. You want to go somewhere?
JOHN: What are you doing here?
HER:Where?
MARY: Where is she?
VICTOR 2: I have a tent on the other side of the field.
JOHN: She's covering a festival.
HER: We made a mistake Victor.
MARY: What festival?
VICTOR 2: What mistake?
JOHN: I don't know. Some kind of She barely talks to me anymore.
HER: Fucking Sophie. It was Sophie wasn't it?
MARY: I went by her office. They gave me this.
VICTOR 2: Sophie who?
JOHN: You went by her office?
HER: Forget about Sophie. Come back. Come with me. Let's go to
MARY: I hadn't heard anything from her and she's never here when I your place.
call in. And then they said she'd been laid off.
VICTOR 2: Okay.
JOHN: Laid ... What?
HER: Which tube line is it on again?
MARY: You didn't know?

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VICTOR 2: You're funny. JOHN 2: I'm just ...

HER:JOHN.
JOHN: Hey. I just heard. Call me. Call me back. I need to talk to JOHN 2: My name's Henry.
you. What are you doing? \1(lhere the hell are you? I don't even know
HER: Shut up John. I'll let you have control. I'll give in. Just don't
where to come looking? Fucking hell. How did this happen? How
tell anyone I let you ... Here ...
did we grow so ... Call me back. Send me a message. Anything.

MARY: Mum. Mum. Mum.

HER: Who were you calling?
HELEN: What is it? What on earth are you ... ?
JOHN 2: My girlfriend. She's in Morocco.
MARY: Don't you answer your phone?
HER: Why isn't she here?
HELEN: I had it on flight mode. I needed a break.
JOHN 2: She's an anthropologist, she's studying the local-
MARY: I think something's happened. I have a bad feeling. John can't
HER: Shut up John, you can't fool me.
find her. She hasn't called in days. She lost her job.
JOHN2: Huh?
HELEN: Oh God.
HER: Kiss me.
MARY: Did she call you?
JOHN 2: Oh sorry. Like I said I've got a ...
HELEN: No. No.
HER: Why don't you ever want to kiss me anymore?
MARY: When did you last talk to her?
JOHN 2: Okay, do you're very ...
HELEN: Well to be honest I can't really remember ... A while ago ...
HER: KISS me.
MARY: Jesus Christ.
JOHN 2: Sorry, I ...

HER: I want you inside me. I want all of you inside me. Every last
HELEN 2: What are you looking for?
drop. Is it raining?
HER: My child. I lost my boy.
JOHN 2: Oh. It has been for hours.
HELEN 2: You brought your child to this ...
HER: Let's get wet.
HER: Yes. I've lost him somewhere here ... In the field ...
JOHN 2: We are wet.
HELEN 2: Don't you think that's a little irresponsible?
HER: Come on. Lie down with me.
HER: Like you can fucking talk Mum.
JOHN 2: In the mud?
HELEN 2: Mum?
HER: John. You never were able to let go. Were you? You always
wanted control. Didn't you? HER: Don't fucking lie to me. You lefi us at home. For hours. Wondering
when you would ... While you were doing fuck knows ...

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HELEN 2: Do you need any help love? DES: Come on Bos;, Let's go home. I ordered a car.

HER: I need to find my son. I lost him. A long time ago. And maybe HER: You go home. I'm fine.
he's cold and lost and ...
DES: You're not fine.
HELEN 2: l'll call the ambulance. Do you remember what you've taken?
HER: I'M FINE. I'M FUCKING FINE.
HER: Did you ever fucking care?
VICTOR 2: Jesus Christ, I'm getting out of here.
HELEN 2: Of course I care love, but I need a little help
HER: VICTOR.
understanding -
VICTOR 2: She's a fucking crazy bitch. You need to get her some help.
HER: I treated my body like shit, I treated my life like it wasn't
worth anything, because I never knew any different. DES: Why don't you fuck off you fucking cum, yeah that's right get
the FUCK OUT.
HELEN 2: Oh darling. I'm sure someone will have found him.
Let's check at the lost and found tent. VICTOR 2: Crazy fucking bitches.

HER: Victor's always leaving.

JOHN: I'm calling you. You're not answering. I've been calling for DES: That wasn't Victor. You need some water. Here have some water.
hours. At least let me know you're alive. At least that. Show me at
She vomits.
least that much respect. This is how you want to end it? Fuck. I really
thought I knew you better than that. DES: Oh shit.

HER: I'm okay I'm okay. Everything's okay.

HER: There you are.

VICTOR 2: Here I am. 3.20

HER: Where did you go? JOHN: Oh. Hi.
VICTOR 2: Where did you go? I was looking for you. HER: Were you asleep?
HER: Really? Victor? I thought you were in Hong Kong? JOHN: Where have you been?
VICTOR 2: You disappeared. HER: Working.
HER: I'm sorry. Fuck me. Fuck me right here. JOHN: You lost your job.
VICTOR 2: There's people everywhere.

HER: We wasted so much time. JOHN: The removalists came yesterday. I got them to put the
furniture in storage so we can separate it later.

DES: Sorry can you, this is my friend. She needs to go home. HER: Separate it?

HER: Fuck off Des.

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JOHN: Yeah. There's some things I'd like to keep but you can have HER: I understand what you're trying to say but I don't believe you
most ofit. John. You're just saying words to get a response. I'm sick of this game.

HER: Why are you ... JOHN: Did you ever? Respect me?

JOHN: Obviously we'll have to talk about the proceeds from the house. HER: You never could stand not being the boss.
You can use Graham as your lawyer, I'll find someone else.
JOHN: Oh God.
HER:John. HER: I need to sleep.
JOHN: There's a leak as you can see ... I've told the new owners.
JOHN: Then sleep. And walce up when I'm gone.
111ey're trying to get us to pay for it.
HER: Okay.
HER: Oh God. I can't have this conversation right now.
JOHN: Just remember to leave the keys with Graham.
JOHN: I'd like to just get through this amicably and-
HER: Fine.
HER: John.
JOHN: Where will you stay?
JOHN: Your dress is on back to front.
HER: I don't know I don't fucking care.
HER:What?
JOHN: Okay. Well, good luck.
JOHN: Your dress. It's on back to front.
HER: Good luck to you.
HER: What's that supposed to mean?

JOHN: I don't know. What is it supposed to mean?

HER: You never wanted a child with me, did you?
HER: John, I'm going to go to sleep and then we can tallc about this -
JOHN: I did.
JOHN: There's no bed.
HER: Not really. It never hurt you lilce it hurt me.
HER: I'll sleep on the floor. Like you did. I haven't slept for almost
three days. JOHN: It hurt me because it hurt you.

JOHN: I'm on a flight tomorrow morning. I'm going to stay in New HER: Because you loved me. Which is not enough.
York for a while. JOHN: How was that not enough?
HER: Okay fine. I'll see you when you get back. HER: It never hurt you. Your dreams weren't being shattered. You
JOHN: No. A while means a while. A long while. watched my little obsession beat its head against a wall and you felt
pity. You watched my fucking car crash lilce an innocent bystander
HER: How long?
and felt sorry for me -
JOHN: I'm leaving.
JOHN: That's not. I was invested. Until you -
HER: Everyone is.
HER: Invested? Fuck off.
JOHN: You're not understanding me.

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JOHN: You ate up all the fucking oxygen in our relationship. You left get you back maybe then you'd wake up and see me then maybe we
no room for me. could-

HER: I wanted you. To be on. My side. HER: I fucking knew it.

JOHN: Sometimes that involves telling you when you've gone batshit
fucking crazy in the nicest fucking way and expecting you to maybe HER: You didn't believe in it.
listen and moderate your fucking, I can't do this, you're right, you go to
sleep, I'll go to New York, our lawyers will - JOHN: No.

HER: IF YOU WANTED A FUCKING CHILD THEN YOU HER: This whole time you didn't believe in it.
WOULD HAVE MOURNED WITH ME you would have JOHN: No.
ached with me you would have hoped with me you would have
STRUGGLED AND FUCKING FOUGHT AND NOT LET HER: Get out of here. Get. The fuck. Out of here.
ANYTHING NOT LET ANYTHING NOT LET ANYTHING JOHN: I will.

JOHN: I wanted you. HER: GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT I'LL FUCKING KILL
YOU GET OUT.
HER: ME??

JOHN: YOU. TO BE HAPPY. YOU. TO BE MINE. I WANTED.

You.

She laughs.

JOHN: And you let this unknown unpresent impossible fucking child
get between us and you let it kill us you loved it like a new project
because you always loved projects and you'd always been such a high-
achiever and God forbid you didn't achieve this too but nature makes
its own decisions and you let this hate start to fester between us the
hate of me and the hate of my and the hate of your own and the only
thing the only fucking thing you nurtured was this dead impossible
dream that we both knew early on was dead and fucking fucking
fucking gone the signs were there they were there you grew blind and
obnoxious and stopped seeing me I was waiting for you to give up and
come back just come back to the one who had always been waiting no
conditions just you just me just us I was waiting for you and the hate
grew of course it started growing in me too it did like a fucking tumour
and it kept growing and I started wishing for the tests to come back
negative for my sperm to be dead for your womb to be ruined for the
eggs not to collect for the petri dish to be tainted for the seed not to
catch for the end of this for the end of it because maybe then I could

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STONE/ LORCA

3.21
HER: Oh shit I
John?
I think I
Oh

Oh
Okay
No more wondering
No more wondering
You won't be
Coming
You won't be coming anymore
My son
My daughter

But
Maybe
I'll be coming to you

I'll be coming
To you.

88