> If your relationship with me involves any kind of labor for you then it's not a good relationship and you should leave as soon as possible.
Good luck jumping from relationship to relationship trying to find a perfect partner who requires no emotional labor on your part. Oh , you have found one? First of all: so you think because you did it, everyone can do it? Do you realize a large percentage of people are desperate to be in a relationship, yet very few even manage to find one that lasts more than a few years?
If you did find a perfect partner: how long have you been together? The first few years tend to feel perfect for most relationships, even those that turn really sour after that. I would wait at least 10 years to reach any conclusions.
> yet very few even manage to find one that lasts more than a few years? [...]
> The first few years tend to feel perfect for most relationships, even those that turn really sour after that. I would wait at least 10 years to reach any conclusions.
In my opinion that's mostly because labor gets in the way. Once you perceive relationship I'm terms of labor you no longer ask yourself "am I happy?". You ask yourself "am I getting screwed?" and since it's superhard to balance things that don't innately tend to equilibrium there's always some imbalance which brings resentment. In this framework lasting relationships are only the ones where both parties are feeling like they are getting at least 110% of what they are putting in. But since it's reevaluated constantly and economics and attraction evolves it still most often eventually lands on less than 100% for one or both parties which breeds resentment and makes the relationship fall apart through negative interactions.
Labor actually harms relationships because while it might raise the evaluation of what the other person is getting from you it also rises the evaluation of how much you are putting in which might make your perceived return drop below 100%.
When you abandon the concept of labor you do things for yourself and if those things happen to be benefitting the other person enough so that being with you is easier than being alone they will stay in that relationship. And the other way around. It still may fall apart of course at any point if you doing things for yourself starts making the life of the other person harder than it would be if they were apart from you. But at least you don't have this narrative layer of being responsible or indebted to each other which makes not only relationship more amicable but also severing it. That kind of hostility that you see in divorce is what happens to people brains when perceptions of unsettled debt are involved. This state of mind can turn perfectly ordinary people into vindictive monsters.
> If you did find a perfect partner: how long have you been together?
14 years, she wasn't perfect but she instinctively had the right framework and taught me it through living it with me, I sort of investigated it, distilled and verbalized it since she was gone
Since our relationship didn't involve labor it only got stronger with time. It was never off balance because no one was keeping score. And when you are living with other person having positive interactions with them your brain includes their benefit in your own reward circuits. This can also happen in transactional relationships but I believe labor narrative gets in the way. You don't like the smell of your nice car so much if you believe to be overpaying for it 25%.
If you're interested about what I have to say about relationships or for more context please check my response to a sibling comment.
Good luck jumping from relationship to relationship trying to find a perfect partner who requires no emotional labor on your part. Oh , you have found one? First of all: so you think because you did it, everyone can do it? Do you realize a large percentage of people are desperate to be in a relationship, yet very few even manage to find one that lasts more than a few years?
If you did find a perfect partner: how long have you been together? The first few years tend to feel perfect for most relationships, even those that turn really sour after that. I would wait at least 10 years to reach any conclusions.