Just a Substitute Teacher.....

Decided yesterday to sign up for another year in the classroom. Now I should brush up on my weakest area of instruction...

I haven't posted anything worth writing for a couple weeks during the holidays.  Since school doesn't restart until next week, I hadn't planned anything for this week either. But while poking around on the interweb, I found essaytyper.com.

 A substitute teacher is a person who teaches a school class when the regular teacher is unavailable; e.g., because of illness, personal leave, or other reasons. "Substitute teacher"  is the most commonly used phrase in the United States, India and Ireland, while supply teacher is the most commonly used term in Canada and Great Britain. 

Common synonyms for substitute teacher include relief teacher or casual teacher  and "emergency teacher" . Other terms, such as "guest teacher", are also used by some schools or districts. Regional variants in terminology are common, such as the use of the term teacher on call  in the Canadian province of British Columbia and occasional or supply teacher in the Canadian province of Ontario.
 
Substitute teachers find jobs by first completing the application and interview process from their local school district. Once approved, they will either be enrolled in an automated calling system or more currently, via a system that uses the internet to post available substitute teaching jobs. Substitutes can also find work by contacting private schools in their district.
 
General qualifications 
In some regions, the qualifications for substitute teaching may not be as strict as those for a regular teacher. 

Some areas require a college degree and the successful completion of competency tests; others require only that the applicant possess a high school diploma or its equivalent; others again insist on full teaching qualifications. 

Standards are often lower for short-term substitute teachers, who may only fill in for a teacher during a short illness or personal day, compared to long-term substitutes, who may be assigned to a class for up to an entire semester. Some authorities will allow a substitute teacher without any training in the subject to be taught, who will not cover new material but will simply supervise students working independently on work previously assigned by the regular teacher. 

Some school administrators may not hire full-time teachers unless they have had substitute teaching experience. Often, the role of a substitute teacher may be covered by a retired teacher from that school or district; in school districts that have gone through layoffs, some furloughed teachers may substitute in the district where they previously held full-time positions.
 
Pay 
Rates of pay for substitute teachers vary widely depending on geographic ___location, length of assignment and teacher qualifications. For instance, in California, certificated teachers are required to meet No Child Left Behind standards and if the district has a substitute teachers' union, that will impact the daily rate of pay. 

Some districts are considering going to hourly pay to further reduce expenses, leaving many substitute teachers earning wages below the national poverty line . As well, after a set number of days in any one position, districts increase the rate of pay from say $100 a day to $130 a day retroactively . 

Unfortunately, schools in a district that cannot afford the difference in pay may suspend a valid instructor to avoid the financial burden before the date of change. Local Union SEIU 521 in California has noted this trend yet few frustrated substitute teachers come forward to contend the action.
 
In Australia, the rate can vary between states and between sectors. In the state of Victoria, teachers in a Catholic school can earn $41 per hour or $246 per day, whereas in the New 
South Wales public school system, teachers can earn between $239 and $327 per day depending on experience.
 
In the United States, the position's national average is about US$80 per day, with rural districts paying as low as $40 per day and larger, urban districts paying over $200 per day. The average in Southern California is $110 per day.
 
Most substitute teachers in the U.S. can be assigned to work in all academic subject areas as needed . The substitute is generally responsible for closely following and continuing with the lesson plans left by the teacher, and to maintain student order and productivity. Substitute teachers can often work in multiple schools within one district, as well as for multiple school districts.
 
In the Republic of Ireland, substitute teachers are paid a rate of €20 to €45 per hour.
 
In Canada, substitute teachers are fully certified teachers, and are paid regular salary when employed as long-term occasionals, or paid a daily rate of about $200 per day.
 
In the United Kingdom, supply teachers employed by a local education authority or school directly must be paid a daily rate of 1/195 of the annual salary to which they would be entitled were they employed in the position on a full-time basis. Teachers employed through agencies are not subject to this rule, unless they have been working for the same hiring institution for more than 12 weeks, but nevertheless daily rates are generally around UK£100–125.
 
Substitute Educator's Day 
The United States observes a Substitute Educator's Day, which was instituted by the National Education Association . The purpose of this day is to highlight the role and importance of the substitute teacher by providing information about, advocating for, and helping to increase appreciation and respect for this unique professional. This day also focuses on the needs of substitutes, which include better wages and health benefits and continual professional development. Substitute Educator's Day is observed on the 3rd Friday of November during . Other countries and jurisdictions have similar observances.
National Substitute Teacher Appreciation Week, or SubWeek, is also observed by many districts in the US and is held the first full week in May.
 
Substitute teachers in fiction 
A series of movies feature a mercenary posing as a substitute teacher in order to take on criminal elements within the school. 

The first, The Substitute, starred Tom Berenger. The remaining three starred Treat Williams, and were The Substitute 2: School's Out, The Substitute 3: Winner Takes All, and The Substitute: Failure Is Not an Option.
 
Drillbit Taylor features Owen Wilson as an army deserter working as a bodyguard for bullied students while posing as a substitute teacher.
 
Substitute teacher Dorothy Zbornak is a main character in the sitcom The Golden Girls. She was played by Emmy-winning actress Bea Arthur.
 
A sequel to Class of 1999, which featured teachers in gang-run schools being replaced by deadly robots, was titled Class of 1999 II: The Substitute.
 
A scene in Catch Me If You Can portrays famed con man Frank Abagnale convincing a class that, rather than being a new student, he is in fact their substitute teacher.
 
Arnold Schwarzenegger portrayed an undercover police officer who disguised himself as a long-term substitute teacher in the movie Kindergarten Cop.
 
In a second season episode of The Simpsons, Lisa Simpson develops feelings for an unconventional substitute teacher named Mr. Bergstrom  in the episode Lisa's Substitute.
 
Jack Black plays unconventional substitute teacher Mr. S  in School of Rock.
 
In BS Johnson's novel "Albert Angelo" the main character, Albert Albert is a supply teacher. 

Harry Allard's "Miss Nelson is Missing!" series of children's books feature Miss Viola Swamp, a supply teacher, as the main character. She also appears in the book's sequels "Miss Nelson is Back" and "Miss Nelson Has a Field Day".
 
Peggy Hill, wife of Hank Hill on the popular Fox animated sitcom King of the Hill, is a substitute Spanish teacher at Tom Landry Middle School.
 
Allan Ahlberg's poem 'The Supply Teacher' tells of a female supply teacher being lead astray by pupils, who are assumed to be of primary school age.
 
Justin Timberlake plays Scott Delacorte, a wealthy substitute teacher in the film Bad Teacher and the object of desire for teacher Elizabeth Halsey  and her rival colleague Amy Squirrel .
 

Y I Gots to larn Gramer?

To make comments, of course...

The assignment was a 5th grade class at the same “Not Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood” elementary school. I was cautioned by their teacher that her kids are really “sweet” but can be difficult in a lack of attention and laziness kind of way.

In reality, they were easy to get along with and responded when I wanted the noise levels to be toned down a bit. This was a much better experience than the 2nd graders earlier in the week. The only howls of protest came at the end of the day when I listed the homework on the whiteboard before dismissal.

-- Reading: 20 minutes

-- Math: one page with maybe 10-15 problems left (we did the first 5 in class) dealing with improper fractions.

-- Any unfinished class work.

Kids: “…But, but, but…teacher promised that we’d NEVER have more than six math problems for homework!…EVER!!”

After checking the lesson plan to make sure I hadn’t misread the homework section for math, I informed them that I had my orders. It didn’t include any restrictions or references to any promises of homework limitations.

After locking up, returning the key to the office and on my way out to the teachers lounge for one last “restroom break”, a voice called “MR. HOMEWORK!” from one huge SUV in the parking lot.

I gave the usual customary wave and smile as I continued to my urgent appointment in the men’s room.

“MR. HOMEWORK! MY DAD WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!”

My urgent restroom break just became more urgent.

Because of the nomadic nature of a substitute teacher, I rarely have any encounters with parents of the kids I see during the day. Even then, it’s mostly dealing with delivery of birthday cup cakes, “Hi, How are ya!” introductions before school or notes to be delivered to the regular teacher tomorrow. Never a “My dad wants to talk to YOU!” encounter.

The guy behind the wheel is HUGE! Sleeveless shirt, tattooed from the shoulder to the wrist on both arms, shaved bald and Fu-Manchu mustache. He didn’t look like a guy I wanted teed off at me, so I resisted the urge to run. Instead I approached the passenger side door and informed “Killer” that I wasn’t Junior’s teacher and that she’d be back tomorrow if he needed to talk to her.

Killer politely said that he, indeed, wanted to talk to me if I had 10 to 15 minutes to spare. He suggested that we could go to the classroom and have a chat if I didn’t need to leave right away.

I bought some time by agreeing to meet with him and his kid in the cafeteria after I finished some business in the teachers lounge. I didn’t elaborate about what kind of “business” that had suddenly become extremely urgent.

I spent the next several minutes trying, among other things, to figure just what Junior told his dad that would warrant the pulverizing of an underpaid substitute teacher. I came up empty so I exited the teacher’s lounge to find the duo resting in the shade of a campus tree.

Instead of the closed classroom (with potential lack of witnesses), I suggested the cafeteria where after school homework session was in full swing.

At a table near the back and away from most of the noise, I re-introduced myself to Killer with my real name instead of “Mr. Homework” and asked what the problem was.

Killer told me his son didn’t understand about some of the homework and he (Junior) wanted some clarification.

“Go ahead, Junior. Ask the man!”

Junior: Ms. Teacher PROMISED that we wouldn’t have any more than six math problems for homework.

Me: So, you’re questioning the “amount” of math homework and not how to do it? Your teacher is the one that listed on the lesson plan what the homework was. If you have a problem with the amount you need to talk with your teacher tomorrow.

KILLER: (to Junior) What? I don’t care about the amount. You told me you didn’t understand!

Junior: Well, I don’t understand it either.
Me: Ok, show me the math page.

He removes from the backpack the math page worksheet on improper fractions. The first five problems we did in class are still blank on his.

Me: Well, do you remember that we did these first five in class? I don’t see anything done here.
Junior: I don’t understand it.

Killer asks me if I could go over a couple of the ones we did in class again with Junior.

After being tagged teamed between me and his dad, Junior works his way through the first three. Killer is satisfied that he can do the rest at home.

Me: Ok, is that all?
Junior: I didn’t understand the grammar (identifying declarative .vs. imperative sentences) worksheet either.
Me: Show me!

Again, Junior removes from the backpack the grammar worksheet and again it’s completely blank.

Me: We went over this in class. We even did the first five as examples. All you had to do was write a “D” next to the “declarative” sentences, an “I” next to the “imperative” sentences and identify the subject of the sentences. Remember?

Junior: (no response).
Me: Let’s go over the first few again.

After the first three examples, Junior concedes that he can finish the rest of the worksheet. Killer, looking on, agrees. Killer thanks me for my time with his kid and had Junior shake my hand as I head to my car alive and un-bruised.

I’m not sure if I violated some school district rule about outside contact with parents and students but I did let the teacher know that it did happen just to cover the bases.

The second week of school hasn’t offered any substitute assignments so we went to the mid-day, discount ($6/ea) movies yesterday. It’s almost like having your own private theater room. There were only 10 people attending. Very nice. The only downside is that I can’t pause the movie for a potty break.

It’s not unusual to find graffiti in public restrooms offering various “services”, “art” and “news” written with sharpie pens or carved onto restroom walls.

I’m not sure when it started but restroom profanity seems to be posted by the less gifted.

“Four letter words” are now being shortened to three, mostly by eliminating the letter “C”. I suspect that the letter “K” also might be on the way out to reduce the time required to get your message across.

It’s probably an easy supposition that this development can be traced directly to cell phone text messaging and internet chat room acronyms. But I think that the trend in not highlighting spelling errors in favor of phonetic spelling in school as part of the creative writing process might be partially to blame.

Well, time 2 zip an get bak b4 I mis 2 mch of da moo-v “De Drk Nite”.

I just love a lesson plan that starts off: “These kids can be quite noisy at times”.

The teacher who called me Sunday night didn’t mention that item of information when she asked me to take her 6^th grade class for Monday morning. She saved it for…Monday morning…SURPRISE!!.

Well, it’s only one day and I had a pretty complete lesson plan to work from. By the time the kids figure out that I’m all bluff, it’ll be over and I can walk away free and clean.

Of the thirty 6^th graders, she has five boys and one girl that are the driving force behind the class turmoil. If it wasn’t for the “tainted six”, this class would be a dream.

I sat hard and tight on all six…all day. We made it to the end of the day in pretty good shape and nobody ended up crying or composing a “Kill List”.

As I’m packing up to leave, the office calls down to ask if I can take the class again tomorrow. The teacher has contracted some kind of infection of the thyroid and is on her way to the hospital. She’s seriously sick so I agree knowing that I’ll have to come up with a lesson plan for tomorrow. Something I haven’t done before so therefore so it’s probably doomed from the start

With the help of two other 6^th grade teachers, we come up with a lot of work to fill the day. Only the math section is a logical extension of the previous day. The rest is mostly reading and writing stuff till the dismissal bell.

The “tainted six” are corralled by having their names on the board in a box labeled “The LIST”. I haven’t told them what the list means. The longer I delay telling them, the implied threat seems to have their attention…especially after I put check marks after each offenders name when he/she forgets I have “The LIST”.

By lunch time, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Near the end of our 40min lunch, one of the male teachers exits the teachers lounge bathroom and asks one of the female teachers to go in and flush one of the toilets in the womens room.

She returns right quick. “There’s black water backing up in both toilets!”

A check in the student bathrooms confirms that the plumbing is seriously compromised campus wide.

Back in the classroom, I tell the kids: “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that all the restrooms are closed because sewage is backing up in the plumbing”

The kids ask: “So what’s the GOOD news?”

“The good news is that I won’t have honor any further requests to “go to the bathroom” for the rest of the day AND requests for “drinks of water” will be discouraged due to the bathrooms being closed”

One of the “tainted six”, one that’s had an unusually weak bladder today, later told me that the toilets were backed up with “black water” since the 10:00am recess.

Evidentially neither he nor any of the other 785 kids on campus thought that was worth mentioning to any adult on the school grounds.

Fortunately, I’m not working there tomorrow or Friday due to advance scheduling. I’m busy for the rest of the week…or at least until the plumbing gets fixed.

EG5-G1

Substitute teaching at the elementary level isn’t all that difficult as far as subject matter goes. While there have been occasions in the past where, once or twice, I didn’t feel “educated” enough in English grammar to actually teach the subject, those situations tended to be at the upper grade levels. Teacher edition text books with the answers included and teacher provided answer keys for any worksheets to be handed out make my job fairly easy to handle.

Any functioning adult should be able to master 1st grade worksheets without any problem or aid from an answer key. English grammar at a 1st grade level shouldn’t be a problem…even for ME!

So imagine my surprise and frustration when confronted with the following worksheet involving words with vowel “U”:



The instructions are simple enough.
1. Say each picture name.
2. Listen to the sound of each letter
3. Print the word for the picture name.

All the words have either the short or long form of the vowel “U” and this being 1st grade work, all the words are less than five letters in length.

Quick, time yourself and see how well you do in identifying the word that goes with all the pictures.

Note: All current and veteran 1st grade teachers are disqualified from participating. THEY, of course, have the answer key!

(The one circled in red is a real killer. For the longest time the only thing I could imagine was that finger removing a “booger” from the baby’s nose. But that’s an entirely different vowel…)

EG13-G4

This 4th/5th combo class is the first class of the New Year.

They couldn’t have been easier to deal with. This is the fourth time I’ve subbed this particular class and they are a great bunch of kids. No problems at all.

To make it even better, the first hour of class was “Literature Prep” given by a roving specialist. She told me I could take off for the next hour. So I took a leisurely walk down to the office to turn in the roll sheet, ambled by the staff lunch room and sampled a few New Year’s chocolate treats they had put out and had a brief pleasant chat with the school principal who came in for the same reason. All in all a very relaxing one hour break.

The only spoiler to this perfect day was when I took a look at the “grammar packet” I was to hand out as the last activity to the 5th graders.

Irregular verbs. Oh, crap! Here we go again!
Four worksheets titled:

• Identifying regular .vs. irregular verbs
• More irregular verbs
• Subject verb agreements
• More irregular verbs challenge

Do we really need to label, much less know how to categorize these things?

I guess I should be grateful the grammar gods haven’t invented even more mysterious things like “complex verbs”, “imaginary verbs” or “theoretical verbs” eh?

Everything was going hunky dory with this 6^th grade until we got to the English grammar lesson.

Now I have to explain at this point that the technical nomenclature of English grammar was never my strong suite.

To qualify for graduation, I had to take “bone head” English grammar in college……..twice!

Diagramming and labeling the parts of a sentence beyond noun, verb and object still makes my eyes cloud over and the brain go numb.

Today’s detailed lesson plan instructed me to teach a section of English grammar to these 6^th graders. The “teachers” cheat sheet on this subject indicated exactly how I should instruct the kids, what examples I should write on the board and even what sentence parts to underline and label.

Piece of cake……I can DO this!

So, I launch into the lesson explaining (reading verbatim) the difference and nuances of transitive and intransitive verbs, being and linking verbs, predicate nouns and adjectives to these eager young minds.

I write the suggested example sentences on the board and carefully underline and label the pesky verbs with their proper labels as indicated.

I then hand out individual work sheets to the class so they can dive right in locating and labeling verbs in sixty odd sentences on their own.

Then I wait.

For next three minutes I’m thinking, “I just might get away clean here”.

Then I see two, and then three and then even more heads turn to one another. Whispered questions start to circulate the class. “I don’t get it, do you?”, “uh, uh, nope”, “I’m lost!”

After about ten minutes, most of the heads and hands are up making the same plaintive cry. “Uh, Mr Perry? We need some help with this.”

Now I’M stuck. I DID review the lesson/work sheets during my 40min lunch trying desperately to see if I could understand this stuff before I gave it to the kids. I didn’t succeed.

So… at this point, I did the only thing I could think of.

Confess!

I told the students that, truthfully, I didn’t understand this stuff when I was in school either and obviously I still didn’t. I told them that they didn’t have to do the assigned homework and that I’d leave a note for their teacher to re-do the lesson when she came back tomorrow.

We ALL breathed a collective sigh of relief with this solution.

I haven’t heard back from the teacher yet…….