Kudos to you! Even just being more aware of your mental state is a step in the right direction. Reminds me I need to be more proactive in this area.

Dunno if it helps, but just know most of us are at least a bit of a mess. Life is messy. I once took two years off of regular work (we were fortunate to have enough savings to do it) and made two music albums, the first album based exclusively on hard things that either I or people very close to me went through. The process of fleshing out the songs and lyrics was incredibly therapeutic for me.

Here’s a link to it in case you’re interested. I had a fraud issue with Spotify, but the album is up everywhere else. https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/boudwin/ccCe/

> Dunno if it helps, but just know most of us are at least a bit of a mess.

Years ago, I tried to quit my job because I was feeling terrible about how I was doing. My boss gave me one of the best pieces of advice anyone's ever given me:

"You know, Rachel, the suicide rate among founders is..."

This probably sounds like one of the most unhelpful things someone could say in that situation, but it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I didn't need someone to say "oh, it's ok to feel bad". I needed someone to say "feeling bad doesn't mean you're not strong enough to be great". I needed to hear that ambitious people who are trying with all their might to be better are still constantly struggling with the idea that they aren't good enough.

YC's own founder school doesn't quite put it in those terms, but there's a LOT in there about the importance of human factors. Arguably more than there is business advice, actually. They explicitly say, for example, "don't pick a co-founder who has complementary skills, pick one that won't drive you insane, because breakups and not lack of skill are a more common failure mode". And there's like half a dozen videos on how to keep it together when you're stressed beyond breaking. It's pretty reassuring.

To really make the point: my company became profitable for the first time yesterday afternoon, and I spent a good chunk of the 24 hours since then ruminating on how now we might fail because I'm not sure where the next bit of revenue comes from. Never mind that the things I was worried about one, two, three, or four months ago have all gone better than I feared - anxiety doesn't care about that. It'll just glom on to whatever excuse it can get - see e.g. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40191179

This and the linked comment were very helpful to me. Thank you!

damn, that's a good comment you linked

Keep at it, let the time heal you, I’m rooting for you. I was, and still am, having mental health issues for many reasons. Some are permanent, some are not. I’ve recently begun to be able to engage with hobbies again after at least months, if not years. You’ll get there too, I am sure. I won’t give advice, just a friendly note :)

Me too. I was in a very dark place for a long time until a couple months ago. My views on life and death haven't changed but I'm not actively rooting for my own death anymore, at least.

Embracing the solitude and the mindset that no one is coming to save me has sparked a bunch of motivation (out of spite) to improve myself. Started to workout regularly which has been a huge help for my mind and body. Starting to peel back layers of things that happened during childhood now.

Wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Good for you! It really is the very most important thing, to find ways to not be at war with yourself when the world's got more than enough things for you to be at war with to begin with.

If you ever need someone to talk to (who is also firmly on the spectrum + has dealt with severe mental illness in the past + is mostly on the other side of it), hit me up anytime. Email is in my bio (it's my work email but it'll do).

That's a good project.

The best, I'd say.

Sometimes things click and sometimes they don't. Like when someone tells you not to worry about the things that you can't control. What worked for someone close to me was imagining and believing that everything will work out in the end. Over time they have seen the positive in life and opened more opportunities than when they were cynical.

It's an investment, remember that - and one that will pay dividends. Best of luck!

Yeah, I need that too. I was able to get a therapy appointment in October. My last boss at Rent-Seeking Publisher screwed me over past the degree of "people used to duel over things like this". Also other shit.