Keep in mind that the University of Chicago is considered roughly a top 10 university (tied for 4th, if US News is to be trusted, which of course it should not). The 25th percentile of admitted students is at the 95th percentile of SAT scores. Rest assured, 80%+ of people who are admitted into the University of Chicago know how to write a decent essay (the other 20% allowing for athletes and development cases).
That being said, I don't find anything wrong with his writing, especially since he is writing a short technical explanation rather than a reflective memoir.
>the other 20% allowing for athletes and development cases
Chicago is not known for letting people in because they are athletes...
>80%+ of people who are admitted into the University of Chicago know how to write a decent essay
Actually, as an '06 U of C grad, I was a little bit shocked at how poorly the majority of the first years wrote. I say this without praising my own writing abilities as necessarily better. If the students represent some of the best in the country (they probably do), it doesn't say anything positive about writing eduction in the country.
True that UoC does not give very much of a boost to recruited athletes. Nonetheless, that 20% estimate would account for borderline legacies, development cases (parents donated), and possibly affirmative action admits (the data is mixed on this).
As for the second point, obviously your experience is purely anecdotal, which is hard to refute (other than dismissing it as anecdotal). I suspect that this opinion might be biased by our tendency to view things relatively rather than objectively - someone in the 75th percentile would see that most first years write poorly compared to him/herself, and thus might conclude that most first years are poor writers in general, when objectively that is not the case.
That being said, I don't find anything wrong with his writing, especially since he is writing a short technical explanation rather than a reflective memoir.