Some of the time it’s because the rules can’t be said.
“I picked him for the job because he is more attractive and has the same hobby as me”
“I want you to do this thing which is illegal to knowingly do but if I don’t explicitly say it then it’s permissible”
“I feel like you are faking sick days or being lazy but I don’t have any proof for this accusation so I just want to subtly imply it to pressure you in to changing”
Although, sometimes (usually) the benefit to an unwritten rule is so much more mundane and benign, right?
Like, "we do it this way because it is just easier if all 500 employees don't make up their own individual rules on how to do it, because that cohesion has its own benefits and now we always know where the mop bucket is instead of looking in 500 different places, some of which are possibly a little more optimal"
Generally a lot of jobs are pretty receptive to process improvements (they are a win for your boss, too) but it takes some social skill to sell those improvements and this is an area where those on the spectrum can struggle more often than average.
Yeah that's another big one. I'd think the neurotypical person is more likely to think "We put the bucket there because Jane said so, I don't really care" while the autistic person might be more likely to demand an explanation for why it's being put there when there is a seemingly more useful spot from their perspective. To which they might get a response of "Because I said so" as Jane doesn't feel like having to explain and argue every detail to everyone.
Just putting the bucket in that spot is likely more productive than having a company wide debate on it's placement. There might not be any logical rules for it but it doesn't matter since it's placement is largely inconsequential.
Yeah. And in a lot of cases Jane might actually be open to a better placement! The average Jane just wants things to go smoothly.
But the autistic person might "demand" an answer or call the current placement "stupid" and actually just make an enemy out of Jane, and then everybody loses.
This is in many ways unfair to the autistic person, because they don't know the unwritten social rules of how to bring something up constructively and helpfully.
On the other hand, the relevant social rules are not terribly complicated here either and they're kind of learnable. Make an effort to understand (but don't demand) the current way before suggesting a change. Don't insult everybody by calling the current way stupid. Etc. And also Jane can't be an expert in every neurodivergent special need her reports might have.
I used to work with a truly brilliant programmer with no filter. Surely he was on the spectrum though I don't know that for a fact. He would insult everybody else's work. Honestly, his was that much better. I swallowed my pride and learned to work with him and I like to think I helped him with some social aspects. He was actually a very sweet guy and we benefitted from his brilliant work. That is how it should always work, but unfortunately it's not, and to be honest (as terrible as this is to admit) if he was not a true 1-in-1000 unicorn engineer I really don't think I would have cared to make the effort.
“I picked him for the job because he is more attractive and has the same hobby as me”
“I want you to do this thing which is illegal to knowingly do but if I don’t explicitly say it then it’s permissible”
“I feel like you are faking sick days or being lazy but I don’t have any proof for this accusation so I just want to subtly imply it to pressure you in to changing”