Maybe I'm misunderstanding your comment, but why are you talking about manipulating situations in ways that would hurt others as a positive learned trait? Skipping a line is beneficial to only one person, you.
I have an intact superego. The third to last time I saw a therapist I was misdiagnosed as "adjustment disorder with conduct concerns" in the first session but the therapist took that back when he got to know me and realized I do have a reasonable moral sense (it is one thing to cut in line, it is another to steal money, do property damage, deceive people, etc.)
Now the second to last time I saw a therapist we got along well but she got kicked out by betterhelp.
The last therapist I saw unfortunately did meet my evil twin who was out at the time and I would say my behavior was over the line at that time but it was part of an extraordinary situation that didn't last very long and I can't imagine being repeated because I discovered what my secret was within a year of that crisis breaking. She fired me.
I haven't gotten a real diagnosis for my schizotypy because it is so bad in 2023, my primary care doc gave me 10 referrals, none were taking new patients, I emailed people who'd written review articles and books on schizotypy for referrals, they said they'd get back to me but they didn't, etc.
> I do have a reasonable moral sense (it is one thing to cut in line, it is another to steal money, do property damage, deceive people, etc.)
You said yourself you cut in line by manipulating people's attention (deception). Also, the people who are ahead of you in line got there before you did because they left their house earlier, or didn't spend so much time fucking around in the dairy aisle, or whatever. When you cut in line you are stealing time from them that they could otherwise use on something else before they run out of it and die. How is this more acceptable than damaging physical property, which some social frameworks would contend can't even be "owned" by individuals? Your moral framework is not self-consistent.
In my experience, people who are assholes in small ways are almost always also assholes in very big ways as well; they just don't know it. They don't have a strong ability to reason ethically and consider the risks and ramifications of their actions, so instead they learn a lot of social rules (e.g., it's wrong to steal, it's wrong to hit women, etc.) and think it means that they are a moral person where it matters.
However, when good behavior or bad behavior is not directly spelled out to them like that, they cannot easily differentiate between them and often select the bad behavior.
When I meet someone who is an asshole in small ways, I quietly put them on the list of people I do not trust or respect. I make sure they do not know I feel this way about them (due to not trusting them), but I take steps to undermine their ability to do harm in the world: I subtly discourage mutual friends from becoming close to them, I subtly push against them being promoted into managerial positions, I subtly warn friends who have crushes on them, etc.
Sure, but before I developed this trait school was hell. I failed the Turing test in Kindergarten and wound up graduating from elementary school the way Ender Wiggin did.
I would say for the most part I have that behavior under control (except for a time when I developed bad https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acquired_situational_narcissis...) and might do things that are slightly antisocial and that only harm others in a minor way, such as that cutting in line. Maybe the state really needs the money for the traffic ticket but I would not be in the slightest resentful paying for it I'd gotten it. I'm sure the cop had a better day than if he had to deal with somebody who gave him crap about it.
for an analysis of the "False Self" that is quite different from the earlier analysis of Winnicott. I've come to the conclusion that I have a neurobiological difference that makes development of a "True Self" impossible so I make the most of what I can, even if that means putting on the skin of a https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitsune in my imagination (no, I am not a furry, I'm a kemonomimi)
He threatened my life. I told the principal that if he couldn't protect me I'd have to kill the bully before he killed me. I think he did survive but at that time I would have accepted any punishment if it meant an end to the abuse.
I wound up being homeschooled for about two and a half years as a result.
