This is the advice I would have given myself at 18: Don't fret girls and relationships. I'm serious. Focus on making friends (male and female), working on interesting projects, and learning everything you can (academic and otherwise) during the next 4 years.
You may have inflated expectations of college women, assuming that intelligence and good behavior, decent tastes in men, etc. are correlated. I sure did. In fact, this is what I told myself to expect throughout high school: when I get to college, things will be more civilized. Wrong. You'll be unpleasantly surprised if you go in to most collegs with high expectations. Expect a continuation of high school behavior on the dating front. In fact, college can be worse, because you now face competition from men ages 22-26, which you didn't in high school (one should hope). This makes the market tighter.
If you meet a woman you really dig, and if you're both mature enough to pursue a relationship, go for it. I wouldn't expect this, however; it seems to happen only for about 10-20% of men at this stage of life. Don't take it personally, at all, if this aspect of life is miserable and dry for you; it's that way for most (decent) men in college.
For a man who cares more than he should about womens' approval, ages 16-21 are pretty damn miserable; it becomes fun after that, however, as the balance of power tends to switch around age 25. Most college women are chasing bad boys whose IQs are 2/3 of yours. Just focus on school and your career, rather than sacrificing time, mental health, and energy on a pursuit that will enervate and confuse you. Enjoy life and work hard instead. Then, in your mid- to late 20s, women will begin pursuing you.
(If you're a woman or gay, my advice probably still applies, but I don't have any personal experience that would apply.)
I wish I can upvote you a million times over. This is something most people don't really appreciate until they leave college.
As a recent grad this is something that bothers me. In college almost anyone you meet (of your interested gender) is in your dating pool - you are at most a couple years apart in age, everything works out, you're at the same stage in life, etc.
Once you leave you will find that:
1 - Chances for socializing drops through the floor. You actually have to try at it, but that isn't the main problem, though you do end up meeting way fewer people per day than you used to.
2 - Only a very small portion of the people you meet and befriend are within your dating pool (age, expectation, stage in life, etc). Add this onto #1 and you might actually start thinking about dating services. I know I am.
Any other HNers with similar experiences? I'm at a bit of a loss here - clearly I can't be the only one in this situation, but it seems odd that we allow this gigantic social hole to exist. Am I missing some dynamic of "being an adult"?
The fact that I'm getting upvotes and no solutions is somewhat telling, and very depressing :S Is this really one of those problems that we have no solution for?
I've been toying around with an idea about that... guess I should get work on it ;) While in college I never truly appreciated the kind of massive ache we have in the market for a dating site that works...
I've heard good things about coffee shops, but I haven't tried them yet. According to a recent article on YC, this is a "third place." (The article was about MMOs.) Pubs and bars are also "third places."
Essentially, though, yes, there is no solution that rivals college. Often people say that their college years were the best years of their life - I wonder if this is a leading factor in that decision.
Also, I guess it makes sense to say that college is like a clean slate - no one (well, mostly) really knows you, so it's a good time to reinvent yourself if you feel like it.
Slightly off topic I suppose, but makmanalp is making an AWESOME point here. No one knows you and it's your chance to get out and do what you really want to. I was in the closet for all of high school and fairly miserable because at the time I thought my friends would stop hanging around me should they find out. This fear kept me from making a lot of new friends in my first year, especially since one of my friends from high school was my roommate. It kept me from joining the GBLT club which would have made my transition to university much easier, and let me interact with more people like me.
This is your chance to meet new people who have the same interests as you. Changing from a high school where very few people are interested in technology to a college where your entire program is filled with people who share your same general interests creates an awesome environment to grow and share ideas. The group of friends you meet in classes the first year can lead to an awesome experience in the second year, as you find people who you work well and agree with who will want to be roommates in later years. Can anyone say hacker house?
Agreed, although it's easier to reinvent oneself shortly after college (in my experience) than in college.
Socially, college is very similar to high school. Real life is radically different. In some ways, it's worse. In others, it's better.
I think the best social experience can be had in late college, when you're old and mature enough to reject the bullshit (hookups, binge drinking, gossip) and still surrounded by brilliant, interesting people. My hope is that the OP will be wise enough to skip to this phase, which is "late college" for most of us, much earlier than the rest of us did.
College provides you great opportunities to meet fascinating people, if you're wise about how you do things; if you're not, you just end up expensively wasting time.
You may have inflated expectations of college women, assuming that intelligence and good behavior, decent tastes in men, etc. are correlated. I sure did. In fact, this is what I told myself to expect throughout high school: when I get to college, things will be more civilized. Wrong. You'll be unpleasantly surprised if you go in to most collegs with high expectations. Expect a continuation of high school behavior on the dating front. In fact, college can be worse, because you now face competition from men ages 22-26, which you didn't in high school (one should hope). This makes the market tighter.
If you meet a woman you really dig, and if you're both mature enough to pursue a relationship, go for it. I wouldn't expect this, however; it seems to happen only for about 10-20% of men at this stage of life. Don't take it personally, at all, if this aspect of life is miserable and dry for you; it's that way for most (decent) men in college.
For a man who cares more than he should about womens' approval, ages 16-21 are pretty damn miserable; it becomes fun after that, however, as the balance of power tends to switch around age 25. Most college women are chasing bad boys whose IQs are 2/3 of yours. Just focus on school and your career, rather than sacrificing time, mental health, and energy on a pursuit that will enervate and confuse you. Enjoy life and work hard instead. Then, in your mid- to late 20s, women will begin pursuing you.
(If you're a woman or gay, my advice probably still applies, but I don't have any personal experience that would apply.)