Don't think it solves this problem but Caucho Resin (Java EE server) should be able to run php as well.

there are a few options:

quercus and ibm's ... ack - what was it called? they had a 'freeware' CMS that included their own implementation of PHP in Java.

I think there's another too, but there's quite a lot of oddities and assumptions that make PHP-based code not play well in the JVM.

ibm thingi was called "project zero" btw i hear facebook is also looking to move to the jvm to ease some troubles with their hiphop approach

Facebook is doing this as successor of their php-c++ translator