I'm more of the mind that happiness is better as a side effect of a good life than the sole pursuit of your life. People who chase happiness as their primary meaning to exist usually are not very interesting and highly materialistic.
I think that’s a great point, and I don’t disagree with it. (Although I don’t particularly care about being “interesting” as a value). My point was more that as a parent I want to be responsive to my children instead of deterministic. I want them to find their path, not me to find it for them by declaring that they will be exceptional. My love is not conditional on their outcome of becoming exceptional, and further, an ultimately fulfilling life doesn’t require that either, nor should we teach that it does.
Provide the things to allow them to find the passions that enrich their lives while also give them the tools to manage ‘real’ life.
We sent them to various sports but my youngest found football via watching the World Cup, my eldest found swimming as we went surfing and he wanted to be better.
> not me to find it for them by declaring that they will be exceptional
I don't think providing them stimulus and opportunity is you finding it for them. Giving your child access to interesting people across various fields ensures they can learn about various intellectual pursuits. Treating them as a person with real ideas to consider ensures that they'll have the confidence to engage in the real-world as a peer. Giving them freedom and "down time" to explore their own ideas actually give them the time to find their own path.
Think of it as a vector, you can let them pick the direction, but you can ensure that they go far in that direction. They don't have to be a world-class mathematician, even being a well-respected local teacher is exceptional.
I agree. I suppose interesting is more of a compacted term for depth, and from that comes levels of fulfillment in my mind.
I think no matter what you do it will have a deterministic effect on your kid. If you're more responsive than deterministic they'll observe you for cues of who/what you have the most respect or adoration for and maybe seek to emulate it (or if they're rebellious, spite it). There's a fine line and moderation is important as with everything of course.
Those kinds of people often have a highly warped idea of what happiness is. Usually imagined, consciously or subconsciously, as a magical oasis where their parents are satisfied with them and they 'make it'. Those who do 'make it' realize thats not how it works and burn out.
Personally, I would think that some people are destined to be happy, just as some are destined to be a "genius".
I understand the sentiment that chasing happiness without "purpose" or consideration to the world around you might make someone vain and hedonistic but I don't think that applies to being career driven. I do think a strong career drive (esp. external) will not make you happy, and may even be a source of discontentment.
> Personally, I would think that some people are destined to be happy, just as some are destined to be a "genius".
I think the submitted article tried to make clear that just being a gifted child isn't sufficient to become a "genius", and favorable circumstances play a big role in turning giftedness into exceptional accomplishment.
Thus, wouldn't the same apply to happiness? Even if there were natural predilections toward happiness, circumstances can play a big role too in bringing the predilections to fruition.
Perhaps one needs to be "tutored" about how to become happy.
That's probably true. It's a well-loved aphorism that money can't buy happiness... true enough, but not having money is certainly a source of unhappiness in small and large ways.
Happiness is indeed a vague term. In the context of parenting, I would hope to foster self-esteem, an internal locus of evaluation, curiosity, and courage. These provide a solid foundation for general contentment, aside from the occasional inevitable traumas and trials of life.
> I'm more of the mind that happiness is better as a side effect of a good life than the sole pursuit of your life. People who chase happiness as their primary meaning to exist usually are not very interesting and highly materialistic.
"Happiness" is an overloaded word in English, much like "love". In this context I think a better word for what parent probably means is "satisfaction".
Are these people more satisfied with their lives? Do they feel their life is meaningful and worthwhile?
Victor Frankl might argue that meaning and purpose are more important and entirely orthogonal to "success".
s/happiness/health/ and then I think we have a more reasonable starting point. (And I mean health in the holistic/whole person sense, not in the limited sense of how well your biological machine is running.)
I think this helps make it clear that any single goal can compromise overall health, even if along that dimension you're exceptional.
I guess those people that you observed being highly materialistic have a false idea about what will bring them happiness. There are people that strive for happiness and choose a different path. Money, I belive, can only get you so far.
The materialism is just a symptom. The root issue is believe happiness is a stasis point where you'll just ride off into the sunset in this fixed emotional state until you die. That belief is why they think they could 'buy' it. They dedicate their lives in search of it.
Money prevents you from being unhappy because of little things like no food, no water, no shelter, poor health, exploitation, exhaustion, social isolation, and so on.
highly materialistic? look at the hindu sages in INdia, completely content and happy within themselves and they are not matieralistic, the western concept of happiness is chase all your sense to make sure you are happy above everything else
I'm not sure if samanas are the ideal of how everyone wants or should aspire to find happiness. I'm also fairly certain they would describe themselves as content but probably not permanently happy. As far as I know they seek enlightenment, which is not synonymous with happiness as a concept.
I'm more of the mind that happiness is better as a side effect of a good life than the sole pursuit of your life. People who chase happiness as their primary meaning to exist usually are not very interesting and highly materialistic.