My father passed away in 2023. Our last discussion was in the parking lot of his apartment, discussing whether or not the milk in my car might spoil if I leave it there while I come up to visit for a bit. Later, he died walking his dog with my mom, though the ER "resuscitated" him.

What I feel the worst about is the time between his heart attack and death, 4 days later.

In that time the doctors reanimated him, like a zombie. They were able to elicit physical reactions by yelling his name, and poking him, I guess to make my mother feel better that he might still be there. Eventually, I noticed blood in his urine bag, ad the nurse looked at me weird when I noticed, and that night he died from a massive aneurysm.

I missed his passing because my phone was on silent mode so I missed everyone's calls. I was watching the finale of Succession, and pressed "volume up" until it was max, but some time in the last few years Android decided that action shouldn't increase ringer volume.

I am sad to have not been there. He now has a tree in my back yard, and I think about him often. He was a gregarious, brave, unabashed person who found the most joy in being a playground monitor.. and I'm lucky to have known him. But there's never enough time or enough reasons to make time, and no closure to be had in his death.