You sound like you might have recently read Nonviolent Communication by Rosenberg. If you haven't you sound like you're in a place where you might really enjoy it and find it useful.
Hehe... I was given the book a couple of years ago, but it's sat on my desk unread, because I am terrible at sitting down and making time to read.
However, I do have a couple of dedicated NVC practitioners amongst my friends, and a lot of other people who just use variations on those techniques without explicitly buying into NVC.
I've found that the principles behind NVC have helped me massively, even without formally being educated in it. I started using them a lot while I was navigating a very rocky relationship with a lot of arguments, and I guess the habit has just stuck - things like separating wants vs needs, talking about emotional state without using blame language, attempting to understand where the other person's coming from before replying, and so on.
