Just a Substitute Teacher.....

Just when I think I know how to handle a class, along comes a couple of 6th grade classes to let me know I don’t know shit.

I thought yesterday’s class was pretty loud and out of control, but it was just mildly chaotic compared to today’s class. This teacher is new to the school and this was the first time I’ve taken her class.

While I can’t prove it, it seems that the senior teachers take this as an opportunity to stack the deck in terms of offloading the known rebels into a single class as some sort of hazing ritual for the newly arrived educator. I recognized more than a few memorable slackers and instigators as they entered the room.

I accomplished absolutely nothing related to “education” today. It was simply crowd control and I can’t say I was even good at that.

If my experience today is any indication of how it is every day for this teacher, and some of the kids say it is, then it’s no wonder that she came down with (probably) a stress related case of the shingles after only half way through her first new school year.

I have 3rd graders tomorrow...

…At least that’s how I felt at the end of this day. Two more days of this and I’m outta there!

Even after I booted "Miss Issipi" AND "Ernie" to the office for some alone time with the “Classroom Disruption” essay assignment, the rest didn’t take the hint.

Those two and six others pretty much were a constant disruption team. While I would have liked to, I can’t send 25% of the entire class to the office!

I’m taking Thursday off unless one of the country club schools call. I never have any problems like this over there.

As an “emergency credentialed” substitute, I’m not allowed to work more than a total of 30 school days for any single teacher in any single school year.

The phrase “long term”, as it applies to substitute teaching, is defined by the district I work for as anything longer than 15 consecutive school days for the same teacher. So technically, I am allowed to substitute for a regular teacher for a month and a half before they legally have to replace me.

After completing this weeks four day assignment in 5^th grade, I can categorically say that my personal definition of “long enough term” is anything more than two days.

This class had a clique of six (four boys and two girls) who absolutely drove me nuts from day one. I’m not sure if we even completed half of what was on the lesson plans. It was pretty much a waste of four school days for the other 28 “good kids” in my estimation.

I’m not looking forward to the 6-day assignment I agreed to take at the end of this month and another 4-day assignment the first week of June. All I can hope for is those assignments at different schools might have a better result.

My week long assignment in 6^th grade is finally over. It’s been a long week to say the least. One kid, who was MIA most of last week and this, showed up on Wednesday.

Just my luck, he’s part of the clown crowd of the previously identified “Beatles” (John, Paul, George and a 4^th whose name isn’t Ringo but DOES end in ‘O’) and the sassy girl.

I swear, if these six aren’t already diagnosed with one of those popular 3-4 letter acronym mental syndromes, I’d offer to make a case for this one: ADAH (Attention Deficient A$$ Holes).

It’s draining to repeat the same phrase over and over and over all day long.

“(Insert ADAH kid name here)! (Insert one of the following)!”

· “Sit Down!”

· “Stop talking!”

· “Stop Interrupting!”

· “Leave him/her alone!”

· “Why are you wandering the room?”

· “No, you can’t eat Froot Loops in class!”

· “Stop throwing that!”

· “Get off the floor!”

· “Clean up your mess!”

· “Get your book out!”

· “Start working!”

· “Get back to work!”

· “No, I don’t have an (extra pencil/ paper/ paper clip/ eraser)

For the final writing assignment, I had them write a personal letter:

---

Dear, Ms. Teacher

We are glad you’re back! Let me tell you what’s been happening the two weeks you’ve been gone…

---

Most of the letters were of the “compare and contrast” styles of the four substitute teachers they’ve had these last two weeks.

The worst of the ADAH “Beatles” kids wrote (and I’m paraphrasing with intentional misspelling here because it’s true)”

Dear, Ms. Teacher

We are glad you’re back! Let me tell you what’s been happening the two weeks you’ve been gone.

We’ve had four subseetoots and it was real noisey. The wors one was Mr. Homework. He is really mean. Please, please, please, never, never, never, never, (repeat another 10-15 nevers) have Mr. Homework subseetoot for us agan!

Sinserly, (The worst of the Beatles)

For the first time this week, kid I totally agree…

EG13-G6

My approach to each new day in class is, all kids are angels unless proven otherwise.

So today, as I opened the door to Mr. Outlaw’s 6^th grade class, I was sure we wouldn’t have a repeat performance of last month’s encounter.

In case you missed it, I booted this kid to the principal’s office for being a constant pain in the ass disruption in class.

Unfortunately, it seems that Mr. Outlaw has a short memory AND gained a couple of posse members since the last time I was here.

I held it together for most of the day, but finally caved and booted Mr. Outlaw and one of his sidekicks next door to another 6^th grade class for some "sitting on the hands" time.

This school has great teachers that encourage exporting sucky students into neighboring classes to save the substitute teacher’s sanity contemplate the errors of their ways.

That left the weak member of the posse to cruise by every 10 minutes to ask if they could come back to class.

Just how many synonyms for the word “NO” are there?

EG13-G6

Communication is the key. Most teachers will tell you that they have “A Look”.

When some student in class isn’t paying attention or is pushing the limits of a teacher’s patience or just plain defiant, the teacher will give them “The Look”.

The message is clear. “Enough is enough! Knock it off, NOW! Get back to work!”

Most of the time, the targeted student will get the message and comply…at least for a while.

For me, I’ve found that simply standing and without saying a word, staring at the kid in question will provide a quieting affect within less than a minute. Even if the “kid” has his back to me, the room will eventually go quiet until the oblivious “kid” is the only one in the room still ignoring me, yakking away.

Eventually the “kid” will notice that the classroom environment has suddenly “chilled” and get the message. Sometimes the clueless one needs a table mate to nudge and point in my direction that he’s missing an important communiqué about desired classroom behavior.

If that doesn’t work, a raised eyebrow and a look of incredulity to the rest of the class will usually generate a few giggles from the rest of the class to get his attention.

Rarely, will a kid dare to push beyond that point.

A 6^th grade boy, named after a famous outlaw, in Wednesday’s class is one such rare case. Having failed several attempts to end his antics in showing off for his two buddies in class, I approached him one-on-one, in his face, and in a low voice have a point blank conversation:

Me: “This isn’t working for me or the class. This is a final warning. The next time I have to deal with your acting up in the classroom, you will be spending some time in the office. Clear?”

Outlaw: “Yes, sir.”

As I’m walking away, I hear Outlaw tell his buddies “He has bad breath…”

I pretend not to hear the comment and things remain pretty good for a while until they return from lunch when Outlaw starts up again. I remind Outlaw of our earlier conversation and his comment to me is:

Outlaw: “I think a visit to the office would be nice…”

Me: “You got it!”

I call the office and ask if I could send a student down for a little timeout. They tell me to send him on down.

Outlaw: “I’m not going!… ”

Me: “What do you mean, ‘You’re not going’?… ”

Outlaw: “I’m not going!… ”

The class goes dead silent. (Long pause…)

Me: “Fine, I’ll have Principal D. come here to talk to you about that.”

(I start dialing the phone…)

Outlaw: “Ok, I’m GOING!!”

I sent a trusted student with him to make sure he didn’t lose his way to the office. I called the office secretary again to let her know that 10-15 minutes of “quite contemplation” on his part should be enough before they should let him come back.

Office: “Oh, he’ll be longer than that. The principal wants to have a word with him before he’s allowed to return.”

I believe that I have finally communicated my message to Mr. Outlaw. We’ll see the next time I sub this class.

I think I'll start with “The Look”…