Anyone have any suggestions for a better name? Human Capital?

No, “Human Resources” is an accurate description of the view a company’s senior management has of its workers. Something to be used up and then discarded, like a cartridge of printer toner.

I was going suggest “Pleb Management” but the acronym “PM” is already overused between Product/Program/Project Management.

Management Ass Covering is the most accurate name.

Talent Retention.

That's not really what they do in practice.

Personnel department perhaps? It's nice and bland.

(It's just a direct translation of the German Personalabteilung.)

It more a reflection of what I'd like them to do.

They are doing a bit of that as well. Though Talent Retention is more of a job for line management.

A big part of HR is ass covering for the company. And I don't say that (purely) in a negative way: it is good and important for companies to have a structure for you to raise certain complaints independent of your line management.

Just keep in mind that HR's loyalty is to the company. Not to you nor in general your line manager.