No, it doesn't work for us the same way. You can't go out and befriend Klansmen and expect that to have such an effect on them because they'll just think you're one of them.
I have family like that too, and the only thing to do is be very clear you have zero tolerance for any kind of racism. Even the small kinds. You can still be kind to them once they understand that, though. I still have these debates with some of my closest family members.
The trick is not to let it get wrapped up in politics. I have an uncle who is deeply anti-liberal and who thinks I am a liberal. He's always trying to bait me into a political discussion and I just don't respond to that.
Frankly this is a situation I find myself in at every extended family gathering.
The majority of my family are simply unrepentantly biased and have no desire to change.
I don't think expressing zero tolerance for it helps, in my experience. The thing that I do is simply express my opinion on the matter, rather than my judgement of their opinion. Nobody will listen when you attempt to criticize their opinion, but they will hear you if you provide a contrasting example.
Take the example of my Aunt, who used to say "jew them down" or "got gypped" routinely.
I don't think she's antisemitic or racist per se, but man, when I said "You know, it's funny, most of the Jewish people I know are very generous and kind, they don't usually like to haggle over prices", she stopped and thought for a while, and asked me about them.
She simply doesn't know any Jewish or Romani people, so had never thought about those turns of phrase or what they implied.
Yah, my fault for a poor choice of words. I wasn't saying "zero tolerance," as in judging people or asking them to censor their opinions around me. I just meant I make it totally clear that I personally don't let racist statements go unchallenged. There are people in my family who are very close to me but know full well that if they open a certain topic for discussion, they are committing to an hour long debate they probably weren't prepared for.
I find that the plain truth is that older generations in general don't really listen to young'uns anyway, so it's not a question of how to change them, but how to make it exceptionally clear to them what my stance is, because at least then they'll know that I can't be pressured to change. Once I've done that, I'm happy going on with life and never bringing it up again.
I have family like that too, and the only thing to do is be very clear you have zero tolerance for any kind of racism. Even the small kinds. You can still be kind to them once they understand that, though. I still have these debates with some of my closest family members.
The trick is not to let it get wrapped up in politics. I have an uncle who is deeply anti-liberal and who thinks I am a liberal. He's always trying to bait me into a political discussion and I just don't respond to that.