Friend circles have generally been primarily driven by proximity, with school & work being the main environments. Take away the forced socializing of work and all of sudden you have late 20s people with few or no friends since drifting away from most school friendships.
The pandemic taught me that absent forced social interactions such as work meetings, water cooler chat, etc... it takes deliberate actions to maintain social relationships, more so the secondary relationships. It's just too easy to dive into our work all day without speaking to anyone not in our direct line of reporting.
I think this is also why we feel so betrayed by tech layoffs.
Everyone gets laid off, we aren't special here, but what's a little unusual is that tech employees are highly migratory.
You get out of college, and you move to one of a handful of tech centers, in the US and around the world. And then -- fostered by the company -- you build your new social circle out of everyone you've met at work who is in the same situation of having just moved a thousand miles and started a new chapter of their life. You go out for dinner and drinks after work, you start boardgame nights, you play in a work-based soccer league. Your entire social life revolves around your friends from work.
And then, the company decides to cut headcount.
Tech employees have it a lot easier than, say, factory workers in most ways, when we're laid off. We've probably got more savings, our job market tends to be hotter, and we're not looking for work in one of the two places in town, one of which has already laid us off.
But it really takes a knife to your social circle, which stings, even if you're not the person laid off. I'm not sure it affects people who are working a job in their home town, with all their old friends and family and social activities linked to geography instead of employment, in the same way.
In my professional experience (since before the pandemic), I've been encouraged not to mix work with my personal life. Regardless, even when I ignored this advice and did share personal details and be myself, the interactions have always felt disingenuous. For me at least, being an actual friend and keeping up a professional appearance are mutually exclusive.
I suppose I've personally been very fortunate to remain friends with a lot of people from my childhood, and meet others through them. Even the people I have met through friends only recently, feel more genuine than older personal connections made through work. (None of my friends spend personal time with people they've met through work, either!)
Interactions with work people will always have that veneer of trying to look and sound one's best in the professional sense, in protection of one's career. In friendships you shouldn't be afraid to show your flaws, imperfections, personal beliefs, personal history, the squishy parts.
