I have been through the same too.
I still remember the click in my head, when something snapped in my brain after an unusually long week where I basically slept at the office to get a change request through change management.
It was excruciating company stupidity red tape hell on earth. But the fix was neccessary after a bug in our latest software that severly slowed down one of our big customers. And change management fascists dragged out a simple fix for a whole week from a different timezone than mine.
After that click I could all of a sudden enter the car park with groceries in my hands having no memory of going there, what was in the bags or where the car was.
I had trouble signing my name on credicard purchases.
I stopped sleeping and got into a state of perpetual constant stress, rage and fear.
I was entering clinical insanity.
I did not do therapy in the end.
I quit my job, found another with less pay but also less responsabilities and moved into a small flat. Rented out my own.
For a year I spent my time with one mattress, one glass, one dish and a small case of clothes.
Went to and from work walking and spent most my free time walking around with nature sound in my player. Water mostly.
Or excercising. Strength, yoga , cardio all kinds.
Changed eating habits to simple eating.
Not a diet per se but simple easy to make and eat foods. A little meat and potaoes. A dish of pasta. A fruit.
Always home made dishes.
That was part of the healing. Simple cooking.
About 3 months in I started sleeping again and it took a year before I had no longer that stress knot in my stomach.
Its been 6 years now and I will never be the same, something broke me at that job.
I do however stop immediatly if the stress knot is starting to return and pause.
What am I doing? Why am I stressed. Etc.
I find wfh relaxes me. I am less aware of office politics from home which is a huge stress trigger for me.
I started reading again. Learning how to enjoy simple things helped me a great deal.
Stop social media. I hung on to social media until the past 2 years.
reddit was by far my worst trigger for a while, next to facebook.
Cut down even on streaming.
Only a few select movies and series.
I cut out toxic people from my life, that included toxic co workers.
I would find ways of doing my job with a minuscule or zero amount of toxic co workers.
I asked to change teams when I realized I had a terrible boss.
Old me would have sucked it up.
New me went to HR and asked if I could move to another team.
Great team as it happened.
The old me is never coming back, the new me will rather wash dishes in a restaurant than go down that road again.
Also, I got a cash bonus of about 2000 dollars for that week that I finally broke. And the customer sent me a box of chocolates.
So that was the price tag for my mental health I guess…..
It was excruciating company stupidity red tape hell on earth. But the fix was neccessary after a bug in our latest software that severly slowed down one of our big customers. And change management fascists dragged out a simple fix for a whole week from a different timezone than mine.
After that click I could all of a sudden enter the car park with groceries in my hands having no memory of going there, what was in the bags or where the car was.
I had trouble signing my name on credicard purchases.
I stopped sleeping and got into a state of perpetual constant stress, rage and fear.
I was entering clinical insanity.
I did not do therapy in the end. I quit my job, found another with less pay but also less responsabilities and moved into a small flat. Rented out my own. For a year I spent my time with one mattress, one glass, one dish and a small case of clothes.
Went to and from work walking and spent most my free time walking around with nature sound in my player. Water mostly. Or excercising. Strength, yoga , cardio all kinds.
Changed eating habits to simple eating.
Not a diet per se but simple easy to make and eat foods. A little meat and potaoes. A dish of pasta. A fruit. Always home made dishes. That was part of the healing. Simple cooking.
About 3 months in I started sleeping again and it took a year before I had no longer that stress knot in my stomach.
Its been 6 years now and I will never be the same, something broke me at that job.
I do however stop immediatly if the stress knot is starting to return and pause. What am I doing? Why am I stressed. Etc.
I find wfh relaxes me. I am less aware of office politics from home which is a huge stress trigger for me. I started reading again. Learning how to enjoy simple things helped me a great deal.
Stop social media. I hung on to social media until the past 2 years.
reddit was by far my worst trigger for a while, next to facebook. Cut down even on streaming. Only a few select movies and series.
I cut out toxic people from my life, that included toxic co workers.
I would find ways of doing my job with a minuscule or zero amount of toxic co workers.
I asked to change teams when I realized I had a terrible boss. Old me would have sucked it up.
New me went to HR and asked if I could move to another team.
Great team as it happened.
The old me is never coming back, the new me will rather wash dishes in a restaurant than go down that road again.
Also, I got a cash bonus of about 2000 dollars for that week that I finally broke. And the customer sent me a box of chocolates.
So that was the price tag for my mental health I guess…..