Very, very good points here. You're right, the stress part is 100% a personal and perspective issue. I do try to convince myself that "no-one is dying" but the sad reality is that if I don't constantly meet deadliness, prove myself, and go above and beyond for the company (over-time and over-work); as "over the top" as it may sound, it's my kids that "die" when I lose my job and cannot provide.
"I'll feel the need to do some work at 10pm on a Sunday night every other week, just to keep things afloat." sounds like a workplace from hell. GTFO ! I've never, in over 25 yrs now as a software developer, had to do that. BTW, public sector may be the way to go. Interesting work, less performance management / competitive cr*p, easier to make real friends at work, mission can be more valuable than some rich person trying to get even richer..etc. Public sector tends to pay less headline salary, right now, but can give career longevity due to less stress and more time to learn stuff properly.