This is a tangent, but perhaps similar to what you are saying.

Dare to stand out. Even if it’s unpopular and immediately pushes away 90% of people. Your goal when dating is not to make everyone like you. It’s to find one person that loves you.

The real "be yourself" advice means "be true to yourself."

Do be real about who you are and what you care about (innate to you), don't be rude and poorly prepared (not innate to you).

This chain of messages was unexpected but filled with great info. Good advice - thanks for sharing.

And if you're playing a part to get a result; you'll have to keep playing that part. It can work for a job, but it's a shaky basis for a long-term relationship.

> Do be real about who you are and what you care about

All of us have tendencies that are better repressed. This is why we have a brain.

The "be the real you" crowd never quite has a good answer for "what if the real you is an unlovable, broken piece of shit?", do they?

There is an answer once you’re willing to break out of the cycle of self pity that’s trapping you there.

Which cycle of self pity?

I'm a sadistic fuck that's been made to have the caring range of a rock due to childhood abuse

I'm fine being that way, it's just not conductive to maintaining relationships. Been there, done the whole 'be yourself bollocks' - the results were shit. Pretending to care far more than I do, and constantly suppressing the sardonic and vindictive tendencies has been far more pleasant

'just tweak core aspects of your personality' is exactly the opposite of being yourself

There’s obviously nuance to it