Adam Badeau, Grant in peace: from Appomattox to Mount McGregor, a personal memoir

[455] one could be and survive. His feeling at the time had been that every moment might be his last; but he had not suffered one particle of apprehension, or fear, or even discomposure. He evidently wished me to know this, for we had once or twice in the winter talked of religious beliefs. ‘Yet,’ he said, ‘at such a time it hurts no one to have lived a good life.’ He had been undisturbed,—he repeated this emphatically,—but he believed any one would be more comfortable at such a moment with a conscience that could not reproach him. A good life would certainly contribute to composure at the end.

The 9th of April came, the anniversary of Appomattox, and recovery was still not assured. One of the sons had a presentiment that his father would not survive that day; but it would have been hard to have General Grant surrender on the anniversary of his greatest victory. Then came another jubilee. His birthday was the 27th of April, and by this time he was so far restored as to be able to join the family for a while at dinner. There were sixty-three lighted candles on the table to celebrate the sixty-three years, which a month before no one had hoped would ever be completed, and the house was crowded with flowers, the gifts of thankful friends. By the first of May he was so well that he sent for a stenographer, and began to dictate matter for his book.

His strength, however, was intermittent, and the cancer soon began to make progress again. Nevertheless, one crisis was past. A new chapter in the disease was begun. He was able now to drive out, and dictated, and sometimes wrote, at intervals during the month of May and the earlier days of June. His interest in his work seemed keener than ever. It doubtless gave him strength to make a new fight — a hopeless one, he felt before long, so far as recovery was concerned. Still, there was a respite, and this period, with his usual determination, he employed in the effort to complete his ‘Memoirs.’