>but I couldn't buy one of these, they just look so dorky.
Congratulations you described why rollerblading really never took off in the 90s. As a rollerblader even I can admit that there is just something about the look that screams "not cool", I'm just not quite sure why.
It mostly has to do with the human tendency to discern an innate level of intuitive ass-kicking power that any given artifact might imbue upon or withold from the wearer.
Ask yourself: If I had to fight Chuck Norris, would this magic item improve my chances of winning?
When the answer isn't a resounding "yes", the prospects of coolness are in doubt.
Congratulations you described why rollerblading really never took off in the 90s. As a rollerblader even I can admit that there is just something about the look that screams "not cool", I'm just not quite sure why.