Send me your resume and portfolio. I'm recruiting for my company outside of HR because we need more awesome people with initiative. The month since I started at Groupon has been the best month of my career.
There will always be things you want to tweak in your resume to showcase your skills in the best possible light.
I would say, get any resume with all your skills in it and float it around....starting with Groupon. Goodluck.
Acknowledging that you're an idiot is the first step :) It means that whether you're good or not, you know enough to know that you can never stop working at it, and that's a good trait to have.
If you like, I can review your resume privately and let you know an idea of your chances, as well as make any recommendations to help make yourself more attractive to good tech employers.
Mtn View or Chicago, your pick.