Man Says He Upset French Woman with a Joke About French Phrases — Including a ‘Famous Line’ from ‘Lady Marmalade’

A man says he made a joke while out with friends that “upset” a woman who was joining them — but he claims he doesn’t feel like he did anything wrong.

The man detailed the situation on the Reddit forum “Am I the A------?”, explaining that he recently met up with several friends and that “one of them brought along someone new [...] — a woman who came from France.”

The Redditor says that he and the woman talked for “a while” about “her country and her language” and that he decided to make a joke involving the song “Lady Marmalade” which ultimately “fell flat.”

“I told her ‘It sucks that Americans don't really know any French beyond basic words and phrases like 'bonjour,' 'merci,' 'voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?’ " 

“For those who don't know, that last sentence means ‘Do you want to sleep with me tonight?‘ " he wrote, adding, "It was a famous line from a song that I thought Americans were pretty familiar with."

However, the man says that it turned out the woman was not familiar with the song and “she got really upset after.”

“She told everyone else what that sentence meant and they said I was an a------,” he continued, adding, “I repeatedly told her I wasn't asking her to sleep with me, that it was just a joke about a song, but she wasn't hearing any of it and it kind of ruined the night for everybody.”

The man says that his friends have since told him that he should apologize, but he says “I don't feel like I did anything wrong besides make a joke that fell flat.”

“AITA [am I the a------]?” he asked his fellow Reddit users.

The post sparked much debate among Reddit users, and opinions were divided over whether or not the OP owed the woman an apology.

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“They explained themselves,” wrote one commenter in defense of the man. “[The song] was released in 1974 as well as 2001, both times of which it hit the top 10 [on] the France billboard charts. This is not an obscure song. Some people in these comments are acting like this person made a reference to some song no one has ever heard of. It’s insane,” they added.

Another person disagreed entirely, writing: “If you make a joke that has sex in it, it doesn’t land, and makes the recipient uncomfortable, you’d be extremely rude not to offer an apology.”

Someone else noted that the OP should have known better, especially because he was making a sexual reference to a woman he had never even met before. 

“YTA [you’re the a------] for not apologizing. You didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable, but you did. Many women hear a ton of sexual ‘jokes,’ and are sick of it. Don’t say sexual stuff to strangers. Just because it’s a reference doesn’t really make it any better.”

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In a later edit to his post, the OP shared that he had taken all of the comments into account and decided that an apology is in order.

He wrote: “I've done a little thinking, and I've decided that despite my intentions, maybe I should have been more considerate of her feelings.”

“Even if my joke wasn't directed at her, I probably should have considered that a joke like that wouldn't have landed the way I wanted, whether it was due to cultural differences or just misunderstanding. And maybe I shouldn't have been so defensive afterward,” he added.

“If she doesn't accept my apology, that's fine, I'll move on with my life, but she deserves one anyway,” he concluded.